Calculated Collision

by C. A. Szarek

  “Doesn’t surprise me.”

  “She’s reckless.”

  Nate blew out a breath. “That doesn’t surprise me, either.”

  “She’s gotten worse in the last six months. Like she doesn’t have anything to live for.”

  Shock washed over him, and pain settled in his gut.

  My fault?

  Who’d been left with a broken heart? “Damn.”

  Agent Downs stared, his eyes boring into Nate. “You care for her.”

  “Yes.” He didn’t bother denying it.

  “Good.” The man gave a curt nod and turned back to the TV, saying nothing more.

  Nate smiled slowly as the approval of the FBI agent settled in. They didn’t speak, but it didn’t bother him.

  Downs channel-surfed for a while before finally settling on an all-sports network. A highlights show predicting who would win the Super Bowl flashed picks and the season’s best moments. The announcers had a healthy debate about their favourite teams.

  “She needs something to live for,” Lee’s partner broke the silence.

  Nate startled on the edge of the couch. What could he say to that? He’d give anything to be Lee’s reason to live.

  Her past was like a horror movie. And she’d kick his ass if she found out Nate had done his homework after she’d crushed him in Texas.

  How much did her partner know?

  Six years before, Lee had lost her husband and young son in a car accident. They’d been killed by a drunk driver. The man was rotting in jail.

  The deaths of Russell and Dylan Dawson were his third offence. Nate wanted to visit him just to beat the shit out of the bastard.

  She’d quickly turned to alcohol, jeopardising her job at the FBI when she’d received a DWI his own office had swept under the rug. The officer’s dash cam video Nate had open-records requested showed a Lee he didn’t know. Belligerent and angry, she’d flaunted her FBI status all the way to jail. Almost fought with the cop.

  He suspected the charge’s disappearance and her sudden transfer out of state were the only things that had kept her employed with the Bureau. Someone had gone to bat for her. He hadn’t figured out who. Perhaps his own boss, the District Attorney, but why?

  She’d been placed on probation, and the judge’s orders had included treatment, completing a twelve step programme. Did she still go to meetings?

  “Nothing to say?” Downs’ deep, gravelly voice made him jump again. When their eyes met, the FBI agent’s moustache twitched as if he was fighting a smile.

  “I suppose I can’t tell you it’s none of your business?”

  The man laughed. “It’s not. God knows, she’d threaten me at gunpoint if she knew I’d broached the subject.”

  “Right.” Nate grinned.

  “Well?”

  “Like you said, I care about her. You do, too, it seems.”

  Downs nodded. “You can’t be partners with someone for over a year and not feel something. She’s aloof, and I don’t know her as well as some of the guys I’ve worked with over the years, but I know she always has my back. So yeah, I care about her.”

  “I’m glad she has you at her back.”

  “One day she’s going to get me shot in the ass.”

  “Reckless.” The word rolled off Nate’s tongue like it had from her partner.

  The man appraised him. “I won’t pry. Just don’t give up on her, okay?”

  “I won’t.” I came here to get her back. But he wouldn’t tell her partner that.

  His answer seemed to satisfy the agent, and Downs turned his full attention back to football highlights.

  Nate felt awkward, fidgety. “What about you?”

  “Put in twenty with the Marines before I joined the FBI. Married, two girls, eight and ten.”

  “Semper Fi,” Nate whispered.

  Downs smirked. “You?”

  “Nah.” He shook his head. “My dad’s older brother. He was killed in Vietnam. Pop hit the police academy instead. I’m the only male in my family that didn’t do either.”

  “I won’t hold it against you.”

  Nate stared. Lee’s partner’s tone was even, no hint that he was joking.

  Then the man smiled. “I like you, Nate Crane, even if you are a lawyer. I hope my partner keeps you around.”

  Chapter Seven

  She was going out of her way to avoid him—eye contact, and most definitely touch. Even the barest brush from his hand made her jump away as though he was a leper.

  It was driving Nate crazy.

