“Uh oh, but you don’t let him?”
She shook her head, giggling. “I’m so happy it’s Saturday and I can’t wait to see him,” she said. “So I jump into his bed and he grumbles and puts the pillow over his head,” she said, making exaggerated moaning noises and arm gestures. “And then I ask him if I can watch shows in his bed while he sleeps.”
“What does he say?” Julia asked, already knowing the answer.
“He mumbles so I grab the remote and put on the Disney channel and get under the covers and then Daddy always reaches out to hold my hand even though he’s sleeping. Once, when he was super tired, he said he’d pay me five dollars if I could stop talking for five minutes,” she said with a giggle. “I told him bribery was illegal.”
Julia burst out laughing. “Oh, Maggie, you’re the best,” she said.
Maggie beamed. “I think you’re the best, too. And you make my dad so happy. Look, there’s your picture.”
Julia’s throat constricted as she saw the old picture of herself. It had been taken on Matthew’s second birthday. She had looked so young. So happy. It was like she was staring at a different person. She didn’t recognize that person anymore.
“Well, your dad is a special guy. You know, why don’t we make him some yummy food and maybe some dessert, too? I bet he’ll be really hungry when he gets home.”
Maggie jumped up and down. “I think there’s more food in the freezer. Mrs. Peter does groceries and she’s always saying that the house needs to be stocked with staples, whatever that means.”
Julia rummaged through the freezer, finding some ground beef. That was a start. She rolled up her sleeves and looked around. There was a basket of Maggie’s laundry that needed folding. Dinner needed to be made. Judging by what was in the pantry, she might even be able to make some cookies with Maggie.
“Okay, Maggie. How about you and I make some dinner, do some clean up, and then bake cookies?”
“Yes! I’ll be the best helper you ever had,” she said, running up and wrapping her arms around Julia’s waist. Julia kissed the top of her head and then started delegating.
Three hours later, the winds and snow outside had increased drastically and it took all of her self-discipline to not let her worry for Chase show, but every time ice pellets would tap against the window she jumped a little. The image of him trudging through the snow to his truck, all tough, tall, and fearless played over and over again. Chase was tough as nails, and he meant so much more to her than a dear friend. Maybe that was part of her fear; she was finally opening up again, maybe in a way that she never ever had.
But she hadn’t told him. She had been so busy running and guarding herself, she hadn’t even hinted at her feelings for him, and now…he was out in this blizzard, helping other people, putting his own life on the line and she hadn’t even told him…what he meant to her. Life couldn’t be so cruel to take him too.
She forced herself to calm down as she heard Maggie’s footsteps approaching. The kitchen was clean and tidy, Maggie’s laundry neatly folded. They had cooked and eaten together. She had the sauce on low, ready for when Chase came home, whenever that would be.
“Can I have another sugar cookie, Auntie Julia?” Maggie was standing in the doorway, wearing candy cane flannel pajamas and looking so cute, she had to smile despite her worry.
“I think I’m going to get in trouble for letting you have four. Besides, you can have more tomorrow and I’m sure your daddy is going to eat a bunch when he gets home tonight.”
Maggie nodded agreeably. “He loves cookies and I don’t mind sharing.”
“Good girl. All ready for bed?”
“Yup. Brushed my teeth really well too. Can you tuck me in?”
“Of course I can,” she said as they walked out of the kitchen. Julia turned on the table lamp on Maggie’s nightstand and plumped her pillow and turned down the covers.
“I love your room, Maggie.”
Maggie beamed as she settled under the covers. “Me too. Daddy and I worked on it together when I started first grade. I told him I couldn’t really have a baby room anymore because grade one is a big deal, you know?”
Julia stifled her grin as she sat next to Maggie. “I agree. Grade one is a big deal.”
“I got to pick out the paint color and Daddy painted and I was his assistant.”
“You make a good team.”
Maggie’s smile faltered slightly. “We have to be. It’s just me and him. Sometimes I worry he won’t come back and when I was little, I worried about it a lot.”
