Stand by Your Man

by Gil McNeil

  ‘No, not really. We talked about my work though. I like him – it was a nice evening.’

  ‘Like. You don’t want to like him. You want to shag him senseless. Have a bit of fun. I’m not watching sodding Peter Pan and being a horse for bloody hours so you can just like somebody.’

  ‘Don’t you like Stella then?’

  ‘Oh yes, of course I do, I adore her, but what I really like about her, well, one of the main things, well, I can’t say it, it’s no good, you just can’t have this kind of conversation with women. They go all huffy.’

  ‘You’ve gone red.’

  ‘Shut up.’

  ‘You have. Bright red. I bet it was something to do with her chest.’

  ‘Stop it, or I’ll have to give you a Chinese burn.’

  He used to give me Chinese burns all the time when we were little. Sometimes he’d wake me up in the morning by sneaking into my room and giving me a Chinese burn.

  ‘Look, it was nice, and we might even get to the bit where we do more kissing. Especially if nobody’s looking out the window. That do you?’

  ‘Yes, I suppose so.’

  ‘Thank god for that.’

  Harry rings up the next morning, which Jim says is a sure sign of being a stalker, and everyone knows you don’t ring up the next day. We arrange to meet up next Saturday when he’ll come round and help me make a start on the garden.

  Jim and Stella leave after lunch, and Alfie and I walk up to see how the new garden’s getting on. Charles is busy weeding.

  ‘It’s so easy weeding veg – they’re all in straight lines so you can easily spot what’s a weed and what’s a courgette.’

  ‘That’s handy.’

  ‘I must say I’m really enjoying this gardening lark. I come out here for a bit of peace sometimes, and it’s just marvellous. I find myself quite looking forward to gardening programmes – it’s quite worrying. I even came out in the rain last week.’

  He’s smiling, and he does look much more relaxed than he usually does.

  ‘I know. There’s something very calming about it, isn’t there?’

  ‘Yes. And it makes you feel connected to things, like you’re more part of it all, somehow.’

  ‘Do you think we’ll end up completely barmy, obsessing about seed catalogues?’

  ‘Probably. Personally I can’t wait.’

  ‘I’m making a start on my garden next weekend – I just can’t bear it in such a mess any more – so I must have got the bug. Oh, and that reminds me – would you mind if I borrowed your wheelbarrow next Saturday, only I haven’t got one and it seems daft to buy one until I know what I’m really going to need.’

  ‘Sure, no problem, I’ll bring it round if you like, and give you a hand for a couple of hours. Let me know if you need anything else.’

  Molly rings up to say she’s got her deputy-head job. They told her today, and they want her to start when she’s back from maternity leave, so it’s all worked out really well.

  ‘They said they really liked my ideas about inclusion programmes.’

  ‘Oh that’s great, well done. I knew you’d do it.’

  ‘Thanks. I really didn’t think I would. Some of the other people who came for interview were terrifying. One woman brought her laptop and looked like she could run a multinational. Oh it’s so great, and it’ll mean more money, and obviously the job will be huge and I know I’ll feel like I can’t cope, but it’s what I want, it really is. I really think I can make a difference.’

  ‘I’m so pleased. I bet Dan is too.’

  ‘Yes. Kind of. No, that’s not fair. He was really pleased but then he sort of got over it quite quickly. One minute he was all “That’s brilliant” and the next he was asking what was for tea. I think he’s just too tired to get really enthusiastic about anything at the moment. He’s working so hard and he’s out until late, so when he does get home he’s just exhausted.’

  I can tell she’s trying really hard not to mind that he didn’t go overboard about her getting the job.

  ‘But I think everything’s finally turning the corner and it’s going to be great. And Lola’s invited us to your garden party on Saturday, so I’ll get to meet Harry.’

  ‘Bloody hell, what garden party?’

  ‘Lola said you’re having a party to sort out your garden. Don’t you want us then?’

  ‘Oh sorry, Moll, of course I do. But I’ve only just met him and I’d sort of like to keep it low-key. And it wasn’t meant to be a party or anything. I only mentioned it to Charles because I wanted to borrow his wheelbarrow.’

