Where Love Grows

by Jerry S. Eicher

  Mamm said nothing, but she leaned against Daett’s shoulder as they drove toward home.

  Susan waited a while before speaking. “Teresa and James are coming over tonight. And I’m sure some of the other girls are also coming. Did you know this, Mamm?”

  Mamm nodded before choking out, “I can’t feed them in this condition. And they can’t eat with me—or eat any food I make.”

  “I’m sure they’ll bring food along,” Susan assured her. “They’ll know that.”

  “I don’t think I can bear the thought of my own daughters forbidden to eat with me in my own house,” Mamm said through fresh tears.

  Daett slipped his arm around Mamm’s shoulder, the lines limp in his other hand. Toby slowed, looking over his shoulder as if he couldn’t figure out what was going on.

  Daett did nothing, as they plodded down the road. They were still the only buggy in sight. Susan wanted to get out, run across the fields, hide in the woods—do anything but stay here and watch this pain tearing her mamm and daett’s hearts apart. But she was frozen in place. And where was there to run, anyway? The Englisha world wouldn’t understand or heal this. She didn’t even understand.

  Not until they were near the house did some peace come. Yah, just as she told Teresa, this trouble too would pass. All trials in life passed. Such was the faith of her people. Her people. Yah, she was one of them and, though it was painful now, these were her people and these were their ways. How strange that it had taken the pain on this day to finally feel the depth of her devotion. But it had.

  Daett pulled into the driveway. When he stopped out by the barn, Susan climbed out and helped Mamm step down.

  “You shouldn’t stay around the place while we’re in this condition.” Mamm’s voice broke.

  “I’m going nowhere, Mamm,” Susan said. “This is my home.”

  Mamm sobbed, clinging to her arm as Susan helped her into the house and then to her rocker in the living room.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  That evening the house was full, even the folding chairs were set up along the living room walls. Mamm and Daett were ensconced in their rocking chairs. Betsy and Miriam were making sure that popcorn bowls and apple cider glasses were kept full. Ada and Esther were in the kitchen slicing ham and cheese for finger food. Already plates were laid out on the table from where the food would be served. Apples and oranges lay beside the plates. Slices of pie sat ready.

  The smaller children were racing through the house. None of the adults made any attempt to slow them down or keep them outdoors. A game of prisoner’s base was being organized in the yard by some of the school-aged boys. They would play as long as there was light enough to see, switching to another game once darkness fell.

  Clearly Susan’s sisters were making the best of the bad situation. They would stay around until late this evening, giving Mamm and Daett as few moments alone as possible on this their first night of being in the bann.

  All the food being offered had come with the buggies, including the popcorn Mamm and Daett were eating. Ada had brought cider from her basement. If one smiled, it was possible to forget for a moment what had happened today. One could almost become lost in the sweet tangy taste of Ada’s cider and the crunch of the fluffy popcorn. At the moment, no effort was too great to cheer everyone’s spirits.

  “Come, come!” Betsy was saying. “It’s time to eat.”

  Silence settled on the house, falling into place like a quilt tossed on the bed with its corners askew. What was to be done about prayer? The question raced through Susan’s mind. Daett always prayed, but he couldn’t tonight.

  “Let’s pray,” Betsy’s husband announced, interrupting her thoughts. John led out, not waiting to see what anyone thought of his offer. “Now unto the great Hah of heaven and earth, we give You thanks for this food prepared before us. Bless it, O Father, and the hands that brought it to us. Forgive us our sins as we forgive others their trespasses. Make this an evening in which we can experience Your forgiveness and grace. Amen.”

  Daett had kept his head bowed the whole time, keeping it down a moment longer once John was done praying. There was a sad-but-resigned smile on his face. He seemed to be at peace. Daett was accepting their efforts, clumsy as they were. He must know they were trying and wished them well.

  “Okay, the food is ready,” Betsy announced.

  The children looked perplexed about being shooed through first instead of their grandparents. But finally they shrugged and stopped asking questions. They helped themselves, piling the food high on their plates.

