‘I had a very good reason. You were being mulish and I wanted to be mulish right back at you.’
‘I was mulish?’ He pretended to be shocked. ‘When?’
Mattie thought about it and realised that her grounds for disliking Jake in those first couple of days had been based solely on the fact that he hadn’t shown the slightest interest in her. It was an unsettling discovery and she certainly wasn’t going to share it with him now.
‘I…I can’t remember the exact details,’ she said lamely. She took another bite of egg and toast, but it seemed to stick in her throat. Suddenly she was thinking about everything that had happened since that morning Jake had made the omelette. How could she have undergone such a huge transformation in such a short space of time?
She hoped she didn’t start crying again, but this morning she seemed to be faced by constant reminders of how deeply and swiftly she’d fallen for Jake. Heavens, from the moment she’d set eyes on him, she’d been sinking like a stone. And she’d promised herself this would never happen again!
She was still lost in thought when Jake glanced at his wristwatch and she was grateful for the distraction. ‘It’s almost time for you to leave for the airport.’
He sighed. ‘I should book a taxi.’
‘No, I’ll drive you.’
‘It’s a long way and the traffic will be hell at this hour.’
Her eyes were threatening to water again. Damn. ‘Jake, please don’t argue. I’d like to take you to the airport.’ Any time with him felt precious.
His throat made a swallowing motion and he looked almost as upset as she felt. ‘Thanks, Mattie.’ He picked up his breakfast things.
‘Leave them.’ Mattie was aghast by how brittle she sounded. ‘I’ll look after the kitchen. You go and get ready.’
‘OK, OK.’
Her hands were shaking as she loaded the dishwasher, and she broke a cup. She’d just finished putting the pieces in the bin as Jake came in with a backpack swung over his shoulder.
She tried to sound relaxed. ‘You travel light.’
He smiled crookedly. ‘I’m not much of a shopper.’
‘I’ll just clean my teeth and get my bag.’
In a matter of moments she was back. Jake was holding Brutus and rubbing the little dog’s silky ears. Brutus licked him under the chin. ‘We’re saying goodbye.’
Mattie nodded and bit her lip to hold back tears. ‘I hope you said goodbye to Pavarotti too.’
‘Oh, I did and he sang me an aria.’
She dug in her bag for her sunglasses and put them on before her eyes gave her away. ‘I’ll keep in touch with Roy for you.’
Jake smiled sadly. ‘I don’t suppose there’s any point in trying to tell you that I don’t expect you to worry about Roy.’
‘No point at all. I’d love to visit him now and again.’ Quickly, she went on, ‘We’d better get going.’
‘Yeah.’
She swung the strap of her bag over her shoulder and looked down at her car keys, took a deep breath.
‘Mattie, are you OK?’ Jake crossed the kitchen until he stood in front of her. He lifted her sunglasses and a soft groan broke from him when he saw her eyes filled with tears. With trembling hands, he framed her face.
She tried to smile and her mouth wobbled out of shape, but then it didn’t matter because Jake was kissing her.
Mattie melted into his warm, strong embrace and she kissed him as if her life depended on it. And, afterwards, she felt a little reassured—a little calmer, which was just as well as she had to concentrate on driving in the heavy traffic.
By the time they reached Sydney’s International Terminal her eyes were dry, her stomach reasonably composed. She hoped she could stay that way through the final farewell.
The airport was typically busy, with cars and taxis zapping in and out of parking spots, and travellers wheeling overloaded luggage trolleys onto pedestrian crossings.
‘Just leave me here.’ Jake pointed to a two-minute drop-off zone.
‘Are you sure you don’t want me to come in?’
He shook his head. ‘It’s going to take ages to get through security and you won’t be able to come past the customs desk anyway. You know what it’s like with international flights.’
‘I hadn’t thought about that. I’ve never been overseas.’
Jake’s eyes widened. ‘Really?’
‘The furthest I’ve been is Western Australia.’
His eyebrows lifted in surprise. ‘I guess you’ve been too busy looking after other people. You haven’t had time to travel.’