  Downs had left not long after Lee had returned to the apartment with her things. The big man had declined the offer to share dinner with them, and Nate had watched her deposit her things in the bedroom closest to the end of the hallway—also the front door—with an amused expression.

  She’d picked the room farthest away from the master suite where Nate would sleep.

  He was torn between hurt and laughter. Perhaps a little insult, too. Did she think he’d pounce on her? As much as he wanted to, his woman was armed.

  Nate sat across from her at the small table and willed Lee to look up at him as she ate the food she’d prepared. She wouldn’t.

  Awkwardness settled over them and he swallowed back a groan with the next bite of delicious carne asada she’d prepared. Nothing to do with the quality of their meal. Nate had never felt uneasy around her. Their time had always been spent in light-hearted fun. Laughter. Kisses. Making love. Never the seriousness that surrounded them now.

  Despite the fact he was in danger, he wanted things the way they’d been between them.

  He forked some meat and let the sauce roll around on his tongue. Damn, she was a good cook. She’d joked about making a Mexican dish, which happened to be his favourite. Lee had assured him it came with the heritage.

  “Do you think Downs will call tonight and let us know what he found out about us being followed?”

  Her head shot up, dark eyes wide. As if she’d forgotten he was there.

  Ow. Nate fought the urge to rub away the ache in his chest.

  Lee took a drink of water and set her cup down with too much vigour. Clear liquid sloshed as the glass wobbled. He made a go for it at the same time she realised it was about to topple over. Their fingers bumped. She yanked her hand away as his grip encircled the rim. Steadied it on the table.

  “You gotta stop that,” the words tumbled out of his mouth unplanned.

  Her eyes went even wider. “St-stop what?”

  Nate frowned. “Acting like my touch burns you. It’s insulting. I’d never hurt you.”

  Lee’s eyes darted away from his face, and back. “Sorry,” she muttered.

  He sighed and shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. I’m sorry you’d rather be somewhere other than with me.”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “You don’t have to say it.”

  Shock rolled over him when she reached for his hand and squeezed. But her touch wasn’t unwelcome. Nate entwined their fingers, daring her to pull away. When she didn’t, his heart skipped. Their gazes locked.

  “I’m sorry. My mind is going a million miles an hour. This…case is getting to me. I want to break Caselli’s organisation—really break it—so bad. When I think we have a handle on it and the end seems in sight, the shit hits the fan.”

  “I get it. And now I’m mixed up in it, too. More than I ever was when I prosecuted Maldonado’s murder cases in Texas.”

  Lee nodded.

  They sighed at the same time, but she maintained his gaze. Nate ordered himself not to slip into her eyes.

  “Thanks for dinner, this is good.” He loosened his shoulders when she smiled and he couldn’t help but smile back.

  “Not too hot for you? I like it spicy.”

  He bit back his instinct to tease Lee about her being spicy. It’d just piss her off. “Hell, no. I’m a Texas boy,” Nate said instead.

  To emphasise his point, he grabbed a whole jalapeño and popped it into his
mouth. Lee had cut the ends off, so he didn’t have to worry about a stem. A slow burn started as he chewed, but he loved the flavour bursting on his tongue. The seasoned beef only made it better.

  She grinned. “Couldn’t forget that. It’s my favourite thing about you.”

  Nate paused and his stomach flip-flopped.

  Act natural. She meant nothing by that.

  He winked, and Lee’s grin widened.

  “Anyway, you asked about Downs. Yeah, he’ll call if he found anything, but most evenings he goes off grid. I only bother him in an emergency.”

  “Ah. He did mention he’s married.”

  “Right. Total family man. Married kinda late, after the military. Kids are little, and he spends all the time he can with them. Great girls, too. I love his wife.”

  “Total opposite of you, huh?”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Lee snapped.

  “Nothing. Just that you never go off grid.” His head spun. The scowl she wore took him off guard from the casual direction of their conversation.

  “Doesn’t mean he’s not dedicated.”