  Susan glanced at Miriam. There was no reason to explain things to the children. It wouldn’t make sense to such young minds as to why Mamm and Daett couldn’t go through the food line. In time, the ones who needed to know would be told. Tonight was about making Mamm and Daett comfortable. Miriam or one of the other sisters would soon slip them a plate of food, and none of the children would be the wiser.

  As the adults began to file into the kitchen, Susan happened to glance through the living room window just as Steve walked past. What was he doing here? It made no sense even if Ada’s family was here. Steve wasn’t family. But it was gut to see him, she acknowledged. And he needed to be welcomed now that he was here. Susan ran to the front door and opened it before Steve could knock.

  “Hello” he said as the door opened, his voice rising above the ruckus in the house.

  “I’m surprised you’re here,” Susan said.

  He raised his eyebrows. “I do work here, don’t I?”

  “Well, of course. But not tonight.”

  “No, you’re right. Not tonight. The real reason I came is because I think you should come with me to the hymn singing. You shouldn’t be cooped up here with the older folks.”

  Susan looked over her shoulder before protesting, “But Mamm and Daett need me.”

  “They have all your sisters with their husbands and children.”

  “But—”

  “Come on, Susan. You’ll be with your Mamm and Daett during the week.”

  He was persuasive, there was no question about that. And a drive with him was appealing. Already the day seemed like it had lasted a week with all the pain she’d seen and experienced.

  “What do you say?”

  Steve was waiting. Susan’s face brightened, making up her mind as another buggy pulled in the lane. “There’s Teresa now. I’ll speak to Mamm, and then I’ll tell Teresa why I’m leaving. Then I’m ready to go.”

  “Have you had supper?” Steve looked into the house at the line of people near the kitchen.

  “I’ll bring a plate along,” she whispered. “Is that all right?”

  Steve nodded and her fears fled away.

  “Have you eaten?”

  “Yes, I ate before I came. Thank you for asking. I’ll wait for you in the buggy.”

  After he left, Susan went over to Mamm. “Steve invited me to the hymn singing, and I’d like to go. Is it all right?”

  Mamm looked at the clock on the wall. “But they’ve already served supper by now, and you haven’t eaten.”

  “I can take a plate along.”

  “In the buggy?” Mamm looked perplexed.

  “Yah.”

  A moment passed before Mamm smiled. “Then go, and please don’t worry about us.”

  How like Mamm, Susan thought as she slipped into the kitchen where everyone seemed to understand and make room for her. She filled her plate and left through the washroom.

  “Where are you going?” Teresa asked, already halfway across the lawn when Susan met her. Behind Teresa, James was leading his horse to the barn, giving a brief wave to Steve sitting in his buggy.

  “Steve invited me to the hymn singing, and I couldn’t resist getting out of the house. We’ve been crying all afternoon. Now things are a little cheered up with my sisters here, but still…”

  “Oh, you poor thing.” Teresa gave Susan a hug. “And here you were comforting me after church when I should have been comforting
you. But how am I going to comfort you if you leave?”

  “It’ll be comfort enough knowing you’re here,” Susan said. “I know Mamm and Daett will be blessed. And remember, when you go inside, just do whatever my sisters are doing. It’s okay and a little crazy in there right now.”

  “Like how?” Teresa was looking worried.

  “It has to do with eating food and being in the bann. Like the meal today at church.”

  “Okay…” Teresa didn’t look convinced.

  “Remember, don’t worry. Just eat with the rest, and if you make a mistake, they’ll understand. You weren’t raised in the faith.”

  Susan dashed toward Steve’s buggy. She handed him her plate of food and then climbed in. “Sorry to keep you waiting.” She reached for the plate and sat carefully, balancing it on her lap.

  “Be careful with that food. You might spill it.”

  “Steve!”

  He laughed and slapped the reins. “I’m glad you’re coming with me.”

  “I guess I didn’t know how much I needed this. Thank you for asking me.”

