by Lynsey James
Something inside me snapped. I’d been civil and respectful to her since I’d come back and received nothing but tirades of abuse in return. Now, it was time to say something. This time, there would be no running away. I’d done enough of that to last me a lifetime.
‘That’s it,’ I said, ‘I’ve had enough of this! Vicky was my best friend and I loved her! If I could change what happened then I would, but I can’t! I don’t have a sodding time machine parked outside to take me back to the night of the accident. Punishing me won’t change what happened; I’ll always be the one who gave Vicky the vodka, but I didn’t force her to drink it. I tried to stop her going up on the roof, but she insisted and there was nothing I could do. I can’t begin to imagine the pain you’ve felt for the last eight years, but I’ve been hurting too. I didn’t come back here at all until a few months ago and I missed it like hell every single day. You don’t have to punish me Maggie, because I do it to myself every day.’
Her face remained a blank canvas. She was totally and utterly unmoved by what I’d just said.
‘If you had any decency Lucy Harper, you’d fuck off back to wherever you sprang up from and never set foot in Luna Bay again. Go on, piss off and leave us alone, you little bitch!’
Jake came striding over and ripped the microphone out of her hand.
‘Get out before I call the police.’
At first Maggie didn’t move. She stood there resolute, arms folded and chin high in the air.
‘I was doing you all a favour. You needed to know what she’s really like, instead of the lies she’s been spinning you.’
‘I mean it Maggie, fuck off right now.’ Jake’s face was twisted into a furious scowl and his jaw was set into a hard line. I’d never seen him look so angry.
‘My work here’s done anyway.’ She strode out of the pub, looking very pleased with herself.
Jake looked at me like he had a million things he wanted to say. However, Rachel throwing her arms around his neck and planting a kiss on his lips ruined the fleeting moment.
I took that as my cue to leave. There was nothing left for me here.
Chapter Twenty-Three
The call came on a Tuesday morning in mid June.
Before it happened, I’d been busy finishing off the painting in the bedroom and giving the doorframes and skirting boards another glossing. I’d been immersed in the normality of it all, the repetitive nature of the brush strokes and the gentle rhythm of working I’d found. It was a joy to see the true character of Rose Cottage coming out. It was no longer a derelict, unloved shell; it was now a little slice of seaside heaven that I adored spending time in. It had become my sanctuary, particularly after the Broken Hearts Book Club finding out I hadn’t told them the full story about Nana Lily’s will.
Then, just as it had so many times before, one phone call changed everything.
‘Lucy Harper, how the hell are you?’
I almost dropped the phone into the tin of gloss when I heard my old boss Helen’s voice come bursting into the room.
‘Helen! Um, I’m great thanks how are you?’
‘I’ll cut right to the chase Lucy.’ She’d never been one for small talk or pleasantries. ‘I saw and heard about the work you’ve been doing to save that little pub in Yorkshire. There were some great pictures online of the cocktail party you did. What’s it called, The Purple Pheasant or something?’
‘Partridge.’
‘Uh huh. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how impressed I am with all your hard work. I take it the place is a thriving concern again?’
‘Well I only did one event, it’ll probably take a lot more than that to –’
‘Alrighty then. Here’s the thing Lucy: I want you to come back and work for me.’
And with that, the world stopped.
‘What?! But you said I wasn’t cut out for working in events.’
‘Obviously I was wrong; it has been known to happen on rare occasions. Your work with that pub has shown me you’re a force to be reckoned with. I told you that you weren’t right for this business and you went out and proved me wrong! Plus, Sam’s been poached by Mirage Events and I’m in dead lumber without someone to head up the Special Events division. I want you to come back to Eclipse as an event manager. I’ll double your salary, give you a company car, all the benefits, what do you say?’
I opened my mouth and expected a polite but firm ‘no’ to come out. Every part of me was engaged and waiting to say that while I appreciated her offer, I was happy in Luna Bay and didn’t want to leave.
However, what actually came out was ‘I’ll think about it’.
