Falling Into Love

by TC Rybicki

  “I know, sweetie. I love this. I’m ready. I want to.”

  “Do you want to go back to the ranch?”

  “No. Not yet. It was one of the best days of my life, Dane. I’m glad you brought us back. This time the night won’t end in tears.”

  “I hope not. I hadn’t cried that much in a long time.”

  “Shut up. You were too mad to cry. I cried for days thinking I ruined us.”

  “You didn’t. We can’t be ruined. It’s impossible.”

  “I brought protection.”

  “So, did I.”

  “Good, Nina says I can’t trust my pills exclusively. It’s not smart.”

  “Good God, woman. Why did you bring her up? And how much personal shit are you divulging?”

  “Not too much. I promise. She guesses easily. I know it weirds you out, but she’s my friend. I kinda like having a friend that’s genuine and not an ass-kisser.”

  “I know and I’m happy you two reached an understanding, but it’s a little weird if she knows too much.”

  Dane tried to wrap his arms around me, but I jumped up. We’d been talking so much about what we were about to do; it was ruining the moment I hoped for. He looked confused at me pulling away.

  “Let’s have a fight.”

  “What? A fight? Have you lost your mind? Fight about what?”

  “I don’t know, anything. Fighting fuels our passion and I think I got us off track mentioning Nina.”

  Dane stood up with me. I was tempted to jump out of the truck, but that hurt the first time I did it. “Syd. You don’t have to make excuses if you’re not ready.”

  “I am ready, but this feels too planned. I wish it was more spontaneous.”

  “It is planned!” He raised his voice. Dane was more sexually frustrated than he let on. He stopped himself and took my hand. “Last time you said you were ready, so I tried to come up with something special. That took planning. I don’t know how to make it more spontaneous when we’ve been building for weeks and you admitted you were ready for the next step. We both assumed what would happen next. It’s not one of your ancient poems; it’s real life. We’re two adults ready to express our love. I’m confused. What exactly are you trying to create differently?”

  “You shouldn’t have stopped us on my birthday. There. I said it because deep down, that’s what’s bothering me. It should have happened then.”

  “Well, excuse me for needing you single first.”

  “Taken didn’t keep your hands out of my pants or your lips off me, so don’t act like you’re so chivalrous.”

  “Are you seriously trying to have that fight you think we need?”

  I shrugged and laughed. Dane knocked me off my feet by tossing me over his shoulder. He took two steps toward the tailgate. “No, don’t. We can’t leave.”

  “Oh, we’re leaving because your fake fight has pissed me off for real.”

  “No Dane. Please don’t. I wanna stay under the stars, kiss and hug until it leads to more. I want you to make love to me here. This is our destiny.”

  “I don’t know if that’s true tonight. You can be quite the mood killer with your dramatics.”

  He put me down. There was only one thing to do now. My fingers toyed with the buttons of my dress.

  “Sydney. Stop it.”

  I didn’t. “Come on, cowboy. You know you want me to show you more.”

  “Are you serious? Stop undressing.”

  “Because that’s your job?”

  “I think all this erratic behavior from you is to deflect from the fact you’re still not sure and I’m not taking advantage.”

  He was wrong. I might have briefly tossed around too many thoughts earlier and stalled, but I was totally ready. I loved him.

  My dress opened around my cleavage that the good bra provided. “Don’t run away, Dane. Let’s see what happens. Maybe I’ll let you satisfy me a few times or maybe you’ll get lucky in other ways. What was it you called me the other night?”

  “A super talented virgin,” Dane was losing restraint.

  “Yeah. That’s it. The stars are aligned. My body is ready and yours always is. Let’s do this!” I flung my head back with arms spread open to the sky. My proclamation was short lived. Dane’s strong arms wrapped around me and wrestled me to the bed of the truck. There wasn’t much resistance since that’s exactly where I intended to go.

