The Helio Trilogy: Volumes 1-3

by Valerie Roeseler

  The doors to the Throne Room groan. Alice and Eric enter with Cassius and Theodora. My father approaches me, “It is hard for most to recover from The Creator’s presence. It is nothing to be ashamed of.” I tilt my head up to him. He adds, “She is very proud of you. I am as well.” He assists me to my feet and hugs me to him.

  I notice Evelyn escorting Jack with Alice and Eric. I turn to Solas behind me. He is still on his knees, staring at the floor. I crouch before him and touch his shoulder. “You alright, Chief?”

  Solas mumbles, “I’m not sure.”

  Cassius and Theodora walk with Solas back to the west wing of The Keep, and my father joins me as I make my way back to my chambers. My head is on a cloud, lethargic. His words float on the air like a whisper of the recent past, “You need time alone to reacclimate. Rest for now. I will come for you when Raphael and Gabriel return.”

  The past few hours seem nothing more than a dream, yet I know for a fact that they happened. Once I make it into bed, I lay on my side and stare at the wall, replaying the day’s events over and over. I fear if I close my eyes, I’ll fall asleep and won’t remember anything.

  I asked all the wrong questions. If The Creator knew all along that Michael would betray the Light, why did she allow it in the first place? That’s the big question I should have asked. Was it some grand scheme to teach a lesson? I’m grateful for the things I’ve been blessed with along the way, but I just don’t understand why. I wonder if I’ll ever get another chance to ask her face to face?

  It all started with the fall of the Griffins. If they had never fallen, I wouldn’t have been able to defeat Beleth. If Solas had never been appointed my guardian, I never would have become as strong as I have, he never would have fallen, and never would have carried me through my darkest days. If Lilith had never fallen, as The Creator must have known would happen, I never would have been conceived. If I were never born, there would be no world at the moment. The Horsemen of the Apocalypse would have destroyed everything.

  I see it now. The Creator was right. The timing of things had to be just right. Events had to unfold at a certain time and in a certain place. Otherwise, there would be nothing left of what she created. Beings have suffered, and it’s been tragic and painful and downright unfair, but our suffering had purpose and our sacrifices are not unnoticed. I may never understand why things happen the way they do. I do understand that everything has a purpose, but I don’t agree with the heartache and anguish we’re put through to achieve that purpose. If I could, I would do anything in my power to ease that pain.

  When my father returns, I’m not sure if I’m ready to face Raphael or Gabriel. He leads the way through the corridors, past the Throne Room, and stops at the open doors to the War Room. He kisses my hair. “Good luck, daughter.”

  I enter on my own. Raphael and Gabriel are waiting patiently. The smiles on their faces put me at ease, yet I know everything comes with a price. I square my shoulders and stand tall at the table, ready for Dominion’s ultimate decision of what is to be my future.

  Gabriel begins, “We understand The Creator was here not too long ago. She called upon us and informed us of Michael’s deceit. We discussed Dominion’s verdict of your future, and she agreed with their decree.”

  Raphael adds, “I think you will be pleased.”

  Though they appear happy with Dominion’s ruling, and The Creator supports it, my heart pounds in my chest with nervous anticipation. I beseech, “And what was their decision?”

  The two Originals glance at each other, then return their gaze back to me. Raphael informs me, “Because of your origins and your accomplishments, Dominions have ruled to allow you to choose what you would like to do with your future. You have three choices.”

  “Three?” I question.

  Gabriel notes, “Yes. Three choices for each facet of your being. At the foundation of your essence, you are an Archangel and a Guide. Unequivocally, you are Teloch.”

  “What are my choices?” I request.

  Raphael’s smile broadens. “Your first choice is to follow your father’s footsteps and join his ranks as a Guide. Your second choice is to follow the path your mother never did as an Archangel and protect humanity as a Warrior of Light. Your last option is to continue your journey as Teloch and become an Assassin of Light—a mercenary.”

  Gabriel steps around the table towards me, “You have until tomorrow night to decide, or Dominion’s will choose for you.”