  ‘Not according to Lola. She says we’ve all got to bring stuff. I thought it was a nice idea. I mean I know she’s a terrible snob and bossy and everything, but I thought it was quite sweet of her.’

  ‘Well, yes, it is, of course it is. I just wish she’d asked.’

  ‘Oh sod it – maybe she meant it to be a surprise, and I’ve gone and ruined it. Sod it.’

  ‘Don’t be daft – I’m really glad you did. At least I won’t get such a shock on Saturday. I wonder if I should warn Harry?’

  ‘He’ll just think you’ve got loads of friends. Which you have, so it’ll be fine.’

  Of course it’s raining first thing on Saturday morning, but it soon stops and even though everything’s a bit wet I don’t suppose it will really matter. Charles arrives early with the wheelbarrow and Molly prunes the bushes in the front garden with the special lethal-looking loppers that Charles has brought with him.

  When Harry arrives he doesn’t seem at all put out to find the garden full of people he’s never met: Frank’s turned up with Mr Channing and they’ve brought a few tomato plants and a big pot of chives. I feel almost tearful when I come out of the kitchen with coffees for everyone and see them all beavering away.

  And then Elsie turns up with Mrs Pomeroy.

  ‘I heard you were sorting out your garden, so I brought you this. I’ve got it in my front and it smells lovely. It’s winter jasmine so I’ve took some cuttings. Lovely colour.’

  ‘Oh thank you, Elsie, that’s really kind.’

  Mrs Pomeroy hands me a polystyrene tray of plants.

  ‘Yes, and I’ve brought you some marigolds. Now what would you like me to do? I can spare you an hour, but then I must get back. I’m doing the church flowers tomorrow and I need to pop in and see what’s what. Miss Garnett has a terrible habit of taking the vases home and forgetting to return them.’

  Elsie tuts.

  ‘I hope you’re not going in for them twig things – they look ridiculous, if you ask me. Nice bunch of flowers, that’s what you need in church. Not silver twigs and a few berries.’

  ‘That was a winter arrangement, Mrs Thomas, and it won Highly Commended. The judge said it was a very creative use of winter foliage.’

  ‘Load of old twigs. Miss Garnett always does something lovely. She did lovely flowers for my June’s wedding, really lovely.’

  Elsie settles down in a chair and gives handy hints to anyone passing, and makes a great fuss of Charles as always. She seems to take a bit of a shine to Harry too. She tells him all about the old remedies her mother taught her, and recommends nettle tea.

  ‘And if you’re feeling nervy camomile’s a good tonic, and comfrey’s good for healing. My mum used to swear by it. I prefer a bit of Savlon myself – all that boiling up leaves gets on my wick. But you can’t beat dandelion if you need flushing out.’

  Harry smiles.

  ‘I’ll try to remember that.’

  The front garden’s starting to look much better and you can actually see some plants now. Molly has planted the marigolds in two old pots she found in the garage, and they’re now standing on either side of the front door, and Frank and Charles have shaped the lawn in the back into more of an oval, and have filled in all the rabbit holes. They’re weeding the flowerbeds while Mr Channing digs a new bed for vegetables and herbs just in front of the terrace by the back door.

  Frank and Mr Channing leave just before
lunch, but offer to come back any time if I need a hand, which is really sweet of them, and Mrs Pomeroy heads off to do her flowers with Elsie.

  Lola arrives with one of Mrs Bishop’s walnut cakes, so we sit outside eating sandwiches and cake, and I can’t really believe the transformation. It’s been such a lovely morning, apart from being hyper-conscious of Harry all the time, but in a way having so many people around has made it more relaxing. Molly says she thinks he’s lovely, and he keeps looking at me when he thinks I can’t see.

  ‘Now everybody, time for the surprise.’

  Oh God, what’s Lola up to now? I just hope it doesn’t involve more bloody digging because I’m knackered.

  Charles gets up and disappears round to the front of the house with his wheelbarrow, and then comes back with it full of plants.

  ‘These are from us and Molly, just a few things we thought you might like.’

  Charles starts unloading the plants. There’s a rose bush, and some poppies, and all sorts of things I vaguely recognise but don’t know the names of.

  ‘Oh thank you. Really. Thank you so much, they’re all fantastic.’