  I thought I’d be more nervous, but I wasn’t. Dane was asking a lot of me. I remembered his words clearly on my birthday. He didn’t want to be my first; he also wanted to be my only and my last. Those promises meant something to Dane and they meant something to me. I’d never throw around truths like this casually. Giving myself to Dane wasn’t a onetime thing. It was forever.

  “I don’t know how I know this, but you are everything. This relationship. Us. Our future, and everything in between. It’s the poetry I wanted but didn’t think I deserved.”

  “Sydney. I love you so much. I’ll never stop.”

  “I love you infinitely Dane Ellsworth.”

  And with words like that, two healthy hotblooded beings under the stars began what would be the most perfect lovemaking ever known.

  That’s how I would’ve written it, but it wasn’t the case. The mood was right, the love was real, and the bodies were in agreement, but it hurt. I knew it would be uncomfortable, but someone was understating the facts, or I was oversensitive. The stories always said sharp or intense pain then immeasurable pleasure soon followed. What in the hell kind of books had I been reading? I tried all the tricks written to make it easier. Dane and I fooled around until I was a big ball of satisfied flesh and fire. Every touch from the man I loved should only bring more pleasure, but it didn’t.

  Panic took over and Dane sensed it. “We should stop.”

  But I told him not to move or stop. It would get better, and in some ways it did. He was so attentive and patient. I loved the complete connection to him, and I knew my body brought him pleasure which in turn gave me happiness. It was a mental and emotional satisfaction this time, and for me that was enough. I was happy, content, loved and a host of other warm fuzzy feelings, but it was far from bliss or perfection. And honestly, I didn’t care because it was real.

  Dane and I held hands and stared up at the sky’s offering afterward. He spoke first, “Syd. I’m so sorry. I feel like such a dick. Literally, I was a huge dick.”

  I laughed. “Maybe that was the issue. You should be proud.”

  “It’s not funny. I should’ve stopped.”

  “I wouldn’t let you. I didn’t want you to stop.”

  We turned to face one another. Did I look different to Dane? He looked the same to me.

  “Seriously, you were persistent, but I could’ve controlled myself. Moments are everything to you. I hate that you didn’t get the love poem you deserved.”

  My body craved to be intertwined with his again, so I scooched in until we were skin on skin. I kissed over Dane’s heart. “But I did. I got the first stanza. Those are always a bit messy and confusing. The true beauty comes later.”

  It wouldn’t take much to get carried away again with her. I couldn’t.

  “Please, Dane. Let’s try again.”

  “We will. Of course, we will, but not now.”

  “You need more time- is it four hours or something? I heard that once.”

  “Hell no, you have the wrong pharmaceutical commercial in mind. I’m 26 not 66. I said not now because I want to give you a little time to heal.”

  “My gosh, Dane. I haven’t been traumatized.”

  I didn’t give her another chance to plead. Sydney put up a fuss when I wrapped her in the blanket and carried her to the cab of the truck. She was a gorgeous mess begging me for another try. It’s all I wanted. Finally, being with her like that was better than I imagined, and that made me feel even worse. She was happy, but the night didn’t go as planned. I took the blame for that. If I was being totally honest, my ego took a hit for not getting it r
ight. I thought I had a good idea how her body worked by now. We’d been overly successful at foreplay.

  When I walked inside and headed straight for my room, Sydney perked up, “Oh, we’re going to bed. Does that mean you’re going to allow me to seduce you again?”

  “Funny. You’re hilarious. But no.”

  “I’ll let you put it in again, and this time it won’t hurt. I know it.”

  I dropped Sydney on the bed and headed into my bathroom. She was buck naked on top of the blanket. “I can’t believe you said that. The only thing I’m putting in is you in a hot tub of water. Go. Soak. Relax. Now.”

  “I love you Dane, but I hate being ordered around.”

  “Duly noted. I love you too, babe. That’s why I’m going to take care of you… just not how you think.” It was going to be a long night for both of us.

  Sydney squeezed my fingers, “You’re too good to be true, you know? Tonight, you outdid yourself in more ways than one, and I’ll never be the same.”

