Calculated Collision

by C. A. Szarek

  Starting over with the woman he loved.

  Sooner than later, Nate would get her back. Apologise for the horrid things he’d said that day. He winced every time he thought about it. He’d try to convince Lee she needed him as much as he needed her. Admit how he felt, and promise he’d make up for his mouth. Give her the space she needed if she’d give him another shot. A real shot. Be her man, not just her lover.

  “Give Mama and Pop my love. And thanks for talking her into not coming over here.” Nate had said goodbye to their parents the night before. Their mother’s tears had about killed him, but she understood his need to go.

  She was fond of Lee. So things were in Nate’s favour. Marilyn Crane was a hopeless romantic and wanted both her sons happy. Although he’d said nothing, she’d noticed what a struggle the last month had been for Nate and had wished him good luck. Said Lee didn’t look like a fool, so she expected an invitation to the wedding.

  His heart leapt—wedding. Nate could only hope.

  Pete ran his hand through his fair hair, one arm around his wife’s shoulders. “Well, that’ll cost you later.”

  Nate grinned. “You can handle it.”

  One corner of his brother’s mouth shot up. “We’ll see.”

  He chuckled. “Just look at it this way—if you want to get me back, you’ll have to hop on a plane.”

  Pete gave in to his smile, but it had a touch of sadness. “Don’t remind me.”

  “You gotta visit, it’s not an option.”

  “Oh, we will, don’t worry,” Nikki said, slipping her arm around her husband’s waist.

  Nate’s gut ached. He wanted Lee. Wanted permanence with her like Pete had with Nikki. His ring on her finger and her glued to his side. In his bed.

  He forced a smile, but his brother’s keen eyes told him Pete saw right through him.

  “It won’t be easy, but I know you’ll get her back, little brother. Lee Dawson is good people. Stubborn, but made for you.”

  “She cares for you,” Nikki whispered. “I saw it with my own eyes last time she was here. It’ll work out, Nate. I believe that.” She smiled.

  Damn, I hope she’s right.

  He didn’t want to talk about it, but Nate nodded. “I start the job on Monday. Gonna concentrate on that.”

  “She know?” his brother asked.

  “I dunno. I told her partner I got the job and when I’d be back in the city.”

  “Nate, you should tell her you’re coming back,” Nikki said.

  “I will. But for now, the ball’s in her court. Pushing her gets me nowhere.” Even as the words passed his lips, Nate’s chest burned. He wanted to rub the spot, but hefted his duffel’s strap to his shoulder instead.

  Besides, I was a big asshole. She doesn’t want to see me.

  Nate hadn’t even told his brother the exact things he’d said to Lee that afternoon. Shame clouded his mind when he remembered. He’d be embarrassed to admit it out loud.

  “How’s that fair if you’re not sure she knows you’re in New York?” his sister-in-law asked.

  “She hasn’t called me since I came home.” The cop-out flew out of his mouth before he paused to think. Nate let it ride. No way was he admitting his wrongdoing to the happy couple. He didn’t blame Lee for not contacting him. Why would she after how they’d parted?

  “Have you called her?” Pete asked.

  I haven’t had the balls. “No.”

  Nikki shook her head and frowned. “Fricking Crane stubbornness.”

  Pete chuckled. “I have to agree with my wife, buddy. You should call her. Give Lee another shot.”

  No… It’s more like—is she gonna give me another shot? “It’s…complicated.”

  “Then why are you going back?” Nikki’s brown eyes were intense.

  Nate frowned. How could he get away from their penetrating stares without telling them anything? “I have to,” he managed, several seconds too late.

  “You should have a quicker answer than that, little bro.”

  I don’t want to talk about this!

  “You guys are killing me.”

  Pete stepped forward and grabbed his arm. “If you love her, get her back. It’s worth it.” He threw a glance at his wife, his mouth curved in a tender smile.

  “She’s worth it.” Nate’s answering whisper surprised him as his voice greeted his ears.

  “Exactly,” Nikki said.

