Bittersweet Surrender

by Q. B. Tyler

  “You’re not a terrible person at all, Charley.”

  “Tell me you love me again,” I say, desperate to hear the words. I’m not ready to say the words aloud despite the fact that I was sure I felt the same, but hearing them fall from his mouth sends my brain into overdrive.

  He cups my cheeks and I close my eyes relishing in the sensation of his hands on me. I feel his breath on my face before he presses a gentle kiss to my lips.

  “I love you, Charlotte,” he whispers against my lips and when I open my eyes he’s staring at me, his eyes shining with love and adoration.

  “We have to figure out a way to see each other more than just during my sessions,” I say and I see the look that crosses his face before he nods once. Don’t push me on leaving Matt right now, Will. Please. “Are you staying the night?” I ask, as a way to transition out of that conversation.

  “Can I?”

  “I would like that,” I say. “Where’s your car?”

  “Parked around the corner.” He pulls my top over my head and buries his face in my bare chest. “I’ve been wanting to do this ever since I saw you running earlier. The sweat was glistening on your skin, I just wanted to put my face between your beautiful breasts and lick the sweat off of you.”

  My eyes widen and I grab his head pulling his lips from my nipple. “Wait, what? You saw me running?”

  He gives me a sheepish grin before nodding once. “I had to see you. I had to know you were okay. I was waiting for Matt to leave and then I was coming for you.”

  Realization dawns on me. “You…you have a silver BMW?”

  “Yes.”

  “You were following me?”

  “Yes,” he repeats as I feel his hand at my breast, toying with my nipple, rubbing it to a hardened peak.

  “It made me nervous… I thought I was going crazy.”

  “I’m sorry, but I just had to see you.”

  “Is that the first time you’ve followed me?”

  “No,” he says simply, and I know the shock is written all over my face. “Once. One other time, after the first time we had sex.”

  “Where did you follow me?”

  “You had mentioned that you’d been waiting for this book to arrive, and you had gotten the email notification that it was in store. The excitement in your eyes when you explained that you were going the next day to get it was so infectious. You were in and out of the store so quick and then I watched you walk to the garage, get in your car, and sit for the next three hours while you read it. I don’t know if you finished. But for a while, I was wondering what you were doing. Only until I saw you lift the book over the steering wheel and then I saw that you were reading. You couldn’t even wait till you got home to read it.”

  “You sat and watched me read for three hours?”

  “I would watch you sleep for three hours. You fascinate me, Charley. Everything about you.” My heart skips a beat at his words. “I’m so jealous of the luxuries that he takes for granted, because I so desperately want them. I want to be with you every second and I can’t. He gets to watch you do everything…” He kneels in front of me and strokes my legs starting at my ankle and traces their length, ending at my knees before moving back down.

  “But he doesn’t. He doesn’t even know when my period is, Will, he doesn’t see me at all.” I scrunch my nose before I pull his face to mine and give him a kiss. “You see me. You see everything.”

  “I want to see the mundane things, the day-to-day things. Making coffee in the morning, getting dressed, fuck, I don’t know, filing your goddamn nails. I just want it all…” He stands up and pushes me back onto the bed before moving to the space between my legs.

  I’m topless, but still wearing my shorts, and I feel him pulling at their drawstring before tugging them down. “I want that too.” I pant when I feel the air hit my wet sex.

  Between his declarations of love, and the knowledge that he spent an afternoon watching me read, has my arousal pouring out of me.

  “You’re so wet,” he says as he runs a finger over me. “I am going to worship you.” He pulls off his leather jacket and shirt. I take a moment to eye his naked torso before I see him toss his pants on the floor. He removes his briefs and he’s left before me, gloriously naked, stroking that steel rod that is standing proudly between his legs. “I think about you every time I touch my cock. You are the star of every single one of my fantasies. You have been for so long.”

  “When was the first time?” I ask, my eyes focused on his hands as he moves it from root to tip, the veins becoming more evident with each thrust into his palm.