  “Neither will I Syd, neither will I.” I meant that even though there was an underlying disappointment on both our parts, we were falling into place just like the first day Sydney fell into my arms.

  The next morning was more of the same, Sydney attempting to seduce me again and begging for me to put it in one more time. If she didn’t stop saying that, I was going to plug my ears. I confessed the virgin thing was new to me as well. My first time in high school was with a girl that knew things. She ordered me around to the point I was the uncomfortable one, so maybe inexperience on both our parts created the extra tension. When we resumed our activities, I was determined it would be different. The good parts would be better, and the uncomfortable portions would vanish. I wanted to be the lover Sydney deserved. She was already everything and more for me.

  Romance was the unexpected result of withholding sex. Sydney and I got back to the basics of what attracted us to one another in the first place. I took her on a date. She got her nails redone. I sat this time out. The first pedicure was nice, but I wasn’t about to make it a regular thing. We had another cookoff in the kitchen and then took all the food over to The Groves for an employee get together.

  We did all the things we enjoyed together. The weather had cooled off enough at night; swimming was no longer comfortable. My hot tub was always warm enough to ward off the cooler evening air. Cash and Dot were eager for our rides. Sydney improved. She had finally come to an understanding with Dot and we took turns with who rode which horse. I was impressed with her determination to saddle both horses now with absolutely no help.

  We came home on a Thursday night to find Gram packed and ready for San Antonio. Sydney wasn’t hearing it. For one, it was already after dark. We ventured into town for an event at the bookstore and grabbed some ice cream before heading home. It wasn’t even eight, but Sydney fussed like a protective mother hen.

  “Gram. Let Mr. Minsky handle this. You don’t need to confront Grandfather.”

  “You don’t know what I know. I want this settled once and for all. He’ll sign. Trust me.”

  “It’s late. You shouldn’t be out on the roads this hour. Let me go with you.”

  “Nonsense. Are you questioning my driving or if I’m scared of the dark? I drive just fine and I ain’t scared of nothing.”

  “I know, but you seem a little wound up and that’s unlike you.”

  “My mind’s made up. You staying here?” Josie’s question was directed at me. She knew full well the nights Sydney stayed over at the ranch. We didn’t keep secrets from her.

  “Well, I…” I hadn’t planned on it. It had been almost a week since our night under the stars. I originally thought a day or two would suffice before we tried again, but life got in the way and I was preoccupied showing her how much she meant to me in other ways.

  “Don’t make me no difference. You two do what you want no matter what an old lady has to say, but Sydney needs to stay put until I’m back. The staff looks to her for direction now. She’s unofficially in charge when I’m away.”

  “No, I’m not and they don’t. That would be Loni and Frisco, you mean. No one looks up to me. I mean, they’re all way nicer than that first week, but seriously Gram, I’m still a kid to most of them. A hard worker maybe, but a kid.”

  “Do me a favor while I’m gone and work on your confidence. Mr. Ellsworth, my bag if you would be a gentleman. I’ll call when I get there, and I don’t plan on staying more than a night or two. I’ll let you know.”

  Sydney knew better than to argue with her grandmother. She hugged her neck and I leaned over to grab a quick kiss. “I guess I’ll head home too. Go grab your soak and text me before you go to sleep. Love you.”

  I put Josie’s one small suitcase in the backseat of the Buick. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

  “I do. And once all this is settled, I reckon the three of us should sit down and explain the rest of the story to Sydney. I have a few stories of my own to tell. I’m not getting any younger and I don’t like having secrets between us. Besides, her mother called a few days ago. She might be coming for a visit sooner than Sydney expects.”

  “Okay, I agree. I forget about it most times, but when she talks about trust and how honest our relationship is, I get a guilty tug. I wanted to protect her, but she doesn’t need protecting anymore.”

  “Nope, truth is, she never did.” Josie looked back at the house. “You know the front door works fine. You need to stay off that trellis before I tell Frisco to pull it down… with you on it, I might add.”

  “I don’t. I mean.” Josie’s expression said it all. She didn’t believe a word of my denial. “You know?”

