Other Side of the Wall

by Jennifer Peel

  Scott fed me some of his coconut chicken, and I set his mouth on fire with my tikka masala. I teased him that I liked my food like I liked my men…hot. He liked that. We talked until early in the morning. I loved that no matter how much time we spent together, we could always find something to talk about. Our last topic of conversation centered on me losing my youth.

  “What do you want to do for your ‘big’ birthday next week?”

  “Could we please not refer to it as my ‘big’ birthday?” I smiled sleepily.

  “Ok, what do you want to do for your miniscule birthday?”

  “Ha, ha. I don’t know, I guess I haven’t thought about it.” I placed my palm on his cheek. “But as long as you’re there, I’ll be happy.”

  He grabbed my hand and kissed the palm. “Done.”

  “Now I know it will be perfect.”

  Chapter 11

  My thirtieth birthday was perfect. Scott involved his family and made sure he covered all his bases from dinner to cake and ice cream to the gifts. First he came up with this elaborate scavenger hunt at the aquarium that led me to my gifts. I loved it, but Scott was serious when it came to the scavenger hunt, and I had to employ all my brain power to figure out each clue. The last clue led us to his office. There on his desk sat two wrapped gifts. He sat me on his chair and handed me the first gift; they both looked professionally wrapped or Myrna-wrapped. I carefully unwrapped the paper and lifted the square box lid. I discovered the contents were every movie, in Blu-ray, that we had seen at the park that summer together, starting with “Return to Me” and ending with “Lake House” and everything in between. I adored them and the memories. When he came to take the box out of my hand, I pulled him down to me and kissed him hard and thanked him.

  He grinned. “Wow, that wasn’t even the best gift.”

  Next he handed me a large rectangular shaped package. “This reminded me of you.” It was a beautiful hand-painted picture that quoted Shakespeare, “Though she be but little, she is fierce.”

  I teared up. It was beautiful and thoughtful.

  He noticed my tears. “I think she likes it.”

  I stood up and gently placed the picture on his desk. He was leaning against his desk. I placed myself directly in front of him and looked up into those beautifully framed eyes. “It’s perfect.” I stood up on my tiptoes and kissed him.

  He wrapped me up tight. “Happy Birthday, Ava.”

  The birthday didn’t end there either. He took me to his parent’s home where his mom went overboard and decorated the whole house in streamers and balloons for the occasion. She made a totally southern meal of fried chicken and corn on the cob. She even tried her hand at cheesy grits, and she made homemade corn bread. It was fabulous. I felt like I had gone home.

  To top it off, she made a chocolate layered cake with chocolate mousse frosting. It was amazing. Scott insisted that thirty candles be placed on it. I was surprised the fire alarm didn’t go off. He laughed when I failed to blow them all out at once, but I told him there would be paybacks when he turned thirty-five the next year. He said he looked forward to it. I loved that we planned to be together then. His family spoiled me with gifts too. I got free haircut coupons, my favorite perfume, and Nick even brought me flowers. I thought the flowers were sweet, but I think Scott found it suspicious. Seriously, Nick did nothing for me. In fact, I kept having the urge to tell Scott I loved him. I wasn’t sure where it was coming from. I had been careful about that particular feeling, but I found I couldn’t control it. I didn’t say it, but I sure recognized it. I did love him, but I held back. Yes, we had had a very good week. He tried very hard to be emotionally available and present, but I didn’t want to rock the boat, so I held on to my little secret.

  The only person I couldn’t hide it from was his mom. I wasn’t sure how she knew, but the next week when we had lunch, she totally called me on it. I didn’t deny it; I just asked how she knew.

  Her face erupted in a Cheshire grin. “Sweetheart, if you could only see your face when you see my Scotty. It just screams love.” She took my hands in hers. “I know you’ve had your ups and downs and I know Scotty isn’t the easiest person sometimes, so your secret is safe with me, but I’m hoping I don’t have to keep it for too long. You don’t know how happy you’ve made me!”