  “You don’t want to know.”

  My teeth find my bottom lip and I nod, my chest rising and falling rapidly as I try to control my racing heart. “Yes, I do.”

  “About a month after you started coming.”

  My eyes widen at his response. “A month?”

  He nods as he rubs his palm against my sex collecting the juices before rubbing it on his cock as lubrication. “I was jacking off in the shower and I couldn’t stay hard. Nothing was working, and then your face popped into my mind and I was hard immediately. I hadn’t come that hard masturbating—ever.”

  His words about touching his cock while he thought about me, months before we crossed that line, has me racing toward my orgasm without him even touching me. I think if he were to even breathe on my clitoris I would shatter. “You—touched yourself, thinking about me?” My voice is breathy, the arousal taking all of the conviction out of it.

  “I thought about you every time.”

  “What were we doing?” I ask.

  “I had this fantasy of bending you over my desk and licking your pussy from behind. Your cum coating my face and dripping down my chin onto the floor.”

  “Holy fuck.” I can barely catch my breath at this point, my chest moving up and down rapidly as I anticipate the deliciously full feeling. I needed that feeling, now. My hands have moved on their own accord to my sex, my fingers rubbing the slick skin as I picture his tongue inside of me, his nose probing the space just below my anus as he eats me from behind. His stubble creating a friction that is somewhere in between pleasure and pain.

  “Jesus, baby.” His voice is hoarse and I watch as he continues to pull at himself. I don’t know how long we stay like this, our eyes locked as we push ourselves closer to the edge. Both of us turned on by the feeling of being watched, and the anticipation of being touched. “Spread your pussy, baby. Let me see what’s inside.”

  I swallow hard, trying my best to get moisture into my very dry mouth. I do as he says, parting my folds, exposing myself to him and the cool air of the room. I clench under his gaze and his normal bright blue eyes are so dilated, they’re almost navy. “I need to be inside of you.”

  “Tell me about some of these other fantasies you’ve had.”

  He moves closer to me and rubs his cock against me, my fingers still holding myself apart. “You want to hear about every time I thought about fucking you? Licking you? Sucking you? Is that what you want?” He presses harder against me every time he rubs against my clit and I spasm in response, feeling the familiar tingle blaze through me and then fade instantly almost like a shooting star.

  “Yes…” I whimper. “Please.”

  “In the beginning it was what you’d expect: your mouth around my cock as I exploded down your throat, making those perfect full lips of yours, swollen and wet with my cum. I thought about fucking you from behind, my fingers digging so deep into your hips they’d leave marks you’d have to explain to your husband later. Fucking you against the wall, with those sexy heels you wear digging into my ass. You riding me while you played with your incredible tits, bouncing on my cock, your breasts swaying in that delicious way they do when you really ride me. I wanted to fuck your tits, slide my cock through the valley between them and then come all over them. Then, I would watch as you licked my cum from your perfect nipples. I thought about fucking your ass especially after the first time you
came to a session before you went to the gym. You were in those leggings that made your ass look almost illegal.”

  He’s still rubbing himself against me, and at this point I know we’ll explode the second he slips inside of me, both of us on the edge after his pornographic monologue.

  “But as time went on, the fantasies got more real,” he continues. “They got more aggressive. It got to the point where every time you left my office I was pulling my dick out and jacking off while your scent lingered in the air. It wasn’t just raw fucking, it was passionate. I was making love to you in every single one of my fantasies. Waking up with you and slipping inside of your warm, sleepy body for morning sex just as the sun would rise. Worshipping you against the wall after you’d greeted me after work with nothing but panties and a smile. I pictured shooting my cum deep inside of your womb and making you the mother of my baby.”

  I gasp, feeling a sudden shift in the intensity of this moment. “You’ve thought about that?”

  “More times than I care to admit.”

  He wants a baby with me? I don’t speak the words aloud, fearing his answer. Not because I think he’ll tell me no, but because I think he’ll suggest we start trying to make that fantasy a reality now.

