Wendy Lindstrom

by Kissing in the Dark

  “If I stay, I’m afraid he’ll tear my heart out like my mother did.”

  “Oh, Iris, you can’t let that stop you from trying. God knows I’m afraid I’ll never measure up to the sort of woman Duke deserves, but I’ve got to try. If I don’t, I’ll only live a half-life. And you will, too, if you don’t open your heart.” She hooked her finger in the cup handle. “Let’s pour this out, all right?”

  Iris looked at the cup, obviously torn. “I’ll be risking everything if I stay”

  “You’ll risk having nothing if you leave. You have to be brave like Aster and Tansy. They’ve found love and happiness. Dahlia has found her place here. She’s made new friends and is happy being able to help Anna and the women who stay with her. Even Anna is making a new life for herself now. You need to find your place too, Aunt Iris, and I think that place is here with Patrick. Don’t you?”

  “I don’t know. I honest to God don’t know.” Iris dumped the tea into the sink, then fled.

  o0o

  Adam was alone in his bed, scared about everything. Duke and Faith had been home a week, and whatever Duke did to get Cora back had got his face all scratched up. His shoulder was real sore so he’d probably had to fight somebody.

  If Adam had muscles like Duke, he would have beaten Judge Stone until he couldn’t move, but the man had kicked him so hard and so fast, Adam’s head exploded with black dots that swallowed him up. He was still having bad dreams about the judge coming to take Cora away.

  A lawyer named Steven Cuvier had arrived this morning from Syracuse. He’d told Faith he got a big offer on the brothel property right away and just needed her and Duke to sign the deed so he could close the sale, then he could transfer a lot of money to the bank for them. Adam thought Faith would be happy, but she’d cried real hard, like when their mother died. When the lawyer hugged her, Duke didn’t say anything about the man being familiar with her. And the man was odd. He seemed too friendly, like he was family or something, and he kept giving Adam a sad look, like Adam was going to die or something. He was even staying the night in the guest room.

  Everything was confusing. And scary.

  Duke said the judge might try something sneaky. So he’d told his brothers the truth about Faith and their mother’s brothel. Faith worried they would hate her, but Duke’s mother had come the next evening and talked to her in the kitchen for a long time. Then she’d hugged Faith in the foyer and told her she was a strong woman. Adam didn’t know why she said that, but it seemed to make Faith happy

  Adam wanted to learn how to use a gun, but Duke said no, that he was only supposed to run for help if Stone showed up. Duke didn’t trust him. He didn’t say that, but Adam knew it was true. He hadn’t been able to stop the judge from taking Cora, so Duke didn’t trust him to protect their family. Adam promised he could do better with a gun, but Duke had only yelled at him. Then later, he’d said he was sorry for yelling, and that he just wanted Adam to get help and keep himself safe if something happened.

  But Duke was disappointed in him; Adam could tell. And it made his throat ache so bad he could hardly breathe. He buried his face in his pillow. He was weak and stupid. And scared of everything.

  Morning light shone outside his window when he opened his eyes and heard people arguing. His bedroom was above the kitchen, and he could smell coffee and hear the rumble of tense voices.

  A jolt of fear sat him up in bed. What if it was the judge!

  He threw off the covers, pulled on his trousers, then crept downstairs as fast as he could. They were in the kitchen, and he heard Duke’s voice as he tiptoed across the foyer and through the dining room. If Duke was in there, maybe everything was all right.

  “I think the boy should know, but I’ll leave this up to you, Faith.” The lawyer’s voice made Adam pause outside the kitchen door.

  “Since you can’t step in now, I think it will hurt him, and just make matters worse,” she said.

  “The boy has a right to know.” Duke sounded frustrated.

  “I’m not denying his right.” She sounded ready to cry. “But what purpose will it serve? It’s been too long. This will just confuse him.”

  “I think it will answer some of his questions,” Duke argued.

  “What if it doesn’t?” she demanded, her anger surprising Adam. Faith never got angry. “What if it just hurts him? What if it reminds him of all the years his father wasn’t around for him? That’s not useful, Duke. Even if he has a right to know, it won’t serve him.”