  “I didn’t say it did.” Nate put both palms up. “Look, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  She glared then looked down at her plate. Lee stabbed a piece of beef and pushed it into her mouth. She wouldn’t look at him, turning her face away as she chewed and swallowed.

  “I’m sorry, Lee.”

  His FBI agent didn’t answer.

  The rest of their meal was heart-achingly silent. Nate called himself every name in the book for putting his foot in his mouth.

  But what exactly did I say? Why’d she get so…defensive?

  He’d been trying to compliment her, not insult Lee or Agent Downs.

  Nate looked up when she shoved her chair back from the table and popped to her feet. She still wouldn’t look at him, even as she gathered utensils, plates and her empty glass from the table. She made it to the sink and turned on the water. Her every action was jerky and stiff.

  He sighed and grabbed the bag of tortilla chips, then reached for the bowl Lee had poured some in so they could have chips and salsa.

  He’d help her clean up, and maybe salvage their evening.

  “I’ll get that,” Lee said even before he could take the clip from the plastic bag.

  “I want to help—you cooked.”

  “I’d prefer if you didn’t. It’ll be quicker. I don’t want you in my way.”

  Ouch. Like he was a little kid. “Lee—”

  “Just… I want to be alone, Nate.” Lee glanced over her shoulder, meeting his eyes for the first time. Her full mouth was a hard line.

  Salvage their evening? Yeah right. What he’d said had obviously hurt her, but the apology fizzled out on his tongue before it could pass his lips.

  Where was the constant amusement he’d got so used to when she was in Texas? She was a jokester like his brother. A witty wisecracker. Always wore a smile and a smartass remark.

  The woman before him was a different person.

  Do you know her at all?

  Her partner’s words about her being a loner haunted his thoughts.

  Nate ached for Lee. Wanted to hold her. Kiss her. Wipe that look off her face.

  Defeat washed over him. Nothing he could say would help right now. But he could give her what she’d asked for.

  Space.

  He cleared his throat so he wouldn’t choke on his words. “I’ll be in the living room.”

  Lee squeezed her eyes shut and sucked in a breath. He was gone. And she’d been a total bitch. “Good job, Selena Dawson.” The whisper made her cringe when it greeted her ears.

  She knew exactly why Nate’s words had hit home. But he didn’t. He couldn’t. He hadn’t deserved her biting his head off. She was the one who’d called her partner a family man. His response had been an innocent observation.

  It wasn’t like she’d explain herself, anyway.

  Lee never told anyone about Russ and Dylan. Especially ex-lovers.

  Family.

  Who knew it was such a visceral word?

  She snorted and shook her head.

  Anyone who’s lost them, that’s who.

  “Fuck me,” she said, clenching her jaw until her teeth smarted. She refused to cry at the safe house. She hardly ever cried anyway.

  Lee needed to stop thinking about what she’d lost and start thinking about her case.

  Protecting Nate.

  Getting Caselli, investigating and solving her case while keeping her attorney safe, actually.

  She needed to get with Clint. Lee needed to text him to see what he’d discovered, if anything. They needed to determine if they’d been followed.

  Compromised.

  Shit, she didn’t even want to contemplate it. But it was prudent to consider. If they had been followed, Nate was a sitting duck. They’d have to move him to another location ASAP.

  She made a mental note to check in with Roberts and Stewart, too. See if they’d made it to their location free and clear. If either of her fellow agents suspected they’d been tailed, then all four of them needed to compare notes and move their charges. Miranda Parker was their best chance at identifying the bastard. She’d seen him from the front.

  Lee squared her shoulders and shut off the faucet. She bustled around the kitchen, putting away leftovers and starting the dishwasher.

  Planning always made her feel better.

  If only she could get out of facing Nate in the living room when she was through. She owed him an apology even if she wouldn’t say why.

  He shot off the couch as soon as she entered the room. “Sorry.” The word was rushed, and his gorgeous hazel eyes were wide, sincere.

  Her heart hit overdrive and she shook her head. “Sorry I snapped at you.”

  “It’s okay.” Nate came to her side and grabbed her hand.