  “Glad I could be of assistance.”

  They drove in silence as Susan ate. Thankfully, it was mostly finger foods.

  “This buggy feels different.” Susan paused for a moment. “It drives funny or something.”

  “I did bring it up from Daviess County,” he allowed. “We don’t drive quite the same styles.”

  “But I do like it,” she decided.

  “You’ve not ridden in it much.”

  “I know, but I like it already. It feels solid.”

  “Okay.” He chuckled.

  She did like it. And she liked some other things too. Like being able to eat in the buggy with him and not feel uncomfortable about it. And she liked his stability too. Plus, he was simply a very nice man. Yah, he was clearly being nice to her tonight out of sympathy for her family’s plight, but that was gut enough. Soon her thoughts wanted to drift to other possible reasons for him being so nice, especially when she glanced at his face in the falling darkness. But no, he was doing this only for friendship’s sake, she reminded herself, and she shouldn’t mess things up by thinking otherwise.

  “What are you going to do about working for Daett now that he’s in the bann?” Susan asked, forcing her thoughts in another direction.

  “Well,” Steve wrinkled his brow, “I’ve thought some about that, but what can I do? We’re in the middle of threshing and filling the silo. I can’t just up and leave your daett with all that work.”

  “The community would help him out.”

  “It’s not the same,” he said. “Your daett needs someone working alongside him, not just a group of men coming in for a few days.”

  “You know Daett can’t pay you while he’s in the bann.”

  Steve shrugged. “There are worse things than not getting paid. Things like leaving your duty when the road gets tough.”

  “But it’s not your fault!” Susan exclaimed. “How were you to know Daett would be placed in the bann?”

  He looked at her. “I’m staying, Susan. I’m working on your daett’s farm during these six weeks.”

  “Well, I…” she started. Then she changed her mind and left it at that. He must have his reasons for doing this.

  He seemed to read her thoughts. “You’re a suspicious soul, Susan. And I can’t say I blame you. But I’m not up to anything other than helping your daett.”

  “I’m sorry.” She touched his arm with her fingers. “I guess I’m a little touchy.”

  “I can see why,” he said. “Your boyfriend drops you, and your daett turns out to have a child with an Englisha woman. I’d be a little jumpy myself.” A soft smile crept across his face.

  There it was again, Susan thought. That smile. She didn’t have an answer, so she said nothing.

  “What?” He interrupted her thoughts.

  Blushing, she grasped for anything to say. The first words she found were, “You do have secrets, Steve, don’t you?”

  He laughed. “I think you’ve asked me that before. And the answer is still the same. I’m an ordinary fellow. And ordinary people don’t have secrets.”

  Still finding nothing better to say, she asked, “Are you sure about that?”

  “I think so. Why should I have secrets?”

  “I was beginning to think all men had them.” She tried to sound angry.

  “I can understand that, but there’s none here. I’m just an ordinary Joe who wanders the earth by himself.”

  “You are much too modest, if you ask me.”

  He laughed and pulled into the driveway where the hymn sing was. He stopped at the end of the walk. “See you after the hymn singing.”

  “Thank you.” Susan climbed down and watched him drive off out of the corner of her eye. He made it sound so casual. See you after the hymn singing. Like he didn’t care one way or the other. Did he really feel that way deep inside? Or was there interest for her stirring in his heart?

  Glancing up she saw a buggy pull in behind her. She could see clearly that it was Thomas’s horse and buggy. A girl climbed out. Wilma, of all people. Thomas’s new girlfriend. Thomas was laughing as he drove the buggy on. The nerve of him, Susan thought. They must have missed supper like she had, only for a different reason. They had been enjoying themselves enough to show up late. Susan plunged toward the house and grabbed the washroom door. She jerked it open. What gall the boy had, and so quickly after he left her. Taking up with another girl as if they had never spoken of love.