  “I wasn’t born yesterday. Take care of my girl or else.”

  “I always do. Drive safe, Ms. Josie.”

  I watched her drive away. She was one determined lady. Her granddaughter was so much like her. We had a good week. It was kinda funny Josie knew I’d been up the trellis a time or two, more like fifty. I bet she knew Dad did the same thing. Wonder why she allowed such things? Maybe she was more romantic than she let on. The reality was as much time Sydney spent at the ranch; I hadn’t been up the rose trellis in quite a while. Sydney thought I was heading home, but I went for a walk around the property instead. I meandered around in the dark until my phone pinged with an incoming text.

  Sydney: I’m all snug and lonely in my bed. That stuff with Gram messed with my head. I hate our night got cut short. Miss you. Love you too.

  I didn’t answer her. I made my way back to the house and the familiar climb.

  I knocked three times. Sydney raised the window seconds later.

  “Dane. I didn’t think you did this anymore. Gram’s gone, you could’ve used the door.”

  “I could’ve, but I wanted to remember what this was like.”

  “It’s a little crazy how you did this the day we met. I should’ve screamed.”

  “Yep. Glad you didn’t.” She moved back as I climbed through. Sydney kept backing up and I kept moving forward on my hands and knees in pursuit.

  “Did you come to read poetry with me?”

  “Nope, well, maybe later. I came to make it though.” The back of my hand framed her face several times.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Looking at you because you’re so beautiful I can barely believe it, Syd.”

  “It’s pretty dark in here.”

  “There’s moonlight.”

  “And he came to regard her bathed in moonlight, covered in nature’s glow… willing, waiting, watching for her lover’s arrival.”

  I touched her lips soft like the brush of a feather. “Oh man, that’s good stuff. You need to write that down.”

  Sydney’s hands circled my neck. “I already did.”

  My fingers left her face and journeyed down the center of her chest. Sydney sucked in her breath and I didn’t hear her let it out. “Breathe, baby, I can’t have you passing out on me.”

  “I swear, it’s so mu
ch and you’re barely touching me.” I smiled knowing I had that effect on her. “So, it’s now or never, huh? We’re getting back in the saddle? I was beginning to think you had issues. I begged, and you ignored me all week.”

  I touched her lip to silence that nonsense, “No, I never ignored. Especially all the ‘put it in me’ comments. Do you know what that did to me?”

  Her hand snaked in between us, “this?”

  I leaned in and growled in her ear, “Yeah, it was practically painful.”

  “Well, we should be fine. I’m all good down below.”

  “I’m sure you are. It’s nice to hear, but how about I make it even better?”

  Sydney answered my suggestion with a kiss. Her mouth latched onto mine in a hungry display filled with want and need. Our kisses turned urgent, and I took all she was willing to give. Our lips slid together in perfect synchronicity. I longed for a kiss a good portion of the summer and now it was second nature. My mouth had every part of her memorized. Our clothing disappeared quickly because there was an overwhelming desire to touch every inch of her flawless skin.

  She would have no doubt why I climbed the trellis tonight. Sydney and I fell back onto her mattress. I needed every part of her tonight. I wanted her again as soon as we finished last week, but my concern for her overrode my desires. I promised her, promised myself I’d get it right this time, be better for her.

  Sydney purred between kisses, “Mmm, Dane, you kiss me like you own me.”

  I gave her another sloppy kiss, “No, you’re too free to own, but I know you. I know you so well and I love you with all that I am, so I think it is you that owns me Sydney Littlefield.”

  “Make love to me, Dane.”

  The request was so simple and complicated to me. I knew the mechanics for certain, but I longed for an experience neither of us had ever known. Sydney was different. She was everything. We took our time this go around. I savored every part of the woman I loved. I memorized her taste, her scent, and the silky feel of her underneath my fingertips. Her breath on my neck sent a jolt through my entire system and the sounds from her mouth zapped every nerve in my body. No matter how long I lived and loved Sydney, this night would stay with me forever.