  I warned her, though, that I wasn’t sure he felt the same way and that those feelings may not be welcome to him. I mean, the man was still surrounded by pictures of him and Jenna. I know it irritated his mother, but they had been married.

  She threw her hands up in disgust. “Ava, he would be a special kind of stupid to not be in love with you.”

  “I’m not the only woman in his life, Myrna.”

  “Oi” she said. “You’re the only living and breathing one, and he was never this happy with Jenna.”

  I grabbed her hand. “Myrna, just promise me that no matter what happens between Scott and me that it won’t interfere with your relationship with him.”

  She looked at me funny. “You are such a good girl.”

  She didn’t promise, but it was the best I was going to get.

  October was a fabulous month. The weather was perfect and mild, except at night when it was a little chilly, but that was just extra incentive to cuddle up. Scott and I were pretty much inseparable. Scott even took me up to this orchard in Wisconsin one weekend, and we picked apples and went on a hayride. On the way back we stopped by a pumpkin patch and picked our own pumpkins. We had a carving contest with his family, and Scott won, hands down, with his carving of a dolphin. Who knew he was that talented? His mom taught me how to make her apple pie and caramel apples. I had a feeling I would be exercising more if I continued to hang out with the Langston’s. His mom had some serious baking skills.

  Scott was having more good days than bad days. I knew Jenna loved the fall and, once in a while, he would comment on it. I tried to be patient and loving and supportive when he did. He also had a hard time when his new furniture arrived right before Halloween. I loved getting new furniture, but for him it was just another reminder he was moving on. I had found this great wooden ship’s wheel that would look great on his wall. I bought it to surprise him with on the day his furniture arrived. He wasn’t as enthusiastic as I had hoped, but you win some and you lose some.

  I thought the new furniture looked fabulous, and it was much more his style than the blah furniture it replaced. I kept trying to be enthusiastic about it in hopes it would rub off on him. No such luck. I finally gave up and kissed him goodnight.

  But before I walked out the door, he held up an envelope. “Ava, I received a letter in the mail today from your hospital. They are offering a bereavement group for people who have lost their significant others. I think I’m going to go.”

  “I think that’s a great idea. Goodnight.”

  You know, to this day I wished I could have taken back those words. It was honestly the worst idea ever. Not because of the group, or even the counselor that led it. I actually knew Dr. Heard, and I respected her. No, it was because after he started attending the group, there was a grieving, scheming widow in our lives named Beth.

  At first, she was a minor annoyance. I had never met her, but I was annoyed when Scott would say things like, “Ava, you have no idea what it’s like to finally have someone to talk to that knows exactly how I feel.”

  I wanted to say, “What have I been to you all these months?” It kind of hurt. I mean, I get that my husband didn’t die, but I felt like I did great job empathizing with him.

  So November came in like a lion and out like a cyclone. It started with Scott getting the flu. I had told him to get his flu shot, but he didn’t listen, because who didn’t believe in them? Jenna, that’s who. Here she had an auto-immune disease, and she refused to take medical advice. I found out, too, that the reason her illness spiraled out-of-control so quickly was that she refused to take any of the medications prescribed to her, and she regularly missed doctor appointments. She wanted to take a
more homeopathic route. Don’t get me wrong, I believe some people rely too heavily on prescription medications; they come in and think a pill will just fix it, but instead what they really need is a healthy diet and exercise. But then there are people like Jenna who completely ignore sound medical advice. I was just so shocked that Scott couldn’t have convinced her. He is a man of science, after all, and he obviously loved her. She could have at least done it for him.

  Scott sounded horrible on the phone, so I decided to get over my annoyance with his new found friend and make him some lemon orzo chicken soup and take care of him. I also got him an assortment of over-the-counter flu remedies and things like ibuprofen and cough drops. I even made freshly squeezed orange juice because I loved him, even though he was making it difficult for me to. I loaded up my basket and brought my medical bag too. I wanted to make sure he wasn’t getting any secondary infections, like pneumonia, which are common with the flu.

