The Dreamer (The Fall Series)

by Abbey, May Nicole

  Suddenly I was very tired and very sad. I vaguely wondered what was happening to me, why I couldn’t seem to pull myself together. It seemed like ever since I dropped into this strange world, I had lost my … what did the captain call it? “Careful, objective detachment.” And every moment it seemed to get worse.

  The bed creaked, and I felt a heavy weight beside me. I turned and found Mallory had moved to my side.

  “What do I do now, Captain?” I whispered. I simply didn’t have the answer.

  “We’ll leave you alone now,” he said gently. “You’ve had a difficult day, and you need to sleep. I’ve collected a stack of blank paper for you at the desk along with any writing utensils you may need when you awake. Finley’s already shown you where all your current notes are.” And then he added deliberately, “He worked very hard to save them.”

  I was silent, and then I turned and looked at John still standing there. “Thank you,” I told him stiffly. “I … I apologize for my outburst. I’m just overly tired.”

  He nodded, though I knew he wasn’t fooled. He smiled slightly, pulled at the thick cross, and left the room.

  Captain Fredrick followed behind, but not without first bending to kiss my hand and telling me he fully expected to review my notes of him, in order to edit or delete aspects he deems appropriate. “For as we all know,” he explained, “mere facts are hardly an accurate illustration.” He thanked me for the dramatics, for it was nice to be reminded that I was, indeed, a woman after all. Then he, too, left.

  Mallory stayed behind, which I found I had expected him to do, still sitting on the bed, his eyes scanning my face.

  Something in the way he looked at me made me say defensively, “Well, what about you? Being so nice to John after knowing what he’d done to me?”

  “It’s due to him that we were able to find you again at all,” he reminded me.

  “Are you serious? If it weren’t for him ….”

  “I know, Rachel. I know.” He sighed.

  “He doesn’t have an ounce of strength in him. He’s so weak and pathetic. You should have heard him in that vile room, sniveling and apologizing, begging for forgiveness even as he walked out the door and abandoned me.”

  Again, the captain ran his hand down his face. I stopped talking. I knew it bothered him to hear it.

  “I know his weakness, Rachel,” he told me sounding tired. “I’ve always known it.”

  “Then why do you keep him with you? Why do you stay so close to him?”

  “Because he’s kind. Whether you choose to believe it or not. Kind to a young boy who was frightened and alone.” Agitatedly he stood and walked to the other end of the room.

  “Can you bear to tell me, Mallory?” I asked quietly.

  He hesitated.

  “Can’t we commiserate over our pain? Will it ease it a little do you think? And perhaps draw us together. I long to be close to you. And it’s so difficult.”

  “For your notes?” he asked. He wasn’t accusing me. Just asking a question.

  “My notes?” I repeated as though I didn’t understand the word.

  Mallory paused, then turned and looked out the window. Finally he said, “My mother looked a lot like you. Long dark hair, eyes that were real and alive. I didn’t really even understand we were in danger. My father had been out with the guns, my mother and I locked in our cabin, huddled close. I hadn’t been afraid. She told me there was nothing at all to fear. I believed her. I believed everything she ever said.”

  “She must have been very brave.”

  “She was. She told me we would play a game, hide and seek. She put me in the trunk, buried under clothing and nick-knacks, and told me I must be quiet, quiet as a mouse in his dark hole. ‘Close your eyes, Mallory,’ she told me gently and kissed my face. ‘Do not come out. Do not let anyone find you.’ Looking back I see now that she’d seen the pirates board the ship …. She seemed so calm.”

  “What a woman,” I said quietly. “That is strength. That is character.”

  “My father entered almost immediately, crying, ‘We’re saved! A ship has come to our rescue,’ and he directed her to look out the window. I lifted the lid and peeked out, excited. But as I did, I saw him put a gun to her back and pull the trigger.”

  “Oh!”

  “He didn’t want her to suffer. The pirates had boarded the ship and were headed her way.”

