Breaking Faith (The JackholeS Book 1)

by Joy Eileen

  My heart hurt. She was handling this all wrong, and the heartbreak she was trying to avoid was going to hit her hard when it caught up to her. My conscience screamed, hypocrite.

  “And I'm assuming it didn’t go well?”

  Her breath hitched, and I handed her a paper towel to catch the tears falling freely down her face. She shook her head until she got her voice back. “No, but he said he would respect my decision, as long as I made sure to tell them after graduation.”

  “Well, that's a good thing. He cares about you.”

  She smiled a watery smile. “He looked so sad. I think I broke his heart. He tried to act like it didn’t bother him. He doesn’t have the greatest relationship with his parents. They don’t approve of his lifestyle. I feel like I'm letting him down by not accepting him, just like his parents. It's just I can't...”

  She got off the counter, and cried on my shoulder. I swallowed my advice. She pulled back, wiping uselessly at the wet spot on my shirt.

  “Jess, just make sure you let him know you accept him. If you're going to wait to tell your parents, make sure you let him know how much he means to you.”

  The music from the garage stopped, signaling the end of practice and our conversation. Jessie ran upstairs.

  Her concerns mirrored some of my reservations I had with Kill. Not to mention, the band's impending break into the music industry. Their discovery was inevitable, and I refused to make him choose between me and his dream, especially if he cared about me like he acted.

  I worried he was trying to fix his past by taking care of me, so he could right a wrong he felt responsible for. He needed to be set free from that burden, and he didn’t need me teasing him with a relationship we weren't ready for.

  The boys came in minutes later, their eyes shining with adrenaline. Van peered into the kitchen and I pointed upstairs, answering his questioning look.

  Amy was riding on Jet’s back, spanking his ass as they headed upstairs. I yelled at them that dinner was done, and Jet yelled back he only needed a minute.

  There was a resounding crack from Amy connecting with some part of his body. “I was kidding, babe, we have a microwave.”

  D helped me finish getting dinner ready. I heard Kill’s car start as he pulled it back into the garage, and my stomach flopped from the sound.

  “You were awesome today. I knew you would be perfect for that song.”

  “Thanks. I actually enjoyed singing it. It's a beautiful song.”

  “I can’t wait until we sing it at Ray’s. It will blow everyone’s mind.” D grinned as he got out the salad dressing.

  “Wait, what do you mean sing it at Ray’s?” My squeaky voice in full force.

  Kill came into the kitchen when I wheezed this out, and went over to D, punching him in the arm. “I told you to let me ease her into it,” Kill told him, picking me up and sitting me on the kitchen counter.

  “I'm not singing with you guys at Ray’s. That was just for fun in the garage.”

  Kill had his stupid half-smile on his face, and for a moment I couldn’t remember why I liked it so much. Now all I wanted to do was smack it off his face.

  “Why do you think we had you practice and sing karaoke?” D asked behind Kill, making him turn his head around so he could glare at him.

  D’s question made sense. I just didn’t think they would actually want me to share the stage. I should have realized as soon as they put me onstage they wanted me to sing with them.

  “Dude, shut the fuck up and let me handle this. Go tell everyone dinner's ready.” Kill told D before turning back to me, making my panic morph into anger.

  D walked out looking stunned, clueless as to what he said wrong.

  “Hey, look at me,” Kill requested in a soothing voice, making me want to tear his face off with my fingernails.

  “Don’t,” I told him through gritted teeth.

  “You don’t get to throw your stupid charm on me and get your way. I'm not singing with you guys, so just drop it.”

  He put his hands on my waist anchoring me to the counter, when I tried to get down.

  “I have charm?” he asked. He had an adorable look on his face, and I bit the insides of my cheeks to keep me from smiling.

  “Please, don’t act like you don’t know you can just look at someone and get your way.”

  “But it doesn’t work on you?” He cocked his head to the side, and I felt my resolve slipping.

  “No, it doesn’t work on me. I'm immune to you.”

