The Broken Hearts Book Club

by Lynsey James

  This was why I loved her so much.

  The Purple Partridge was surprisingly crowded when we arrived. Inside was packed with people wanting to see what all the fuss was about and they were even spilling onto the front street.

  Elle and I picked our way inside and nabbed a free table while we had the chance.

  ‘See, don’t you feel better now that you’re here?’

  I looked down at the navy blue lacy dress that my best friend had practically forced me into. It clung to my skin and felt tight around my arms.

  ‘Not really,’ I answered. ‘How long do we have to stay for?’

  ‘Long enough for you and Jake to sort things out. I’m off to the bar.’

  Elle’s Amazonian figure cut a quick path through the crowd and she disappeared into the three-deep line for the bar. I looked around the place and was impressed with how it had turned out. The budget had been limited, but Jake had used it to its full advantage. The decorations were tasteful, the buffet was good and he’d even booked a band to play live. The pounding music coming from the stage did little to improve my mood though, as I already had a screaming headache and an urge to go home.

  ‘Hi, Laura is it?’

  I looked up and saw the one thing that could plummet my mood further: Rachel standing over me.

  I gritted my teeth. Just looking at her made me angry. If it hadn’t been for her and her grand ideas, everything would be fine. ‘It’s Lucy. Are you here for the party?’

  She threw me a simper, which reminded me a lot of Nicole’s when I’d first met her. ‘Sorry, I’ve got a brain like a sieve! Yeah, thought I’d come and see what Jakey’s managed to pull off! He’s done very well I see.’

  I wanted to tell her that I’d helped, but had a feeling it would cause an argument. ‘Yeah Jakey’s done really well, hasn’t he?’

  ‘Listen, I wanted to talk to you for a second. Is that OK?’

  ‘Be my guest.’ I gestured to an empty chair beside me and she sat down.

  ‘You probably know that I’m moving to Spain soon right?’

  I nodded and resisted the urge to sing a very sarcastic version of Viva España. I wished Elle would hurry up; alcohol was definitely needed right now.

  ‘And that I’ve asked Jake to come with me.’

  ‘Yeah, he told me last night. I didn’t want to come between him and his daughter so I’ve done the decent thing and taken a step back.’ I became very aware my face was contorted into a scowl, so forced it into a weak smile. ‘Better get stocked up on that sun cream!’

  Rachel’s angelic smile slipped and she had the decency to look embarrassed.

  ‘Oh. He really did tell you everything. Look, for me it’s always been Jake – and, deep down, I think he feels the same way. We have Maya together, so we’ll always have a connection. Plus, until you came on the scene, I was round here every weekend. We were practically back together. I made the mistake of letting him go once and I’m not going to do it again. I’m not saying what you two had wasn’t real, but we have the chance to be a family again. He might be resisting it now, but he’ll come around. He always does. Deep down, he knows it’s the right thing to do.’

  I looked around for any available holes in the ground that could swallow me up. Nope, none. Bollocks.

  ‘Well far be it for me to stand in the way of family.’ My voice bristled with sarcasm. ‘He’s all yours if you want him.’

  ‘I do,’ she replied, ‘I really do. ‘I’m glad you’re taking this so well, by the way. Not many women would give up their blokes so easily.’

  She got up and walked off, leaving me to think about everything she’d just said. She was right; I’d rolled over and given him up, thinking I was helping him. I’d practically wrapped him up and stuck a bow on him.

  Elle came back with the drinks. I downed mine in two gulps.

  ‘Whoa, easy tiger! What’s up with you?’

  I told her all about my lovely chat with Rachel and her eyes took on a murderous rage.

  ‘That bitch! I’ll kill her!’

  ‘Leave it, Elle. She’s right, I gave him up. I didn’t want to, but what choice did I have? I couldn’t come between him and his daughter! It’s what I always do though; if it looks like someone’s going to hurt me or if I get scared, I back off and piss off. That’s if I even let someone get close enough to hurt or scare me. Most of the time, I shut them out before it gets to that stage. The Vicky thing screwed me right up.’

  Instead of slipping into her usual, comfortable role of confidante and best friend, Elle sat in stony silence.