  “I’m so sorry, Captain.”

  “She didn’t make a sound,” he continued as though I hadn’t spoken. “Just fell, and he caught her and laid her gently down, smoothing the hair from her face. There were tears on his cheeks. He was begging for her forgiveness.

  “I fell back, and the lid shut with a slam. I hoped he hadn’t heard me, but I knew he must have. There was movement, and I was terrified, not understanding why he’d done that to her, fearing he’d hurt me, too. But almost immediately the door opened and there was fighting. I peeked out to find him fighting five, maybe six men. He was at the door with his sword and pistol. I realize now that he knew I was in the trunk and was trying to push the men from the door and away from me. But there were too many of them. They fought their way into the room, and my father deliberately moved out of my line of sight so that I could not see them. He must have fought like a lion, the amount of time it took for all those men to subdue him. It was a long while. But they did overcome him, and … I can still hear his screams sometimes at night,” he finished with difficulty. “He wouldn’t tell them, and he cried out again and again and again until he finally just stopped.”

  He turned to me now, his eyes strained. “It was around my middle … the belt buckle. He’d put it on me before we knew we were in danger. I had told him I liked his belt, and wondered if I could ever have it. ‘Here,’ he told me immediately, and put it on. I had it on when the fighting began. I had it on when he was questioned. He wouldn’t give me up.”

  He paused and turned away again, his shoulders stiff. I was horrified and I struggled to know what to do. Clearing my throat I hesitated, “Mallory …?”

  “What?”

  “Nothing except I stand in awe of your mother and father, and I can see their honor in you. All you’ve done for me since I’ve come, all your sacrifice to help me, I understand a little better how a man like you must have been made. It makes more sense to me now. There are so few like you where I come from.” I looked down at my fingers and moved them slightly.

  Lightly he added, “He cried for me once. And I didn’t move, didn’t try to help him.”

  “He called for you? Your father?”

  A muscle moved in his jaw and he exclaimed, “I hate the ocean! I hate it. It’s the worst place on earth. And I’ve lived more on water than on land. Heaven and earth, why can’t I escape?”

  He leaned forward, pressing his forehead against the cool glass of the dark window.

  I rose from the bed. “Oh, Captain, help me,” I exclaimed, gripping him from behind. “I am blind and ignorant and I don’t know how to comfort you.”

  He turned, his large hand reaching up and gently touched a lock of my straight hair, rubbing it between his fingers. It seemed to absorb all his attention.

  “He must have been delirious. And surely you see it was the right thing to do to stay put. A child, Mallory, could not have stopped them. And would have been killed – or worse – for his efforts. Does that help?”

  He dropped his hand. “I know that. John told me that.”

  I paused. “I see.”

  “It would have been much worse if not for John.”

  “He found you?”

  “Yes. And insisted to Fredrick that they keep me instead of drop me off on shore. He knew firsthand how poor orphans were treated, and he wanted to save me from it. He loved my father.”

  “I see,” I said again.

  “He’s a good man, despite the bad, or perhaps because of it.”

  “But Mallory ….”

  “We all have our failings. All of us.”

  “A
ll of us?”

  He looked down at me a moment. And then he suddenly gave me a sweet, indulgent smile that changed his expression. He tapped my mutinous chin with an index finger. “Yes, even you, proud, contemptuous Rachel, who is not nearly as indifferent as she used to be.”

  I retorted, “Or you, harsh, unyielding Captain, who is not nearly as indifferent as he wishes to be.”

  He gave a short, soft laugh, and pinched my nose, and I knew he was glad I was safe. He was not a man usually given to casual gestures of affection.

  And then, as though remembering that himself, he stepped away. “Don’t worry about Norcross. He found the island and got what he wanted, and I hardly think he would bother to pursue us now. We’ll make for shore. It’ll only take a few days, and then — ,” he broke off abruptly, as though he didn’t know how to complete that sentence. The next moment he turned and strode out the door without another word.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Notes: Furthering education in levity. Never before recognized the value of endorphin release in laughter.