  “What was the nickname you gave me when you first came into the bar?” His change of subject threw me off, not sure where he was going with this.

  “Mr. Moody,” I answered

  For a moment his face was unreadable before he threw back his head and laughed. I punched him in the arm, and he held up a hand trying to get me to wait for him to catch his breath.

  “You really are immune to me aren’t you?” he replied, still chuckling.

  “What? You aren’t like Jet, are you? You thought it would be Sex God or something just as awful?”

  He had his head down and glanced up at me through his lashes, and now it was my turn to laugh.

  “Oh my God, you did, didn't you?”

  “Not exactly, I just thought maybe it would be sexier than Mr. Moody.”

  I put my hands on his face, squishing his cheeks together. “Ah, poor wittle Kill didn’t get a big bad nickname to go with his big bad ego.”

  I pulled him forward and kissed his forehead before letting go of his cheeks.

  “Now you have to sing with us tomorrow to make up for my deflated ego,” he mumbled with a smile.

  “No, Killer. Not going to happen.”

  “Come on, you already kicked ass onstage yesterday. And you're going to do it again tonight; what's the difference?”

  “How do you know I'm going to sing again?” I asked, trying to look like he wasn't breaking my determination, even though it had pretty much crumbled.

  “Because I already signed you up, and don’t think for a second DJ Smoke isn’t going to beg you to get onstage when he sees you.”

  He pulled me off the counter, not moving back so we were inches apart. I could feel the heat pouring off of his body and his scent was suffocating, making my brain go fuzzy.

  “If you don’t sing with us Jet will make your life a living hell, so you might as well give in.” He tossed out his last argument knowing it wasn't necessary.

  “Fine, but you're driving me tomorrow so I can drink.”

  He kissed the top of my head and took my hand, leading me out to the living room. D was on the couch pretending to be engrossed in the T.V. and not anxiously waiting for my answer, but the fact that Spongebob was on was a dead giveaway.

  Wanting to teach them a lesson, I decided to make them sweat. “Dinner’s done, help yourself,” I said, going back to get a plate, not waiting for anyone else.

  Kill chuckled and followed me back into the kitchen, knowing what I was doing.

  “What the fuck Kill, did you talk her into it or what?” Jet yelled next to a flushed Amy. I heard him grunt from Amy punching him.

  “No, he didn’t talk me into it,” I replied, stopping abruptly with my elbow sticking out, Kill unaware, ran into me causing my elbow to jab him in the gut.

  “Ouch, well played,” he whispered.

  “Can you not let everyone know how easily manipulated I am?” I hissed back.

  The whole band waited for me to explain why he wasn’t successful. D and Van looked like they were going to grovel at my feet, and for a second I almost let them.

  “You're so perfect for this song, and I think it would bring a whole other fan base to our band,” D started in, about to launch into a million and one reasons why I should do this.

  Kill put his hand on my shoulder and pulled me back to him, fitting me under his chin. “Stop D, please no statistics. She's going to do it. She's just mad at the way I approached the subject, and I'm sure she will punish me later.”
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  I could feel his chin moving while he was talking, being it was pressing on the top of my head.

  “I knew you couldn’t say no to us,” Jet stated, and I was afraid to hear his reasoning, but he surprised me. “You're a part of our little dysfunctional family. You're one of us now.”

  I stared at him with shock registering on my face, but then it split into a huge grin when I saw Van and D agreeing with him. Kill grunted behind me, which I assumed was his way of agreeing.

  “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else besides here with my little dysfunctional family, but you can’t get mad if I screw up tomorrow.”

  “Shut the hell up, Slick,” Kill responded, letting me go and getting a plate, the others boys doing the same. Every one of them at peace with my acceptance into their family.

  I stared at them, feeling serene, when Jessie came downstairs looking refreshed and utterly touched up. She put her arm around my waist. Amy came around to the other side.

  “I don’t know what I did to deserve all of you, but I must have done something fucking awesome,” I said, low enough only the girls could hear me.