  I let myself into his darkened home. He had given me a key, just in case. And he had one for my house, you know, just in case. Like a true man, he acted like death while lying on his couch. He barely raised his head when I entered.

  “Ava, I told you not to come over. I don’t want you to get sick.”

  I sat next to him on the couch. “You know I work with sick people all day long, and unlike you, I got my flu shot.”

  “Yeah, maybe I’ll rethink that for next year.”

  “That’s a good idea.” I touched his brow, and he was quite warm. I kissed his forehead. “I would say 102.”

  “You can tell my temperature by kissing my forehead?”

  “Yes, it’s one of my many nurse superpowers, but if you don’t believe me, I’ll prove it to you.” I got out my oral thermometer with new protective covering, and I had him open up so I could place it under his tongue. As soon as it beeped I took it out and read it. “102.1”

  He tried to laugh, but failed miserably. “I hope you’re not kissing all of your patients.”

  I winked. “Only the cute ones.”

  Next I got out my stethoscope. I tried to warm it up before I placed it on his chest. “This may feel cold against your overly warm skin.” I reached up his shirt, which is something I had never done, and medically speaking, it was quite nice. He had a toned chest with some chest hair. I bet it looked nice. I told him to breathe in and out slowly.

  “What are you checking for?” he asked.

  “I just want to make sure I don’t hear a Velcro sound, that’s a sign of pneumonia. You sound good, but your heart rate is a little high.”

  He managed to reach up and touch my cheek. “That’s because your hand is up my shirt.”

  I smiled. “I’m glad I can still raise your heart rate.”

  “Ava, believe me, my heart rate increases frequently around you.”

  “If you weren’t so sick, I think I may just kiss you.”

  “Incentive for me to get well,” he replied.

  I touched his warm cheek. I got up and took the food to the kitchen. I prepared a tray with soup and juice and brought it back to him.

  “Can you sit up?”

  He slowly sat up. He really did look miserable. First I handed him some ibuprofen, with some juice to swallow it, for the fever and aches. He hesitated, but I insisted. Jenna wasn’t here anymore. I told him he should drink the rest of the juice; he needed to push the fluids. I also gave him a mucous reducer. Then I placed the tray on his lap with the soup. While he slowly ate, I cleaned up for him. I had never seen his house this messy. Normally he was a pretty clean guy. I mean, it wasn’t a pig sty or anything, but for him it was unusual.

  After I started his dishwasher, I came and sat down next to him again. He had eaten most of the soup. I removed the tray and told him to lie back down and get some rest. I kissed him once more on the forehead.

  “Ava, what would I do without you?”

  “I would like to think you would live a sad, miserable existence without me for company.”

  He closed his eyes. “That about sums it up.”

  I kissed his warm skin once more. “Rest. I’ll stay in case you need anything.”

  He smiled and quickly drifted off to sleep.

  I had brought a book to read. I always liked to read A Christmas Carol by Dickens during the holiday months, and I figured this was as good a time as any to start. I curled up on his new blue chair with an afghan and the book. I frequently looked over at my patient, the man that I loved, the man that frustrated me like no other. Sometimes I thought for sure we would stay together, I could easily picture us being married, but at other times I just knew we were in for a bad ending. I tried not to think like that. I hoped the bereavement classes would help propel us in the right direction, but it seemed to have the opposite effect, or maybe it was just his new friend Beth. I just had an uneasy feeling about her. I hadn’t met her, but it was the way Scott talked about her sometimes. She sounded very needy, and he seemed to thrive on that.

  I read a few chapters and nodded off myself. I awoke to Scott coughing loudly. I got him some water, and he was able to go back to sleep. I got up with him a couple more times through the night to give him more medicine or get him something to drink. Each time he expressed his gratitude for me.

  When morning came, I was actually awoken by him sitting on the ottoman in front of the oversized chair I was curled up on. He was stroking my cheek and looking at me sweetly.