  He didn’t know what he was going to do, but he didn’t want them to know that, either. He burned for Lee. His fantasy was that she would come to him, but Nate didn’t deserve that.

  Nate was the one who had grovelling to do.

  Would she come to him if she knew he’d moved to the city? Was her partner going to tell Lee he was back?

  The guy had told him not to give up on her. That was why he’d called Agent Downs to tell him about the new job, that he was coming back.

  “I suspected as much,” Downs had said. He’d ended their call with “See you next week.” The big man hadn’t said anything about Lee, and Nate hadn’t had the guts to ask.

  Time will tell. Be patient.

  But how long?

  “Well, I’ll keep an eye on the house until it sells,” Pete said, gesturing to Nate’s large, empty place.

  “All right. Thanks. I appreciate it. Already hooked up with Mason, the guy who sold it to me. He’s scouting. Shouldn’t be long. I’m asking under market.”

  “If it wasn’t so far from Antioch, I’d buy the damn thing—you have good taste.”

  Nate smiled. “Mama would have a heart attack with both of us out of town.”

  “Right.”

  Silence settled over them and he fought the urge to hug Pete again. If he did, his older brother would know just how freaked out Nate was.

  Not about moving to New York. He was happy about the job.

  But what about Lee?

  Chapter Thirty

  Lee closed her eyes, slipping into the memory from three weeks before. It didn’t matter that she was at her desk. That she was supposed to be working on a report. All she could do was play the conversation in an endless loop.

  She could see it all in her mind’s eye like it’d occurred that morning. No matter how hard she threw herself into work, into all that was required to get Caselli’s case ready for trial, she couldn’t stop thinking about the morning she’d found out her life was about to change dramatically.

  “But I can’t have kids.” Her voice had sounded shaky to her own ears, but shock would do that.

  “I read your medical history. Losing one fallopian tube and ovary doesn’t make pregnancy impossible, just improbable, even with the amount of scar tissue you have.”

  “I can’t even remember the last time I had a period.”

  Shit. What was it? Three—no four—months. Lee never knew when to expect it. Had been like that since the ectopic pregnancy.

  “Well, Ms Dawson, sporadic menstrual cycles are also normal for your condition, but obviously your remaining parts worked. You are pregnant.”

  God, will you quit saying that?

  Lee had swallowed hard, blinking against the sudden rush of emotion.

  A baby.

  Nate’s baby.

  “Are you all right? Do you want me to call someone for you?”

  Nate. I want Nate. “No. I’m…alone.” She’d shaken her head. Her whole body had trembled and it had been a good thing her ass was still on the exam table.

  The doctor had grabbed a cup from the water dispenser in the corner and filled it. “Here, drink this.” He’d pressed the cup into her hand, but Lee hadn’t taken more than one sip.

  “I’m old. I’ll be thirty-seven next month.”

  The concern in Dr Hawkins’ gaze had been chased away by amusement. “Well, as you’ve already pointed out, you’re healthy. You are at what we call an advanced gestational age, which can place you at higher risk. But we’ll keep a close eye on you and the baby. I’m not overly concerned at this point. If you
need an OBGYN, we can find you a good one.”

  Lee had nodded numbly, gripping the paper cup tightly.

  “Ms Dawson, I’m sorry if this isn’t good news. It’s early. You do have options.”

  “No!” The shout had surprised them both. Her doctor’s eyes had gone wide, and Lee’s hand had shot to her lower stomach.

  She’d been told she couldn’t have any more children.

  Yet, she was carrying a baby.

  Nate’s baby.

  Even if it had been someone else’s child, she’d never believed in abortion. She wasn’t a holy roller, but this child was a gift from God. A piece of Nate she’d hold in her arms. Lee wanted this baby more than…anything.

  Dr Hawkins had nodded, a ghost of a smile playing at his lips. “Good. You sit here for a moment, sip that water, and when you feel better, you can go. I have your script for prenatal vitamins and I’ll have Amanda give you the names of a few OBGYNs.”

