by Amy Brent
It just wasn't fair when hot girls were straight. Not fair at all.
Julia helped me fix the computer problem so quickly that I felt like a total idiot. “Thanks,” I said, a bashful smile on my lips.
“Any time,” she said. She patted my shoulder. “You need anything else, you just let me know.”
I watched her walk out of the cubicle. And yes, I stared at her ass the whole time. I couldn't help it.
It really wasn't fair for her to be so damn hot.
* * *
When I got home that night, my mom was already heating up leftover takeout for dinner. It was always leftovers these days. Dad had been the cook. Now that he was gone, we lived on a diet of pizza, cheesesteaks, and Chinese food. Which sounded good and all, but it got old after the first few months.
“How was your first day?” Mom asked. She set out paper plates and napkins for herself, my brother, and me. One of the advantages of all the takeout was that we had a steady supply of napkins and disposable kitchenware. I hadn't done dishes in weeks.
“It was okay.” I sat down while she dished out some leftover chicken fried rice and day-old rolls. My brother came in and got his plate, then took it back out to the living room so he could keep playing his Xbox.
“Make any friends?” Mom asked.
I rolled my eyes at her. “Mom, come on. It's not like it's my first day of kindergarten. It's a job.
“I know that.” She sat down across from me and laid a napkin across her lap. “But I think it'll be good for you to make some friends at work. I used to go out with the girls from my office all the time. We'd hit the bar for girls night every Friday. It was great.”
She didn't say it aloud, but I knew she was thinking that this had been before she was married. Before she had kids. As far as I could remember, Mom had never gone out for a Friday night girl’s night during my lifetime.
“It'd be good for you,” she said again as she stirred her rice. “You should get out more.”
“I know, Mom.” I sighed, then started eating in silence. Mom was right about me needing to get out more. I hadn't had much time for socializing since Dad died. It had been all I could do to get through school, and even then I'd messed things up. That was why I had to take a summer course to finish getting my degree.
I also hadn't dated in forever. Or, ever, depending on how you looked at it. I'd never been in a real relationship. A few guys had asked me out in high school, and I'd gone on a couple of dates that didn't go anywhere. Then once I got to college and stopped denying my intense attraction to girls, I had fooled around with a few girls here and there. But that hadn't been so much “dating” as it had been going to parties, getting drunk, and hooking up. I'd never experienced anything that would qualify as romance.
“I'll see if anyone is interested in hanging out,” I told Mom. “After I've been there awhile, anyway. I don't want to seem all needy or something.”
“You just be yourself,” Mom said. “That's all you ever need to be.”
I snorted, making a mental note to nominate Mom for the Clichéd Advice of the Year award. Being myself around other girls, around grown women, wasn't that easy. Not when they didn't yet know I was a lesbian, and I had no way of knowing if they'd want to be around me once I found out.
Because let's face it, Friday night girls night meant something very different for a girl like me.
* * *
I worked at the journal for a few weeks before any of my coworkers invited me to go out with them. Julia and a couple of the other girls were heading out for lunch one day, while I was getting ready to microwave some leftover takeout macaroni and cheese that I'd brought with me. Julia flashed me a smile when she saw me and asked, “Hey, Brianna, you want to come with?”
“Come with, where?” I asked. I felt awkward as all hell, standing there with my plastic takeout container.
“Me and the girls are going to Applebee's. You should come.”
I glanced down at my macaroni, then decided that I was sick of takeout. Especially leftover takeout. Hot food, cooked by anyone who wasn't me, sounded like a great idea. Particularly if it would be something freshly cooked. I was pretty sure the takeout place I normally went to used frozen macaroni and just heated it up before serving it.
“Yeah, sounds great,” I said. “Just let me...go grab my purse.”
I hurried back to my cubicle, dropped the macaroni and cheese in the trash, and grabbed my purse. I caught up to Julia, Amy, and Katherine right before they walked out the door. We all took Julia's car down to the restaurant, which was right around the corner. We got a table and everyone ordered something that could be cooked quickly, since we didn't want to be late getting back to the office.
“So, Brianna,” Amy said as we waited for our food. “How are things going so far?”
“Not bad,” I said. “I mean, once you've formatted one medical research report, the rest are pretty much all the same, right?”
Julia laughed. “Yeah, it gets a bit repetitive after a while. But it could be worse.”
I snorted. “My last job was as a fast food cook, so trust me, I know plenty of ways it could be worse.”
We chatted about work for a while as we ate. I started to feel a bit more at ease. I'd worked with these women for a few weeks now, but I hadn't really gotten to know them much before today. Being separated by the bland gray walls of our cubicles didn't help with getting to know each other.
“You should come out with us after work one night,” Katherine said. “There's just one rule. No boyfriends or husbands allowed.
And there it was. I kept my eyes on my food, my stomach twisting in knots. Everyone always made their heteronormative assumptions. It was always boyfriends or husbands. No one even stopped to think that I might have a girlfriend instead.
“Do you have a boyfriend?” Julia asked.
I cleared my throat and looked up at her. “Umm, no. Definitely no boyfriend.”
