DEVIANT (Iron Kings MC, #3)

by Franca Storm

  "Let me know if there's anything else they need to tide them over until it's safe to send some of our boys back into Lexhaven to get their stuff outta their old house."

  "Yeah, I will. Thanks."

  His lighter mood shifted, concern darkening it as he leaned forward and clasped his hands together on his desk. "How are you doing?"

  "Uh… good," I stumbled, caught off guard. I must've been expecting a lecture right off the bat then.

  He eyed me curiously, searching for… something. "Good?" he questioned.

  "Sure. The mission is over. Everybody's safe. The club was able to handle the fallout. Thanks for stationing that cleanup guy so close. How did you know I'd need it? I didn't give you a heads up about the full extent of my plan because it all happened so fast and I had to jump at the chance that came our way with Haywire showing up."

  "When you told me Haywire had come back into the picture, I knew."

  "How?"

  "It was the only choice that woulda protected everybody."

  I started in surprise. "If you knew that, why didn't you just tell me the night before?"

  "It weren't my call. You were the lead on the mission."

  "You wanted to see if I had the balls to see it through?"

  "Nah," he said shaking his head. "I wanted you to see. You still had hang-ups about whether you had the right stuff to be a leader. I've known all along that you got it. I never woulda taken you under my wing and chosen you as VP otherwise. But you had to see it. And now there's just one thing left to be sure about."

  "What's that?"

  "Whether you can live with it."

  "Live with what? I did what I had to do."

  "Ain't no arguments here. But this part ain't about logic, brother." He thumped his fist against his heart. "It's about this. And, sometimes, it don't see things the same way."

  Fuck. I really didn't want to get into all of that, dissect it all. "I'm dealing with it. No, I mean, there's nothing to deal with. I don't regret it. I took two enemies out in one move. One's dead and the other's been forced to go to ground for murdering the first. You already told me the Hounds of Fury assholes aren't holding any grudges over it either, because they're down two failing wildcards now. And Lone Outlaws are happy they're rid of a traitor."

  "You took a life."

  The words hit me like a fucking concrete block, driving so hard into me, that I almost choked from the impact. Shit. Where had that reaction come from? "I… know," I rasped.

  "Good."

  I cocked an eyebrow. "Good? How's that good?"

  "Means your soul's still intact. It don't hurt, then there's a problem."

  "Well, great," I muttered, my agitation mounting really quickly. I didn't know why, but I did know I wanted out of this conversation. What the hell was it going to accomplish anyway? It wouldn't erase what had happened. It wouldn't turn back time. And, even if it had that crazy-ass ability, I wouldn't do anything different. I'd made the right choice. I knew it in my bones. "So, you're good with everything and it's settled, so I'm gonna get back to work," I said, turning and heading for the door.

  "Sky called me this morning. She's worried."

  I stopped short at his words.

  Sky.

  It'd been two days since we'd seen each other. We'd been in touch with texts and phone calls, but there'd been a strain there. I didn't know whether it was coming from something I was putting out there, or if it was on her end. Ever since that day by the Reilly estate, it'd shifted something between us. She'd been shocked then, by the act itself and learning of my involvement in ending a man's life. That shithead had barely qualified as human. The world was a better place without him in it. Matt and his family were safe, because he was gone. So was Sky. So was the club. I was adamant that I'd made the right choice. But I still didn't know whether Sky agreed. She'd barely said a word on the ride back to the motel that day, or when we'd hurriedly packed up our things. She'd even gone on ahead, while I'd stayed behind to get Matt and his family out of there. She'd headed right back to work, claiming she'd had to check on her empire. It was more than that. I knew it. I knew her. Yet, she'd called Spartan up about me? What the fuck was going on?

  I spun back to Spartan. "Worried about what?"

  "You've been withdrawing."

  "No, that's not–"

  "I ain't judging you," he cut in, clearly seeing I was worked up and getting incredibly defensive. It wasn't like me. At all. What was happening? "I get it, know what it's like better than most."