  Until, that is, she unleashed hell.

  ‘Do you think you were the only one affected by the Vicky thing? I was there when it happened too; I saw the whole thing just like you did! Since that night, I haven’t trusted a single person because I don’t think I’m worth getting close to. Better to shut them out, right? Except it isn’t. Since I met George, I’ve realised what a twat I was, trying to keep the world out for all those years. You’re being a major twat right now too.’

  ‘Hold on a minute –’

  ‘No, I’m not finished yet. You’ve punished yourself far too long for what happened to Vicky and look what it’s cost you: you left a place you love for eight years, never let anyone in and now you’ve lost the best bloke ever to come into your life. Do you think Vicky would want this? Would she be happy seeing you like this, empty and lonely because you can’t bear to go after what you want? Of course she wouldn’t! Go and find Jake and talk to him. You deserve to be happy Lucy, we both do.’

  I stared at her as my brain digested what she’d just said. Then, in one swift movement, I hugged her and got up to go and look for Jake. The pub was still tightly packed with avid cocktail fans, so I had to push and shove to get anywhere. As I did, I collided spectacularly with someone and upset the tray of drinks they’d been carrying. A horrible sticky mix of vodka, gin and beer landed right on top of me.

  ‘Oh my god, I’m so sorry! I-I’ll replace your drinks and help you get cleaned up. I wasn’t looking where I was going!’

  The man I’d banged into extended a hand and helped me to my feet. I made more apologies and reaffirmed my offer of drinks on the house. He took it quite well and said he’d go off to the toilets to clean himself up, rather than put me to any trouble.

  Despite the fact I was covered in cocktails and smelled like a brewery, I continued my search for Jake. Nicole was the only one behind the bar and when I asked her, she said she hadn’t seen him.

  I knew that probably wasn’t true, so I ignored her. My head bobbed up and down as I weaved through the crowd. I had to find him before it was too late.

  Just then, the music was abruptly cut off and the tap, tap, tap of a microphone being tested echoed around the room.

  Next thing, Rachel’s voice came booming out across The Purple Partridge. ‘Hi everyone, thanks so much for coming. We’re really glad you could make it and we appreciate the support for this wonderful pub.’

  I rolled my eyes and made my way to the front. Rachel looked like she was addressing a crowd at the O2 Arena, while Jake stood by her looking like he was about to face a firing squad.

  ‘We hope you’re all having an amazing time, but we have an announcement to make. In just a couple of weeks’ time we, along with our beautiful daughter Maya, will be setting off for a new life in Spain! We’ve recently discovered what we mean to each other and we’re going to make a fresh start in the Spanish sun.’

  All at once, a barrage of questions erupted about Maya: who was she, why hadn’t he told them about her, where was she because she hadn’t been seen round the village. Despite his best attempts to hide it, I could see the hurt on his face. His little girl was the subject of Luna Bay gossip: his worst nightmare.

  His eyes met mine and I could see how unhappy he was. But it was too late. I’d let him go and now he was going to be a family with Rachel and Maya. It might not be what he wanted, but it was a sacrifice he was willing to make to keep his little
girl in his life.

  Or at least that’s what I believed until he pulled Rachel in for a passionate kiss, attracting a chorus of oohs and ahhs from the crowd. I felt sick to my stomach; one minute he was telling me he’d fallen for me and the next he was making a public show out of being back with her.

  Well that was it; things officially couldn’t get any worse. Tonight had been one gigantic bag of crap.

  Chapter Twenty

  Jake tried to call me the next day. And text me. He even came by the house. Luckily, my attack dog Elle Nicholls kept him at bay.

  ‘She’s out and I don’t know when she’ll be back,’ was the first one. The second was some garbled story about going to Leeds in search of Krispy Kreme doughnuts. I wasn’t bothered about how ludicrous her stories were. As long as they kept him away from me.

  ‘OK, well could you tell her I need to speak to her? It’s pretty urgent,’ I’d heard him say, throwing himself on Elle’s mercy.

  ‘I’ll tell her you came round, OK? That’s all I can do.’

