Merv Griffin- A Life in the Closet

by Darwin Porter

***

  As the 80s dawned, famous guests from Burt Reynolds to Orson Welles were showcased on The Merv Griffin Show.

  Even during the early 70s, when Burt was still relatively unknown, Merv liked having the sexy, handsome actor on his show, almost preferring him to one of his underwear models.

  Merv had booked Burt's first appearance after a strong pitch from the actor's agent. When Burt came on, Merv was enthralled by the good looks, wit, and charm of this half-Cherokee from Georgia, who would in the years to come (197882) become the number one box office attraction in America. Burt's appearances got even higher ratings after April of 1972, when he appeared “virtually nude” (but with genitals discretely concealed) for a centerfold in Cosmopolitan magazine.

  Burt's first appearance went over so big with daytime audiences that Merv subsequently booked him for a series of twenty shows.

  He'd been launched as a megastar after his appearance in Deliverance in 1972 with Jon Voigt, and Merv followed his career avidly. Hadley always claimed that Burt represented Merv's alltime macho male fantasy. In Merv's case, he could only dream, as he had no chance of ever seducing Burt Reynolds, as he had other stars such as Rock Hudson when he was younger.

  Burt got a big laugh when he said, “When I die, what they're going to write on my tombstone is ‘Here lies Burt Reynolds. The first guy to pose nude in a magazine.’”

  Actually, Burt had been Cosmo's fourth choice as beefcake for their nude centerfold. The offer went first to football great Joe Namath, who declined the honor, as did, subsequently, both Steve McQueen and Clint Eastwood.

  First wife Judy Carne admitted that Burt beat her up on occasion but then went on to assert, “He has the most divine little ass.” Dolly Parton wasn't so kind. “Burt and I are too much alike to be involved. We both wear wigs and high heels, and we both have a roll around the middle.” Actress Sarah Miles said, “A toupée and lifts—the man's an imposter.”

  Merv's ardor for Burt cooled when he learned about the lifts and the toupée. A killing blow came when Mamie Van Doren, a platinumhaired bombshell who struggled with unfavorable comparisons to Marilyn Monroe, and a onetime lover of Johnny Carson, revealed that Burt is “high on jive but low on substance.” On their first night together, Burt said that he considered himself “the male Mamie Van Doren,” an idea which she found offputting in a man.

  Years later in her autobiography, Playing the Field, Mamie revealed what she thought of Burt's nude, almostfullmonty layout in Cosmopolitan. “I could only laugh,” she wrote. “An exaggeration. A cigar would have covered it nicely.”

  Once Burt admitted, “I'm not a superstud, though I'm labeled as one. The reason I get myself into these kinds of situations is because I talk too much.”

  Merv revealed to Hadley that the reason he kept booking Burt onto the show, long after he'd lost his fantasy passion for him, is “because he's such a great guest. Fabulous sense of humor and you never know what he's gonna say next.”

  A charming, hairy beast

  Burt Reynolds

  In 1981, Burt met his future wife, Loni Anderson, during a taping of The Merv Griffin Show. Merv later said, “They seemed so happy, so right for each other. But that was before Burt — and Lonigate broke with all the cheesy accusations. What a messy breakup. Thank God I avoided that in my own life, even though I paid, and paid dearly, for my own divorce.”

  ***

  In 1980, Merv went to the movies with Hadley to see The Blue Lagoon starring Brooke Shields. At the age of nineteen, Christopher Atkins played opposite Brooke. Merv was thrilled by his male beauty, especially when he appeared fully nude on screen at a time when male frontal nudity in movies was rare.

  Wherever he went after the release of the film, female fans—and some gay males—literally tore off his clothes. Atkins appeared on the cover of the September 1983 edition of Playgirl, posing nude for a pictorial inside. In the wake of that, Merv booked him for an appearance on his show. As the cameras rolled, Atkins talked about “the weenie cloth” he wore in The Blue Lagoon. Throughout the interview, “Merv was practically drooling over the kid,” one viewer claimed.