  Throwing her bonnet and shawl on the floor, Susan entered the kitchen, ignoring Wilma behind her. There was no sense in torturing herself with a fake smile and a “gut evening.” Not just yet. Perhaps later when the pain wasn’t as intense. But why was she even so upset over Thomas and Wilma? She hadn’t wanted a relationship with Thomas when she came back from Asbury Park. She had been talked into it, her hope revived that perhaps they could make something of their shattered relationship. It had never really been possible. She’d known that down deep all along. That was where the pain was now coming from, more than anything. The knowledge she had dreamed things that would forever remain dreams.

  This was no way to act. She was worse than Deacon Ray when he insisted on placing Mamm and Daett in the bann. She had to stop this. Making a sudden decision, she turned around and went back. Susan slipped into the washroom and greeted Wilma with a warm smile and a “gut evening.”

  “Gut evening,” Wilma replied, a surprised look on her face. “You’re Susan, aren’t you?”

  “That’s right.”

  Wilma hesitated. “I hope there aren’t any hard feelings between us. I mean about Thomas. I’m not from around here, and I really didn’t try to break anything up between the two of you.”

  “I know.” Susan said. “It was just time. Let’s put it that way. I hope things go well with the two of you.”

  “That’s what Thomas said you would say. But sometimes boys say things like that when…you know.”

  Susan smiled. “Let’s not talk about that, okay? Are you staying long? I didn’t see you this morning at church.”

  “I was there, but you had your parents’ problems to deal with. Are they doing okay?”

  “As well as can be expected,” Susan said, holding the kitchen door while Wilma walked inside.

  Thomas was a skunk, Susan thought, but Wilma would have to find that out on her own. And perhaps by some miracle Thomas had changed. Perhaps with the right girl a skunk could at least lose his stripes—and his odor. Wouldn’t that be a miracle? Now, if she could find such a miracle, how happy the world would be.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  The morning of Ada and Reuben’s barn-raising dawned without a cloud in sight. Susan was up before the first streaks of light touched the horizon, peeling potatoes for the casserole and rolling dough for the pies. Everyone would be bringing food, and the Hostetler household’s contribution would remain the same even without Mamm helping.

&n
bsp; Mamm had prepared Daett’s breakfast earlier, and the couple had eaten in the living room by themselves. Mamm was there now, sitting on the couch crying. Yesterday she had offered to help with the food, whispering that no one would ever know. But Susan had shaken her head. Mamm’s help wasn’t a matter either of them wanted on their conscience. So even if Mamm wavered in her dedication to the rules of the bann, she had to be strong. Even if no one asked, if Mamm helped they would have to pretend she hadn’t, and that was too much to add to the load they carried with the sorrow already on them.

  Looking out the kitchen window, Susan saw Steve walk up to the barn door, his hat pulled down over his ears. The air must have a chill this morning. Strange that Daett hadn’t said anything when he came in from doing the chores. Perhaps he had his mind on other things. Why was Steve here this morning when there was so much to do at Ada’s place? Likely he was making a last-minute check on the farm before being gone all day at the barn-raising. It would be the most logical explanation, and Steve would do something like that. And he had stayed true to his plans so far of not accepting pay from Daett. Every day he showed up for work like usual, taking no money even when Daett offered. Steve had even turned down the money owed him for the week prior to the bann.

  Steve really shouldn’t be working without pay. So what if she paid him? Susan smiled. That would be a joke. She didn’t have the money. Certainly not enough to pay Steve fair wages. And if Daett paid her back after the bann was lifted, that would be the same as violating the bann. How could Steve afford to lose his wages? He hadn’t exactly come over from Daviess County to work for nothing. But then it wasn’t like he was a married man who had to supply for his family. Maybe Steve was trying to impress her? Not likely, Susan decided. He didn’t do things to impress people. Even so, Susan had to admit she was impressed anyway.

  Steve had dropped her off with a simple goodbye the night he took her to the hymn singing. And he gave no hints of anything more after that. Not even the comment that he would like to see more of her or take her to the hymn singing next time.