‘I guess.’
He smiled. ‘It means you still have a lot of adventures ahead of you.’
Something about the way Jake said this made Mattie’s heart leap like a flame. In a sudden burst of confidence, she asked, ‘Do you have an e-mail address? It must be so lonely in Mongolia. I could write to you if you like.’
‘Yeah, sure.’ He pulled his wallet from his pocket and dug out a business card. ‘Here you go.’
Mattie stared at his name, Jake R. Devlin, on the card and she felt her throat tighten. This small white rectangle was all she would have once Jake was gone, but she was so pleased that he wanted to stay in touch.
He extracted another card. ‘You should write your e-mail address on the back of this one.’
‘Of course.’ She printed the address and handed him the card and he leaned in close, kissed her cheek.
Needing one last proper kiss, Mattie offered him her lips.
Car horns honked all around them and from somewhere above she could hear the roar of a plane taking off, but she wanted to take her own sweet time over this last lovely kiss.
Finally, Jake touched her cheek with a gentle caress of his fingertips. ‘Take care, Mattie.’
‘You too.’
He tapped the card she was holding. ‘It’ll be good to stay in touch. I’ve had an amazing time.’ Without warning, his face grew serious. His mouth hardened and turned down at the corners. ‘But you do know that I can’t promise you a future together, don’t you?’
Mattie’s heart clattered and bounced, as if it had fallen down a long flight of stairs. ‘Of course,’ she managed to say, but her voice was very tight and squeaky. ‘I wasn’t expecting a future with you.’
Even as the words left her lips, she knew they were a total lie, but Jake accepted them with a nod, then abruptly opened the car door. A second later, he was out on the footpath.
‘I’ll just grab my pack out of the back.’ His voice was efficient and businesslike.
Mattie heard the slam of the car boot and then Jake was on the footpath once more, waving and smiling.
Smiling? How could he smile? A scant minute ago he’d taken all the joy out of her world. She lifted her hand to wave, tears blurring her vision.
Huge glass sliding doors opened behind him and he turned away from her and disappeared…
And Mattie’s tears fell in earnest.
What a fool she’d been. She’d known from the start that Jake was dangerous and she’d tried so hard to resist him. But he was the most attractive man she’d ever met. North to her south.
Yesterday they’d had such a lovely morning together, but then, after the movie, she’d been stupid, stupid, stupid.
If only she hadn’t been so weak. In less than twenty-four hours, she’d fallen completely in love.
With the wrong man.
Again.
Back at the flat, Mattie threw herself into a frenzied session of work and by the end of the day, she’d finished the painting that had given her trouble. This time, amazingly, the old magic was back. It was as if her creative energy was rushing to fill the despairing emptiness inside her.
When the painting was finished, she stood back, cuddling Brutus, and she examined the picture of Molly, the good little witch, silhouetted at her bedroom window, looking impossibly small and lonely.
Mattie was surprised by how poignant the picture seemed, and she smiled
, satisfied with the effect. She really liked Molly’s vulnerability and she knew her young readers would enjoy the secret knowledge that this skinny little girl was really a good witch, with super-powers that could help all the needy people in the houses below.
She only hoped she could find a similar strength in herself.
Jake sat in the mess hall at the mine site, lost in thought, wondering what Mattie was doing now. In his mind he could see her walking with Brutus along the path beside the bay, with the wind in her hair, her blue eyes sparkling.
He could see her working on a painting, her face serene yet completely focused. He could see her as she’d looked when she’d lain in bed beside him and he could remember the taste of her, the smell of her skin, the silky softness of her hair when he wound it around his fingers.
He could hear her musical voice, see the silver sparkle of her tears…
‘Hey, Jake. There you are!’
Will Carruthers came through the doorway and helped himself to coffee, which he still preferred, even though most of the men drank the locally brewed Mongolian tea. Will brought his mug to Jake’s table and grinned at him. ‘Good to see you, mate. How was your leave?’