  The door to her and Clint’s office opened, jolting her in her seat and yanking her from the play-by-play in her head.

  Her partner closed the door, but she didn’t look over her shoulder. Lee turned back to the computer, hollering at herself to concentrate on the report she was drafting for the prosecutor, Eric Norton.

  It was supposed to be a sequence of events from the day of Jeremy Stewart’s death. She’d never documented her take on things, and since she’d been back at work for the last two weeks, Liv had asked her to finish it. Too bad she’d been working on it over an hour and only had three paragraphs.

  Lee didn’t expect to make Clint believe she was busy, but she wanted him to leave her alone. She could feel his body heat at her back.

  He loomed over, but not like he was trying to intimidate her. More like he was waiting for her to acknowledge him.

  She fought the urge to close her eyes, ignoring him.

  Downs didn’t say a word, but set a grande-sized paper coffee cup from Starbucks in front of her.

  “Thanks.” She grabbed it and took a sip. Hazelnut, her favourite flavour of cappuccino, greeted her tongue. She took a second drink, savouring. Then she remembered the baby in her belly and pushed it away, hoping her partner wouldn’t remark.

  Coffee was her vice. If she didn’t drink it, he’d want to know why.

  She’d told no one of her pregnancy. Lee would have to tell Liv and Clint eventually, but she wasn’t through the first trimester for two more weeks. Didn’t want to jinx things. And Nate should be the first to know. She’d been missing her baby’s father for six arduous weeks now.

  Lee was going to tell him—she really was. Just hadn’t grown the balls to call him yet, not even after the shock of the pregnancy had settled.

  He deserved to know. She’d thought about flying to Texas, but her unit needed her right now. She’d have to tell Nate over the phone. The idea was killing her, and Lee was procrastinating.

  When Clint perched himself on the edge of her desk instead of taking his own seat, she was forced to look at her partner.

  Downs arched one dark eyebrow, looked at the discarded treat then met her eyes. “Hmmm.” He crossed his arms over his broad chest and Lee squirmed in her seat.

  “What?” She bit back a wince.

  Damn, that was defensive.

  His pale eyes appraised her. “No coffee?”

  “Already had some,” Lee muttered. “Have you talked to Roberts today?” She rushed the question, desperate for a distraction.

  “No, but Liv did. He’s doing okay. Still trying to understand what all went down with his partner, like the rest of us. He’s grieving, but I think the guy will be okay. He should be back to work in a week or two.”

  “Good. Glad to hear it.”

  Her partner nodded. He didn’t call her on her coffee BS, but his gaze darted to the desk top before he looked her way again.

  Lee glanced down and froze. Clint had tried to slip her a business card. It must have been under her cup.

  Her hand shook as she reached out. Nate Crane. Embossed in black. Then under it was etched, Lead Prosecutor. But that wasn’t what had caused the tears in her eyes. It was the local New York City address and phone number that did it.

  Fuck. Crying at work?

  “Downs…” Lee croaked.

  Her partner’s hand swallowed her shoulder. Despite its size, his touch was gentle.

  Thank God their office door was closed. Not only was she crying at her desk, but Clint Downs was rubbing her back. One of the few times she could remember him touching her at all. She’d barely shaken the man’s hand. Never even hugged him. However, the comfort wasn’t unwelcome. Lee could use a hug right about now, but she wouldn’t ask for one.

  “It’s okay to cry once in a while.” His voice was calm, even. As though they did this every day.

  She crushed her eyes shut and shook her head. “Not at work.”

  “Just me and you here, partner.”

  His normalcy with her falling apart made the lump in her throat even bigger. Weak didn’t work for Lee. Maybe he’d known how she’d spent her two-week break from work, after all.

  “I don’t think you’re weak, Lee Dawson.”

  Shit. She’d spoken aloud.

  “As a matter of fact, you’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met. But that doesn’t mean you’re not human. You bleed red like the rest of us. And trust me, I’ve seen that.”

  Lee smirked. She took a breath and tried to ignore the business card on her desk. It was like it had a spotlight on it, glaring up at her until she had to squint.