I tried to figure out if this was a good time to mention that I didn't even swing that way. But the conversation moved on before I got the chance.t
“Well, good,” Amy said. “I mean, not good that you haven't found someone. But I mean, you can come out and have a good time with us girls.”
I doubted she realized that my idea of a “good time” with girls was very different from hers.
Julia gave me a look out of the corner of her eye. I watched her carefully, wondering what she was thinking. She smiled and patted me on my knee, then returned to her meal.
The rest of the day went pretty much like normal. We finished lunch and headed back to work. At the end of the day, as I was wrapping up my work, I overheard Amy and Julia talking in the next cubicle over. I didn't mean to listen in, but Amy's cubicle was right next to mine, and it was hard not to hear.
“He's ditching the kids again?” Amy asked.
“Yup,” Julia said with a sigh. “Second time this month. They're going to be crushed.”
“I will never understand men,” Amy said.
Amen to that, I thought.
“I mean,” Amy continued, “what is wrong with him? He doesn't want to spend time with his own kids? One of these days, he's going to look back on all the things he missed, and he's going to regret it.”
My eyes got a bit misty as I listened in on the conversation. I thought about my own dad. He'd never just up and ditched me, the way Julia's ex-husband apparently did. But ever since he died, I'd felt the void in my life. I knew what it was like to have a dad that wasn't there. It tore me up inside so much. I missed his smile. His laugh. The way he was a shameless flirt. He'd even been flirting with the nurses at the hospital, right up to the end.
I couldn't imagine what it would be like to have a dad who was still alive, but knowing that he just didn't want to see you. I felt so bad for Julia's kids.
“Well, I'll have to find a way to make it up to them,” Julia said. “Maybe I can take them out somewhere. They'll still m
iss their dad, but I can try to make the weekend fun for them, at least.”
“You should do that,” Amy said. “And just forget about Jimmy. He's not worth your time.”
Julia laughed and said, “Sometimes I think I should give up on men all together.”
My ears perked up at that. I knew it was wrong of me, but I couldn't help the thoughts that came into my head. Maybe it was just because I was so lonely after losing my dad. Maybe it was because Julia was so damn hot. But I couldn't stop thinking about whether she really meant she was thinking of changing teams, or if it had just been an expression.
I'd try not to get my hopes up, but the idea certainly had a certain appeal.
* * *
The weeks passed by and I finished up my last summer class. It was nearing the end of summer when Sandra called me into her office. My internship was almost over, so one way or the other, I was going to have to face a major change. I just hoped that Sandra was calling me in for good news.
“Hey, Brianna, have a seat.” She smiled at me and gestured to the chair in front of her desk. I sat down and waited, trying not to be nervous. “You've been doing really good work here. Everyone's been really impressed.”
“Thanks,” I said. “I've really been enjoying myself. This has been a great opportunity.”
“Have you thought about what you're going to do next?” She looked at me appraisingly. “Because if you're interested, we have an opening...”
“Yeah?” I grinned, practically bouncing in my seat. “So, does that mean...?”
“If you want the job, it's yours.”
I clapped my hands and let out an excited hoot. It was just what I'd been hoping for.
We went over the details and Sandra gave me a contract to sign. Then she led me out to announce the news to the rest of the staff. They all told me how happy they were for me. I really felt like I'd found a home here with them.
That night, Julia and the girls took me out for drinks after work, to celebrate. We went to a bar not far from the office and got a table. I was the only one who got carded, being the baby of the group. The others refused to let me pay for any drinks, since it was “my night.”
We started with a round of shots. Julia raised her glass and smiled at me. “To Brianna, welcome aboard!”
We knocked back our drinks, having a great time. The four of us chatted and laughed, while Julia, Amy, and Katherine shared stories about their early days just out of college. All three of them had married young, though Julia was the only one who was divorced. I evaded any questions about my love life and whether I was planning on getting married one day. I still hadn't quite found the right time to tell my new friends that I was a lesbian.
A bit later in the night, Amy and Katherine went to the bathroom to freshen up. Julia and I sat nursing our drinks. I was feeling a bit buzzed. I'd had a few more shots than I normally would have, and I was certainly feeling them.
A cute blonde waitress came over to clear away our empty glasses. When she leaned over the table, I got an excellent view down the front of her shirt. I was so buzzed that I didn't have the sense to show any subtlety, so I simply stared, an admiring look on my face.
When the waitress left and I looked over at Julia, I saw a knowing smile on her lips.
“What?” I asked. I lowered my eyes, my face heating up.
“Nothing,” she said. I glanced up at her and she shrugged. “It's nothing, really. It's not my business to pry.”
I took a deep breath and let it out. I figured now was as good a time as any. “You probably already figured this out,” I said. “But in case you didn't...I'm gay.”
She smiled and reached over to pat my hand. “I'm glad you trust me enough to tell me.”
I shrugged and took another sip of my drink. “It's not like I keep it a secret or anything. I'm out. I just...” I sighed. “Sometimes it's not an easy thing to slip into conversations.”
“I know what you mean,” she said. “Well, sort of.”
I peered at her, wondering what she meant by that, but I didn't get the chance to ask. Amy and Katherine came back and we ordered another round of drinks. We all chatted a little longer, until Amy got a text message from her husband.
