Other Side of the Wall

by Jennifer Peel

  September dawned and I found myself being asked out by an Oncologist for dinner. I couldn’t think of reason to turn him down other than my very friendly feelings toward my neighbor who loved his wife, so I agreed. But as soon as I said, yes, I had this feeling like I was being unfaithful. I know it sounds dumb. Scott and I were just friends, even though we spent most of our free time together, but some friends are just like that. He didn’t know I was attracted to him and I wanted to be more than friends. He had not signaled he wanted anything more than friendship; in fact, lately he had been talking more about Jenna. I noticed the last time I was in his house there were photo albums and old yearbooks laying around like he had been pouring over them. She had only been dead six months and what he was doing was natural and normal, but selfishly, I wanted him to work through it already and see me differently. I wanted him to take off his wedding ring. I wanted him to see that even though I was her opposite, we were a good match. But, I was smart enough to know that it probably wasn’t going to happen, so I kept my date with Dr. Micah Novalis.

  The night of my date I dressed up in a new red wrap around dress. I had finally done a major shopping trip and an overhaul of my wardrobe, my mom would be proud. Southern women knew how to shop and accessorize. I was pretty sure it was hereditary. I had just finished the final touches on my hair when there was a knock on my door. My date was early and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. He was already a little too eager for my taste.

  I opened the door, annoyed, only to find I wasn’t annoyed at all. It was Scott and it looked like he had just gotten off work.

  His eyes got wide when he looked at me. “Ava, you look … Um, you look … What I mean to say is uh, wow.”

  I waited until he was done stammering. “Thanks, I think.”

  His face turned a little red. “Ok, you look gorgeous.”

  He was always careful about talking about my physical appearance ever since that night he kissed me. I really wished he would kiss me again. Like right now.

  I smiled. “Better.”

  “So what’s the occasion?”

  I bit my lip and thought about lying. I don’t know why. I hated liars, and I never wanted to lie to Scott, but for some reason I didn’t want to tell him I had a date. I knew he didn’t care, but still.

  He kept looking at me expectantly.

  I sighed. “I have a date.”

  His face dropped. “Oh.”

  “Is there something wrong with that?”

  I so badly wanted him to say yes, because I would have called off the date in a nanosecond for him.

  “Of course not,” he answered. “Have a great time. I’ll see you later.” And just like that he walked off.

  I slammed the door harder than I should. I was such a fool. I was in no mood to go out to dinner with Dr. Novalis, but it was too late to cancel now. I don’t even know why I said yes in the first place. He wasn’t even my type. He reminded me of a California beach boy with his golden blonde hair and over-tanned skin. It was odd to me that an Oncologist would be so tan. You would think he would be more concerned about skin cancer. Believe me, I was all for being in the sun, but he seemed to overdo it. But who was I to judge? I think I was just upset he wasn’t Scott.

  Micah took me to a cozy little Italian restaurant in the heart of downtown. After my ex-husband, I wasn’t a huge fan of Italian places, but whatever, I just wanted to get this date over with. Micah was polite and attentive and even pulled out my chair for me, but I couldn’t get my mind off of Scott. The date was like most first dates, nice and superficial. For me there weren’t any sparks. This was what I would a call a “one and done.” After dinner he asked if I wanted to stop somewhere for dessert. I told him I had had a long day and I was full from dinner. He seemed disappointed, but I just wanted to be home.

  Micah pulled up to my house, and he insisted on walking me up to the door. I really didn’t want him to, but my Mom’s voice kept entering my head to let a man be a gentleman. I hadn’t dealt with the door scene in a long time; this was the first date I had been on post-Peter. Though, I had to admit, I’d been on some pretty great non-dates with Scott. My rule was never to kiss on a first date. I know I broke that rule with Scott, but technically that wasn’t a date.

  To my horror, we were walking up my steps while Scott was walking up his. It looked like he had just gone for a run. He looked amazing, sweat and all. But he didn’t look happy to see me, and that was confusing and hurtful. I turned from him and back to Micah who was yammering on about what a great time he had and could he call me again sometime. I didn’t know what to say. He was a nice guy, but I honestly had no interest in him. And I felt awkward; I knew Scott hadn’t gone in. From the corner of my eye I could see he was still on his porch stretching and paying attention to what was happening on my porch.

