The Surgeon's Favorite Nurse

by Teresa Southwick

  The revelation explained a lot, but he wasn’t sure how much it helped. He could repair bodies, but souls were not in his job description.

  Especially when the lady in question didn’t want to be repaired.

  “So, can we talk about Jake?”

  Hope had barely walked into her sisters’ room at Red Rock Resort before her youngest sister, Charity, asked the question. There was no easy way to avoid a discussion because she’d planned to spend the night here. If she left in a huff, they’d tattle to her mother, which would cause her parents to worry. It couldn’t hurt to try evasive tactics.

  There were two queen-size beds pushed up against a wall painted a bold shade of brick. The remaining paint was a soothing shade of pale yellow. In the bathroom, tile covered the floors and the shower had a glass door. All the handles and faucets were gold. If she commented on the accommodations, that might deflect Charity’s question about her and Jake.

  “Nice room,” Hope said, sitting on the rust-colored chair before settling her feet on the matching ottoman.

  “Beautiful,” Faith commented, sitting on the bed across from her.

  “Comfy,” Charity added, sitting next to Faith.

  They both stared at Hope.

  Evasive tactics hadn’t ever worked especially well with her sisters. They never let her get away with it. Plan B: Bluff. Maybe she’d lived in this gambling town long enough to pull it off.

  “So what did you think of Jake?” She plastered a smile on her face. “Hottie? Right?”

  Charity shifted into a cross-legged position on the bed. “He reminds me of that actor on the TV medical show. The character who needed a new heart and died.”

  “You actually watch that?” Faith asked.

  “Yeah. You don’t?”

  “Too much like being at work. What about you, Hope?”

  “I don’t have much time for anything but work. All my attention is focused on getting the hospital open on time.” All the attention not used up by thinking about Jake, that is.

  “It’s time to move on, Hope.” Faith wasn’t talking about the job now.

  “You’ve grieved long enough,” Charity said, suddenly serious. It was as if they’d planned a coordinated attack.

  “How do you know it’s been long enough?” she demanded. “Have either of you ever lost the love of your life? Are you experts on the dos and don’ts of it all? Maybe Emily Post has a chapter in an etiquette book about just the right way to handle the loss of a spouse so that you don’t offend your family.”

  “I wouldn’t know about that,” Faith said quietly. “But I’ve heard it said that you always hurt the ones you love, the ones you shouldn’t hurt at all.”

  “We’re only trying to help,” her little sister added.

  “I know.” Hope felt like sludge—slimy, black and disgusting. “I’m sorry. If it weren’t for you guys, Mom and Dad, I wouldn’t have made it this far. It’s just—”

  “Two years is a long time and—”

  “And nothing,” Hope said before Faith could finish. “For the record, I’m not grieving anymore. I’ve made it through all the steps and reached acceptance.”

  “So what you’re trying to say is that you and Jake are hooking up?” Charity asked.

  Hope shook her head. “I’m trying to tell you that I’m past the grief. But there is no me and Jake. Or anyone else for that matter. It’s the only way I know to keep from hurting like that. I don’t want to ever experience that dark pit of despair again.”

  The silence dragged on as she studied her sisters, hoping the message to stand down had gotten through. They stared back until Faith slanted their younger sister a look.

  Charity nodded, then stretched and yawned. It wasn’t a great performance. “I’m tired.”

  “You shower first,” Faith directed.

  “Roger. We have a plane to catch tomorrow.” Charity slid off the bed and stood. “Speaking of tomorrow, there’s still time to swing by the Michael Kors store. I bet that evening bag is still there.”

  “You’re probably right,” Hope said. “No one can afford it.”

  “No, really, we can, if we all chip in. I can work out a custody agreement satisfactory to everyone. Trust me.”

  Hope laughed. “Never trust anyone who says ‘Trust me.’”

  “I thought you were exhausted,” Faith reminded her, nodding toward the bathroom.

  “Yeah. Right.” Charity moved around the bed. “Lusting after something I’ll never have is a giant energy suck.”

  When the door closed Faith said, “I’m sure you can relate to what she just said. And I don’t mean pricey purses.”

  “You drew the short straw,” Hope guessed. “The one who has to talk some sense into me.”

  Faith shrugged. “So tell me about Jake.”

  This would be best handled by pretending he was just a friend and that they hadn’t had sex. “Jake had a difficult childhood. His dad walked out on the family and he and his mom ended up on the streets.”

  “Oh, my.”

  “Yeah.” Hope warmed to her subject. “In spite of that, he got an education. Went to college and med school. He’s a gifted surgeon and works a couple weekends a month at a free clinic. And he bought a house for his mother.”

  “Have you met her?” Faith asked.

  “Yes. Very nice woman who is understandably proud of her son.”

  “Now tell me about Jake and you.”

  “There is no Jake and me.”

  Faith nodded as if she’d expected that answer. “That’s because you’re building barriers as fast as you can.”

  “What does that mean?” Hope removed her feet from the ottoman and slid forward in the chair.

  “You like him. He likes you.” Faith put up a hand to shush the protest. “Don’t waste breath. I could see it every time you looked at each other. The electricity coming off you two could light the Vegas Strip for a month.”