  Chapter 29

  My fingers dance over the black and ivory keys of a grand piano. The sound resonates like a spring breeze through the trees and golden rays of light surrounding me. Each note cascades into the air, a hint of a life and story. It connects to the note that follows as well as the one that preceded it. The sun is warm and inviting across my skin, pouring the happiness of hope and new beginnings over me. It soaks deep into my marrow. I imagine this is what Paradise feels like.

  Roses blossom around me rapidly as cherries flourish on the trees. My hands continue to float over the keys, creating a song that fills me with contentment. Movement catches my eyes, and I look up out of instinct. A red rose petal floats on the wind. Soon, all the petals of every rose catch the breeze and become a swirl of red, spinning and diving the direction it’s guided. The cherries ripen and fall to the ground where they proceed to rot.

  The music continues, more urgent and aggressive. The temperature drops. The clouds darken overhead with thunder, and the rain comes hard and heavy. Most would take shelter in such a downpour, yet I find myself embracing it. I lift my face to the sky, and the rain washes away any fear of what’s to come next.

  The ballet my hands perform slows with the rain. The temperature continues to drop, and a snowflake touches the top of the piano. The music stops. I watch the snow fall, coating every surface and erasing color from sight. The silence is deafening, my ears ringing with a sharp pitch that doesn’t exist. The snow crunches in the distance behind me and I spin around on the bench. Two figures approach like a mirage. One is tall, broad, and strong. The other is small, delicate, and carries her own strength. Hand in hand, they move closer, and their bright smiles become clearer.

  I wake with an echo of a deep voice in my mind, “We thought we’d find you here.”

  Despite the frigid temperatures from my dreams, I’m overwhelmed with warmth and happiness. Nothing can trump my mood…save for the inevitable choices I must make. At least one of my choices have been decided, it’s following through with it that will be the hardest part.

  I spend as much time dawdling in isolation as I can get away with. I grasp the doorknob and freeze. The moment I step from my chambers, my life is going to change rapidly. I’m ready. I’m terrified. I’m certain. I go before I end up hiding from the truth. It’s time to be honest. It’s time to be me. It’s time I take control of my future and stop teetering on the precipice of this mountain. I refuse to fall from the top. I will decide which direction I will lean before plunging down the side and spreading my wings.

  Stopping before the door to his room, I linger with a fist ready to knock. I close my eyes, take a slow, deep breath through my nose, letting it fill my lungs to their full capacity, then release it as slowly as I can. My pounding heart eases, and I open my eyes. I knock twice.

  The door swings open to Jack’s beautiful green eyes and his million dollar smile. “Ivy,” he greets in welcoming surprise. “Come in.”

  I step past him into his room as he closes the door. I stop in the middle of his room, my eyes catching on his black, leather journal. My throat seems to close up around itself, and I try to swallow past it. He sees what has my attention and quickly scoops up the journal to tuck it beneath his pillow. He turns to face me with the grin of a cat caught with a canary. I take one step towards him to speak and freeze again.

  Jack’s smile fades when he grasps the desolation of my approach. He assumes, “It’s time, huh? You’ve made your decision.” It’s hard for me to make a sound, so I nod. He searches,
“Have you spoken to Solas, yet?”

  I shake my head and know it reveals my decision to him. I close the distance, allowing his pain to flow through me. Even knowing I’m the cause, I let it happen because it’s inevitable. At this moment, my love feels so immense it could touch the stars. I touch the side of his face and pull him into my arms. I hold him as tight as possible.

  He pleads with me, “It can’t be over for us, Sunshine. Not yet.”

  I think of all the times I’ve laid in his arms. How safe he made me feel when I wasn’t ready to face the world. I confess, “I do love you, Jack.”

  “Then stay with me,” he begs in a low whisper.

  I pull away and shake my head with a heavy sadness, “You know I can’t. I know you still love me too but look at how much it’s changed. Look at how much we’ve changed. Our love remains, but it’s different now. I know you feel it.”