***
When it came to seeking advice about my surprising reaction to Helen’s offer, I knew I’d need as much as I could lay my hands on.
I went to the next Broken Hearts Book Club meeting, hoping I wouldn’t be run out with a host of torches and pitchforks. After a week of furtive glances and people crossing the street to avoid me, I desperately wanted to spend time with the people I’d come to love so much. The reception was pretty frosty, as I’d expected. Some polite nods, but nothing more. When everyone was sat down, I took to the floor to say my piece.
‘I know you guys probably don’t want me here because you think my motives aren’t honourable, but believe me – they are. It’s true that my link with the club started because of Nana Lily’s will, but when I got to know you guys I realised why she’d left it to me in the first place. She loved you all as much as I do and she wanted me to lead you and help you move on from your grief. I’ve been offered my old job back in London and if all of you don’t want me here, then I’ll be on the first train out of Luna Bay. So what do you guys think?’ I asked, hoping that their collective wisdom would help me reach a decision. ‘Should I stay or should I go?’
Frank started drumming The Clash’s song of the same name on the table and we ended up having a little sing-song instead of discussing how our weeks had been. Everybody looked so happy and I reminded myself of the part I’d played in that. I’d nudged, guided and coaxed them in the right direction to allow them to realise they deserved to be happy. And in turn, they’d helped me belong in Luna Bay and forgiven me when I’d got things wrong.
All of them had their happy endings, except one.
Diane stared off into the distance, a pensive look in her eyes. I pondered how I could help her as we came to the end of singing Should I Stay or Should I Go?
‘Why would you want to leave?’ Cath asked. ‘You’ve done so much for us and you seem really happy here. Anybody can tell how much you love this village.’
‘Maggie’s outburst at Jake’s going away party made me realise that I’ll never be allowed to forget what happened to Vicky. It’ll always be there because Maggie will always hold a grudge over the accident. I don’t blame her because it was a tragedy, but I can’t stay here if she won’t forgive me. I thought it didn’t matter, but now that everyone knows, it does matter. I could live with only a few people knowing, but the whole village knows what happened and I’ve got people crossing the road to get out my way now. I don’t want to leave you guys; I’ve loved leading you and watching you find your own paths, but I need to find my own now and I’m not sure that can be in Luna Bay any more.’
Jean patted my shoulder. ‘Well if you do leave, you’ll be well missed. You’ll have to come and see Jasper before you go.’
‘Hold on a minute Jean, the lass hasn’t even decided if she’s leaving yet!’ Frank reminded her. ‘The way you’re going on, you’ve practically packed her suitcase for her.’
Denise adjusted her little round glasses and looked at me. ‘This wouldn’t have anything to do with the fact that Jake’s leaving for Spain with Rachel soon, would it?’
I pursed my lips and started thumbing my copy of Us by David Nicholls. ‘He’s made his choice and I’m fine with it.’
‘Are you though? You know you can talk to us, darling. Every week for the past three months, we’ve discussed our deepes
t problems with you and you’ve listened and given us advice. The least we can do is return the favour.’
I took a deep breath and told the club everything. About how Jake had come completely out of nowhere and stolen my heart, how I’d never loved anyone as much as I loved him – before the whole moving-to-Spain thing had arisen and he’d gotten back together with Rachel. They ooh’d and ahh’d and listened intently, gasping at the various twists and turns our relationship had taken. I had to admit to myself that it sounded like something out of a soap opera.
Denise was the first to offer some sage words of wisdom. ‘It sounds to me like you’re caught between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, you want him to stay but on the other you don’t want to come between him and his daughter. What a bloody mess.’
‘Exactly,’ I replied, ‘I’d never expect him to choose me over Maya. If Spain’s where he needs to be for her then there’s nothing we can do about that. I wish things were different but they aren’t. If he stayed here, he’d miss out on so much of Maya’s life. He’s doing it to give her a stable family unit so I have to step aside.’