  No way, Hope thought. She’d been careful to hide her emotions. “Your imagination is working overtime.”

  Faith’s eyes narrowed. “You slept with him.”

  Hope’s heart felt like it stopped for two beats, then speeded up double time. “Where in the world did you get that idea?”

  “I was fishing, but you just confirmed it. The best defense is a robust offense. You went to bed with him and now you feel guilty.”

  The bad news was her sister could see through her. It was also the good news even though right this minute she wasn’t sure why that was so. “I will neither confirm nor deny that you’re right.”

  “It doesn’t matter whether I’m right. The fact is that you’re attracted to him. And that’s a wonderful thing. It’s a sign that you’re moving forward.”

  “Wrong,” Hope said. “This job is temporary. I’m not staying in Las Vegas and Jake’s practice is here. His mother is here. Staying put is a deal breaker for me. There’s nothing now nor will there ever be anything between Jake and me.”

  “But there could be. And the job could be permanent if you said the word.”

  “That’s true. But this is my life, not a romance novel. There are no happy endings for me and I won’t take a permanent position.”

  Faith’s eyes brimmed with sadness. “Hope, honey, I understand why you’re protecting yourself. I do. This is me. I held you when you cried after Kevin died. The thing is, if you keep on like this you’ll miss the pain, but you’ll also miss out on the passion.”

  She’d had passion and pain. If those were her choices, she’d prefer to continue in this holding pattern that was neither.

  “I’m okay with that,” Hope said.

  “Kevin wouldn’t be okay with it. He was all about living and loving.”

  The words pierced her protective shell and lodged in her heart. He had been all that, Hope remembered sadly and glared at her sister. “That was low.”

  “I’m okay with that,” Faith echoed. “Whatever it takes to get through. You should know better than anyone about th
is precarious, unexpected fragile thing we call life. Stuff happens. You need to grab every possible moment of happiness and hang on with both hands.”

  “Tell me how to stop loving Kevin so I can let someone else into my heart.”

  “Oh, sweetie, you don’t have to stop. You’ll always love Kevin. No one expects that to go away. But it doesn’t mean that you can’t fall in love again. There’s no reason you can’t find another man to build a life with.”

  “What if my definition of a happy life is to not be hurt again?”

  “No one can guarantee that.”

  “And that’s my point.”

  “Oh, Hope—” Faith’s shoulders slumped and there was surrender in her expression. “I had to try and talk some sense into you.”

  “I love you, too.” Hope stood and hugged her sister. “And I appreciate it. Good try. But I’ve got to navigate this situation the best way for me.”

  Faith nodded. “But do me a favor. When Charity comes out of the bathroom, just tell her you’ve seen the light and I saved you.”

  Hope arched one eyebrow. “So you guys did have a plan.”

  “Yeah. Me first. She was reinforcements.”

  “I have the world’s best sisters.”

  “And don’t you ever forget that,” Faith said with a grin.

  As if, Hope thought. The family she’d been born into was all she needed. At least it had been until she’d met Jake.

  Part of her wanted him to know the whole story of the night Kevin died. The other part was against that because he would hate her as much as she hated herself.

  Chapter Twelve

  After four days of dealing with the final county, state and federal building inspections, Jake walked into Hope’s office, eager to share the good news.

  He stood in the open doorway and indulged himself in just looking at her before she noticed him, before she put the emotional walls up. The way she worried her full bottom lip made his chest ache with yearning. She toyed with a lock of hair and it made him want to bury his fingers in the thick, silky strands. Her tired sigh made him want to hold her. And that was the hell of it.

  He needed to get her in his arms or out of his system because living in limbo wasn’t working for him.

  She glanced up from the computer monitor, saw him and did a double take, and then seemed to withdraw. “Jake. Hi.”

  “You looked deep in thought about something.”

  “Just cleaning up e-mail. How long have you been standing there?”

  Too long. Not long enough. He couldn’t decide. There was no answer to the question of how long it would take to look his fill. “Just a few seconds.”

  “Please don’t tell me that yet another agency is here to inspect something.”

  “Why would you assume that? Just because we’ve been under the microscope for the city, county, state and federal governments?”

  She glared at him. “If you’re here to check out the interior of my desk, I should warn you that it might look like I impulsively dumped everything in there so the rest of the office would appear tidy, but I have a system and know where everything is.”

  He laughed and suddenly it was clear why this was his first stop after a long week. Looking at her didn’t make him want to run screaming from the room. In fact, she was a beautiful woman. But it was her sharp wit and sense of humor that made all the tension go away. There was nowhere else he’d rather be and no one else he’d rather be with. Her office was tidier than the first time they’d met, but there was nothing neat about his feelings.

  He walked farther into the room and leaned a hip on the corner of her orderly desk. “The inspection is what I’m here to talk about.”

  “It’s the Nevada Department of Health, isn’t it? What’s wrong?” She looked grim, trying to interpret good news or bad from his expression. “The environment of care stinks? Procedure manuals don’t meet the standard? Staff licenses and certifications are not up-to-date? Smoke detectors don’t work? The computer system has been taken over by aliens?”