  “It only feels that way when Solas is in the picture,” he notes.

  I counter, “And Tallulah.”

  Jack regards me with shock and confusion. “What does she have to do with us?”

  I give him a gentle smile. “I see the way you look at her, Jack. You never looked at me that way.”

  Jack is silent, then shakes his head. “No.”

  I argue, “Yes, and Telly looks at you the same way. It’s ok to open yourself up to the possibilities, Jack. Not one person will condemn you for moving on and making yourself happy. There’s something obvious between you two that has a chance to grow. Tallulah can make you happy, Jack. I can’t.”

  He claims, “We can be happy together. This is all over now. What about our chance?”

  I tilt my head to the side, “When have I ever made you happy, Jack? Think about it.”

  I watch his Adam’s apple bounce as he swallows. “Before all this started, we were happy.”

  I point out, “We were only friends then.”

  Jack must see the honesty in my countenance for he lowers his gaze. He steps away, turning his back to me. “Why?” he utters. I wrap my arms around his waist and rest my head on his back. Before I can soothe him, he pursues, “You love Solas that much?”

  I hesitate, sensing he’s truly asking why I don’t love him more. I know it will rip his heart out, but he doesn’t understand how it will kill me to not be true to myself. I tell him the truth. After all we’ve been through, he deserves that. “Yes. I do.”

  The silence becomes a comfortable sedation between us. Jack turns in my arms and beholds my sincerity. “Where did this all go wrong?”

  I back away from him so he can see that I mean every word. “I don’t think you and I were meant to be together forever, Jack. I think we were meant to find each other and help each other grow into the beings we’ve become. You found a way to make me open up my heart again, and I showed you that it’s alright to make your own path.”

  The disappointment is clear in his expression. He prompts, “So, where do we go from here?”

  I shrug, “I have a choice to make about my future and have to notify the Originals within a few hours. And now is your time to carve that path for yourself The Creator wants you to. There’s so much waiting for you.”

  “It’s so hard to leave you,” he mutters.

  Tears well up in my eyes. “We were good together when we needed to be, but we are only holding each other back now. I’m tired of hurting you, Jack. I want you to be happy.”

  He wavers, “Will you be happy?”

  I think of my dreams of the future and answer, “I will. It will never be easy for me, but there are many surprises along my journey that I’m looking forward to.”

  He releases a heavy sigh, and a wave of incredible liberation washes over me. His acceptance is palpable, and he voices it aloud, “This is really it.” I nod. Jack threads his fingers through my hair at the base of my skull and pulls me in. His lips kiss my forehead. “Safe travels, Ivy.”

  I’ve never heard such agony behind my own name. As Jack passes me to leave the room, I wonder if I’ll ever see him again. I excuse that we’ll need time apart to ever be comfortable around each other again. Telling Jack the truth was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I only want the best for him, and this was how it would start; Honesty. Jack was the one I wanted by my side, but my need and love for Solas overpowered that desire. I promise to be true to myself for the rest of existence. Solas has conquered my heart, my mind, and my essence from the day that I met him as Gideon. He is my first love. My heart never stopped belonging to him no matter how much I tried to lie to myself.

  I don’t go to Solas right away. Though I’ve chosen him, it doesn’t make the pain of what I did to Jack any less. I sit on the edge of his bed, my legs crossed at the knee and my hands tucked between my thighs. Biting my bottom lip does nothing to keep the tears away. The constant fight against the ache in my chest while I told Jack the truth finally spills down my cheeks. I couldn’t cry in front of him. I didn’t want him to pity me or think I was unsure. It would only lead him to hold on to the hope I would come back around eventually.

  I let my eyes search the room, taking in all that reminds me of Jack; his scent, his clothes, his weapons. I catch the corner of his journal peeking out from beneath his pillow. I slide it out and hold it closed in my lap a moment. I sniff, wipe my face, and pick up his pen from the stone shelving beside his bed. My fingers graze over the pages, fanning them out to find the next available blank page. The only pages left untouched are the last three. I don’t read his last entry, I simply turn to the next blank page. Then I write.