  From my very imaginative hiding place of the kitchen, I’d listened and hated hearing him sound so desperate. Yet I did nothing. I heard his pleas for help to Elle, but didn’t act on them. I didn’t run out into the street, agree to hear him out and let him tell me how kissing Rachel had been one huge brain fart and that it was me he loved, not her.

  Only it seemed that wasn’t true. Despite telling me he didn’t want to be with Rachel, his actions at the cocktail party certainly hadn’t reflected that. Nicole had said that before I’d turned up in Luna Bay, Rachel had been round almost every weekend while they tried to sort things out. Now it looked as though they finally had.

  As the song went, it must have been love but it’s over now.

  Since things with Jake and the Broken Hearts Book Club were ruined, I needed a new distraction. That meant holing myself up in Rose Cottage with Elle and George and working on it from sun up until sundown. My mental list of things that needed done to the place got smaller and smaller by the day. Pretty soon, the kitchen was done, complete with gorgeous cream units, new white goods and some vintage bunting for decoration. It was a shabby chic heaven. Mum and Dad had chipped in for half of the white goods and I’d paid the rest, promising to pay them back their half when I got a job.

  I started painting what would be my bedroom on a beautiful May morning. Sunlight streamed in through the window as I slapped ecru paint on the wall. Music blasted through my headphones and I couldn’t help but steal glances at the breath-taking beach that lay just a few feet away. The breeze coming through the open French windows ruffled my hair, tied away from my face with a red bandana, and brought a smile to my face.

  This view was all mine now. It belonged to me and I to it.

  Taking my headphones off I listened to the gentle lapping of waves on the sand and the distant crying of seagulls as they came to rest on the cliffs. To think that I’d be waking up to this every morning made my heart flutter.

  ‘Here we are!’ Elle came in carrying steaming hot mugs of tea on a tray. The china chinked dangerously as it wobbled around and little ripples formed on the top of the tea.

  ‘You’re a lifesaver!’ I took one of the cups and sat on the bed with it. ‘I feel like I’m painting the bloody Sistine Chapel!’

  ‘This is why I’m sticking to tea and cake duty.’ She reached into her black Mulberry slouch bag and pulled out a bag of freshly baked cupcakes. ‘Here, I got these from the café.’

  Even the vague mention of the Moonlight Café made my insides wrench. I hadn’t been there in so long and could only imagine the smell of cakes and newly made coffee. I pictured Diane’s face behind the counter, smiling when the bell above the door rang to herald a new customer. It was horrible to think of her and the other Broken Hearts Book Club members still mired in grief after my bad advice had ruined everything. I probably wouldn’t get another chance to help them either; they more than likely wanted nothing more to do with me.

  ‘Are you OK?’ Elle’s voice broke through my thoughts. ‘Do you want lemon, chocolate or vanilla?’

  ‘Oh, um, vanilla please.’ I tried to bring my focus back to the room and away from the Broken Hearts Book Club. ‘I-I don’t suppose you popped by The Purple Partridge on your way here?’

  She shook her head. ‘No I’m afraid not. I can go there now if you like? See if Jake’s around to have a word with?’

  I put my vanilla cupcake back in the bag and picked up my roller again. ‘Oh no, that’s OK. Don’t worry about it; I-I just wondered if he’d left for Spain yet. I might drop in later, see if he’s about.’

  Yeah right, I said to myself, I’m avoiding that man at all costs.

  Elle’s lips curved into a smile. ‘Lucy, if you actually go over to that pub, I’ll sell every designer handbag I own. I know you, you’ll run away from it like you always do and you know what, I’m not going to let you. This place is perfect for you, Jake is perfect for you and that club has done you the world of good. You need to tell him how you feel; if he knew how you really feel about him, he’d cancel his flights quicker than you can say Viva España. He might’ve kissed Rachel, but anyone who isn’t daft can see it’s you he wants.’

  I dropped my roller and retrieved the cupcake from the bag. ‘Look, it’s best if he goes. If he doesn’t, he’ll miss out on being with Maya and I can’t have that. He got back together with Rachel after telling me there was no way he’d do that. He said if he went, he’d be going for Maya only – so she must’ve done something to change his mind. After all, he kissed her in front of everyone in the pub.’