  When I didn’t answer right away, Micah went in for the kill, I quickly turned my head and he kissed my cheek. I swear I heard Scott chuckle. It wasn’t funny, and I wasn’t amused.

  I quickly said goodnight to an embarrassed Micah. He took off quickly. I looked over at Scott and glared at him like this was all his fault. His face registered consternation, but he didn’t say anything, and I didn’t say anything to him as we both stared at each other for a moment. After several seconds, I opened my door and slammed it for the second time that night. I think I heard his slam too.

  I wasn’t sure what had just happened, but I cried. I hadn’t cried in weeks, but I curled up on my couch and sobbed. I eventually cried myself right to sleep. I woke up on the couch; I felt stiff and my neck hurt. I had slept on it wrong, and I was still in my stupid red dress. I went upstairs and immediately turned on my shower. I looked in the mirror. I looked like heck. My eyes were swollen and puffy, and my mascara had run a little. I hoped I didn’t get any on my couch. I took a long hot shower and tried to relax my muscles, but it wasn’t working. I couldn’t believe I was allowing myself to get so wound up over another man that was emotionally unavailable. I thought I was such a smart woman, but apparently not when it came to men.

  Maybe it was dumb to have fallen for Scott, but we fit so well together. We could talk for hours on end about everything and nothing. Then there was the way I felt when I was around him. I felt peaceful and like I was home. There was a comfort that existed when I was with him that I had never experienced before.

  As I contemplated my feelings for Scott, I got ready for the day and commenced my usual Saturday chores and grocery shopping. I kept waiting for Scott to call or come over; he usually did on Saturdays. Sometimes we would ride our bikes to the farmers market or we would go to the grocery store together, each pushing our separate carts. We typically had lunch together during our outings, but he never called and I never saw him. I didn’t even hear him on the other side of the wall we shared. It was Labor Day weekend, so maybe he went out of town. He hadn’t mentioned anything, but all I knew was he wasn’t with me. I guess I could have called him or knocked on his door, but the look he had given me confused me, it was like he was upset with me and I couldn’t figure out why.

  Sunday came and went and still no Scott. Monday dawned too early. I had to work. Holidays were a busy time for the ER since regular doctor’s offices were closed and people for some reason just did dumb things on holidays. This particular holiday was no exception, we were overwhelmed with patients. I saw everything from broken bones to burns from barbecue grills and alcohol poisoning. We were so busy I ended up staying later than normal. It was ok; at least it kept my mind off my absentee neighbor. I wondered if we were going to go back to avoiding each other; I hoped not. I missed him, even if I couldn’t have him the way I wanted him. I still wanted him in my life. He was one of the best friends I had ever had. I don’t know anyone that had ever compared to him other than my family.

  When I got home I noticed it was quite noisy at Scott’s house, and there were a few cars parked in front that I didn’t recognize. It sounded like he was having a party. It was odd, he was usually such
a quiet person, and I admit I was hurt that I hadn’t been invited. Oh well, it had been a very long day. I showered and changed quickly into some old running shorts and a t-shirt. Then I came downstairs to get something to eat while I let my hair air dry. I was too tired to cook, so I just made a bowl of cereal to eat. There was barely some daylight still out and I had been stuck inside all day, so I walked out onto my deck to enjoy some of the last warm evenings of the season and to get some fresh air. As I sat there taking in the evening and eating my raisin bran, I heard Scott’s back door open. I instinctively turned expecting to see Scott, but instead I was greeted by a boisterous red-headed woman holding a tray of meat.

  “Hello,” she said.

  I returned her greeting.

  She introduced herself as Myrna Langston, Scott’s mom.

  She was not what I expected at all. “It’s so nice to meet you, I’m Ava Elliot.”

  Her eyes got big. “Ava! Well, I have certainly heard a lot about you.”

