by Lynsey James
‘Do you want anything, coffee or water or…?’ Mum trailed off when she failed to come up with anything else either of us could want beyond confirmation my dad was going to be OK. She was a natural planner, always wanting to help people.
I shook my head. ‘No, I’m fine thanks. How about you? Can I get you anything?’
I looked at her and swallowed hard. She looked like a zombie – pale, sallow skin and heavy circles around her eyes like all the life had been sapped from her. I felt my already strained nerves fray even more.
‘No, nothing for me.’ Her voice was a hoarse whisper because she’d been crying so much.
I looked at her and saw desperation etched into her face. I could see the need in her to be doing something – anything – that could be considered helpful. Her husband – the man she’d been married to for nearly thirty years – was in a critical condition and she had no idea what was happening to him or if she’d ever see him again. I couldn’t imagine how worried she was. My thoughts turned to the awful scene that had unfolded at the restaurant. Jake of all people had been the one to administer CPR while Mum phoned the ambulance and I looked on at the dreadful tableau unfolding in front of me. I’d been utterly useless, frozen in terror, and hated myself for it.
Just then, my eyes were drawn to a familiar figure coming down the corridor. Jake. When he saw me, he broke into a sprint and I stood up so he could throw his arms around me, holding so tight I could barely breathe. I let my body relax against his and loved the feeling of his arms around me. Then he let go all too quickly and turned his attention to my mum, giving her a comforting hug. Having him here felt reassuring; I now had someone I could turn to for support when I was trying to be strong for Mum. I wondered if Rachel had said anything about him coming to the hospital, but I realised it didn’t matter. What did matter was that he was here.
‘How is he?’ asked Jake.
‘We don’t know yet,’ I croaked. ‘He’s in surgery and we’re waiting for the doctor to come out and tell us what’s going on.’
‘Do you want me to see if I can find someone to ask? See if we can get an update?’
Without waiting for an answer, Jake walked off down the corridor.
Mum and I collapsed back onto the squeaky uncomfortable chairs and stared after him. I was utterly in awe. Not only had he dropped to his knees in a packed restaurant to administer CPR to my dad, he’d swooped in and totally taken control of the situation. A sense of calm began to spread through me, tinged with a sense of loss. Here was a wonderful man, taking care of me at one of the worst moments of my life, and he could’ve been mine if I’d been a bit braver. I felt so stupid for letting him go. Giving him up would haunt me for the rest of my life, that much I knew for certain.
When he returned to us, wearing a contented smile of a man who’d just got what he wanted, I had to stop my heart from leaping out of my chest. ‘A consultant will be down in a few minutes. Do you guys need anything? I could go down the canteen and pick up some food or a cup of coffee?’
I shook my head and Mum mumbled that she was fine too. Jake nodded and sat down next to me looking exhausted. An alarm went off somewhere and I jumped. In a blind panic, I looked wildly around myself to see where it had come from. I couldn’t get the image of my dad out of my mind. His friendly smile, kind eyes and easy demeanour were burned on my brain.
Please let him be OK. I brought my knees to my chest and hugged them while I cried.
‘Hey, come here.’ Jake’s voice was so gentle and kind as he carefully prised me apart to put his arms around me. ‘Shh, it’s OK.’
‘I’m so scared,’ I wept into his shoulder. ‘What if he doesn’t make it?’ I kept my voice low, hoping Mum couldn’t hear me.
He stroked my hair and softly kissed the top of my head. ‘Don’t think like that. You’ll know more when the consultant comes to see you and I’ll stay as long as you need me to, OK? No questions asked.’
‘What about Rachel? Won’t she be angry that you’re here with me instead of at home with her? And Maya, she’ll need you won’t she?’ I sniffled and buried my head further into his chest.
‘Leave Rachel to me. If she’s got any issues with me coming to support a friend whose dad’s been taken ill, then I’ll deal with her.’