  I recalled the look on his face when Rachel had excitedly announced they were getting back together. Everything about him had positively screamed no we’re bloody not! Then he’d kissed her and dispelled any notion I’d had that he was being forced into a life he wasn’t happy with. If that was the case, why did he kiss her?

  My best friend did her famous pout and gave me her ‘you’re going to listen to me because you know I’m right’ look.

  ‘All right, if he’s so happy to be back together with Rachel, why is he constantly trying to get in touch with you? If he wanted to let you down gently, there are far easier ways to do it than that. And since you keep bringing him up in conversation whenever you can, I’m guessing you still love him too.’

  I screwed my eyes shut and groaned. ‘Why do you know me so bloody well?’

  ‘I’m your best friend,’ she replied, scooping some lemon buttercream into her mouth. ‘It’s my job.’

  ‘Well you’re too bloody good at it!’ I grimaced and picked up my roller to do some more work on the wall I’d been painting.

  ‘Just talk to him, will you? There must be some way around this whole Spain thing. You two are obviously mad about each other, so you’ll find a way to make it work.’

  I sighed. There was no way to make this work. Life wasn’t a fairy tale or a romantic comedy; some things just weren’t meant to be.

  Later on, after the first coat of paint had been put on the bedroom walls, I went for a walk on the beach to clear my head. I’d thought of nothing except how stupid I’d been to push Jake away. There was nothing I could do though; he’d gone to Rachel now and I had to accept that.

  Something in the distance caught my eye. There were two people walking near the water, their figures blurred by the low-lying sun. From where I was standing, I could see two taller people with a smaller one sitting on the tallest one’s shoulders. It looked like an ordinary cosy family scene, but something made me want to investigate more. I had a sneaking suspicion who the figures might be and I hoped to God I was wrong. I started walking towards them to find out.

  I broke into a run so I didn’t lose the three figures before I unmasked their identities. It was pretty hard to make this look normal, considering I was wearing a dress and pumps, but as nobody else was around to judge I didn’t care. As I drew closer, a feeling of dread slowly began to grip me.

  My instincts had been right
.

  ‘Oh Laura, fancy seeing you here!’ Rachel’s toothy grin was stretched to breaking point.

  ‘It’s Lucy.’ I could barely get my words out as I caught my breath.

  Jake avoided my eyes; I guessed this was so Rachel didn’t kick off and cause a scene. Either that or the seaweed he had his eyes fixed on really was more interesting than my face.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ she asked, taking Maya from Jake’s shoulders and balancing her on her hip. Almost immediately, she started crying and Rachel put her down like she was an unexploded bomb. I had to force down a smile.

  ‘My cottage is just off the beach, so I like to come down here for a walk or a run sometimes.’

  She didn’t look particularly convinced with my story. ‘And you just happened to be here at the same time as us? What a lovely coincidence, don’t you think so Jake?’

  Jake was too busy making funny faces at Maya to bother with us. I didn’t blame him; her adorable little giggle was way more fun than my and Rachel’s casual sniping.

  ‘Jake!’

  Rachel’s sharp but sweet voice caught his attention and he whipped his head round to see what all the fuss was about.

  ‘Sorry, what?’

  ‘I was just saying what a lovely coincidence it is that Lucy’s here on the beach at the exact same time we are. Don’t you agree?’

  I could tell what Rachel was thinking: that Jake and I had somehow engineered a ‘chance’ meeting to see each other without arousing suspicion. I wanted to tell her she couldn’t be more wrong, but didn’t bother. She wouldn’t believe me anyway. The undertone to what she was saying was obviously lost on Jake, judging by the frown that furrowed his brow and made him look ridiculously cute.

  ‘Yeah I suppose it is a coincidence,’ he replied, ‘but this is a public space so anybody could be here at any time. Oh Luce, I meant to say thanks for helping me organise the cocktail party. It was amazing, even made the local paper.’

  You’ve crapped all over me and you want to talk about the sodding cocktail party, I wanted to say. One look at them was enough to remind me that it was my stupidity that had brought them together. I hadn’t wanted to get in the way of him being a dad to Maya, so I’d done the decent thing and stepped aside so he could do whatever he needed to. Which was apparently getting back together with Rachel.