  She made the mistake of looking into his face and stilled, unable to pull her fingers out of his.

  Their eyes locked and the words were on her tongue to order him to stop looking at her that way. Stop touching her. Stop everything. But when Nate lowered his head, Lee closed the distance between their mouths.

  On a groan, she went to him, her breasts pushing into his chest even before she stretched to wrap her arms around his neck.

  He deepened the kiss, rubbing his tongue against hers. Nate pulled her closer, squeezing her ass with both hands and rocking his pelvis against her. He was already hard, his erection evident, and Lee’s sex throbbed in response.

  God, it’s been too long.

  She moaned and kissed him harder. Lee rocked her hips into him, wanting him to know she wanted him as much as she ever had. Wanted him to read her mind. Know she was sorry for more than just snapping at him about things he didn’t know.

  Lee cared about Nate.

  Wait. No.

  You can’t.

  She put her hand to his chest and shoved. “No, Nate. I’m not doing this.” Lee panted, her whole body a live wire for him. He still lit her up from the inside out.

  With one kiss. Made her feel more than any man ever had.

  Kissing him was the same— No, it was better. Desire unfurled low and hot, and she struggled to breathe. To forget. Fought the urge to move back to him and let him take her mouth again.

  “Why?” Nate put his hand on the wall as if he needed to steady himself. His chest heaved as he sucked in air. His cheeks were flushed and his mouth open.

  She shivered when his tongue darted out to moisten his bottom lip. Lee swallowed hard. She shook her head. “Just…not going there.”

  “Why, Lee?” He grabbed her shoulders, but he didn’t hurt or scare her.

  Nate forced her backwards until she hit the wall outside the kitchen. He pressed forward, hazel eyes boring into her. He dipped his head low as if he would kiss her again, but stopped, lips hovering millimetres over hers.

  Lee gasped, her heart kicking up a notch. “It’s…different.” The words were forced, crack
ed.

  “How?” His warm breath was minty, tickling her mouth, her cheeks.

  Her lips parted of their own accord and she struggled for coherent thought. He was too close, and she wanted him. Burned for him. “H-h-ow?” The repeated word fell out of her mouth fragmented.

  Nate put one palm flat to the wall above her head, and the other at her waist. His chest wasn’t touching her breasts like it had been when he’d kissed her, but she could feel every inch of his body as if they were melded together.

  She ached for him.

  “How is now different than when we were together in Texas?” His voice had dropped, but his tone was even, calm. In complete control.

  Somehow, it enflamed her even more.

  “Nothing’s changed except venue. We were only fucking, remember? Can’t we fuck in New York?” he said the words she’d flung at him with a straight face.

  A flush lit her from head to toe and Lee trembled. She’d hurt him when she’d said that to him the day she’d left Antioch. She’d hurt herself, too. Because it was a damn lie.

  When he’d told her he felt something for her, that he thought they could make a go of a real relationship, she’d had to get him away from her. Had to make him change his mind—put him in check.

  Lee didn’t need a reason—then or now—to admit the unwanted feelings Nate brought out in her. She’d had six months to get over him.

  Yeah, that’d worked.

  “Nate.” Lee meant to shout, scream, order him to move away, but his name came out as a croak. Strained. Wanton.

  “Lee.” His mouth brushed hers. Tender. Soft. A question.

  She fought the urge to close her eyes. Pain, confusion, guilt, desire—all rushed her at the same time, making her head spin. It took all she was made of to turn her face away. His second kiss landed on her cheek.

  “Don’t, please.” Once again, the demand came out as a whisper.

  Nate stilled. His hazel eyes searched her face when she managed to look at him again. But his jaw was tight, expression unreadable.

  And there you go, you hurt him again. What a winner you are, Selena Dawson.

  “You still want me, Lee.” His voice was even lower.

  A tremor slid down her spine. What could she say? If she lied, he’d call her on it. Nate was an excellent body language interpreter. He’d told her once he pretty much detected deceit for a living. It made him a damn good prosecutor, but a crappy former lover. He was too in tune with her.