  I actually really do feel close to tears now, which is embarrassing, but I manage to pull myself together. Molly says she’ll take Alfie and Lily home to play because they’re starting to get bored and we’ve still got loads of planting to do, and Lola says she’d better be off too.

  ‘I should go and rescue Kimberley really – she wants to go shopping. I know, why don’t you all come to supper? Just us, and Marissa and her husband, around eight? Bring Alfie – Kimberley will be around. Oh and you too, Molly, and Dan, the more the merrier, and Mabel adores Lily. Nothing formal, just come as you are. Harry, are you free for supper?’

  ‘Oh well, yes, that would be lovely.’

  Before we know where we are Lola’s organised a supper party, and Molly says she’ll give Alfie some tea and then bring him to Lola’s later with Lily. I’m not really sure I’m up for an evening out. I mean apart from being knackered I’m filthy, but there’s no stopping Lola when she has one of her good ideas, and she’s been so kind I can’t really say no.

  We spend ages working out where to plant things. It really looks like a proper garden now although it’s getting quite cold by the time we finish. Charles says he’d better go and help with supper, and I give him a hug to say thank you and he goes pink, and then Harry makes more tea and we sit out and admire the new plants. I can’t quite believe it’s the same place as this morning. It’s amazing.

  Actually, I’m feeling a bit nervous now everybody’s gone and it’s just me and Harry. There are awkward silences, and I’m suddenly aware that my jeans have got very muddy, and my hands are filthy.

  Harry’s obviously thinking along the same lines.

  ‘Would you mind awfully if I had a bath, only it’s a bit too far to get home and back, and I can’t go to supper looking like this, can I?’

  ‘No, of course not. The water’s on – put the hot in first, though. It runs out quite quickly, and suddenly it’ll go freezing.’

  ‘Will you want one?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘A bath.’

  I hope he’s not going to offer to share, because I don’t think I’m quite ready for that. In fact I don’t think I ever will be, because apart from anything else our bath’s not really that big. In films the baths are always huge. I’d like to see Richard Gere and Julia Roberts try to fit into my old bath and still look gorgeous: one of them would be bound to get cramp.

  ‘Um, yes, I suppose so.’

  ‘Righty ho, well, I won’t be long.’

  ‘There are clean towels in the airing cupboard, next to the bathroom.’

  He goes off upstairs whistling.

  I’d quite like to go up too and start trying to work out what to wear, but I can’t quite cope with the idea of being upstairs when he’s in the bath, so I wander round the garden for a bit and then decide to light the fire so the house won’t be freezing when we come home. Alfie will be exhausted, and getting him into pyjamas isn’t easy at the best of times.

  I’m just lighting the kindling when Harry comes back downstairs, with his hair all damp from the bath. Somehow the sight of his bare feet really gets to me.

  ‘Fabulous bath toys. I might have to borrow that submarine, but it doesn’t really dive terribly well.’

  ‘It used to, but Alfie bent the tube.’

  ‘I noticed. The frog’s good too.’

  ‘Glad you approve. I suppose I’d better go up and get ready too. Do you want a coffee or anything? I think there’s some wine in the fridge. Put the telly on, if you like. I won’t be long.

  ‘The water won’t be hot again yet, will it? Have a drink with me first.’

  Oh god. Oh god. We have a drink, a small glass of wine each because there isn’t as much left in the bottle as I thought, and then we sit chatting on the sofa and he leans over and kisses me and says he’s had a lovely day, and he’s been wanting to do this since practically the moment he arrived, and he hopes I don’t mind but he might have to do it again. And he does. And then it all gets a bit tricky. Nice tricky, but tricky. We’re due at Lola and Charles’s for supper in about half an hour and actually this kissing business is rather nice and I’m not entirely sure I want to get myself off the sofa and upstairs to get changed.

  Eventually I manage to surface and he gives me a very smouldering look and says he’ll wait down here but I’d better hurry up. I go upstairs and have a mini crisis about what to wear. I wish I had something casual but gorgeous. But I don’t, so I find some clean jeans and a clean shirt, and put on the earrings that Molly bought me for Christmas, and squirt on some perfume. I go back downstairs feeling slightly shaky.

  ‘We should go really. Sorry I was so long.’