  ***

  The renowned filmmaker and intellectual, Orson Welles, and Merv became friends, and subsequently became known as television's odd couple. Most of Orson's friends thought he'd have dismissed Merv as a creative lightweight, but they bonded the first day they met.

  The French author, filmmaker, and enfant terrible, Jean Cocteau, defined Orson Welles as “a giant with a child's face, a tree inhabited by birds, a dog who has broken his chains to sleep on a bed of flowers.”

  As their friendship evolved, Orson became Merv's most popular guest, appearing fifty times on his show.

  Christopher Atkins

  The Blue Lagoon

  Merv didn't actually meet Orson at the time of his first televised appearance. In 1967, Merv's assistants arranged for a camera crew to record Orson's responses to pre-articulated questions. Orson responded, on tape, with his predictably cadenced style. It wasn't until 1976 that Orson made a live appearance on Merv's show, facetoface, with cameras rolling.

  Merv's staff had spent weeks researching the director's life. But once the interview began, Merv virtually had to throw out all his notes. Appearing for ninety minutes on a show devoted entirely to him, Orson was a selfgenerating machine, directing and channeling the flow of conversation in his witty way.

  Merv usually preferred to interact with his guests only as the cameras rolled, but in advance of many of Orson's shows he went backstage for some chitchat.

  At first Orson was intimidating. “Okay, okay, let's get it out of the way. You think Citizen Kane was the greatest film of all time.”

  “As a matter of fact, I do,” Merv said.

  “That just shows that you have good taste,” Orson said, checking his makeup.

  Orson startled Merv when he warned him, “I do not want to dwell on my past career. Nor do I want to talk about the past in general. Also, I might as well come clean right now. Seventyfive percent of what I say in interviews is false.”

  The show that day was followed by a luncheon with Merv. As it turned out, Orson was to some degree captivated by Merv. “I thought you'd be bland. After all, I'm used to hanging out with Marlene Dietrich. But you're not. You're actually a good listener. For some reason, I think I can confide in you.”

  And over the years Orson did just that.

  “I've toured the world, learned everything, done everything and everybody,” the great man said. “I've tasted the wares of every star, including Judy Garland and Marilyn Monroe, as well as all the women in the brothels between Singapore and Shanghai. I practically auditioned every beautiful married woman during the time I lived in Brazil. I even tried out a concubine of the Moroccan Pasha of Marrakesh. In all my world travels, would you like to hear the most important trick I learned?”

  Thinking he was about to learn some new sexual technique, Merv said, “I'm all ears.”

  “A gypsy in Rome taught me how to walk with a live chicken between my legs.”

  It was three years before Orson got really confidential with Merv, getting down to what Merv called “the good stuff.”

  “I lost my virginity when I was nine years old to some of my female cousins,” Orson confessed. “On my mother's side. The place, and I remember it well, was Woodstock, Illinois. These girls had their way with me.”

  “Nine years old,” Merv said in astonishment. “I don't think I could even get it up back then.”

  “Oh, please, childhood sexuality is a big thing. I started masturbating when I was five years old. Italian men, especially, believe that any young boy is meat for a quick seduction, and that seduction will have no effect on him or on his masculinity when he grows up.”

  One chilly night in a Greenwich Village restaurant, when Orson was having dinner with Merv and Hadley, Hadley dared ask the question that he and Merv had speculated about for weeks. “Did you ever walk on the wild side like Merv and me?”


  “You mean, gay?” Orson said. “Of course, my dear boy. I'm especially fond of seducing black women—take Eartha Kitt or Lena Horne, for example—and beautiful boy ass. In fact, I always seduce my actors and make them fall in love with me. From my earliest years in Hollywood, I was the Lillie Langtry of the older homosexual set. All of them lusted for me. Lucille Ball started all those rumors about me being queer in Hollywood because I couldn't get it up for the bitch one night. Let's face it: Hollywood has never been comfortable with the queer thing. One night at the Brown Derby, Guinn ‘Big Boy’ Williams came up to me and accused me of being queer in the loudest voice possible. There was sudden silence throughout that busy restaurant. A lot of people thought ‘Big Boy’ was going to punch me out. He pulled out this pocket knife. I thought he was going to stab me, but he merely cut off my red tie and then stormed out of the restaurant.”