Julia smoothed Maggie’s dark hair from her forehead while she tried to find her voice. But Maggie beat her to it. “Sometimes I’d have nightmares that he left with my mom, but then Daddy always came back, and whenever I’d have a nightmare he’d let me sleep in his bed and I knew nothing else bad would happen. And he said to me that there was nothing in the world that would keep him from getting home to me. So now I never worry,” she said.
Julia stared at Chase’s little girl and fought the emotion that was swirling through her uncontrollably. She was so much like her father. She was so sure, and she believed in Chase. She quickly swiped at a tear that escaped.
She would never tell Maggie that her dad couldn’t really promise something like that, but she believed it, and Julia desperately wanted to believe it. She wanted to be able to sit in this room and enjoy being with his little girl, without fearing for his life. She wished the sound of the wind howling and the ice pellets hitting the window didn’t make her stomach churn with dread, but they did. She was falling in love with Chase and she didn’t know what to do about it. Chase’s life was in danger every day. Being with a man like him, loving a man like him, meant opening herself up to loss all over again. She wouldn’t feel calm until Chase walked through that door, whatever time it was.
“I’m sorry, Auntie Julia,” Maggie whispered, looking worried now.
Julia shook her head. “Why are you sorry? I’m being silly, that’s all.”
“My dad told me about your little boy and your husband. I think what I said reminded you of them.” Her lower lip trembled as she stared at Julia. Julia took a ragged breath and squeezed Maggie’s hand.
“You didn’t say anything wrong. Expressing your feelings is never wrong and you don’t have to be afraid of mentioning Matthew and Michael. I think about my little boy all the time, honey. He’s right here,” she whispered, touching her heart. “It’s impossible for me to forget him. Don’t ever be afraid of talking to me, okay?”
Maggie gave her a shaky smile. “Then can I ask you something about being a mom?”
Julia nodded.
“Because I asked my dad, but sometimes I think it’s hard for him, and he’s not a mom, so I don’t know if his answers are really right. Did your little boy do anything really bad? Like so bad that you wanted to leave him?”
Oh God. She didn’t breathe for a moment, knowing Maggie was watching her closely. “Honey, there is nothing my baby could have done to make me leave him. What happened with your mom was her fault. It was something in her that made her need to leave, it had nothing to do with you. You’re the sweetest, most precious little girl I’ve ever met,” she said with a smile, trying to find humor in an impossible situation.
“My daddy is so special, Julia.”
Julia sucked in a breath.
“She shouldn’t have left him too.”
Julia leaned down to kiss Maggie’s forehead. “You’re very smart, Maggie. Just as smart as him, and you’re right. Your daddy is special. The best.”
Maggie’s features relaxed and she turned slightly under the covers, her eyelids looking heavy now. “It’s really past my bedtime, isn’t it?”
“Way past,” Julia said, leaning down to kiss her soft cheek. “You have a good night’s sleep, okay, sweetheart? I’ll be downstairs.”
Maggie nodded and Julia turned off her lamp.
“Auntie Julia?” Maggie called out when she was almost out the door.
<
br /> Julia paused. “Yes?”
“I’m glad you and my dad are good friends.”
“Me too, sweetie.”
“I’m glad you make him so happy. And when he’s happy, I’m happy. I know that grownups have girlfriends and boyfriends and get married and stuff, but my dad doesn’t. He’s all by himself and that makes me sad for him. But now that you’re here, he doesn’t seem alone anymore.”
Julia clutched the door frame and a flood of feeling stole through her. “I’m glad,” she said, stupidly, unable to come up with anything else to say, but it didn’t seem to matter because Maggie’s eyes were shut. She stood there, looking at Chase’s daughter, feeling all those feelings she used to have for her little boy. The love, the maternal instincts to protect and cherish and love. They flooded her until she almost couldn’t stand.