  “Please fuck me,” I manage to choke out.

  He ignores me, pushing my hands away and sliding his hand between my legs. He rubs my clit a few times before I interrupt.

  “I don’t want your fingers,” I demand, having had enough teasing. I want to be fucked hard.

  “What do you want?” He leans over my body, his lips hovering just above mine. His tongue darts out and licks my bottom lip slowly, sensually, erotically. Fuck me.

  I wasn’t sure if I had said the words out loud, but I feel his fingers leave me, and his thick erection move between the lips of my sex before he thrusts into me aggressively.

  I clench around him immediately, my body’s natural response of wanting to suck him further inside. “Baby, I’m going to lose it if you keep squeezing me like that.”

  “I want you to lose it,” I whisper. “I’ve fantasized about you losing it.” I drag my nails down his back, hard as he begins to thrust deeper inside of me.

  “You’ve had fantasies?” he asks, but it’s more of a demand. Tell me everything. Every thought you’ve ever had. I want to know it. None of your thoughts are safe from me. I can almost hear it.

  “Yes.”

  “Tell me.” He thrusts and the headboard hits the wall with a thunderous bang. “When did they start?”

  “I don’t want to tell you.”

  “Tell me,” he says as he lifts both of my legs over his shoulders to get in deeper. He’s looking at me so intensely, I wonder if he can read all of my thoughts, if he can see my entire heart and soul. If he can I’m fucked because he’s over every inch of it. I shake my head and he responds by pinching my clit causing me to cry out in ecstasy. “Tell me and I’ll let you come.”

  “As if that wasn’t already happening.” I narrow my eyes at him.

  “I’ll stop and make you suck me off.”

  “You wouldn’t.”

  “Tell me,” he grits out.

  I moan, feeling close when I feel him drop my legs and his face comes close to mine. He captures my lips in a scorching kiss before he lets his forehead rest against mine. “Tell me,” he whispers again, his breath hitting my lips. “Tell me the first time you wanted me, Charlotte. Tell me I wasn’t alone all that time.”

  “After our first session,” I breathe out. I try breaking eye contact with him but he grabs my face keeping our eyes locked.

  “The day we met? What…what did you do?”

  I feel his thrusts slow and I piston my hips upwards indicating what I want. “I’ll tell you after my orgasm.”

  He begins to pick up the pace again, pushing into me harder and harder, his eyes boring into mine as he chases both of our orgasms. “I love you so much and to know you wanted me…the whole time I was wanting you too. You’ve always been mine. From the fucking start.”

  “Yours,” I moan out.

  “No one else’s.”

  “No,” I moan, unable to keep the word from leaving my lips.

  I do belong to him. I was his. I am his. This part of me that no one has ever gotten to see. The part of myself that I thought could never be revived. The part of my heart that has been closed off for at least two years, maybe longer.

  “Shit. I’m going to come, Charley. I need you to get there.”

  “I’m so there,” I moan out as I feel the first bolt of lightning in my toes. “Harder,” I scream and I don’t think I’ve ever made the noises that are coming out of me right now.

  “Charley,” he groans. “Fuck!”

  He thrusts one more time and then I’m convulsing. I dig my nails into his back as I try to tether myself to something physical because I float away. My mind goes blank, and I don’t think anything. All I can do is feel; I feel his eyes on me despite the fact that mine are closed. I feel his dick pulsing inside of me as he roars through his orgasm. Most importantly, I feel his heart beating in perfect rhythm with mine.

  Holy mother of God, what an orgasm.

  “Charlotte.” My name falls from his lips like a prayer as he continues to pulse inside of me. He’s breathing like he’s run a marathon and his head drops to my chest. His tongue swipes across both of my nipples before his face finds my neck. “That was incredible.”

  “I knew it would be good the second we got into bed.”

