She loved everything about making love with Jake. Loved the way he tasted and the way he smelled. She adored the daring ways that he kissed her and touched her, sometimes gentle, sometimes fiery.
Always, always he knew exactly what she needed and before she even knew that she needed it.
When they neared the point of no return, only one thing worried her. If Jake wasn’t prepared, she would have to raise the touchy subject of protection. With the surrogacy about to begin, she couldn’t afford to take any risks.
But she needn’t have worried. Jake was well and truly prepared and he was as keen to avoid any risks as she was.
Later, as afternoon sun streamed through the window, Jake reached for Mattie’s hands. He lifted them to his lips and kissed each of her knuckles. ‘Has anyone told you that you have beautiful hands?’
She laughed with surprise and held out her hands so she could study them in the deepening sunlight.
‘See how white and dainty they are.’
But Mattie was looking at Jake’s big, wide hands and the darkness of his skin. She trembled deliciously as she remembered the incredibly intimate way his big hands had touched her.
‘Compared with yours, my hands are tiny.’ She giggled softly. ‘To be honest, I prefer yours.’
‘No, no,’ Jake protested, his voice turning playful. ‘Your hands are gorgeous.’
‘Yours are gorgeous-er.’
‘I could eat your hands.’
He began to nibble her fingertips and Mattie gasped as the warm intimacy of his teeth and tongue sent ripples of heat straight to the pit of her stomach.
‘I…I suppose I should take more care of my hands,’ she murmured. ‘When my friend Gina was single, she used to slather cream on her hands every night and wear gloves to bed.’
Jake laughed. ‘No gloves in this bed, please.’
‘You won’t know. You won’t be here. You’ll be in Mongolia for the next six months.’
‘I’m here now.’ Jake took her hands again and held them above her head. With a soft chuckle he lowered his mouth to hers. ‘Make the most of me.’
‘Oh, don’t worry. I plan to.’
The magic afternoon rolled into an equally magic evening. Dusk fell, filling their room with purple shadows, and Mattie and Jake realised they were ravenously hungry. They went through to the kitchen to make pasta, deciding they would concoct a brilliant sauce from whatever ingredients they could find in the fridge and the pantry.
Together they investigated Will’s collection of CDs and agreed on a middle-of-the-road rock ’n’ roll number and, while the flat throbbed with its beat, they cheerfully chopped bacon and vegetables and supervised the pasta boiling on the stove. The whole time, their newfound happiness bubbled through them, erupting into sudden bursts of unexplained laughter or melting into blissful lingering kisses.
The meal turned out surprisingly well, and they found half a bottle of wine to wash it down. Then, knowing they had the luxury of one last long night ahead of them, they took Brutus for a walk.
Salty wind plucked at their clothes and at their hair as they walked hand in hand, stealing kisses and sharing jokes, grinning madly at the moon and feeling very much at one with the entire magnificent, beautiful universe.
It wasn’t until Jake looked back on their behaviour the next morning that he realised they’d carried on very much like lovers. Like idyllic fairy-tale lovers who could look forward to a happy and long-lasting future. Not at all like a couple on a one-night stand.
It was a worrying discovery.
As dawn broke, he lay awake beside Mattie, fighting to resist the temptations of her delectable body and to hold at bay the tantalising memories of last night—the heady scent of her skin, the sweetness of her lips, the seductive sounds of her laughter and her soft whisperings.
Last night, every inch of his body had been on fire. He’d never spent a night like it, but now he needed to clear his thoughts, to sort out exactly what had happened to him and to Mattie and what it meant now. Had he made a terrible mistake?
His normal reaction to having bedded a new woman was a sweet feeling of conquest, a subtle boost to his ego that left him tingling with anticipation for repeat performances. But, last night, he’d experienced something more. So much more. And it left him this morning feeling quite shaken.
Making love with Mattie had been beyond beautiful, beyond amazing—but what had caught Jake completely by surprise was the deep sense of inner contentment he’d felt afterwards. He’d lain here, with this heavenly woman in his arms, and he’d been filled with an astonishing sense of well-being, a nudging awareness that Mattie Carey was completely and absolutely right for him.