I strongly suspected she’d have a lot to say about her boyfriend rushing to his ex-girlfriend’s side, but I didn’t care. All I wanted to know was if my dad was going to be OK. I leaned into Jake, letting him run his fingers through my hair, stroke my shoulders and back and kiss my head every so often. It reminded me of what being with him had been like, but I couldn’t think about that right now. My dad was all that mattered. There couldn’t be a single thought in my head that didn’t revolve around him.
Just then, a man decked out from head to toe in teal blue scrubs came out to see us and took off his white surgical mask. I could see the beads of sweat on his brow, but his face was expressionless. I reached out and grabbed Mum’s hand, feeling her tremble.
‘Mr Harper is now in Recovery,’ he said with a reassuring smile. ‘The surgery went well – he’ll be in here for about a week so we can monitor him, but early indications are that he’s going to be fine.’
We breathed a collective sigh of relief and immediately began hugging one another. Mum collapsed into my arms and cried happy tears while Jake’s shoulders slackened as he relaxed and grinned broadly.
‘Mind you,’ the doctor said, pulling us out of our happy daze, ‘post-recovery isn’t going to be a picnic. He’ll need to dramatically overhaul his diet, start exercising and dramatically lower his stress levels.’
‘He could be put on hamster food for all I care!’ Mum said, her relief palpable. ‘As long as he’s all right! Can we go and see him?’
The doctor nodded, reminded us Dad would be very tired and showed us through to his room. He was sleeping and looked more peaceful than I’d ever seen him. His skin, usually alive with colour, was ashen and I was sure his hair had gone just a little bit greyer in the last few hours, but seeing the rise and fall of his chest made me happier than words could ever describe.
Mum sat down and clutched his hand tightly. ‘You don’t half know how to give people a fright, David Harper! I suppose this is one way of getting off doing the DIY.’
Jake squeezed my shoulder and pulled me close for a hug. ‘See, he’s totally fine. Nothing to worry about now.’
I broke away from him and went to stand outside for a moment. As I looked at my dad through the glass, it felt as if I was somehow removed from all the pain. I was only a few feet away, but I may as well have been an entire world away.
You could have lost him today, a voice in my head piped up. And if you had, you’d never be able to make up for all the lost time between you.
The thought brought tears to my eyes. I’d always been close with my dad, but there were so many things still left to say to him, so many moments for us still to share. If our time together had been tragically cut short, I’d never have forgiven myself for staying away so long. I’d missed my chance to be with Nana Lily; I didn’t want to do the same with my dad.
Jake came to join me and slipped his hand into mine, giving it an affectionate squeeze. I knew he probably shouldn’t be holding my hand, but I didn’t care. Having him there, holding me and telling me things would be OK, was what kept me sane throughout the whole horrible experience.
‘You saved his life.’ I turned to face him wiping away tears with my free hand, my voice wobbling dangerously. ‘I don’t know how I can ever thank you.’
Jake drew me to his chest and I breathed him in; he smelled slightly of the fish he’d had for dinner mixed with the sandalwood shower gel he liked.
‘You don’t need to worry about that,’ he said, forcing a cheerful note into his voice. ‘I always knew my St John’s Ambulance training would come in handy one day!’
I laughed and let myself sink into him, my arms around his waist and pulling him as close to me as I could.
We sat down on the double seat outside Dad’s room and I ran my hands over my face, smearing black mascara and eyeliner everywhere.
‘Oh shit!’ I laughed, sounding a bit hysterical as the tension began to ease out of my shoulders and started trying to wipe it off.
Jake grinned and caught my hand before I could make it any worse.
‘Here,’ he said, ‘let me get it.’
Gently he brushed his thumb over my cheekbones, where most of the black smudges were. I wanted to laugh at amount of concentration he was using as he wiped it away until I saw the look in his eyes. There was love there, I was sure of it. I was finally seeing what everyone else had been saying all along: Jake Hartley loved me. I’d deliberately stopped myself from seeing it because of the situation with Maya and the move to Spain, but now here it was in glorious Technicolor. I felt like I was waking up and seeing the world for the first time. One where Jake Hartley loved me and I loved him.