  “If it were me,” Duke said, “I’d want to know.”

  “Well, it’s not you. It’s Adam, and I’ve been caring for him since he was born. I’m not going to hurt him with this.”

  Adam was already shaking from jumping out of bed, but his stomach got real queasy. They were talking about him. And his father.

  Duke huffed out a breath like he was mad. “It hurts him every day to not know who his father is.”

  “What makes you an authority?” she asked. “You never spent a day of your childhood wondering about a man who wasn’t there. Adam has spent his whole life that way, and nothing’s going to change. Is it?”

  “I don’t know,” the lawyer said.

  His answer confused Adam. Why would Faith ask the lawyer that question? Did the lawyer know who his father was?

  “I’m willing to try, but I don’t think I can be the kind of father Adam needs. I can’t be here all the time, and he wouldn’t want to leave you, so . . .”

  Adam’s stomach felt like it dropped to his ankles. That lawyer man was his father? That skinny, big-eyed, sharp-talking man with the fancy suit was his father? No wonder he’d been looking at Adam so strangely last night. Was he here to take Adam home with him?

  He didn’t want to go anywhere with the man. Is that what Duke was saying? That Adam had to go with his real father? Is that why Faith sounded like she was going to cry?

  Well, he wasn’t going. He shoved the kitchen door open and glared at the surprised lawyer. “I’m not going anywhere with you. I don’t care who you are. I don’t need a father!” Tears choked him and Adam ran to the foyer. He grabbed Duke’s heavy hunting coat off the hall tree and his muddy boots by the door, then bolted outside. If they couldn’t find him, they couldn’t make him go anywhere with that man.

  He ran barefoot and bare-chested across the frost-covered yard, then followed the creek. Sniffling and huffing, he stopped to stuff his freezing feet into the cold boots. He laced them tight, but they were still too big. Shivering, he pulled Duke’s coat on and buttoned it clear to the collar. He backhanded his eyes, and trudged down the rocky gorge. Why didn’t Duke want him around?

  “Adam!”

  He looked up and saw Rebecca standing on the creek bank with one of her horses. She smiled and waved at him, but he ducked his head and ran into the trees. He didn’t want her to see him crying.

  He walked until he was at the place Duke kept his boat, then ducked beneath the branches of the pine trees. Duke’s boat was still there, turned upside down to keep the rain and snow out.

  He sat on the hull and looked up to the tree tops. No warming shafts of sunlight filled his private cathedral, just a cold gloomy darkness that made him cry.

  He didn’t lie anymore. And he’d only stolen that brush for Faith. He’d done everything Duke asked of him. Why did they want to send him away?

  Cora called Duke Daddy.

  Why couldn’t Adam call him Dad?

  Why didn’t Duke want to be his father?

  No matter how hard he tried to hold back his tears, they just flooded out of his eyes and made his nose run. He scrubbed the heels of his hands against his eyes.

  It was stupid to cry. He was just a cry-baby. Maybe that’s why Duke didn’t want to be his dad. Maybe he thought Adam was too old to have a dad. Or maybe Duke was ashamed of him be-cause Adam’s mother was a prostitute. But Faith had the same mother, so that didn’t make any sense.

  Nothing made any sense.

  Why would th
at lawyer man want to be his father now? Had Duke found him? How did the lawyer know about the brothel? But after a minute of thinking, Adam realized that if the lawyer really was his father, he must have been one of his mother’s guests. So that’s how he knew about the brothel. And the judge had been a guest, too, so maybe the men were friends. Or maybe they hated each other because they both had liked Adam’s mother.

  His mother was the cause of all of this. If she hadn’t been a prostitute, none of this would have happened. And Adam wouldn’t have met Duke Grayson.

  A surge of tears burned his eyes, but Adam didn’t care. It hurt not to be wanted.

  It hadn’t mattered so much before he met Duke, but now he liked having a man to show him how to build things, and to take him fishing in a boat, and to tell him about riding a sled off the barn roof. That stupid lawyer probably didn’t know any of those things. And he wasn’t half the man Duke was; Adam could tell just by looking at him.

  “Adam?”