  Merv liked it when Orson told stories about his early life and his encounters with Hollywood greats. “As a young kid, I worshipped John Barrymore and got to know him well. When he was appearing in Hamlet on Broadway, he wanted me to give him a blowjob in his dressing room before he went on stage. When he was performing Hamlet, I stood in the wings of the theater with a bucket of champagne. Between scenes he'd come to me and lustily drink from that bubbly.”

  In April of 1982, during one of his many interviews, Orson said to Merv, “I try to be a Christian, but I don't pray really because I don't want to bore God.”

  With minutes to live

  Orson Welles

  Merv appeared with Orson for a final taping on October 8, 1985. Before the show, Orson summoned Merv backstage and told him “we can gossip a bit on your show tonight.”

  “You mean all those gossipy questions I've wanted to ask for years about Marlene and Rita?”

  “Yes,” Orson said. “Ask anything you want. Even questions about Citizen Kane, and you know I don't like to speak about that.”

  Merv had never seen Orson look so bad. He was haggard, his eyes sunken deep into his head, and despite being supported with a cane, he could barely stand up. “Maybe there's one question I won't answer.”

  “What's that?” Merv asked.

  “If I hadn't gone into films, I would have been a dress designer like Coco Chanel. I love women's clothes. I love the women who wear them. When I was young, I used to dress up like a woman. Not any more. No one designs tents to fit all this whale blubber I carry around.”

  Merv did not really take advantage of this taped opportunity for final insights into Orson, and as the cameras rolled, both his questions and Orson's responses were innocuous and rather bland.

  After the show, Merv walked Orson to the limousine he'd arranged for him. Before getting into the car, Orson said, “I think what gives dignity and tragedy, as well as meaning and beauty to life, is the fact that we will die. It is one of the great gifts of God, if you happen to believe in Him, that we are going to die. It would be terrible if we weren't.”

  Merv watched as Orson hobbled to the waiting limousine, where the chauffeur helped him into the back seat. As the car drove off, Orson waved adieu. “I had this gut feeling I'd never see him again. Fifty shows. Imagine that. Fifty fucking shows.”

  A call from Hadley came in for Merv two hours later. “It just came on television. A bulletin. Orson is dead.”

  Rita Hayworth

  “Merv, I hardly knew you.”

  As a commemoration of Orson's life, and as a sad footnote to his departure, Merv booked Rita Hayworth onto his show to talk about Orson. During their time together before the cameras, Merv was stunned when she said she didn't remember ever having met him before, despite the fact that she'd used his home in Los Angeles for her romantic tryst with Aldo Ray. At this point in her life, she'd begun showing signs of Alzheimer's disease, which as the years went by, would eventually destroy her life. As the cameras rolled, she said nothing of interest about Orson, her remarkable career, or the tabloidready aspects of her somewhat lurid personal life, which had included a widely publicized marriage to the Prince Aly Khan and a deep personal friendship with Marlene Dietrich.

  “Rita is a fascinating person,” Merv said. “I know that. But none of it came across that night. Except for her bizarre dress, I could have been interviewing a housewife from Duluth.”

  Merv told the press that Orson “was my favorite guest. An awesome character who was conversant on any topic I could think of. He'll be dearly missed.”

  “Days after Orson died, Merv received a handscribbled card mailed by an unknown person, probably whomever had cleaned up Orson's apartment in the wake of his death. On it, Orson had scribbled a final message to Merv:

  “We're born alone, we live alone, and we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.”

  ***

  Both Merv and Nancy Reagan shared the same birth date (July 6). Both of these old friends also shared a fascination with the zodiac, living under the astrological sign of Cancer, the crab.

  Nancy remembered watching an episode of The Merv Griffin Show in which he interviewed a panel of the country's leading astrologers. Merv later remembered introducing Nancy to Joan Quigley, a Vassar graduate and Nob Hill (San Francisco) socialite who wrote books on astrology.