  "How do you deal?"

  He rose from his chair and rounded his desk. Folding his arms across his chest, he leaned against it and eyed me intensely, as he confessed, "Compartmentalization."

  "Yeah? Can you teach me?"

  He shook his head. "Nah. That ain't the way for you." Scrubbing his hand over his face, the weight of what he'd endured in his tumultuous life briefly flashing in his eyes, he told me, "It takes a lot to pull off. Part of you's gotta be numbed. You ain't the type for that. You're open. You're light, Deviant. I'm a seasoned killer. I walked in that kinda life for so long, it became a part of me."

  "You're saying that you gave up?" I asked, incredulous, because Spartan seemed so far from the type who would just back down. He was a warrior, through and through.

  "I accepted it. I accepted that was who I needed to be, what my place was in the world. Everybody has their role. That's mine. It ain't yours, though. You ain't darkness. So, you gotta fight it, gotta rise above what you did, what you had to do."

  "How?" I croaked out, trying to bite back the emotion that his words were evoking.

  "Instead of pulling away and walking down a lone-wolf kinda path, you gotta embrace the people around you who make you feel most human. Me, the club, your brother and his kid, and Sky. Stay close to the light. You shut down now and things are gonna get twisted." He stepped up to me and laid his hands on my shoulders, urgency spilling from him as he told me earnestly, "You gotta go forward, not stay in this place of guilt and denial."

  Damn, that was a lot of heavy shit to take in.

  It took me a while to absorb it and, being the unbelievably understanding guy that he was, Spartan waited patiently.

  "I hear you," I finally spoke.

  He studied me intensely for several moments, before nodding. "Good. Now forget about the shit that needs doing around here today. I've got it. Take my advice. You know where you gotta go right now."

  Yeah. Yeah, I did.

  "Thank you, Spartan. For everything."

  "You ain't gotta thank me. We're family."

  29

  ~Skylar~

  VACATION OVER.

  I slumped back against the elevator wall with a weary sigh. It had been a non-stop busy day back at the helm of my empire. Sure, first days back at work were known for being that way. But it had been more than that.

  I'd been off my game.

  Things hadn't felt the same. I hadn't felt the same. That adrenaline rush and sense of satisfaction that my work had always brought me had been muted in some way. In fact, today had just been a bitch. It'd been dreary and empty.

  It was a brutal kick in the pants. I'd spent my life fighting to build a better life, to achieve a staggering level of success. I'd exceeded all my wildest expectations. And I'd really thought that would be enough, that it would bring me contentment, that I'd be fulfilled wholly.

  But then he'd come along.

  Luke and I had spent so much time holding off our emotions and the way we'd really felt about each other, both for our own self-preservationist reasons. So, when we'd finally dropped our walls, it'd been a rush of overwhelming intensity.

  The mission to Lexhaven had enhanced things even more between us, strengthened the connection we shared.

  Since we'd gotten back, he'd pulled away, though. And that was when I'd truly realized how cold and lonely my life had been before we'd let each other in. Now that I'd felt that warmth of love and belonging, being without it, operating alone again, was
a bitter pill to swallow. In fact, it was surreal. Life just didn't feel the same.

  We'd kept in touch, but it had been strange. The connection between us had been fractured, or something.

  All because of what had gone down at the Reilly garden party.

  Luke had killed a man for me. To protect me from The Electi. From myself.

  I'd wanted to reach out to him, to discuss what had happened and how he was doing, how we were doing. But he'd dismissed it that day right after it had happened. Then, I'd been in shock and since then when we'd talked, he hadn't wanted to go there. It was as though nothing had happened in his eyes. Was he just compartmentalizing it, in some major denial? Or did he really not care? I couldn't believe the latter. I wouldn't let myself believe it. It wasn't the man I knew and loved. Either way, it'd become clear that something had needed to be done about it, that action needed to be taken. So, I'd called on somebody who was much more of an expert at that sort of thing than I was. Spartan. I just hoped he could help him to face up to what had happened.