  I made up my mind, with my best friends and new family surrounding me, on what I needed to do to secure the safety of my new family. Jason's face flashed across my mind. My stomach knotted, but I knew what I had to do.

  Jet’s eyes glazed over with lust when he saw us. Before he could say anything, D punched him in the arm and dragged him out of the kitchen.

  Van and Kill walked out next with their plates full. As Van passed us, he blew a kiss toward Jessie and she blew one back to him.

  We grabbed what was left and went into the living room to sit with our boys. When dinner was cleaned up, I ran upstairs to get ready. My hands shook. I needed to end this. I just hoped my resolve stood strong.

  Jessie was on Van’s lap, running her fingernails over his bald head when I entered the living room.

  “Hey, Jess, I need to run some errands before work.” I said, startling them both out of the bubble they were in.

  Jessie got up to walk me out. Right before I closed the door, Van yelled out. “Don’t sing until we get there, Faith.”

  “Alright, Mr. Snuggles.”

  Jessie smiled at me.

  “What?” I asked.

  “They love you. I think you were just adopted by four big brothers,” she giggled.

  She was right, and it confirmed I was doing the right thing. I didn't want the boys to get hurt because they were trying to protect me. A shiver slivered through me at the thought.

  I forced myself to think of something less daunting. Kill immediately came to mind. But once again dread filled me, realizing we were interrupted every time we were going to act on our undeniable attraction.

  I allowed the doubt in my head to join the party, convincing me it was an omen of the relationship we would have if we tried. I couldn't help but think this was the universe, telling me I needed to do some repairing of my own before it would let me bring someone else into my life.

  Not wanting to be caught on the cameras, I parked down the block from Ray's. As I stepped out of my car tremors racked my body, and I held onto my car until I could get them under control.

  The firm grasp I had on my key chain mace became tighter with every step. Jason’s car was in the same spot it had been in the day before, and my stomach pitched and turned as I advanced toward it.

  Before getting out of the car I called 911, ensuring my safety. I hoped I could end this without anyone knowing, especially Kill.

  If I was ever going to become whole, I needed to eradicate Jason from my life. When I reached Jason's car I took a deep breath and squared my shoulders. The mace was slippery in my hand from the sweat. I wiped them on my jeans before knocking on the window.

  Jason was startled when he saw me. His gaze had been transfixed on the parking lot across the street. I expected to see triumph on his face, but he remained stoic. He was getting exactly what he wanted by me coming to him. When fear flashed across his face, my confidence faltered.

  He looked nervous when he exited his car. His demeanor caught me off guard; this was not how I had imagined this encounter to go. Could it really be this easy?

  I figured he would say what he had to say, getting in the last word. He could recreate his reality, making him the victim and banishing me from his thoughts forever. That was the plan at least.

  “Hey, Faith, what are you doing? I can’t be near you,” he said, looking around.

  “Jason, what are you doing here?” I asked, getting right to the point, knowing I didn’t have a lot of time.

  “I was doing some advertising work for this store,” he answered, pointing to the business he was parked in front of.

  Uncertainty roared through my body. Had Jason given up on me? Did my leaving him not affect him the way I thought it would? The daily private calls helped push some of the doubt away.

  I reminded myself I needed to trust my instinct, particularly when it came to Jason.

  “Listen, I don’t know what you're doing here, but I can’t be near you right now, honey,” Jason said, backing away from me, until he was pressed against his car, and as far away from me as possible.

  “Jason, cut the crap. I know you're spying on me. I saw your car at the store the other day. You need to leave me alone. I called the cops to let them know you're violating the restraining order.” I was proud my voice sounded strong and didn't shake.

  Jason looked around again, and his face paled when I mentioned the cops. “Faith, honey, I was giving you space. You've been under a lot of stress. I love you. I don’t know why you felt you needed to get a restraining order, but I'm not spying on you. We're meant to be. I'm giving you time before you come back to me.” He reached out to touch me, but when I stiffened he let his arm drop.

