The East End Girl in Blue

by Fenella J Miller

  Then Simon spoke from the door. ‘Don’t mind me, I’d guessed how things were between you.’

  19

  Nancy tried to remove her feet from David’s lap but he kept his hands on them. This was all her fault and now everyone would know that she was not only having an illegitimate baby but was also David’s mistress. She would have to leave. No one would want to know her now.

  ‘We don’t want to make it public at the moment, Simon. I’m sure we can count on your discretion.’

  ‘Absolutely; none of my business. I expect you’ve noticed that I’m quite taken with Jill and discovered tonight that she feels the same way. Who am I to cavil about a bit of romance in the air?’

  Whilst David was distracted she’d managed to wriggle free, push her feet back into her slippers, and duck out before he could call her back.

  What had she been thinking to get involved with him so soon? They were playing happy families as if everything was how it should be. Jill and Dr Jones was quite a different matter and nobody could possibly object to them getting together.

  She was quite certain that even Mrs Stanton and the vicar would disapprove – you shouldn’t do it before you were married and she’d now done it with two men.

  There’d be no cocoa tonight and she was going to lock her door. Whatever David might think he wasn’t coming into her bed again. There was no key and she was sure there had been yesterday. Had he taken it knowing what she would do if their secret was discovered? There was a chair and that would work almost as well. She turned it round, tilted it onto its back legs, and pushed it under the doorknob. She tried to open the door but it remained firmly closed.

  She was all of a dither and didn’t know what to do for the best. Her instinct had been to run away but she knew that didn’t make sense. She was needed here and didn’t have anywhere else to go. All she could do was end the relationship with him and that would not only break his heart, it would break hers as well.

  Every time she heard a noise outside she expected him to be trying her door but he didn’t even come upstairs to use the bathroom. Was he waiting until he was certain Dr Jones was fast asleep?

  He didn’t come and she wasn’t sure if she was glad that he’d understood the situation had changed or sad that he hadn’t even tried to persuade her to change her mind.

  The next morning he wasn’t waiting to speak to her in the kitchen. Was he still asleep in the sitting room on the sofa? Then her heart thudded uncomfortably and there was a lump in her throat. Had he already left without even saying goodbye?

  Forgetting her good intentions she burst into the room and he was sitting up smiling, waiting for her. He didn’t say anything, just held out his hands, and she couldn’t help herself. She collapsed into his arms and he stroked her back and murmured nonsense until she’d recovered.

  ‘You didn’t come; you weren’t in the kitchen. I thought you’d gone.’

  ‘I know you did. Believe me, my darling, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done staying downstairs. What we feel for each other is just too big to be ended the way you wanted to do it last night. Simon won’t say anything and I’m going immediately after breakfast.’

  ‘I didn’t know this was going to be so hard. I want to do the right thing but here I am back in your arms.’ She sat up and moved away so there was a safe distance between them. She couldn’t think straight when he was touching her.

  ‘I’m going to try and explain to you why this has to stop. You need to look at it the way everybody else will when they find out – and they will – and see it from their point of view. I’m a girl who not only is carrying an illegitimate baby but has also slept with someone else a few months after her fiancé was killed.’

  ‘There’s a war on, Nancy. Nobody cares any more about things like that.’

  ‘They might not in London but they certainly do in Chalfont Major. They’ll think that I’m no better than Violet.’

  ‘For God’s sake, don’t talk such bloody stupid nonsense. You were going to marry Tommy two weeks after you were with him. If he hadn’t been killed no one would have been any the wiser.’

  ‘I think people would be all right with that. It’s what we’ve done that will cause the problems. They’ll just think you’re taking what was on offer. It’ll be me and my baby who will suffer. I’ll be sent to Coventry. I doubt that even Jane or Charlotte will want to speak to me.’

  ‘I don’t know how many times I have to tell you this but I don’t care what anyone says. Marry me immediately and then none of it will matter.’

  She’d intended to say no but somehow said exactly the opposite. ‘I will, but I warn you, you’ll regret it. None of your posh friends will want anything to do with you when I’m your wife.’

  The look of joy on his face made her words meaningless. Then she was in his arms and his cheeks were as wet as hers. When the war was over they could move away and start again where no one knew anything about their past.

  ‘I’m going over to the vicarage. We’ll get married before I leave – I’m pretty sure you don’t need to call the banns any more.’

  ‘I think if you don’t call the banns then you have to have a licence. You can’t get that on Boxing Day.’

  ‘I’m so excited I’m not thinking straight. It might be better to have a civil service. This would avoid the gossip until we’re actually married. I’m certain you can get married in the town hall at Chelmsford but we have to give notice. I’m not sure how long that is.’

  ‘Then I’ll leave it to you. Before you go I’ll write down all my details. You don’t even know how old I am, do you?’

  ‘You’ll be twenty-one in two weeks’ time. I’ll be thirty-three in February. Simon’s eighteen years older than Jill. Therefore, twelve years is nothing in comparison.’

  ‘I stopped worrying about that a long time ago. It makes sense to leave it until I’m legally of age then we don’t have to bother my parents. They still think I was married to Tommy.’