‘Not bad.’ Jake was valiantly trying to shut down thoughts of Mattie.
Will’s eyes narrowed. ‘Do I detect a distinct lack of enthusiasm?’
‘Sorry. I was miles away.’
‘Dreaming about the hordes of beautiful women you left behind?’ Will grinned again, but when Jake made no response he tried a different tack. ‘Was everything in order at the flat?’
‘Yes, absolutely.’ Finally, Jake remembered his manners. ‘Honestly, Will, thanks for letting me use your flat. It was fantastic. Terrific decor. Fabulous location. Oh, and I brought you a gift from the Duty Free. I’ll drop it over to your ger tonight.’
Will grinned. ‘Sounds like it’s a bottle of my favourite refreshment.’
‘More like three bottles,’ Jake said, then he stared into the depths of his tea mug. He couldn’t help it—he had to drag Mattie into the conversation. ‘I suppose you know there was someone else staying at the flat.’
‘Really? Who was it?’
‘Mattie Carey.’
Will’s eyes almost popped out of his head. ‘Mattie was there at the same time as you?’
‘She arrived a couple of days after me.’
‘But I thought she wasn’t due in Sydney until the fifth. Weren’t you supposed to be gone by then? You said you were heading off to Japan to go skiing.’
Jake shook his head. ‘Other way around. I went skiing first, and then I went to Sydney.’
‘Oops.’ Will smiled sheepishly. ‘Sorry, I got that mixed up.’ He shot his friend a shrewd sideways glance. ‘So how did it work out? Did you get on OK with Mattie?’
Jake was pleased that he managed to sound offhand. ‘She was fine. She’s an easy person to get along with.’
‘Yeah, she would be.’ Will chuckled. ‘Good old Saint Matilda.’
Jake’s flippancy vanished. ‘Is that what you call her?’
‘I meant it in the nicest possible way.’ Will, watching Jake closely, back-pedalled fast. ‘We all love Mattie. She’s my sister’s best friend, has been since forever. I think Gina and Mattie met in kindergarten.’
In the awkward silence that followed, Will sent Jake another sideways glance. ‘I don’t suppose Mattie mentioned why she’s moved to Sydney?’
Jake shrugged. ‘Not really. I thought she just wanted to work on her book.’ He noticed the cautious tension in Will’s face. ‘Why do you ask? Was there another reason?’
Will shook his head, took a deep swig of coffee. When he lowered the mug, his face was as blank as a poker player’s.
‘So why did you ask if I knew anything?’ Jake persisted.
‘I was simply making conversation, man.’
Jake didn’t believe him. He knew there was a chance that his perspective was skewed, but he was convinced now that Will knew something else about Mattie. A problem.
What could it be? Why else had she come to Sydney, other than to work on her book? Then again, why would she need to come to Sydney just to work on a children’s story?
He thought back to when she’d first arrived. She’d said she had appointments.
A cold chill skittered down his spine. ‘Mattie’s not in Sydney to see doctors, is she? She’s not ill?’
‘No, mate. Keep your shirt on.’ Will rolled his eyes, as if he was clearly convinced that his best mate had lost the plot. ‘Mattie Carey is as healthy as a horse.’
‘Then what did you mean? Why did you ask if I knew why she’d come to Sydney?’
‘I’ve already forgotten. Chill, Jake. Forget I asked.’ Will looked annoyed and he stood and snatched up his cup. ‘The deal with the flat is nothing more than a friendly agreement. Mattie’s renting it for twelve months and I’m very happy to have such a reliable tenant.’
Five days before the embryo transfer, Mattie began to receive progesterone injections. Trips to the clinic became part of her daily routine, along with working on her paintings and walking Brutus. She also borrowed several books about pregnancy from the library and began to conscientiously prepare super-healthy meals.
She bought a terracotta pot of parsley to grow on the balcony, so she had a ready source of iron. She wanted to do everything just right, even though she never thought of this baby as hers.
The embryo had already been created in a test tube from Gina and Tom’s genetic material and Mattie saw herself as simply a glorified babysitter. Or perhaps a very fond aunt.