  “I will never go back to you. I'm free from your pain,” I hissed.

  I hoped the cops showed up soon. This felt wrong. My skin crawled being near him. I wanted to feel empowered by confronting him. Show him he had no hold over me, but standing in front of him drained my strength. I reverted back to powerless girl he molded me into.

  Jason seemed genuinely surprised I was fighting him, and not throwing myself at his feet and begging for forgiveness. He still felt he owned me. I could see it in his eyes.

  This was the first time I had ever spoken out loud about his abuse. He lived in his own reality and I had allowed him to, but not anymore. Never had I forced him to acknowledge what he had put me through, and it was terrifying to finally call him out on it.

  “I don’t know what you're talking about, honey,” he said taking a step toward me.

  His temper was surfacing, I could see it flashing across his face. I gripped the mace tighter and the nozzle dug into my palm, imploring me to use it. Reminding me I was no longer powerless.

  “Jason, you know exactly what the fuck I'm talking about. You tortured me. You raped me. You broke me. I'll never come back to you!” I screamed.

  I was seething, pissed he was still refusing to admit what he had put me through. I needed him to admit what he had done to me. I deserved the validation.

  “You need to calm down, Faith. You don't know what you're saying.”

  Making sure we were still alone, he leaned into me, whispering in my ear. “You are mine.”

  His words pushed my temper over the edge. I saw red. The smug look on his face made me feel crazed. Confronting him was supposed to end his reign over me, allowing me to move on with my life and piece myself together. His denial took everything I needed to move on, away.

  I lifted my hand, the mace poised and ready to go. I wanted to make him feel some of the pain he had made me feel. Hurt him like he had hurt me. Right before I could depress the nozzle, a cop car pulled up. I lowered my arm, stuffing the mace in my pocket.

  I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or annoyed I wasn't able to dispense my vengeance on Jason. When I glanced at Jason, I saw him visibly relax. The cop sauntered over, and Ja
son stuck out his hand.

  “Hello, Frank. How have you been?”

  My mouth hung open as they greeted each other.

  “I’m good, been busy down at the station. What's going on here?” he asked Jason, not acknowledging me.

  Jason had the nerve to look embarrassed, and I couldn’t believe what was happening. I wanted to look around to see if I could find the hidden cameras.

  “Frank, this is my girlfriend…err, I mean ex-girlfriend, Faith.”

  “You’re the one that called the station?” Frank asked, finally looking at me.

  “I am,” I replied, confused on what I should do next. The whole situation was surreal.

  “Dispatch said this was a restraining order violation. Is that the case?” he asked, looking between me and Jason.

  “Yes. I have a restraining order against Jason, and he was sitting in his car across from my work.” I explained, pointing over to Ray’s.

  “Jason?” Frank asked, waiting for Jason to explain, not letting me continue.

  “It's all a misunderstanding. I've been working on an account at this building.” He indicated the building with his head, not taking his eyes off of the officer. “I actually had no clue Faith worked over there. She saw me and thought I was violating the restraining order and confronted me,” Jason answered.

  He actually had the nerve to wink at me. What the fuck was happening? Sick of allowing Jason to take over this conversation, I pushed on.

  “He has been following me. I saw him at the grocery store the other day, and his car was here yesterday, and today,” I said, exasperated. I knew I sounded crazed, but I couldn't get a hold of my emotions. This whole situation was spiraling out of control.

  “You came over to confront him?” Frank asked, before throwing Jason a smirk.

  “I did.”

  Frank wouldn't allow me to continue. “It doesn’t sound like you're scared of him. In fact, most people would have called us every time they saw the person they had a restraining order on, and never would they confront them.” His eyes were accusing, and I stopped myself from reaching for my mace.

  I wanted to scream I was not in the wrong here, but Jason butted in. “Don’t be so hard on her, Frank. She has been through a lot lately, and I'm sure her friends were the ones to convince her to get the order on me. No harm done.”