  He folded his arms over his chest. “Why are you going to the bad place?”

  “It’s easier to go there first because one doesn’t have to brace for good news.”

  If anyone knew that it was her. Faith had told him about the sudden and violent loss of Hope’s husband. The man had just been doing his job. It was impossible to imagine getting that kind of news, the kind that would forever change a person. Jake had been teasing her, but now he felt like the planet’s lowest and most insensitive life form.

  “It’s all good,” he said quickly. “We passed the final hurdle. Since we’re all about health care it seems appropriate to get the go-ahead from the Department of Health. Val Davis is flying up to Carson City to pick up the license at the state capital. Once she has it, Mercy Medical West is open for business.” He grinned down at her. “You’ve done a hell of a job, Nurse Carmichael.”

  “Thank you. That’s wonderful news.”

  Her radiant smile chased the shadows from her eyes and something twisted inside him. It was all about his need to keep the carefree expression on her face forever.

  “It’s the best possible outcome,” he said. “I’m doing the dance of joy.”

  She leaned back in her chair. “I would never have guessed.”

  “Like the chaos in your desk drawers, it doesn’t show. But I guarantee that inside I’m having a victory party.”

  “As well you should. You’re about to get everything you’ve worked for, Jake. Everything you want. You deserve this and should be proud. A celebration is in order, Doctor.”

  He stood, then leaned closer to her, putting his palms flat on the desk. “Have dinner with me. We’ll have an expensive bottle of champagne and celebrate together.”

  The vibration of his words hadn’t even died away before she was shaking her head. “Thanks, but I can’t.”

  “Why?”

  “I still have work.”

  “Join the club. But it will be there tomorrow. I guarantee the paperwork elves will not sneak in and do it for you. Now that we’re all but open, you can slow down the pace.” The adrenaline of a challenge pumped through him. This time he wouldn’t take no for an answer.

  “It’s been a brutal week and that’s not going to change when the hospital opens.”

  “All the more reason to kick up our heels now.”

  She looked surprised that he hadn’t backed down. “Well, you could round up some of the others whose blood, sweat and tears helped make this moment possible.”

  “No. This time I just want to take you to dinner. A quiet, romantic place with flowers on the tablecloths, candles and very expensive champagne. Somewhere the two of us can savor the satisfaction of goals met, obstacles overcome.”

  “I can’t do that, Jake.”

  “Why not?”

  When pain trickled into her eyes he wanted to back off, make it go away. But maybe the time had come to get it all out in the open. Sometimes the body needed invasive therapy to get rid of damaged or diseased tissue. Maybe intervention was good for the soul, too.

  “Are you afraid to be alone with me?” he asked.

  “Of course not. Why would I be?”

  “You tell me. We had dinner with my mom and went sightseeing with your sisters. All evidence points to the fact that you’ll hang out with me if there are chaperones, but not just the two of us. So I must have failed inspection. Somehow I’m deficient.”

  “It’s not you.” She shook her head. “There’s something wrong with me.”

  “That’s not true, Hope.”

  “I beg to differ.”

  “This is about losing your husband. Faith told me how he died. And I know what you said about not leading me on, but sooner or later you—”

  “I bet she didn’t tell you that it’s my fault Kevin is dead.” There was anger and recrimination in her voice.

  Startled, he straightened away from her. “It can’t be—”

  “Yeah, it can. I’m the reason
he was there that night.”

  He shook his head. “Your husband was doing his job. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

  “Because I encouraged him.” Her eyes were bleak. “Technically he was off the clock, but a call came in to the office. The cops needed a social worker to ride along when they removed a child from an abusive situation. Everyone else was tied up and he didn’t want a kid in danger any longer than necessary.”

  Jake didn’t think he could ever measure up to that kind of noble memory, but he couldn’t throw in the towel either. Not when she looked the way she did.

  “Okay. So he was on overtime. That doesn’t make you to blame for what happened.”

  “He called me because it was our first wedding anniversary. I had a special dinner planned. Flowers. Table linens. Candles. Romantic. We’d decided it was time to start trying for the baby we both wanted so badly.”

  He didn’t know what to say. If he was in surgery there’d be no question. Scalpel, suction, skill and sutures would repair the damage. Words were his only tool and the right ones deserted him.

  “The timing sucks,” he finally said. “But it was still his job.”

  “You don’t understand.” She stood and started pacing.

  “Explain it to me.”

  “All I had to say was let someone else go. If I had encouraged him to come home and celebrate our anniversary he would have. But that’s not what I did. I told him to go do his job. That he was the best one to be there for a scared child. Dinner would keep and I’d be waiting for him when he came home.”

  He never came home, Jake realized. Someone had called her with the bad news. “It’s not your fault, Hope. Taking the blame is all about trying to control an uncontrollable situation. It’s not possible—”

  “You think I don’t know that?” she said. “We’d been together since college. We made plans, worked and saved for a wedding. A house with enough bedrooms for two kids. We got married and planned so things would be perfect when the time was right to have a baby. And that night, in a split second, everything went horribly wrong. He said he’d come home if I said the word, but I didn’t say it.”