  ‘Righty-ho, I’ll just find my shoes.’

  ‘Do you say righty-ho a lot?’

  ‘Yes, I suppose I do. Why, is it a problem?’

  ‘No, of course not, sorry. It’s a bit Just William, that’s all, in a nice way though.’

  ‘Well, I am a bit Just William. Except I don’t hate girls. Well, not all girls anyway.’

  Blimey, he’s at it again. Twinkling away, and holding my jacket for me while I try to find my door keys. Maybe we could just stay here and forget about supper. But I’ve got to collect Alfie, and anyway I’m starving.

  We’re the last to arrive, but we’re not exactly late so nobody seems to mind. Alfie leaps on me the minute I walk through the door and begins telling me all about his lovely tea, and Eddie, and how much bigger he is today and how he can peck you on the hand now, and then he spots Harry.

  ‘Where’s Basil?’

  I think he’s hoping Harry will have gone home to fetch the dog. He gave him strict instructions to do so earlier, before he left with Lily and Molly.

  ‘At home. He doesn’t really like parties.’

  ‘Are you sure? He might. You could go and get him. And if he didn’t like it he could come upstairs with me and watch cartoons.’

  Harry laughs and says dogs don’t really watch a lot of cartoons, and then Lola introduces us to Campbell and Marissa, who are friends of hers from London.

  Marissa’s wearing the most extraordinary see-through dress in a sort of navy wispy material, with a tiny slip underneath, and very high-heeled sandals, and I’m not at all surprised when Lola says she used to work for Vogue. I just hope nobody offers to show her round the new garden in those heels or she’ll get stuck in the gravel and have to be lifted out. Lola doesn’t say what Campbell does, but he looks very grumpy. He barely nods when we’re introduced, and seems to think he’s very special. Molly looks tired and Dan’s nowhere to be seen.

  ‘Where’s Dan? Checking out his handiwork in the garden?’

  ‘No, he’s on some emergency job with John, some sort of burst pipe, I think, and the ceiling’s come down, so he can’t make it.’

  ‘Oh Molly, you should have rung. I could have picked Alfie up ages ago.�
��

  ‘Don’t be silly, he was fine. They watched telly and played with the chickens. It was better than having Lily by herself, actually. She loves having Alfie around – it’s less boring.’

  ‘Where is she?’

  ‘Upstairs.’

  ‘I’ll come up with you and see if she’s all right, if you like.’

  I give her what I hope is a meaningful look, and even though she seems rather puzzled she gets up and follows me upstairs.

  ‘What’s up?’

  ‘Oh not much, only that things are hotting up with Harry, and it’s all a bit scary.’

  ‘Well, he seems nice to me. Just give him a go and see how you feel.’

  ‘Give him a go? He’s not a new brand of shampoo, you know. It could get really complicated.’

  ‘Yes, but complicated is fun.’

  ‘True.’

  ‘So you might as well relax and enjoy yourself. Look, we’d better go back down, but you’ll be fine, I’m sure you will, and if you change your mind just let me know and I’ll come back with you, with Lily. That’ll slow him down.’

  We check on Lily, who’s playing Barbies with Mabel, and then we go back downstairs.

  Harry is talking to Campbell.

  ‘So do you and Marissa have children then?’

  ‘Oh no, god forbid. I find children terribly boring. So attention-seeking. I mean I’m sure it doesn’t feel that way if they’re yours, but I’ve never seen the point, myself.’

  Lola laughs.

  ‘Campbell, honestly.’

  Oh lovely. What a nice man. I just hope Alfie leaves him alone, because he tends to be strangely drawn to people who aren’t keen on children, a bit like the way cats always make a beeline for anyone who’s allergic. Oh, here we go. He’s gone straight over to Campbell.

  ‘I’ve got a chicken.’

  ‘I beg your pardon?’

  ‘I’ve got a chicken. He’s called Eddie. He can jump, and he pecks your hand.’

  ‘How marvellous.’

  It’s a good job sarcasm is completely wasted on Alfie.

  ‘Have you got a dog?’

  Campbell looks extremely annoyed at being asked so many questions, but Alfie doesn’t seem to have noticed. And to be truthful even if he had he’d probably ignore it.