She stood there, drowning in emotion she hadn’t felt for another child since Matthew was taken from her. The most shocking part was that she didn’t want it gone, she didn’t want to hide it. Maggie was slowly making her whole again, a new version of the woman she once was, living a different life than she had before.
Because of Maggie.
And Chase.
Chapter Ten
Chase had been bone tired many times. Ass-frozen, bone-cold, bone-tired was different. The general feeling that people were idiots for not adjusting speed and driving based on road conditions had been the consensus tonight. If he could have handed out tickets based solely on stupidity alone he would have, gladly. It was a miracle, really, that there hadn’t been any serious injuries tonight.
He backed his SUV into the driveway, not expecting to see any lights on but the porch lights were, and he could see the front hall lamp was too. It was typical of Julia to think of someone else. She and Maggie must have fallen asleep hours ago. Right now, he didn’t even care that his stomach was growling. All he wanted was to fall into a deep sleep and wake up at least eight hours later. He hauled his ass out of the car, not even flinching when the snow and ice mix pelted his face; he was immune at this point. He trudged up the front steps and stopped short as the front door whipped open and Julia stood there, the expression on her face one no one had ever given him. And then she flew down the steps and he caught her in his arms, immediately walking into the house, and shutting the door behind him. He leaned against it, holding her to him as emotion assaulted his tired body.
“Thank God you’re okay,” she whispered against his neck. His arms tightened around her and he didn’t think he’d ever let her go. She had stayed up for him. He pulled his head back to look at her, and every single emotion he’d ever wanted to see from her was staring back at him in her green eyes. He clenched his jaw, and reached out to tangle his hands in her hair, just like he’d dreamed of doing at least a thousand times. But he didn’t look away from her eyes, needing to know that she accepted this, that she wanted him.
“I was so worried about you,” she whispered again, her fingers grasping the hair at the nape of his neck and tugging him to her.
She wanted him. It was there, in the way she reached up for him, the way her eyes went from his eyes to his lips. He leaned down and kissed her, finally tasting the lips of the woman he’d wanted his entire goddamn adult life. She opened her mouth beneath his, and all thoughts of being tired vanished. He devoured her, unable to think of anything except the woman in his arms. She pressed close to him and he felt every soft curve mold to him. His hands went from her hair to her body, slowly, greedily, wanting to feel her, to memorize in case this one night was all they had.
She let out the sexiest moan against his lips as his hands grazed the sides of her breasts. He cursed softly, wanting to take things slow, not wanting to scare her off, but completely unable to slow down. He picked her up until she straddled his waist.
“Maggie sleeping?” he managed to whisper against her mouth.
She nodded, her hands grasping at the collar of his jacket and helping him shrug out of it. It landed on the ground with a thud, and he walked up the stairs, not letting her go, not stopping until they reached his bed. He released her and then strode across the room to shut and lock his door. Then he was back, covering Julia with his body. She met him halfway.
“I’ve wanted you, Jules, for so long,” he whispered as he trailed kisses down her neck, his hands working to get her out of her sweater.
She paused for a moment when her sweater came off. He took in the gorgeous sight in front of him, the pale blue lace bra, and her luscious breasts spilling over the rim. She gave him a look he didn’t fully get before taking off his shirt. A shiver stole through her and then her hands were tracing his shoulders, down his biceps.
The vulnerability stamped across her features made him pause for a moment. And then he kissed her, expressing with his mouth, his hands, his body that this meant so much more to him than just one night. Julia had returned to him for Christmas, she was in his home, in his bed, and he was going to spend the rest of the night showing her what he always knew—that they were meant for each other. He would show her how cherished he could make her.
Chase made the turn at the highest speed he could, given the heavy rain. Sweat had dampened his shirt, making it uncomfortable under his uniform coat. It was November. Nighttime. The call that had come in about the car collision had made every hair stand at attention on the back of his neck, and then his gut had churned. He’d made a U-turn and headed out to the reported scene, probably beating the paramedics.