  “Really?”

  Her smile widened. “Oh yes, sweetheart.”

  I instantly liked her. She seemed like a lot of fun.

  She turned back toward Scott’s patio door. “Jerry, come here. Quickly!”

  I didn’t know who Jerry was, but I waited to find out. A tired looking man came out, but I could see Scott in him almost immediately. I’m pretty sure Jerry was Scott’s dad. He was graying, and he had a little bit of a beer belly, but his facial structure was similar to Scott’s. When he smiled at me, I really saw Scott. I smiled back.

  “Jerry this is Ava, you know, Ava,” she said in her thick Chicago accent.

  “Myrna, I know who Ava is.” He looked at me and smiled warmly.

  I wasn’t sure how he knew me, but ok.

  I stood up and walked to the edge of my deck. I felt a little ridiculous as my hair was a mess, I wasn’t wearing make-up, and I wasn’t in the most flattering of clothes. I reached across and shook both of their hands and told them how nice it was to meet them. Oddly, they both beamed at me.

  Myrna looked at my cereal bowl. “You’re not having cereal for dinner, are you sweetheart?”

  I looked down at the soggy raisin bran. “Yes, ma’am.”

  She smacked Jerry’s arm. “Isn’t that adorable, listen to her yes ma’am and that accent.”

  I smiled. Jerry seemed a little embarrassed, but like he was used to his wife.

  She shook her head at me. “I don’t think that will do, we were just about ready to grill these steaks and I brought plenty of food, we would love it if you joined us.”

  I was just about to answer, but then Scott came out. He was surprised to see me. He kind of froze and didn’t say anything. I could feel my cheeks redden. His parents looked between the two of us as we uncomfortably stared at each other and didn’t say anything. I didn’t know what was wrong. I wanted to know why he was avoiding me again, but now was not the time to find out.

  I turned to his Mom. “Thanks for the invitation, but it’s been a long day. It was really nice to meet both of you.”

  They both looked disappointed.

  I quickly said goodnight as I made my escape. Scott never said a word. I entered my house and looked at my half eaten mushy cereal and sighed. I dumped the remainder in the sink, and then I began to scrub the sink with a vengeance. I liked to clean when I was upset. Just as I got my stainless steel sink to shine, my doorbell rang. I assumed it was a solicitor as I wasn’t expecting anyone, so I didn’t answer it. I wasn’t in any mood to deal with someone trying to sell me something I didn’t need. Then there was a knock on my door. I thought, go away already. Sheesh. But then I heard a familiar voice.

  “Ava, I know you’re home, please open up.”

  So now he was talking to me. I waited. I wasn’t sure I wanted to see him right then. I was tired and a mess; it wasn’t a good combination.

  He knocked again. “Come on, Ava.”

  I reluctantly walked to my door and opened it.

  He smiled when I opened the door.

  I just glared at him. “What do you want?”

  He still smiled. “My family really wants you to come have dinner with us.”

  “I already ate.” I began to shut the door.

  He stopped it with his foot. “Ava, I know you ate cereal and I bet you didn’t even eat it all. Please come eat with us.”

  I didn’t say anything. He knew me too well. I guess that’s what happened when you spent as much time together as we had.

  “Ava, my family said I can’t come back unless you’re with me.”

  I rolled my eyes.

  “I’m serious.”

  “Look at me.” I waved my hand over myself. “I’m not really dressed to be going anywhere and I had to work a long shift today.”

  He looked me up and down and then he stepped closer, which surprised me.

  “Ava, you look great as always, but if you want to go change I’ll wait. Like I said, I can’t come back without you.”

  I looked at him thoughtfully. “Do you want me there?”

  He hesitated, but then he slowly brought his hand up and he touched my cheek softly.

  I looked up at him and smiled.

  He dropped his hand quickly, but he still smiled back at me, and he didn’t move away. “Ava, I want you….I mean I want you there,” he amended quickly.

  For a second I thought we were going to have a moment. Maybe we had half a moment. Or maybe I imagined it because I so wanted it.