  “Fuck,” he says and I giggle as I feel him soften inside of me. “I think I came for a full minute.” He pulls out of me before pulling me to his chest. He pulls the blankets up from the bottom of the bed and I snuggle against him. “Tell me what happened…when you went home after our first session. Tell me how you fucked yourself, where and with what. Tell me everything.”

  “You took my breath away the first moment I laid eyes on you. You were charming, and sweet.” I smile as I remember that first session. “You were kind to me. You were so chivalrous, and it was something I hadn’t felt in so long. Something as minute as waiting for me to sit down before you took your seat had my panties drenched. Truly, I don’t know how you or Matt didn’t notice the way I was squirming on that sofa. I got home and went straight to my bedroom. Matt had to go back to the office, so I had the house to myself. As soon as I heard the sound of his car start, I had my vibrator out.”

  “You have a vibrator?”

  “Yes.”

  “Can I see it?” I nod. “How often do you use it?”

  “Not as much since we started. But sometimes on the weekend, since I have to wait two days till the next time I see you instead of one.”

  “So, you took out your vibrator…” he pushes me to continue.

  “I thought about you. With your mouth…everywhere. I had this fantasy of you looking up at me from between my legs with your glasses on.” I let out a breath, slightly embarrassed that I’m letting this man into the deep corners of my mind.

  “Anything else?”

  “I fantasized about you tying me up. Spanking me.” I roll my eyes. “I read too much smut. Billionaire meets virgin, he fucks her and doing so completely fucks him. The stories are all the same, but they are unbelievably hot.”

  “You want me to spank you?”

  “I want you to do everything to me.”

  He starts to move and I grip him harder trying to keep him in place. “One second, just let me get something,” he says. I’m surprised to see he’s reaching for his jacket. I frown, wondering what happened that’s pushing him to leave, but my expression immediately changes when I see him pull his glasses out. The air leaves my lungs as I watch him slide them on and crawl back onto the bed. “Spread your legs for me.” I do as he says and I’m rewarded with the sexiest smile before I see him lower his face between my legs, his eyes never once leaving mine. “Is this what you want, Charlotte?”

  “Yes, please,” I say in a voice so breathy I don’t even rec
ognize it. He kisses the top of my right thigh followed by my left before moving his lips inward to kiss the skin just a few inches shy of my sex. I clench, my body anticipating and responding to his proximity to my wet flesh. He places a kiss on my inner thigh before nibbling on the skin, creating a temporary indentation of his teeth, just as he always does.

  His need to mark me.

  He finally reaches his destination and takes one slow lick through my pussy from bottom to top, stopping at my clit to flick the bundle with the tip of his tongue. “Oh God!” The scream leaves my body instantly, as my hands fall to his head. I look down and push his hair back from his forehead and stare at him through his sexy frames, his gaze still fixed on me. He swipes his tongue back and forth across my clit, almost as if he’s as desperate for a taste of my orgasm as I am to have it.

  “I swear nothing in the world feels like this does,” I moan as I see my juices glistening on his lips, the evidence of my arousal coating his skin.

  “Tell me how good it feels.”

  “Incredible,” I groan sitting up slightly on my elbows to get a better view. He continues to work me over, his tongue sliding in and out of me, forcing the orgasm out of me.

  “This is better than the fantasy,” I groan as he smiles against me. Fuck me with the glasses on, fuck me with the glasses on.

  “I can’t wait to be inside of you again.”

  “You read my mind.”

  “I know. You’re looking at me like you want to devour me,” he says as he sucks my clit into his mouth and I lose it. My orgasm rips through me, tearing me in half and then into fourths. And yet when I open my eyes, I feel whole again. I fall back against the pillows, struggling to catch my breath when I feel his body on top of mine and he’s slipping inside me again.

  After our second round of sex, I lie on his chest, listening to every heartbeat, and let it lull me to sleep. I want this. I want this man in my bed, every night and every morning. “Charley,” he says.

  “Hmmm?” I’m unable to form any more coherent thoughts, let alone a word. I feel him move and then he’s over me staring down at me.