  The next few days on the ship were some of the most instructional of my life. I marveled at the unusual and fascinating relationship this crew had, not just with one another, but with their unique captain as well. By now I had become quite an old hand at eighteenth century nautical life, but the men on board this ship were different than I had ever seen before.

  Captain Fredrick had the most interesting relationship with them. They were like a large, jocular family, but he was quite firmly at the head. His easy, striking face could quickly change to something as firm and unyielding as Mallory’s expression when a crewman stepped over the line. I once watched him, in a matter of moments, laugh with a crewman, knock him to the floor when he smarted off, then pick him back up and help dust him off. Mealtimes were a pure delight, and often I left the table with aching sides from so much laughter. Mallory, too, was different than I’d ever seen him. Never before had he been so at ease. And, although he wasn’t raucous like the rest, he laughed freely when someone joked with him.

  And he was often teased. The men seemed happy to have him back, and they expressed their happiness by ridiculing the Resolution as well as all her crewmen.

  Even Captain Fredrick delighted in tormenting him. Once, when I was making a tour of the ship, he invited me into his cabin. It was richly decorated with fine linens and art work, jewels and goblets. I admired a ruby necklace in the shape of a large teardrop, and he insisted that I should have it, despite my protests. He turned me to the mirror, and when I saw it around my neck, any further argument died on my lips. It was beautiful.

  “Wear it to dinner,” he told me from behind, a smile on his face.

  And so I did, and when Mallory saw me, his smile faded as his eyes fell on my necklace. His brows came down. “Where did you get that?” he asked sharply.

  “Captain Fredrick,” I answered in surprise.

  “Well, return it,” he commanded.

  “Why?” I looked behind me when I heard one of the men snicker.

  Mallory turned me around and unclasped the necklace. “Because, my darling dimwit, when a pirate makes you a gift of jewelry, it’s because it is so well known that he cannot unload it. One foot on shore, and you would have been arrested for thievery.”

  “Ohhh,” I answered, amid laughter, wide eyed, not relishing the idea of an eighteenth century cell. “That wasn’t very kind of him. Though I suppose he knew you’d stop me.”

  “Of course he knew I’d stop you,” he answered with the hint of a smile.

  At that moment Captain Fredrick himself entered the dining compartment and looked at us. He cursed and asked the other men there, “Did I miss it?”

  “Yes,” Mallory answered tersely, tossing the necklace to the other side of the table towards the captain. “Take the wretched thing, and don’t make her any more gifts.”

  Fredrick laughed. “Yes, O Moral Compass,” he answered and retrieved the necklace.

  Of Finley, I saw little. He was always present at meal times, and he and Mallory were together often, so I couldn’t avoid him altogether. I was strictly cordial when I did see him, mostly because Mallory looked at me levelly in that heavy way of his when I wasn’t, and I could almost hear him saying the words “proud, contemptuous Rachel” all over again.

  But other than that, I hardly laid eyes on John. Which was fine by me. I did not have to rely on him for chaperoning at all on this ship, which eliminated all necessity to have him in my company.

  Unlike on his own ship, the captain didn’t tear his hair out with worry over me. Of course, he did remind me that these men were pirates and that caution should naturally be used, especially when the rum was passed around. But he didn’t agonize about my safety and insist that I never leave his side.

  There I go again, still referring to him as “Captain,” although technically, he was not the captain on this ship. I cannot count the number of times I asked Fredrick where “the captain” was. He finally informed me that he would throw me overboard if I continued to insult him, “I am Captain you besotted baggage! Mallory’s unrivaled beloved or not, it’ll be the drink for you. Nepotism only goes so far!”

  “You really do think of him as your son?” I asked him as he stood at the helm.

  “As much a son as I’m capable of having. I’m no family man. I’m simply too much for one woman. Picture her, poor dear, trying to keep up with me. I’d send her to an early grave.”