  “Let me change.”

  He winked. “I’ll wait.”

  I ran upstairs quickly and brushed my teeth and threw my hair up, and then I applied some mascara and lip gloss. It was the best I could do. I kept the Alabama t-shirt on, but threw on some cute jeans instead of running shorts. I came back down to find Scott sitting on my couch. He looked gorgeous and like he had gotten some sun over the weekend; he had this rugged look to him. I wondered where he went or what he did.

  He stood up when he saw me, smiled, and walked toward the door. I met him there, but before we left, I grabbed his arm. He looked down at my hand. I knew he was deciding whether he should allow that or not, but I didn’t care.

  “Where were you this weekend? Scott, are you upset with me?”

  I knew my questions were making him uncomfortable, which led me to believe he was upset with me. And I knew our physical proximity and contact were also an issue for him, but I was tired of pretending that I wanted to be just his friend.

  He certainly was taking his time answering, so I eventually dropped my hand. “So you are upset with me.”

  He reached out and grabbed my hand and held it. “No, Ava, I’m not upset with you.”

  I was afraid to move or say anything for fear he would realize he was actually holding my hand. I loved the way our hands felt together. I just wondered if it meant anything to him, and if it meant that perhaps he wanted something more, too.

  His blue eyes penetrated mine. “I just needed to get away and clear my head and think.”

  “Did it work?”

  He looked down at our entwined hands. “I don’t know.” And without a thought he dropped my hand.

  I hated that he let go, but it was progress. “Can I help with something?” I hated seeing him so unsettled.

  He shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. “Ava, you may be the only person that can, but I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet.”

  “You’re confusing me.”

  He half smiled. “I know.” He didn’t offer any more of an explanation. “We better get back to my place.”

  I followed him out the door hoping that maybe someday this would all make sense.

  Chapter 6

  I was happily greeted by his parents once again. I was also introduced to his sister, Deanna, and her husband, Eric, and his brother, Nick. Scott was the oldest. Deanna was five years younger than him and Nick was seven years younger. Deanna looked like her Mom minus the crazy dyed red hair. Her hair was bleached blonde. The Langston w
omen apparently like to experiment with hair color (I came to find out his Mom was a hair stylist, so that made sense). They were both fairly tall women with medium builds, but his Mom was slightly heavier than Deanna. Nick and Scott could have almost been twins, but Nick was a little taller than his big brother, and he had brown eyes like their dad’s and a nose like their mom’s. They were a very nice looking family, and they seemed nice too. They were certainly going out of their way to make me feel welcome.

  After the initial greeting, they all kind of stood there staring at me and Scott, who was by my side, but as always with a buffer.

  I decided we had all looked at each other enough. “Mrs. Langston, can I help with anything.”

  “Do you hear this girl’s manners?” she exclaimed. “We’re going to wrap you up and take two of you.”

  I almost thought she was going to pinch my cheeks, but instead she took my hand. “Call me Myrna and come with me to the kitchen and tell me all about yourself.”

  I looked back at Scott while his mom was dragging me off and smiled; he grinned back.

  As soon as we reached the kitchen, she turned back around. “Jerry, you better check on those steaks,” she yelled, even though he was only a few feet away.

  He obediently walked out the back door as Deanna came and joined us in the kitchen.

  While I chopped vegetables and fruit, I told my life story minus the husband and divorce part. I got the feeling they knew that anyway. I was surprised that Scott had talked to his family about me, but it was a pleasant surprise.

  Sometimes Myrna would interrupt me, ok more than sometimes, and she would look at her daughter and say, “Listen to this girl, is she not the most adorable creature?”

  Deanna would agree, but I think she was just appeasing her mom. Not that she didn’t seem to like me, but who calls an almost thirty-year-old woman adorable? Truth be told, I was only a few months older than Deanna. Scott came back eventually, but his mom promptly told him to leave—that this was her time with me. I couldn’t figure out why she was so interested in me. After all, I was only Scott’s friend, but I’ll admit, it felt good. I missed motherly affection, and his mom had plenty to give.