  ‘I’m sure they’ll be even happier when they know that you’re actually married to me.’

  ‘Pa will be. He’ll be touching you up for a handout if he gets half a chance.’

  He chuckled. ‘I’ll get things organised and let you know the day and time. I might well only get a few hours off so a honeymoon and so on will have to be postponed.’

  ‘If you can borrow that motorbike again you should be able to get to Chelmsford easy from the Royal Free. You don’t need to bother to get a ring as I can use the one Tommy got for me.’

  ‘You certainly won’t. There’s a pawn shop where I got your locket that had a tray of rings. If you give me something of yours then I’ll make sure I get one that fits.’

  ‘Better to get it a bit bigger just in case. Are you quite sure you want to take on this baby?’

  ‘I’ve already taken on Billy and Betty and I don’t even know who their fathers were. I already think of this baby as mine and I can’t tell you how happy you’ve made me by agreeing to marry me at the earliest possible moment it can be arranged.’

  Then she had an awful premonition. Tommy had been all right until they’d set the wedding date and then he’d been killed a few days before the ceremony could take place. Was she putting David in mortal danger by agreeing to marry him?

  ‘You will be careful won’t you? Seems like we’re tempting fate rushing into it like this.’

  ‘I truly believe that you came here specifically to drag me out of my miserable existence. You don’t know a lot about me so why don’t you sit down…’

  ‘No, you come into the kitchen and we can sit at the table and have a cuppa. No one will be up for another hour.’

  She looked around this room, hardly able to believe that in a few weeks it would be hers – that she would be Mrs Denny and not the housekeeper.

  ‘That reminds me, love, I’ll still carry on running this place; you just won’t have to pay me.’

  ‘I never expected you to be a lady of leisure, sweetheart. It�
�s one of the many things I love about you – your boundless energy.’

  She poured them both a tea and sat opposite. ‘Now, tell me all the things I need to know and then I’ll tell you a few things about me and my family.’

  ‘Okay then. I was an only child of elderly parents. I was sent to boarding school from the age of seven and by the time I left to study medicine I was already an orphan and very rich indeed. I met Julia at her come-out ball – I was dragged along by a friend.’

  ‘What’s a come-out ball when it’s at home?’

  ‘Sorry, I should have explained. It’s where debutantes go to find themselves a suitable husband.’

  ‘I see. Like a cattle market for rich people.’

  He laughed and continued. ‘That’s about right. I was there looking for a suitable wife. She was beautiful, intelligent and exactly what I was looking for. I asked her out and a few months later we were engaged and her mother was planning a massive country wedding.’

  ‘Blimey, that was quick. You must have really loved her.’

  ‘Of course I did, but looking back I wonder if she reciprocated my feelings. She did love me in her own way and we were very happy together apart from the fact that we didn’t have children. I built this house for her and whatever she wanted me to do, I did it without question.’

  ‘That doesn’t sound like the man I know. I can’t see you doing that now for anyone.’

  ‘Remember, I was a lonely young man studying to become a doctor. I needed someone to come home to, someone to support me and talk to me. She was more than ready to do that so in return I used the money I’d inherited to give her everything she wanted.’

  ‘Didn’t she have money of her own?’

  ‘Not really – doing the circuit took every penny her parents had. Her father was a hardened gambler and the family was heavily in debt. Now I come to think of it, it was like something out of a Jane Austen novel. I agreed to settle his debts and was happy to do so.’

  ‘She might not have loved you as much as you loved her but she was a good wife to you and came from the same background as you.’

  This was something that bothered her – had always been a worry – however much they loved each other she wasn’t sure it would be enough to overcome the differences between them. She was as good as Julia but she wasn’t from the same class.

  Nancy listened to the rest of his story and understood him better because of hearing this. ‘I’m not sending any of our children away to boarding school so don’t think I will.’

  ‘Boarding school was a lot better than some evacuations – are you all right with those?’

  ‘Kiddies were sent away to keep them safe. Sending children to school’s a different matter. Why have children at all if you don’t want them living with you?’

  ‘Good question. My parents certainly didn’t want me around. As soon as we’re married, I’ll start legal proceedings to adopt Billy and Betty. Then when our baby comes they’ll be his or her big sister and brother.’

  The more they talked about this the more complicated everything seemed. ‘I suppose you’ll want to keep Mary and Fred working here?’

  ‘I don’t want you to have to look after two children, a new baby and everything else.’

  ‘Blimey, it’s only hard doing that when you haven’t got any money. I suppose you need Fred to take care of the garden now you’re not here and they’ve got nowhere else to go, have they?’

  ‘If things go the way I expect then Simon and Jill will get married in a few months, if not sooner, and then he’ll move into her house. We can lock this door and keep the surgery separate.’

  ‘That’s all right then. I was hoping we could live somewhere else when the war’s over. Start afresh where nobody knows anything about us or the children.’

  ‘This bloody thing isn’t going to finish in the next year – might go on longer than the last one. I’m going to stay in London as long as I’m needed. As I told you, my intention had been to become a surgeon and if I hadn’t married Julia I would have done so.’