‘There you go.’ He drew back a little to admire his efforts. ‘You’re perfect.’
I felt a crimson blush sweep across my cheeks and looked away from him. ‘You know, I’m really glad you’re here.’
‘Where else would I be?’
I frowned. ‘At home with your daughter? When’s the big move to Spain again? I’ll bet she’s really excited. She can build princess castles all day if she wants to.’
Jake gave a weak smile. ‘Yeah she’ll love it. She doesn’t really understand what’s happening at the moment, but she knows we’re going on a big adventure soon. ‘What about you, when do you go to London?’
‘Well it’s supposed to be in a couple of days, but since Dad’s been taken ill I’m going to see if I can postpone it for a bit longer.’
‘Yeah that’s a good idea. Your mum’s going to need you over the next few weeks.’
I nodded as a swarm of words battled for attention inside my head. There were still a million unsaid things left between Jake and I and tonight had proven that you never knew what was round the corner. So it was time to be honest and now was as good a time as any.
‘I’m not even sure I want to go back to London.’
There, the words were out in the world, I couldn’t take them back now. My heart hammered in my chest as I waited for Jake to say something.
He raised his eyebrows, ‘Really? How come? I thought you’d be really excited.’
‘Me too. When I first came back to Luna Bay, I didn’t plan on sticking around. If it had been up to me, I’d have gone straight back to London. Then I met you and the Broken Hearts Book Club and everything changed, I suppose. I let you all get under my skin and now I can’t imagine being anywhere but here.’ I couldn’t look at him, so I kept my eyes on the floor, ‘I keep looking at my phone, wondering if I should call Helen to tell her the deal’s off!’
Slumping forward I put my head into my hands. ‘What the bloody hell has this place done to me?!’
Jake chuckled softly and leaned forward too so he could see me. ‘What it does to everyone who moves here: it works its way into your heart and once it’s in there, it won’t let go. Same with the people: once you make a friend in Luna Bay, that’s it. There’s no getting rid of that person.’
I smiled up at him, feeling almost stupid with relief that he understood. He felt the magic of Luna Bay too, it had pulled him into its loving embrace just like it had me. Maybe the village’s magic would make him want to stay. I knew it was wishful thinking on my part, but I couldn’t help but hope.
‘I know that all too well. I don’t think there’s any chance of me shaking the Broken Hearts Book Club off now!’
‘They’re a bit like the mafia aren’t they, once you’re in you’re never allowed to leave!’
As if to illustrate his point, a flurry of text messages from the club members asking how my dad was came pinging onto my phone. The first was from Diane, which made my heart do a happy dance.
‘Look at this!’ We chatted together as we looked through the texts and I felt the fear that had gripped every inch of me from the moment my dad crumpled to the floor in the restaurant begin to ebb away. Then Jake and I looked at each other and the whole world stopped. His lips parted and he let out a long, slow breath, catching his bottom lip between his teeth.
‘Lucy, I’ve got so much I need to tell you.’
‘Not now.’ My voice wobbled dangerously as a fresh well of tears threatened to burst out of me. ‘We can’t do this right now, my dad’s just had a heart attack.’
Jake turned to me, his face etched with pain. My heart felt like it was caught in a vice when I looked into his eyes.
‘I know this isn’t the best time right now, but please listen to me. There’s so much I have to say.’ His voice was strained, like he was trying to keep all of his emotions at bay. He was trying so hard to be strong, yet was so vulnerable at the same time. Tentatively, he reached forward and brushed his hand against my cheek. ‘It’s always been you, you know that? From the very first day I met you.’
My feelings and thoughts were all over the place, clamouring for my attention. Inside my head was a loud din and I couldn’t make sense of anything. I put my hand on top of his. ‘I feel the same,’ I choked out. ‘But it’s not as simple as us loving each other, is it? You’ve got Maya to think about. She’s your entire world Jake and that’s the way it should be.’