The experience was totally new, and he found it more than a little frightening. He’d never felt this close to anyone since…
For a devastating moment he was a small boy again, locked on the outside of his mother’s bedroom, afraid and lonely and lost. Understanding nothing…
No, he couldn’t think about that or the following years when his mother had shut him out. He never allowed himself to think about it.
His priority now was to work out what to do about his worrying desire to stay with Mattie, to protect her.
To protect her from what, exactly?
It seemed he wanted to protect her from everything—falling buildings, colds and chills, other men…
Get real, Jake…
It was his usual style to put distance between himself and the latest girl, to keep her guessing. Normally, he would go surfing, or ring up a mate and down a couple of beers at the pub, anything to avoid getting too involved with any one woman.
Today he would be leaving Sydney and he knew he had to shake off this sense of deeper connection to Mattie Carey. He hadn’t planned on starting a relationship. There was no point. He could never promise anything long term and it was only fair that Mattie understood that.
But it was too hard to think about this while lying beside her. Carefully, Jake eased out of bed without disturbing her. He padded down the hall to the kitchen, where Brutus was waiting to be let out. He opened the door and watched the little dog dash off into the garden.
He put water on to boil, removed the cloth covering Pavarotti’s cage, topped up the bird’s seed and gave him fresh water. While his coffee was brewing, he went to the bathroom to shower.
Naked, beneath the hot water, he thought about the tedious journey back to Mongolia—the long flight to Beijing, followed by another flight to Ulaanbaatar and then a journey by truck out to the mine site.
If he was honest, he had to admit that he’d never really minded his current lifestyle. Even though he’d complained at times about being stuck in Mongolia for long stretches, he quite liked the isolated blokeish world of the mine. It was almost an extension of his boarding school days.
He got on well with his workmates. They filled the long evenings with chess or poker, backgammon or Scrabble, and he’d also made friends with a few of the locals and managed to go horse-riding at least once a week.
He certainly liked the money he earned. Given the current mining boom and the constant need for environmental monitoring, anyone with his qualifications could make a small fortune if they were willing to work on the remote mines scattered around the world. Jake was prepared to do just that.
His ambitions were important to him, mainly because he had something to prove to his parents. OK—it was a clichéd young bull/old bull struggle, but he’d grown up determined to make his way in the world by rejecting the life his parents had planned for him.
His father had never had much time for him. Admittedly, Jake and his mother had been close before her breakdown, but from the age of nine, he’d been left in the care of a succession of governesses, or to be entertained by Roy. Then there’d been boarding school.
His parents had focused on raising their cattle and training their racehorses, or throwing lavish parties after race meetings. Jake had spent a solitary childhood, never feeling that his pare
nts needed him, and in response he’d chosen to make his own way.
It was vitally important to prove to his parents that he could become successful in his own right, so he had no plans to change his job in the near future. But, this morning, the thought of going back to Mongolia for six long months left a chasm in his gut so big a truck could pass through it.
He was going to miss Mattie.
But he wasn’t right for her.
He couldn’t give her the steady commitment she needed and deserved. If he was halfway decent, he should tell her that. Now, this morning, before he left, before it was too late.
He was leaning against a kitchen bench, coffee mug in hand, when Mattie came in, wearing a white towelling bathrobe tied at the waist. Her feet were bare and she hadn’t bothered to brush her hair. Jake wondered if she’d deliberately left her hair in that just-out-of-bed disarray because she knew it looked so damn sexy.
Her soft skin had a peachy sleep-warmed glow and he had to fight a fierce urge to pull her in for a deep and meaningful good morning kiss.
Hell. Hadn’t he decided it was time to back off?
‘Morning.’ Mattie sent him a shy smile, then looked around the kitchen. ‘Oh, I see you’ve taken care of Brutus and Pavarotti. Thanks.’
‘No problem.’