Whenever she felt slightly overawed by the task ahead, she focused on the fabulous and exciting moment in nine months’ time when she handed a sweet little baby to her best friends.
It was a relief that things were finally happening and, as the date for the embryo transfer drew closer, Gina kept in e-mail contact almost every day. Neither she nor Mattie talked too much about the imminent pregnancy. Instead, they were just happy to keep in touch and to chat about Willowbank gossip, farming news, Mattie’s progress on her new book…
Mattie quickly put a stop to any discussion about Jake and so far she hadn’t replied to the e-mail he’d sent telling her about his journey and his first week settling back into life on the mine site.
Her reaction to it had been pure confusion. She was trying to ‘get over’ him and yet she’d been disappointed that he hadn’t written straight away. Then she’d been disappointed by the matter-of-fact tone of his e-mail.
She wished she’d never suggested that they write. It would have been so much cleaner if they’d simply parted at the airport.
Whenever she thought about replying, she was frozen by uncertainty. She kept hearing those fateful words.
You do know that I can’t promise you a future together, don’t you?
She read the e-mail again and again, trying to search for hidden meanings. How crazy. Was she going to go through months of worrying about Jake the way she had with Pete? She couldn’t face that again.
If she did decide to reply, it was hard to know what to say. She had to ask herself if it was right to behave as if her life was ticking along as usual, when the surrogacy was about to begin? She hated deceit of any kind.
However, there was a final reason she hadn’t written to Jake, one she hardly dared to contemplate, that caught her out at unexpected moments, especially in the middle of the night.
As she lay in the dark, she found herself wondering if her intense feelings for him could pose a threat to the surrogacy. It was foolish to think this way when she knew they had no real future, but she couldn’t help it. She’d never dreamed that the psychologist could be right and that she could meet someone like Jake before the baby was born.
And yet, here she was, wishing at times that she could keep her body for him.
But, in reality, if she was to have a man in her life at this point in time, she needed someone who would be there for her, no matter what—not a gorgeous, dang
erous playboy.
She needed a man who was prepared to share her with the baby she carried, someone prepared to wait. Unfortunately, Jake Devlin couldn’t tick a single box in her list of vital requirements and so she’d better just get over him, for her own sake.
Jake stared glumly at his computer screen. He’d downloaded his e-mails and again there was nothing from Mattie.
He looked at the back of the card, where she’d neatly printed her e-mail address, and for the hundredth time he remembered their farewell and her tears, and the passion in her last kiss. He could have sworn that she’d planned to write to him and he’d anticipated a constant stream of messages filled with typical Mattie-style warmth.
What did this silence mean?
What had changed?
His conversation with Will on his return kept haunting him. He kept hearing Will’s harrowing question: I don’t suppose Mattie mentioned why she’s moved to Sydney?
Jake had quizzed his friend about it again, but Will always shrugged it off, claiming that Jake had misinterpreted a casual enquiry.
‘What’s got into you, mate?’ Will had growled. ‘Do you realise you grill me about Mattie Carey every time we meet? You need another holiday. You’re way too tense.’
Perhaps Will was right. Jake knew he’d never been like this before. It was beyond crazy to be so uptight over a woman. He was usually trying to shake them off.
Ironically, as soon as he stopped expecting to hear from Mattie, an e-mail from her arrived in his in-box.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Hi Jake,
Greetings from sunny Sydney to deepest Mongolia.
I wanted to let you know that I brought Roy over here for morning tea today. We didn’t make billy tea, but we had damper and lamingtons and I sent him home with a big bouquet of gum leaves and a vase so he can keep them in his room. As you can imagine, he was as happy as a possum in a hollow log.
Oh, and I found a book in a second-hand shop about old drovers and stockmen. It’s full of photographs of the Outback and Roy loved it. He said to tell you he’s well. Actually, he said he was fighting fit, but I think that’s an exaggeration. And he sends his love.
Expecting Miracle Twins Page 7