  Shit. The whole situation, things between us… it was all a frustratingly fucked-up mess.

  The elevator reached my floor. I heaved a heavy sigh and pushed off the wall, just as the door slid open.

  Pulling my keys from my purse, I walked out into the hallway… and got one hell of a surprise.

  "Luke," I breathed, taking in the strange sight of him sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall beside my apartment door.

  He rose to his feet, eyeing me warily. "Luke, huh? That doesn't bode well for me."

  "I don't just use your real name when I'm pissed at you."

  "Ninety-percent of the time."

  I came to a stop in front of him. "What are you doing here?"

  His gaze was intense, his words earnest, as he said, "I'm sorry."

  Well, then.

  ***

  Relentless pacing.

  He was making me dizzy with it.

  "Do you want something to take the edge off?" I asked, gesturing to my living room bar.

  At my words, he came to a jarring stop and looked right at me. "No. I'm good." He shoved his hand through his long hair, clearly in a state about whatever it was he was trying to get out. "There's a lot I came here to say. Heavy shit. I guess I'm just trying to figure out where to start."

  Urgh. Seriously? With a surge of anger, I shoved off the couch and shot to my feet. "Don't you get it?" I snapped, all the bottled up emotions of the last few days exploding out of me. "That's the problem right now, Luke!"

  He eyed me quizzically. "What is?" he asked, really seeming at a loss.

  It just fueled my frustrations. I stormed up to him and yelled, "It's not about thinking, or logic, or censoring yourself to avoid saying what you assume will be the wrong thing! It's about just feeling. It's about what we both hate. Vulnerability. Laying your heart out in the open, on the line, defenseless."

  He stared at me, time ticking on by seemingly endlessly, as he struggled to absorb my words.

  Then he swallowed hard and confessed, "I didn't want it to bother me, to fucking well get to me like it has." He gritted his teeth and clenched his fists, fighting to force his next words past his lips. "He was threatening everybody we cared about. He wouldn't stop. I know what I did was the right choice. But there's also this… regret and—"

  "Guilt?"

  His gaze snapped to mine. "Yeah."

  There it was.

  He'd finally admitted it, acknowledged it. Relief flooded me. He wouldn't be lost now. He was confronting it. And he'd come here, to me, to do it, meaning he was ready for us to deal with it together.

  Smiling, I took his hands gently and held them between us. "You're not a killer, that's why there's guilt. That's why it hurts." I kissed his hands. "But you're not alone with any of this. You did it to save me. You protected me from having to do it myself via The Electi. This is as much my responsibility as yours, Luke."

  "No," he said, shaking his head. "I don't want you taking this on you. I'll carry it."

  "Not an option."

  He cocked an eyebrow. "Why not?"

  I moved into him and grasped the sides of his leather jacket, holding him to me as I looked up into those beautiful amber eyes of his that were swimming with a pain that I longed to ease, that I would ease. He just needed to let me.

  "Because I love you and you love me. And it's time now, don't you think?"

  "Time?" he queried.

  "That we stop making the same mistake over and over of retreating into ourselves and handling things on our own in a misguided bid to protect the other. That never works out well for either of us." I cupped his face in my hands. "It's time to act together on all things, to face our enemies, our fears, and anything else that may challenge us, as one."

  A smile lit his eyes. His hands covered mine on his face. "You're ready for that? It's a hell of a commitment. And you've been on your own much more than I have. I've got the club, where we act on collective interest as much as humanly possible. You do the solo thing all the way."

  Emotion welled within me. Of course, I knew he was right. But hearing it spoken aloud like that really brought it home to me, just how lonely I'd been and for such a painfully long time too.

  "I'm not trying to hurt you," he said, noticing my reaction. "I'm just trying to make sure you really know what you're asking for."

  Tears spilled down my cheeks, emotion clogging my throat.