  Every morning, Merv read his horoscope before working the crossword puzzles. He and Nancy often talked about astrology, and both of them were firm believers in consulting the stars before making any big decision.

  Ronald Reagan and Nancy had been heavily influenced by astrology even before he became governor of California. In those days, they relied on Jeanne Dixon for prophecy. When she accurately predicted specific details about the assassination of President John F. Kennedy, she became the best known astrologer and psychic in America.

  Nancy had arranged several meetings between her husband, who wanted to be president in 1976, and Dixon, most of them within the Mayflower Hotel in Washington, D.C

  When Dixon announced that Reagan's wish to become president did not coincide with the position of the stars, both he and Nancy broke off relations with her.

  Merv first introduced Joan Quigley to Nancy when they appeared together on an episode of The Merv Griffin Show in the early 70s. After that meeting, Quigley called Nancy several times to discuss Reagan's future. But the astrologer and the First Lady did not really intensify their relationship until a deranged John Hinckley attempted to assassinate Reagan on March 30, 1981.

  In the highly emotional aftermath of that attempted assassination, Merv was instrumental in bringing Quigley and Nancy together. He called Quigley to get her reaction, and was astonished to learn that she could have predicted it. Then he called Nancy at the White House and told her what Quigley had said.

  In her book, My Turn, Nancy revealed that she said to Merv, “Oh, my God. I could have stopped it? ”

  “I'm such a worrywart,” she revealed to Merv. “My weight has dropped from 112 pounds to just 100 pounds. I just can't hold down food.” She also told Merv that she would suddenly burst into tears with no provocation. After her dialogue with Merv, she hung up the phone and called Quigley.

  After that, Nancy became “hooked” on Quigley and turned to her almost daily for advice. They became fast friends and confidants during the remaining years of the Reagan administration. To enable her to talk privately with Quigley, who advised her on matters both political and personal, Nancy had special, highsecurity phone lines installed in both the White House and at Camp David.

  Nancy revealed to Merv that thanks to her status as First Lady, she received many services for free, including those of her hairdresser. But she claimed that Quigley charged her $3,000 a month. Merv graciously agreed to discretely factor those bills into his own payroll, but Nancy turned him down.

  After the assassination attempt, Nancy became obsessed with tinkering with her husband's schedule, sometimes keeping him a virtual prisoner in the White House because Quigley considered it too dangerous for him to meet the
public. At one point in his administration, the president did not appear in public for 120 consecutive days. Quigley justified this at the time with the assertion that there were “malevolent movements of Uranus and Saturn,” and she feared not only the danger of another assassination attempt, but also the possibility of impeachment.

  Nancy and Merv:

  Her link to a notorious obsession

  Nancy's concerns led to conflicts with Donald Regan, her husband's chief of staff and a former bigwig at Merrill Lynch, as regards the details of Ronald's schedule. It was obvious almost from the beginning of his appointment that Nancy aggressively disliked Regan—and vice versa.

  Quigley's input became so influential in White House affairs that it was she who picked the opening time and date for the summit meeting in Reykjavik, Iceland; the optimum time for the signing of an arms control treaty, and the best time for a presidential flight to Moscow.

  Throughout these consultations, Nancy confided to Merv that “Ronnie is not just indulging me. He believes in astrology too. Regardless of the headlines, he reads first his horoscope and then the funnies before he peruses world headlines.”

  It was Nancy who played a crucial role in getting the chief of staff fired. He resigned in 1987 after the Iran-Contra affair and the distribution of mixed reviews about his job performance. He got even, however, writing a book entitled For the Record: From Wall Street to Washington. In that book, which generated headlines throughout the world, Regan described “Mrs. Reagan's dependence on the occult.” As the First Lady was mocked and ridiculed throughout the land, especially on latenight TV, Merv called to offer his support. “Hold in there,” he advised her.

  Public reaction throughout the late 1980s was the most unrelentingly negative of Nancy's career. Carl Sagan, writing an article entitled “The Demon-Haunted World,” was particularly harsh. “Some portion of the decisionmaking that influences the future of civilization is plainly in the hands of charlatans.”