Jake watched the upward tilt of her soft, full lips as she smiled again. He watched the way she tucked a wayward curl behind her ear and he forgot every one of his good intentions in his need to taste her, to let his hands slip inside her towelling robe to explore once more the exquisite softness of her slender waist, the silken roundness of her breasts.
Right at this moment, there was only one thing he wanted and that was to take Mattie straight back to bed.
His lips dipped to meet hers. Ah, yes…he could spend the whole morning just kissing her…
‘Um.’ Gently Mattie broke the kiss and she pushed her hands against his chest, easing out of his embrace. Her eyes were serious as she dropped a light kiss on his chin. ‘I think I’ll take a shower.’
‘Sure,’ he said, disappointed. ‘Will I…er…start breakfast?’
She paused in the kitchen doorway. ‘Don’t you have to pack this morning?’
‘I’ll take two seconds to throw my few things in a bag.’
Mattie gave a shrug. ‘Cook whatever you like, but don’t worry about me. I’ll fix tea and toast when I’ve showered.’
‘Let me know if you’d like a hand in there.’
She smiled, but there was no coy come-hither message in her eyes and she left without replying.
Jake took a moment to collect his thoughts. He’d almost made a serious mistake, carrying on with Mattie like a lover, instead of a guy who was about to walk out of her life.
He’d never enjoyed the morning after, letting women know that they couldn’t hope for a long term future. He’d had some bad experiences with women who were clinging and possessive and he supposed he should be pleased that Mattie was letting him off the hook so easily.
He should be very grateful. And he was. Of course he was.
CHAPTER FIVE
MATTIE was towelling her hair dry when she heard the phone. She’d been trying to decide if she should use the blow-dryer to try to turn her hair into the sleek bob the hairdresser had achieved, but she abandoned the challenge and hurried into the kitchen, damp hair in a tangle.
Jake had already answered the phone and, when he turned and grinned at her, her tummy flipped.
He was so beautiful. She longed to hurl herself into his arms, but he was leaving today and she had to be brave. The last thing he would want was a clinging vine.
‘It’s for you,’ he said.
‘Who is it?’
He handed her the phone. ‘Your friend Gina.’
‘Oh.’ Mattie’s stomach stopped flipping and tied itself in knots instead. If Gina had spoken to Jake, her friend would be agog with surprise and brimming with questions. Mattie took a deep breath. ‘Hi, Gina.’
‘Mattie, how’s life in stunning Sydney?’
‘Stunning.’
‘I’ll bet it is.’ Gina’s voice was rippling with undertone. ‘If the man answering your phone’s deep, sexy “hello” is anything to go by, you’ve been having a ball! Crikey, Mattie, it didn’t take you long to find Jake.’
‘I didn’t find him. He’s a friend of Will’s from Mongolia and he’s been staying here this week.’
‘Oh, I remember now. Will mentioned a friend called Jake. Bit of a ladies’ man, I take it. Gosh, Mattie, has he been staying there in the flat with you?’
Mattie glanced over her shoulder to check if Jake was listening. He’d made scrambled eggs and now he was piling fluffy spoonfuls onto a piece of toast.
‘It seems Will mixed up the dates, but it’s worked out OK,’ she said.
‘So you’ve been sharing Will’s flat with this Jake guy?’
Gina’s own voice had risen by several decibels. By contrast, Mattie kept her tone deliberately calm.
‘I just told you, Gina. It’s worked out fine.’
From the other side of the kitchen, Jake winked at Mattie, then he pointed with his thumb to indicate that he was taking his breakfast out onto the balcony.
She waved to him and smiled her gratitude.
‘Is he hot?’ Gina asked.
‘Yes, actually.’
‘From what I’ve heard, he’s dangerous.’
‘Not really.’
‘Oh, my God. You’ve fallen for him, haven’t you?’
‘Not fallen…exactly.’
‘Oh, Mattie, you have. I can hear it in your voice. Oh, no! I know what this means. You’re madly in love with this Jake guy and you want to marry him and have his babies and you don’t want to do the surrogacy any more.’