  “Good morning,” I said as I sat up. “How are you feeling?”

  He just kept staring at me. He had a very serene look on his face, but it was unlike him not to answer.

  I ran my fingers through my hair. “Do I look horrid?”

  He smiled and shook his head. “No, I was just thinking how beautiful you were, laying there.”

  I smiled in return. “But really, how are you feeling?”

  “Better. I think my fever broke.” He leaned down. “Do you want to check?”

  I gladly kissed his forehead. “Cool as a cucumber.”

  He laughed, or at least he tried to. It mostly came out as a cough. “Is that a medical term?”

  “Yes, a highly technical one.”

  He stroked my cheek some more. “I really am lucky to have you, but I feel like you take care of me more than I take care of you.”

  I held his hand. “You know, even Superman sometimes needed Lois Lane to save him. I like taking care of you. I know you would do the same for me.”

  “I like the sound of being your superman.”

  “Me too, but no tights, ok?”

  He again attempted and failed at a laugh, but I could see it in his eyes.

  I left his house that morning feeling like it was all going to be ok, but it didn’t take long for me to find out how completely wrong I was when it came to men. I was seriously thinking of joining some self-help group. But FYI, it wasn’t going to be the bereavement group.

  The following week I had the displeasure of meeting Beth. I would have liked to say I was shocked, but unfortunately it made perfect sense. Beth was like Jenna’s doppelganger. Tall, pale, rail thin, with dark brown hair and dark brown eyes. I swear they could have been sisters.

  The bereavement group met at the hospital, and I had worked late that night. I caught them both as they were leaving. The worst part was Scott choked on his words when he introduced me; he ended up calling me his neighbor. I looked at him like he really was a special kind of stupid. His mother would have smacked the back of his head. He had no idea how hurtful it was. Sure, we never gave ourselves a title per se, but we were in a relationship. For heaven’s sake, I’d just spent days nursing him back to health. I obviously didn’t say much, and Scott didn’t stop me when I left.

  What was more hurtful was the next day when I told him it bothered me that all he could call me was his neighbor and he blew it off like it was no big deal. I had also been asking him if he wanted to come home for Christmas with me. My parents really wanted to meet him, and I wanted to have him there with me more than
anything. We had already planned to have Thanksgiving with his family, which I was looking forward to, but I hadn’t been home for Christmas since before I was married, and I really wanted Scott to be there. But he would never give me a straight answer. He was either thinking about it or didn’t know if he could take the time off work.

  The weather began to match my life. I would say November became very harsh. The only highlight was his mom; she became my saving grace. I spent more and more time with her as Scott spent more of his time with Beth. He said they were just friends and they were helping each other through this difficult time of year together. Apparently, Beth really had no one and she needed him. His mother was disgusted with his behavior, but I begged her to stay out of it even though I found myself crying on her shoulder a lot.

  Chapter 12

  Thanksgiving approached and I was not in very grateful mood. My relationship with Scott was spiraling downward. Beth was the neediest woman on the planet, whether it was her battery had died on her car, she needed help changing light bulbs (seriously? she was like amazon tall), she just needed someone to talk to, the list never ended, and for some reason she could only call on Scott to help her solve her myriad of problems. I tried to express my concern to Scott that this was getting beyond just being friends and that I was almost certain she was attracted to him. He just waved off my concerns, and I was frequently being told I just didn’t understand what it was like to be in their situation.

  By the time Thanksgiving Day arrived, I was heavily considering my mom’s offer to come home and work for her and my dad. I hated the cold weather, and I hated the constant pit I felt in my stomach about Scott.

  I awoke early on Thanksgiving so I could help Myrna with dinner preparations. Originally, Scott was supposed to come early with me too, but Beth wanted to run the 5k Turkey Trot. She just couldn’t bear to run it by herself, so Scott gladly volunteered. I had a feeling they had been running together lately. Scott was acting weird when I would ask him if he wanted to run together. He either had already run or said he planned to do it later.