Denise sighed and shook her head. ‘Lucy, you can’t just give up like this. Look how much you’ve changed since you’ve come here! You were so unsure of yourself in the beginning but over the last three months, you’ve really come into your own. You’ve given us advice to help us through our grief, made a home for yourself and fallen in love. I bet you couldn’t have imagined doing all that when you came back here, could you?’
‘No, I couldn’t, but…’
‘No buts!’ Denise’s round face had gone even redder than normal and she had her hands on her hips, looking at me like I was a star athlete she was giving a pep talk to. ‘If you give up, you’ll always be wondering what would’ve happened if you’d tried. Trust me, that’s worse than falling flat on your face. Do you love him?’
I squirmed uncomfortably in my seat. I hated to admit it, but she was right. A little ray of hope sparked within me, but was quickly extinguished by the reminder that I was stepping aside so Maya could have a solid family unit. I’d already destroyed one family; I didn’t want to do the same to another.
‘Yes, I do love him,’ I replied, surprised at my impromptu confession. I hadn’t even known I’d felt that way until the words came out of my mouth. ‘I’ve loved him since the moment I met him, I just didn’t realise it until now. But he says he’s happy to be leaving. No bloody wonder either; he’s starting a new life away from here with his first love and their daughter. Doesn’t get much better than that!’
‘Men have a very dangerous thing called pride and usually end up misusing it to the point where it backfires. Like now, for instance! Of course he told you he was happy; he probably doesn’t even want to admit to himself that he’s miserable!’
Cath nodded in agreement. ‘Yeah, it definitely sounds like a male pride thing. Although my Barry never had any problem admitting when he was miserable. If anything, he was too bloody good at it!’
‘Not to worry flower,’ Frank said, gently kissing the top of her head. ‘I think you’re lovely just the way you are.’
‘You two are sickeningly cute!” I said with a giggle. ‘Like a pair of bloody teenagers.’
As I watched them, I couldn’t help being a teeny bit jealous. They’d found happiness in such an unlikely place. They’d come to the same book club for so long, supporting each other through trials and tribulations that life brought them, then come together in the most beautiful way. It would certainly be a wrench to leave such a lovely bunch of people behind if I went back to London.
My other set of wise counsels – my parents, George and Elle – wouldn’t hear of me even setting foot outside Luna Bay, let alone venturing near the M25.
‘You love this place,’ Mum said. ‘You’ve only just come back, why would you want to leave again?’
I filled her and Dad in on Maggie’s spiteful, venomous outburst in front of the whole village and people’s reactions since.
‘This isn’t the kind of thing that just goes away after a day or two,’ I said. ‘Thanks to Maggie, everyone thinks I killed a bright, beautiful girl with her whole life ahead of her.’
‘It doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks, Lucy.’ Dad started doing his wise old sage act. ‘You know what happened, we know what happened and so does everyone else who really matters. I think you’re wrong about it not going away too. There’s always something happening round here, always somebody to sit in judgement on. You watch love, soon enough you’ll be tomorrow’s chip wrappers.’
I looked at him and noticed he looked unusually ashen-faced, like he hadn’t slept properly for weeks.
‘Yeah maybe you’re right.’ I sat in deep thought as I considered my options. The Clash’s Should I Stay or Should I Go began playing in my head and I remembered singing along to it with the Broken Hearts Book Club. Could I really leave them behind to return to London? I’d be going back to a life I’d been desperate to leave for eight years, but running away from the events that had defined my past.
I had a decision to make and unfortunately, I was no further forward
Chapter Twenty-Four
As it turned out, life advice could come from the unlikeliest sources. Two days after getting the phone call from Helen, I found myself in The Purple Partridge, despite my best attempts to avoid it.
It had been Elle’s idea.
‘Show him you’re not arsed about him swanning off to Spain with another woman,’ she’d advised. ‘Then it’ll make him feel like a massive shitbag.’
‘Yeah but if I hadn’t told him we were finished, he wouldn’t have even entertained the idea of getting back with Rachel,’ I’d reminded her.