  Rebecca’s worried call jerked his head up. He scrubbed his face on Duke’s coat sleeves, but didn’t answer.

  The tree limbs lifted and she stepped inside. “I found you,” she said, but her smile died the instant she looked at his face. “What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

  He was hurt worse than he’d ever been in his life, but he shook his head. It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her he got dirt in his eyes, but Duke’s words about being truthful rang in his ears. “I can’t see you anymore.”

  A sick look crossed her face. “Why?”

  “Because you have a good father, and it’s not right for me to cause problems between the two of you.”

  “My dad’s too protective.”

  “You’re lucky to have a dad like that.”

  “I know, but he’s still too protective.”

  Maybe he was. Adam wouldn’t know. His own father hadn’t cared enough to even let him know his name.

  “Did something happen to you?” she asked, sitting on the boat hull beside him.

  “I met my father this morning.”

  Her eyes widened and she gave him a beaming smile that almost made him cry again, because this was the last time they would meet like this. “That’s wonderful!”

  “It’s terrible. He’s a lawyer from Syracuse.”

  “But you thought he was in prison. Isn’t this good news?”

  “If he was in prison, he wouldn’t have been able to come see me. A lawyer could. If he wanted to.”

  “Oh . . .”

  He watched her smile fade and knew she was starting to understand it was better not knowing, because then he could believe anything he wanted. He could make excuses for the man. But now, the only excuse was that the lawyer didn’t care.

  “Have you ever wondered what your life would be like without your dad?” he asked.

  “Once. When I was thinking about my first mother, I wondered what it would have been like if she hadn’t given me to my dad. But it made me sad, so I quit thinking about it.”

  “Well, all those hugs he gives you would be gone if you lived with your first mother. He wouldn’t be there to catch you when you let go of the grape-vine swing in the gorge. You wouldn’t clean the livery with him, or ride horses together. He wouldn’t pull you into a wrestling match on the lawn with your brothers and tickle you.” He shrugged. “All the things he says to you, and all the things he does for you would be gone. You might not even know his name or what his voice sounds like.”

  “That would be awful.” She pressed her hands to her stomach as if she felt sick. “Oh, Adam, I never really understood what it was like for you.”

  “I didn’t know what it was like for you either,” he admitted. “That’s why I can’t see you like this anymore. It’s causing trouble for you. Your dad is the kind of father I wish I had, and you’re lucky to have him.”

  “Why does that mean we can’t see each other?”

  “I want Duke to be my dad, but he won’t want to be if I’m betraying his brother and sneaking off to see his niece.”

  “But . . . we aren’t doing anything wrong.”

  “Yes, we are. Just being here together goes against your father’s wishes. An honorable man wouldn’t do that. I don’t want to be like those men who came to my mom’s brothel. But when we’re alone like this, I feel. I want to do things like Patrick and Iris were doing.” He felt stupid confessing something so personal, but Duke wouldn’t take advantage of a girl or sneak around. Neither would Rebecca’s father. Adam wanted to be like them. He wanted to make Duke proud, and make him want to be his father. “I’m not going to do those things to you. I’m going to stay away like your dad asked.”

  “You aren’t going to meet me anymore?”

  He shook his head. “I’m not going to walk you to school either.” He couldn’t, because it would just tempt him to sneak off with her again.

  Tears filled her eyes and she stared at him as if he’d just slapped her. “I thought you liked me.”

  His feelings went way beyond liking, and that’s why he wouldn’t see her anymore and cause problems for her and her father. Rebecca needed her dad more than she needed Adam. “We’re cousins now. Rebecca.”

  “No, we’re not!” she said. “We aren’t even related. You said that yourself.”

  He wanted to hug her and tell her he was sorry, but it would just hurt her more because he had to honor Duke and her father. “We can still be friends.”

  She was crying as she slid off the boat. “I have friends, Adam. I don’t need another one.” She ducked beneath the limbs and out of sight, but he heard her crying as she ran up the path that led out of the gorge.

  He knew he’d done the right thing, but it felt wrong.