“Ooh,” she said, frowning at her phone. “I should really get going. The dog and the baby both just had accidents, and Will needs some backup.”
“Good luck with that,” I said, making a disgusted face. “Yuck.”
“I should get going, too,” Katherine said. “My husband gets ornery when I stay out too late having fun without him.”
We wished the girls a good night. They left some cash on the table and Julia worked on sorting out how much of a tip to give. I watched her with a dumb little smile on my face. She was so damn cute. I felt like I could just kiss her right then.
She looked up at me, caught my look, and smiled. “Brianna, my dear, you've had too much to drink.”
“I'm fine.” I waved a dismissive hand and leaned forward, propping my chin on my palm.
Julia snickered. “You're not driving.”
I frowned at her, but then I realized the room was starting to spin, just a little bit. “That might be a good idea,” I said.
“Come on,” Julia said. She took my arm and helped me out of my chair. “I'll drive you home.”
She led me out to her car. I watched her as she helped me into the passenger seat, then circled around and got into the driver's side. She smiled at me and it made me feel warm.
I reached over and put a hand on her leg. “God,” I said, moaning in irritation. “It's too damn bad that you're straight.”
“Oh?” She held still, watching me.
“Yeah. I mean, look at you. God.” I looked her up and down, having no shame in my drunken state. “If you liked girls, I'd be all over you. I mean, that ass...” I pursed my lips, wishing for things that couldn't be.
Julia's face turned red. She laid her hands on mine. “Well,” she said. “It's not like I've never done anything with a girl.”
My heart started to race. I looked her in the eye. “You...you have?”
She looked away, her blush deepening. “I experimented a bit in college. I wasn't sure what I wanted. I told people I was bi for a while. I guess after being married for so many years, I kind of stopped thinking of myself that way. I haven't been with a woman in more than ten years.”
I leaned over, my hand sliding between her thighs. I couldn't believe how forward I was being. I was never like this. Not when I was sober, anyway.
“There's no time like the present,” I whispered.
She turned to face me, and before she could say anything I leaned up and pressed my lips against hers. She gasped and pulled back, looking into my eyes. I bit my lower lip, wondering if I'd just made a mistake.
But a moment later she leaned in, letting her lips brush against mine. I reached up and caressed her cheek as our lips came together. My tongue brushed ever so lightly against her lips, and it made her moan.
She pulled back and looked away, blushing. “I...I don't know about this,” she said. “I haven't even been on a date since the divorce. Jimmy really left me pretty messed up.
“Shh,” I said, shifting across the seat to move closer to her. “I know. I've never been married or anything, but I know what it's like to lose the man in your life. I lost my dad a few months ago...”
“Oh, Brianna.” She looked at me and reached up to touch my face. Her soft hands sent shivers through me.
We came together again, tasting each other. I reached up and fondled her breasts through her silken red blouse. They were large and firm, much bigger than mine. I undid a couple of buttons so I could slip my hand into her blouse and feel her skin. Her nipples got hard as I teased them. Her breath came in sharp gasps and she tensed up beneath my touch.
I reached down lower and slipped my hand up her skirt. She squealed and shouted, “Brianna! Not in the parking lot!”
I ignored he
r protests and kept working my fingers until she moaned and spread her legs. I kissed her neck and nibbled at her skin. She was so soft, so warm, that I couldn't control myself.
She kept her lips pressed together as my fingers worked their magic between her legs. She clutched at the door handle, her knuckles turning white. I nibbled on her ear and whispered to her, promising her all the things I wanted to do to her, all the sensations I wanted her to experience. Her head was thrown back and her entire body tensed up. She closed her eyes tight as she savored the sensations. I grinned and whispered in her ear, “Let me remind you what a woman's touch feels like.”
Her legs clamped down around my hand. She grabbed my arm and held onto it for dear life. I laughed and kissed her neck, her face, her lips. She held onto me as her body relaxed. Finally she let out a wistful sigh and opened her eyes, gazing at me with deep satisfaction.
I heard some giggles from outside the car and looked out to see a couple of college-age girls walking by, pointing at us. “Well,” I whispered to Julia. “At least we gave someone a good show.”
She turned bright red and turned to stare at the girls as they walked by. She covered her face with her hands. “Oh God!”
I laughed and held her close, leaning my head against her shoulder. “I would have thought you'd have said that two minutes ago.”
She laughed and took my hand, holding it in hers. “That...that was unexpected.”
I nuzzled against her, drowsy. “I've been wanting to do that since the first day I met you.”
“Really?”
I nodded.
“God, I...” She sighed and shook her head. “This is crazy. I didn't think I'd ever get involved with a girl again.”
“Mmm.” I closed my eyes, nestled against her warm, soft body. After that I must have drifted off, because the next thing I knew, we were at my house. Julia helped me out of the car and walked me to the door. We stood there for a few minutes, making out. I wondered what my mom would think if she looked out the window and saw us. She knew I was a lesbian, but I had never dated someone more than a decade older than me. Not that Julia's age made any difference. It didn't make her any less beautiful.