  For once, I ignored my instinct to wipe them away, to swallow down my feelings and hide them, as I was used to doing to the outside world. I wouldn't let myself do that with D right now though. I'd asked him to lay it all out there, to be open and he had. It was time for me to do the same.

  "I do," I assured him. "I don't want this lingering emptiness that comes from hiding behind the last line of my defenses. It's the very thing that allowed me to stay away these last couple of days without it breaking me, hurting me. I thought you needed time on your own to come to grips with what'd happened. But it's also been self-preservation for me. I'd distanced myself before you could push me away."

  "That's what the disconnect was between us," he realized aloud.

  "Yes."

  He frowned in thought. "So, you weren't disappointed or horrified at what I did to Walsh and Haywire?"

  "No, you did what you had to. But I thought it would break you, break us and I wanted to get out in front of it. But these last couple of days, I realized I'd been wrong. I couldn't keep a distance there. You're in my bones. You're etched deep into my heart. You're a permanent part of me. I can't escape it and I don't want to. I've never needed anyone before, but I need you, D. I love you. I don't want to be alone anymore and I'm no longer afraid of what comes along with that."

  Intensity flamed in his eyes. "I'm sorry I scared you. I should've stayed open, especially with a weight like this. I'd never walk away from you, never leave you. Fuck, you're the person I've been looking for all my damned life. You're one of a kind. We get each other like nobody else."

  "I know, we really do."

  The next thing I knew, he was throwing his arms around me. He spoke at my ear, "I'm not afraid anymore either. I love you, Sky. And I've got you. You're never gonna be alone again."

  EPILOGUE

  ~Deviant~

  Six Months Later

  ORGANIZED CHAOS.

  It was definitely the theme of the day. In fact, it had been for the last few months.

  It had kind of become my thing.

  I'd embraced it, learned to accept the things I couldn't control, and I'd conquered my long-standing instinct to withdraw into a lone-wolf state. It was no longer overwhelming. It was comforting being surrounded by the people I loved.

  The fact that I'd been the life of the party and hadn't once taken off to be alone anywhere in our house was a testament to that. Agreeing to this housewarming party in the first place was a major step in the right direction too.

  A lot had happened to bring about those positive changes.


  Not least of which had been Sky and I getting over our hang-ups that day at her condo.

  Things had opened up from there.

  The darkness had been squashed. For everyone.

  Along with the club, I'd helped Matt and his family find a nice two-bedroom home in Ridgefield. It was the whole white picket fence deal. He'd gotten his shit together and he was starting back at law school in the next upcoming semester. It turned out it was what he'd wanted, to become a defense attorney, just not at the behest of our fucked-up father, not while being subjugated by those ties of his. Sky was helping Christina to expand her business. And Rosie was having the time of her life, wondering at everything in her new surroundings of Ridgefield, being able to spend much more time with her father, going to the park, actually venturing outside. Her parents were secure and happy now and it showed on her.

  I grabbed a beer out of the fridge, only to turn and pull up short at the sight of Sky standing right there.

  "The party's going well, don't you think? I mean, it's a little more low-key than the ones I'm used to throwing, but it's still good, right? People are enjoying themselves? The house isn't finished yet, but I think people get that we only moved in two months ago, so there's still a lot to do and–"

  "My love, chill," I said, smiling with amusement. Her perfectionist nature was cute as hell. Just like so many things about her. She just couldn't let things like that go. It was a good thing I could. We complemented each other really well. "It's a housewarming party. Everybody gets it. You're not at work now. This is about family. Everybody's having a great time. They love it, love us. It's all good, I swear."

  Sheepishly, she said, "I'm doing that thing again, aren't I?"

  I nodded. "You've just gotta remember that everything you do is goddamn perfect to me and everybody else, even if you can't see it yourself sometimes."

  She chuckled and looped her arms around my neck, gazing up at me lovingly. "Smooth talker."

  "Just calling it like it is."

  Stretching onto her tiptoes, she brushed her lips tenderly over mine.

  Lust sparked in her eyes.