  Why hadn’t Nate told her about the change in jobs? He’d moved to New York City without a word. At least to her.

  It doesn’t matter.

  Her heart cantered on its way to a full gallop.

  Nate’s here. In the city. Less than fifteen minutes away.

  Lee popped up from her chair. “I have to go out.”

  “Oh?” Amusement rippled across Clint’s face.

  “Uh. Yeah.” Heat crept up her neck and settled in her cheeks.

  “Be gone long?” One corner of his mouth shot up and his moustache twitched. He reclined in his post on her desk and crossed his arms again.

  Depends on what he says. Lee couldn’t—wouldn’t—tell her partner that. “Don’t wait on me for lunch.”

  She shoved her chair in until it thumped against her desk. Then slipped out the door. Couldn’t hold back the smile at his bark of laughter.

  From the moment the blonde chick had said “Around the corner, first door on the right,” Lee’s heart had been in her throat, thundering in her ears. The breakfast she’d choked down for the sake of the baby churned as her stomach played cement mixer.

  She swallowed and prayed she wouldn’t toss her cookies in the hallway. Too bad she couldn’t blame it on morning sickness this time.

  One look at the open door with his name etched on it, and she had to suck in a breath. Her whole body shook like a leaf, so Lee shoved her hands into the pockets of the brown leather bomber jacket. She made tight fists, wishing she had something else to hold onto. To hold her together.

  His fair head was down and he was writing on a yellow legal pad. He didn’t see or sense her hovering outside his office—which was funny, because she could smell his cologne all the way down the hall. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking.

  Tears burned her eyes as she watched him. Confident. Collected. Perfect.

  The pale green shirt would bring out the colour in his hazel eyes, but would Lee get to see them up close and personal again?

  Her knuckles brushed the open door. He’d heard her, because the movement of the pen paused, hovering over the paper.

  “Gina, do you have that file—” Nate looked up. Stopped talking.

  Lee’s voice caught in her throat.

  “Lee…” Her name was a breathless whisper, but she couldn’t read his expression.

  Fucking tears.

  She swiped at her cheek, but her vision blurred again. Couldn’t
move from the doorway, screamed at herself to get it together.

  Lee made a show of looking around his office. “Nice digs. Lead Prosecutor, huh? Pretty cool since you just started. How long you been back?” Her words were rushed and her knees wobbled, so she shifted from foot to foot.

  “Two weeks.” Nate stood, straightened his tie. He shrugged.

  She nodded. Two weeks…why hadn’t he called?

  He motioned for her to enter his office, but she hesitated.

  Until Nate came from around his desk, crossed the room and pulled her forward by her wrist. He shut the door.

  Her skin tingled from his touch, but then his hand was gone. He’d wasted no time breaking their physical contact. She couldn’t let that discourage her. Lee needed to be here, to talk to him. Fix things. Not only for the sake of the child he knew nothing about.

  No matter the outcome today, she would tell him he was going to be a father. Even if he didn’t want to be with her, he had a right to his baby. To help raise him or her, co-parent.

  God, please let him want me… Us…

  Lee stood in the middle of Nate’s office, fingers clutched in front of her body, fighting the urge to wring her hands like a kid in front of the principal.

  He perched on the edge of his sizable, dark wood desk, appraising her. Saying nothing. Arms crossed over his broad chest, his feet planted on the floor. He wore simple black loafers, and it was the first time Lee could remember seeing him without cowboy boots on.

  Tell him you love him. Tell him about his baby.

  Words deserted her as she stared at his tall, familiar form. She tried not to watch his thighs as the muscles shifted under his grey suit pants when he settled. The garment implied more than displayed what she knew was there, but it only made her think of them entwined. Moving together. Making love.

  Her stomach somersaulted and her nails bit into her palms.

  “I’d ask how you found me, but you’re FBI and all.” Nate’s voice made her jump, and her eyes darted to his face. A smile played at his full lips and her heart sped up again.