‘Gina, for heaven’s sake, calm down. Of course I’m still going ahead with it.’
‘Really? You’re sure?’
‘I’m absolutely sure. I couldn’t be surer. Do you really think I could let my best friend down?’
‘But will Jake mind when you’re pregnant?’
‘He’s not going to know.’ Mattie’s hand tightened around the receiver. She lowered her voice to just above a whisper and prayed that Jake couldn’t hear. ‘He’s going back to Mongolia today.’
‘So you haven’t told him about the surrogacy?’
‘Of course I haven’t. I promised you and Tom that I’d keep this completely private. Why would I discuss it with one of Will’s friends?’
Right from the start, Mattie had planned to keep this project under wraps, but Tom had been particularly anxious that their plan must remain strictly secret. He’d been terrified they’d end up as a double-page feature spread in some women’s magazine.
‘But it must be hard to keep a secret from a boyfriend,’ Gina said.
Mattie answered quite firmly. ‘He’s not exactly my boyfriend. I only met him a few days ago.’
‘But you’re involved with him, aren’t you?’
Mattie gulped. She couldn’t possibly answer that question. Gina knew her history with Pete and she would probably get defensive. Besides, it sounded so brazen to admit that she’d slept with a guy she’d only met a few days ago.
But it hadn’t felt brazen. It had felt totally right and perfectly lovely.
She drew a quick breath. ‘Everything’s very…up in the air.’ To her horror, her eyes filled with tears. ‘Gina, I’ll ring you tomorrow. OK?’
‘I’m so sorry, Mattie. I just get so intense about this baby. Now I’ve got you crying.’
‘I’m not. Honestly. But I’ve got to go now. I’ll ring you soon. Or I’ll e-mail. I promise.’
The tears began to stream down Mattie’s cheeks as she replaced the receiver. She couldn’t believe she’d dissolved so quickly. What if Jake saw her like this?
She hurried to the sink and splashed her face with cold water, snatched up a hand towel and mopped at her eyes. That was better.
She found a dollop of scrambled eg
gs in the pot on the stove and a piece of toast sitting in the toaster. She collected a plate, a knife and fork, helped herself to the food and took it outside to the balcony. For a couple more hours, until Jake was on the plane, she had to behave as normally as possible.
Jake had almost finished his breakfast when she arrived on the balcony. He was watching her closely as she sat down and she prayed that he couldn’t tell that she’d been crying.
‘That was Gina, Will’s sister,’ she told him.
Jake nodded, but he was frowning at Mattie and she wondered if he’d overheard her end of the conversation. What exactly had she said?
‘Gina’s my best friend,’ she explained.
‘Yes.’ He was still frowning at her. ‘I gathered that.’
What else had Jake ‘gathered’? Why was he looking at her so ferociously? He couldn’t possibly know about her surrogacy plans, could he? Somehow, Mattie just knew in her bones that he would be very upset if he discovered she was about to become pregnant with someone else’s baby.
But it wasn’t really any of his business, was it? He was going away for six months and by the time he came back he might have forgotten about her. He’d told her that he was footloose and fancy free and she was quite sure that was how he wanted to stay. Look at how easily he’d dumped Ange.
Just the same, his frown made Mattie nervous as she cut off a corner of toast and loaded it with egg. As she lifted the food to her mouth, Jake’s hand shot across the table and he grabbed her wrist.
‘Hey!’ she cried as the food toppled back onto her plate. ‘What was that for?’
‘Aren’t you allergic to eggs?’
‘Oh.’ She let out a whoosh of air. What a relief! His frowning concern had nothing to do with her phone conversation.
He pointed to her plate. ‘The other morning when I made an omelette, you told me you were allergic to eggs.’
‘You’re right,’ she admitted. ‘Sorry. I’m afraid I was lying.’
Jake’s relief was evident. ‘I hope you had a good reason for lying.’ He relaxed back in his chair and watched her with a look of dark bemusement.
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