  Shivering, and feeling as miserable as he’d ever felt, Adam crawled under the boat. He wasn’t going home until the lawyer left tomorrow. The boat smelled of wood and fish and winter air, but it kept the wind off Adam’s neck. His stomach growled, but he burrowed in Duke’s too-big coat and closed his eyes. If he slept, he wouldn’t feel hungry. He wouldn’t feel cold. He wouldn’t hurt.

  Minutes or hours passed; he didn’t know how long he huddled beneath the boat, but someone or something startled him awake. Maybe it was Duke, who cared enough to come looking for him. Maybe it was Rebecca coming to tempt him to change his mind.

  Adam braced his shoulders against the hull and lifted the boat, but when he came face-to-face with Nicholas Archer, he knew he was in trouble.

  Chapter 37

  Duke knew Adam was upset, but when the boy didn’t return by lunchtime, he went looking for him. His first stop was Radford’s house, because Rebecca was Adam’s only friend. But when Radford realized Rebecca was missing, he jumped to conclusions and blamed Adam.

  Duke helped Radford scour the gorge. They found Rebecca’s gelding tied to a tree, but they couldn’t find her anywhere.

  “Where the hell could she be?” A sick look washed through Radford’s face, leaving him gray and drawn.

  “We haven’t checked Mother’s house yet.”

  Radford bolted for the trees. Duke sprinted behind him, his gut twisted with worry. Fueled by panic, they threw open the door and raced into their mother’s house, breathing hard, praying harder.

  Rebecca sat on the sofa, sobbing her heart out on her grandmother’s shoulder.

  “Thank God!” Radford knelt by the sofa. “Are you hurt, Rebecca?”

  “She’s nursing a broken heart,” their mother said, stroking Rebecca’s disheveled hair.

  “A what?” Radford looked as confused as Duke felt. “Where have you been, Rebecca?”

  She cowered in her grandmother’s arms. “In the g-gorge.”

  “Doing what?”

  “Riding.”

  “How? You left the gelding tied to a tree. You’ve been gone for hours!”

  “I n-needed to talk to grandma.”

  “Why didn’t you bring the gelding with you?”

  “I don’t know.” Rebecca buried her face in h
er hands and sobbed.

  Radford scraped his hair back with both hands and looked at their mother. “What the hell is going on here?”

  “Your daughter is suffering her first broken heart, Radford. And you’re not helping.”

  “A broken heart from what?” he demanded.

  Rebecca didn’t answer.

  Duke still didn’t know where Adam was, and it worried him. The boy had been gone all day. He was half-dressed, and probably starving by now. “Rebecca, have you seen Adam?”

  She nodded and cast a worried look at her father.

  Radford gaped at her. “Were you with him today?”

  “Y-yes.”

  “Damn it, Duke!” Radford rose to his feet, fire burning in his eyes. “If that boy did anything to my daughter, I’ll wring his neck.”

  “That boy is practically my son, Radford. You’re the one who’s hurting Rebecca, not Adam.”

  Radford grabbed the front of Duke’s jacket and jerked him toward Rebecca. “Look at her. I didn’t cause those tears. Now you keep Adam the hell away from her!”

  Furious at being manhandled, Duke shoved Radford back a step, but Radford didn’t let go. “Your daughter is growing up, and you’d better accept it.”

  “This has nothing to do with her growing up. It’s her sneaking around with Adam I can’t accept. And I’m telling you for the last time, I won’t stand for it.”

  Duke clamped his hands over Radford’s fists. “Well, I won’t stand for your unwarranted accusations. Adam has suffered enough unjust treatment, and I won’t stand aside and let anyone, be it some crazy judge or my own damned brother, do any more harm to that boy. Now take your hands off me.”

  “Stop this!” Their mother shot to her feet. “Both of you!”

  Duke faced Radford glare for glare. “I’m sick of you pointing the finger at Adam every time you lose track of your daughter.”

  Radford’s eyes flashed. “Until Adam came around, Rebecca didn’t run off. She was hurt once because I wasn’t vigilant enough. If that makes me overprotective, too damned bad. She’s my first concern. And if your son hurts her again, I’ll go through you and anybody else to put a stop to it.”