I knew I should be making some sort of declaration of love, but I couldn’t. Jake had so much to lose if he chose me over going to Spain and I wasn’t about to let him make a mistake he’d regret for the rest of his life. I pushed through the heartbreak I was feeling and convinced myself I was doing the right thing, sacrificing my happiness for his.
Without saying another word, he reached forward and kissed me. It was a soft, sweet kiss, full of emotion and tenderness. Our lips brushed and parted much too soon. I wanted to pull him back to me, but stopped myself. This was neither the time nor the place.
‘You should go,’ I found myself reluctantly saying, ‘Maya will be wondering where you are. She’ll be missing her Doc McStuffins buddy!’
Jake nodded, a million thoughts flickering across his face. I couldn’t gauge what he was thinking or feeling. We got up from the uncomfortable chairs and hugged.
‘Everything will be OK,’ he whispered in my ear. ‘Just you wait and see.’
When Jake left, I went back in to join my mum. She was holding Dad’s hand and talking to him. It was heartbreaking to watch her look so helpless. She hadn’t spent more than a day without him in nearly thirty years and I could only imagine what the pain was doing to her.
‘How is he?’ I asked, pulling up an available chair.
‘He’s stable, according to the doctors. I think they just say that when they don’t want to say there’s been no change.’ She cast an affectionate gaze at Dad, who looked peaceful as his chest rose up and down in a steady and controlled rhythm.
‘I saw you and Jake sitting out there together. What’s happening with you two now?’
It was all I could do to keep a smile from my face. I hated the thought of celebrating what could be the best thing ever to happen to me while my dad was fighting for his life, but I couldn’t hold it in.
‘He still loves me, never stopped apparently. He’s off home to sort things out with Rachel and from tomorrow, we’re going to give things a go.’ It was stretching the truth a bit, but I didn’t think now was the time to give Mum more to worry about by over-analysing exactly what was going on between me and Jake.
Mum reached over and touched my hand. ‘Good for you, love. He’s a lovely bloke, that Jake. If he hadn’t been at the restaurant tonight, your dad could’ve…’ She trailed off before upsetting thoughts began to occupy her mind.
‘I’ve been thinking… I might stick around in Luna Bay for a bit longer, now Dad’s been taken ill. I mean, you’ll need loads of help round t
he house won’t you, and it’s not fair if I go rushing off back down south leaving you to deal with everything on your own.’
A slow smile crept onto Mum’s face and I realised she’d rumbled me. Like she always did. ‘I thought you might say that! What about that posh events job you were offered? What’ll happen to that if you’re not taking it?’
I shrugged. I didn’t actually care what would happen to it, so long as I was in my favourite place in the world with my favourite people.
Twenty-four hours passed pretty damn slowly. I stayed at the hospital with Dad to let Mum go home and get some well-deserved sleep and the hours stretched out before me. I waited anxiously for Jake’s call, willing my phone to ring so I’d know it wasn’t all just a surreal dream.
Dad was awake but groggy and drifting in and out of consciousness.
‘I’m sticking around Dad,’ I said gently. ‘I’m not going back to London just yet. In fact, if everything works out today I could be here for good.’
His eyes fluttered and he smiled vaguely. I squeezed his hand and felt gratitude overwhelm me. Just a few hours ago, we’d nearly lost him and now he was here, a bit out of it but still with us. I’d never been so glad of anything in my whole life.
‘Don’t worry old man, I’m not leaving you just yet.’ I kissed his forehead then left just as the bell rang to signal the end of visiting hours.
I strode confidently across the car park, feeling excited about my decision. I was staying in Luna Bay and I couldn’t be happier.
Now that I’d definitely decided to stay, it was time to have a serious think about my future in Luna Bay. The first thing I did was call Helen and tell her I wouldn’t be taking the job. As I listed the reasons I wouldn’t be coming back to Eclipse, her voice grew louder and angrier.