  Jack,

  I will always love you for showing me how to open my heart again. You pulled me from the depths of self-denial and revealed who I really was. I never would have been able to get through being a fledgling without you. You will always mean something to me. Even if we never see each other again, I only want the best for you.

  I will always be your Sunshine, and you will always be mine.

  -Ivy

  I close Jack’s journal and replace it beneath the pillow. I drop the pen back on the shelf, and it’s as if a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Certainty fills my stride. I leave Jack’s room without turning back.

  My steps are lighter through the corridors. Coursing back to my chambers, I daydream of a bright future for Jack. He’s smiling his million dollar smile and racing in foreign countries. He’s having dinner with his mother and taking walks with his father where they talk about the history of Enochian events as if they lived them—because they have. He’ll find love again, and it will be everything it’s supposed to be. Tallulah is a damsel in distress to him, and he will do whatever he can to save her from herself. I believe it’s already begun. They just don’t realize it yet.

  Out of nowhere, I’m jerked into the café, wrenched from my distracting daydream. Alice’s grip is fierce around my wrist as she holds me close to her, whisper-yelling into my face, “You dumped Jack?”

  It’s not a question, but a damning accusation. My mood falls away, the weight of Jack’s sorrow pushing me down again. I frown at her, “Would you keep your voice down?” Then I realize we’re not alone. Eric, Ezra, Cassius, and Theodora are scattered around the room. By the looks on their faces, they were arguing with each other before I was forced into the room. I insist, “What’s going on in here?”

  Thea and Cass eye each other, searching for an out to answering my question. Eric keeps his focus on the ground, avoiding my gaze. It’s Ezra who speaks up after an exasperated release of breath through his puffed-out cheeks. “You’ve caused quite the ruckus. Jack’s left for the States. He said there was something he needed to do. He asked if Eric would mind bringing his belongings back to Red Meadow when we left here.”

  “What is he doing?”

  Alice shrugs, leaning back with her arms crossed over her chest. “He wouldn’t tell us. All he said was it was over between you two…for good.”

  I attempt to ease her discontent, “We were only holding each other back
, Alice. I want Jack to be happy. He wasn’t happy with me.”

  She quips, “He wanted to make you happy. That was enough for him.”

  I rub my forehead. “He couldn’t do it, Alice. I would never be completely happy with him. We weren’t meant to be together. I know it for a fact.”

  She takes a step away from me with hurt in her tone, “He loved you. How could you do that to him?”

  Eric pulls her into his chest before she breaks down in tears. I voice, “I know he did. I loved him too.”

  Cass and Thea inspect me with hopefulness. They’ve always wanted me to be with Solas. I imagine my relationship choices are what everyone was arguing about. Eric gives me a look of disappointment but follows it with a nod of acceptance. He’s not pleased with my decision, but he knows it was mine to make and doesn’t hold it against me.

  Thankfully, Ezra changes the subject. “So, Michael is gone, and Raphael and Gabriel came back. What did they tell you about the summit with Dominions?”

  Alice turns her head against Eric’s chest to see me better. Her eyes are red and wet, but I try to look past it. I can’t let anyone else’s feeling discourage my decision. I focus around the room to each of them. “They gave me a few choices. They said I can become an Arch and keep being responsible for humanity...” I look to Alice, “I can become a Reaper.” Then I look to Ezra, “Or I can remain as Teloch and become a mercenary.”

  Ezra’s regard flares with excitement. “Ripper,” he gleams. “I could take you with me for a few missions and show you the ropes.”

  I smile at him kindly, “I would like that.”

  Eric adds, “There’s more reward with being a Guide.”

  Ezra argues, “That’s not true. We Powers feel more than rewarded as Assassins of the Light.”

  Alice pulls away from Eric with a playful smile washing away her sorrow, “Because you’re all sick and twisted ninjas.” The emotion of the room is lifted with light joviality. Alice turns back to me with more fondness in her countenance. “What are you going to pick?”