  I was silent. Something in his tone made me say momentarily, “You know, I think you were in love once.”

  He turned on me in surprise. And for the first time I got a glimpse of something far beneath the surface, something that was usually covered up and well protected. “Why do you say that?” he asked, becoming very still, not a hint of a drawl in his voice.

  “I wonder if you left home at sixteen for a reason.”

  He shifted his feet and looked nettled.

  “Did something happen to her?”

  He turned away momentarily, and I could not see his face. But then, a second later when he turned to me again, he was Captain Fredrick once more. “I didn’t think it was possible,” he said thoughtfully, “but I don’t feel inclined to interview just now. Even that fascinating subject can be overdone it seems.”

  Mallory appeared at the end of the deck, and my eyes immediately went to him.

  In my ear, Fredrick murmured, “Ah, yes. Sometimes it’s worthwhile to emerge from the books and records, isn’t it?”

  “Books and records were my life.” Only after I said it did I realize I used the past tense. I looked at Fredrick in surprise.

  He smiled. And then, again without the hint of a drawl, he told me, “The world is full of many wonderful things, isn’t it, Rachel? But you could spend your entire life chasing after all of them only to find yourself empty handed in the end. Very few things have any real significance. And they can disappear … very quickly.” The last words had a certain knowing weight with them.

  I looked at him, a chilling sensation overcoming me as he said those words, as though he were warning me of danger. The future, I suddenly realized, was as bleak as ever now, no longer even containing the hope of treasure and accolades. Quite suddenly, I was back at the beginning, alone and helpless in a strange place. I pushed it away. “Such as feathers and treasure?” I answered lightly.

  He watched me a moment and then smiled, though it did not quite reach his eyes. “Yes. And nine ravishing sisters.”

  “Where are my notes?” I asked. I pulled them from my dress and patted my skirt for a pencil. “I have neglected them lately.”

  He looked at me and then gave me a shove. “Go to Mallory. He tries to look indifferent, but he is waiting for you. He likes the way you draw close and hover near him like a faithful orbiting moon.”

  And so I went to him.

  We had a fictitious relationship to maintain, after all.

  *** *** ***

  Mallory pointed to the distance. �
��You’ll be able to see the land appear soon. It’s just over the horizon there,” he told me.

  He hadn’t looked in my direction once as I’d approached him. “You shaved off your beard.”

  “We’ll be at port by this evening.” He looked over his shoulder behind us again, scanning the open ocean. It was something he did often.

  “So soon?” I asked, my throat suddenly dry.

  “Yes.”

  There it was again, my vacant, empty future, staring at me. I looked at the captain, wondering if he’d say again, “The sea is all I know. If I led another life then ….”

  He kept his gaze averted as he leaned his elbows on the railing, though I could tell he wasn’t at ease. He cleared his throat. “You cannot return to Lady Alistair. Norcross knows of my connection with her now, and you might not be safe there. You know so much, and he might be afraid you’ll talk. We need to find you somewhere new, somewhere that you’ll be hidden. I think I have the solution.”

  “Somewhere not connected with you?”

  “No. Not at all.”

  I frowned. “Another decrepit old woman guardian?”

  He ignored the jibe and turned to the ocean. Land had emerged in the distance, dark and indistinguishable. “I was thinking of a nunnery.”

  “What?”

  He looked at me.

  “You can’t be serious!”

  “Do you have any idea the kind of power Charles Dubois has? So far, he can’t be sure it was me who took you off that ship. He can’t even be sure I know the truth about him. In any case, I’ll be out on the ocean and difficult to find. But he knows you know. And I won’t be comfortable until you’re hidden safely away.”

  “But … a nunnery?”

  He sighed. “Rachel, I know it’s religious, and you balk at the idea of that, but ….”

  I balled up my fists. “I’m not going to a nunnery. I want to ….” I paused.