He eased his foot off the gas, but hadn’t been able to loosen his tightly clenched hands on the steering wheel. He squinted as smoke and headlights appeared in the distance. The wipers were going at full speed and it was still almost impossible to see. As he approached, he saw there was already another squad car on scene, lights flashing, the roads already closed in either direction. He hopped out of the car, running, his need to get to the car that barely even resembled a car propelling him forward, faster. He needed to get there, inside, even though he knew there were no survivors the way that car was wrapped around the tree. He knew that car.
“Hands off!” he yelled to the young cop that tried to tell him not to bother. He reached in, the bodies a mangled mess, not recognizable to the eye, but to the gut. God, no, there was no way he’d let Michael and Matthew go like this. “I’m getting you out,” he heard himself yell, cry, to people who couldn’t hear him anymore. “Dammit, Michael, I’m getting your boy out of here.” He didn’t know if it was the rain, or if it was his tears, but he could barely see as he reached inside the car.
“Lieutenant, get over here,” he yelled.
“I’m searching for the other car. There was another car, tracks down the mountain.”
He needed to go. He needed to go and help the survivors. He knew what he’d been trained to do…but now, shit…Julia was here.
“Julia, hold on…” But her head was dangling loosely, unnaturally. She was covered in blood, just like the rest of them. “Don’t you dare die, I’ve got you, I promise.”
The rain started again. He was sweating and swearing and he needed to get to her.
“Chase, Chase, wake up.”
It was her. It was Julia. But she was dead.
Hands gripped his arms, shaking him.
His eyes sprung open. Julia. She was shaking him, beside him, in his bed. Naked. Alive.
“You terrified me. Are you okay?” She was smoothing hair off his forehead. He swiped the moisture from his eyes and face, and focused on her, and on taking deep breaths. The dream wasn’t new. It was a recurring nightmare from the night he’d found Michael and Matthew. It had tormented him. Some nights early on it made him throw up. The nightmares were less frequent now. But Julia—she had never been in the dream.
He stared at her gorgeous face, eyes serious, brow furrowed as she stared at him. “What happened, what was it?”
He shook his head, knowing he was going to lie. He would do anything for this woman. He would tell her anything, give her anything, but he c
ouldn’t give her the truth about this. She’d been through hell; she didn’t need to know this. They had never spoken about what he’d seen that night and he was fine bearing the brunt of that.
He raised his hand, hating that it was still shaking. “Just a stupid nightmare. I’m okay.”
She grasped his hand in hers, squeezing it.
He closed his eyes for a moment, forcing the image of her lying there in the car out of his mind. He opened his eyes, raising his other hand, scrunching fistfuls of her hair, gently pulling her forward, on top of him. He knew he’d wanted her forever. He knew he loved her, but not like this. Her mouth hovered close to his and he knew she was the only one who could erase all of it tonight.
…
Julia opened her eyes and glanced at the display on the clock. It was a different clock because she was at Chase’s house, in his bed. The sleep washed away and memories of last night lapped in gently. She felt warm, safe, happy.
Chase’s deep, steady breathing at her neck, his strong arm around her waist, made it very clear to her groggy mind why she felt this way—him. A wave of memories washed over her; she had never experienced anything like what they’d shared last night. It had nothing to do with experience, or talent on his part, it had been real, raw, and a passion that she didn’t know she possessed had consumed her. She had never felt so wanted, and she had never wanted someone as much. Chase kissed her and touched her like no one ever had. He kissed her with a gentle possession, an all-consuming desire. He captured a part of her that she didn’t know existed. She and Michael had been…more friends than anything, she realized now. Maybe that was it…maybe he’d found this kind of passion with someone else.
This was going to change everything. She couldn’t deny her feelings for him anymore, but what did that mean for them? The things he’d whispered to her. She shut her eyes as she remembered the sound of his voice, the scrape of his stubble against her skin, and shivered. How would she ever be able to leave him? And if she stayed, how would she ever be able to surrender her worry?
Christmas with the Sheriff Page 10