  ‘Then that’s what you must do. If we lived nearer London when you’re doing your training and such you could get home at night sometimes.’

  ‘If I do become the kind of surgeon that I always wanted to be then I’m going to be working at one of the big hospitals in Town. I’ll buy a house in Kensington or Hampstead which is almost as good as living in the country.’

  She loved talking to him about what their future life might be. As far as she was concerned she didn’t mind where she was as long as he and their family was with her. She reckoned she could pretend to be someone like him and no one would ever know that he’d married so far below him.

  There would be posh dinners, cocktail parties and such and she’d be expected to go with him. She wasn’t sure she’d be up to that even if she wanted to mix with people who wouldn’t like her. David was different to them – if he wasn’t then she wouldn’t have fallen in love with him.

  When he went off on his motorbike the children came out to wave goodbye but she thought it better if she remained inside. Time enough to let people know what’s what when they were actually married.

  Later that morning Jill remarked on the fact that Nancy was no longer wearing her wedding ring or engagement ring.

  ‘Someone at the post office told me they’d had to have their band cut off as their hands got swollen at the end. I didn’t want that to happen to mine.’

  ‘Very sensible. I wonder if you would be kind enough to let me have a closer look at your engagement ring.’

  Nancy’s stomach lurched. David had taken this with him. To her relief the children interrupted the awkward moment and she hoped that she’d come up with a suitable excuse if the receptionist asked a second time to see it.

  He’d suggested that he call her every couple of days but she’d told him not to as this would be suspicious. Instead, they were going to exchange letters frequently. The first one from him would be with the time and date when they were to meet in Chelmsford. As she was always the one to collect the post and sort it out no one would notice.

  Two days after Christmas the nightly drone of German aircraft resumed. Jill didn’t ask to see the engagement ring again and her relationship with Dr Jones appeared to be progressing fast. It was none of her business and she’d no intention of asking for details.

  On the night of the 29th the bombers started to arrive earlier than usual. Wave after wave droned past and she was sick with worry about David and her family in the East End. There’d been no letter with the all-important dates and so on but he wouldn’t have had time to arrange things so soon.

  She was standing at the kitchen window around eight o’clock watching the searchlights over London when Mary joined her. Even from this distance these were quite clear in the night sky. There was the constant chatter of the big ack-ack guns as they tried to shoot down the invaders. The RAF fighters were up there doing their best to stop the bombers reaching their destination.

  ‘It’s a bad night tonight. There’ll be thousands of people homeless in the morning and probably hundreds dead. The blackout’s no help on a clear night like this as they just follow the Thames,’ Mary said.

  ‘Doesn’t bear thinking about. I’m going outside to have a better look.’

  The sky was already bright with fire. They must be dropping thousands of incendiaries. It seemed as if the whole of the city was ablaze. If it looked so terrifying thirty miles away God knows what it was like to be living through this.

  Something cold and wet nudged her hand. ‘Polly, you shouldn’t be out here.’ The dog whined and pressed against her legs. The animal was trembling. ‘Let’s go back in, silly girl. I’m freezing as I didn’t even put on my coat.’

  In Chalfont Major folk just carried on as if there wasn’t a war waging around them. Nobody talked about the bombing last night. Nancy didn’t like to sit with Simon and listen to the news on the wireless as she was just the housekeeper and therefore had no right to be
in there with him. The fact that he knew she was more than that didn’t make any difference.

  This was why most nights she went over to the vicarage to get on with her sewing and mending and also spend time with the Stantons. They never had anything but music playing so she didn’t catch up on the news there either.

  The telephone rang at seven o’clock in the morning on New Year’s Eve. She snatched it up and to her immense relief it was David.

  ‘I’ve been so worried about you. I’m ever so glad you’ve rung me.’

  ‘I’m knackered, but unhurt. The Luftwaffe timed their attack perfectly. The Thames was at low tide and the water mains were blown up in the first wave. I heard there were more than 10,000 firebombs dropped.’

  ‘I’ve not heard anything from Poplar. Do you know if it was badly damaged by the fire?’

  ‘Pretty much everywhere had some damage. I’ll try and find out for you – I’ve got a couple of friends in the police force. I can’t talk for long – I’m back on duty at eight o’clock. I fixed the date for twelve o’clock on the 20th. It’s a Monday. I’ve booked that day off, but didn’t give a reason.’

  ‘That gives me plenty of time to arrange everything here. Jill asked to see my engagement ring the other day but luckily I didn’t have to make up any excuse as the children interrupted. Could you post it back to me just in case she asks again?’

  ‘Will do – and there’ll be a letter as well. I’ve already written that and intended to post it on my way to work this morning. I love you and can’t wait to marry you.’

  ‘I love you too. Take care of yourself, love, and I’ll see you on the 20th.’

  *

  The letter arrived two days later and she put it upstairs on the dressing table to read when she took her break that afternoon. Simon had asked if he could have a small party that evening and she’d been touched that he’d thought he needed her permission.

  ‘Obviously there’ll be you, Mary and Fred, Jill and myself and I also invited the vicar and his wife. Is there any chance you can rustle up a few snacks? I’ve got the drinks side covered.’