‘Details, details…’
So there we sat, nursing our drinks and making hackneyed attempts at conversation while Jake and Rachel stood behind the bar looking like the Kat and Alfie Moon of Luna Bay.
‘Her extensions probably aren’t even real,’ Elle said. ‘They look ratty, like her face.
‘Stop it, she’s stunning and you know she is.’ I sipped my vodka and orange, not really enjoying it.
‘OK, but I bet she’s got the personality of a plastic bag.’
I put my glass down and sighed. ‘Look Elle, I know you’re trying to be nice and help me, but I’d honestly rather go home. It’s bad enough knowing it was my fault all this happened without watching them two act all lovey-dovey.’
She patted my shoulder and downed the rest of her drink. ‘OK, if you’re sure. Give me a sec while I go to the loo then we’ll head back.’
She got up to leave, but stopped and turned round again. ‘And for what it’s worth, it’s not your fault. Rachel should never have put Jake in that position and he shouldn’t have said yes. If he goes with her, it’s his loss.’
Without another word, she spun on her heel in the direction of the ladies. I slouched down in my seat so I could watch Rachel and Jake without them seeing me. Every so often, they’d stop what they were doing and kiss, looking every inch the perfect couple. I looked at Rachel’s hair extensions and decided Elle was right. They did look ratty.
‘Are you going to order another drink or sit there playing peek-a-boo?’
When I craned my neck to see who the voice belonged to, I found Nicole staring at me with her hands on her hips.
‘I’m not playing peek-a-boo, I’m –’ I stopped when I realised the truth wouldn’t sound any better. ‘I’m just sitting having some quiet time to myself.’
Her unusually large eyes drifted over to the bar, where Rachel was in stitches laughing at something Jake had said.
‘They’re pretty much always like that,’ she said. ‘Except when they go upstairs and fight like cat and dog.’
That piqued my interest. ‘Oh, what do they fight about?’
She shrugged. ‘How would I know, I just work here. Probably the fact that she’s more up for going to Spain than he is. They’ve let the act slip down here a couple of
times and I’m guessing that it’s because he wants to stay here.’
She sat down opposite me in the booth so I wasn’t going to get away with dodging her questions. I’d had all my sarcasm, wit and spirit knocked out of me with recent events, so I wasn’t in the mood for a barney.
‘So go on,’ she said, ‘how come you two aren’t together?’
I sighed and gave her as brief a version of events as I could. I stuck to the main salient points: Jake and I met, fell in love, thought we had a future and then it was spectacularly ruined so we weren’t together any more.
‘Oh and did I mention he’s now back with his ex-girlfriend who looks like she just stepped off the cover of Victoria’s Secret? Since I’m more Victoria sponge than Victoria’s Secret, I’ve got no chance!’
Nicole rolled her eyes and did her best to fix me with a hard and serious stare. Unfortunately, she succeeded only in making herself look even more like a cartoon character.
‘Listen, you know I don’t like you right?’
‘Yeah I kind of got that,’ I admitted with a chuckle. The dirty look when we’d first met and blatant flirting with Jake had been clues to that.
‘Well that’s actually a good thing in this case, because that means you won’t get mad when I tell you you’re being a total idiot. You walked away from Jake and now you’re mooning over him because he’s back with someone who won’t do that? I’m sorry, but that’s bullshit.’
‘Oh thanks very much!’
‘It’s true! If you tried to be all noble and fall on your sword so you didn’t hurt him or whatever, then why are you surprised to see he’s moved on? If you really wanted to be with him then you would be, simple as that. All you’ve done is invent excuses for why you’re pushing him away. You don’t deserve him!’
I picked up my coat and bag and prepared to leave. Elle came out of the ladies and looked perplexed to see me leaving so quickly. I left her trailing in my wake, determined to get as far away from the pub as possible. Obviously Nicole had no idea what she was talking about and didn’t understand my deeply complex and tragic situation. Either that or she’d hit the nail on the head and I just didn’t want to face it.
