His grandmother used to tell him the answers were all inside him. He just had to seek them out and they were his to know.
Was that true, did he have the answers?
* * * *
She brushed her hair off her face as her heart pounded out an accustomed rhythm alone in a dark bedroom and realized the hair band had disappeared. She groaned, pushed the comforter back, scooted to the edge of the mattress, and stood. Stretching, she reached for her pajama bottoms and pulled them on.
Glancing at the clock, only an hour passed since she’d lain down.
The night would be a long tormented one. For whatever reason Joy knew no matter what she did, she wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep.
Why had she dreamt about him again? It had been a while since the last one.
She’d arrived at her apartment a few days ago and instantly tried to recall everything inside. The wall seemed determined to keep her memories locked away. Pictures and knick-knacks were nice, although no recognition sparked.
She walked through the darkened apartment. Maybe if she had a drink and found another band for her hair she’d relax enough to fall asleep unfettered.
I can hope, can’t I? She held a glass under the cold running water until it was filled. Twisting the handle she stepped back, sipping the liquid; she opened the balcony door and shivered as the chilled night air blew past.
Sexual frustration beat at her like a drummer. Why, when they were so close did he vanish? Why did he still haunt her? Was he real or something her mind created to fill in the blanks?
Even as the thought formed, she pushed it out. He was probably just a freak connection with a character from a novel or movie. Joy fashioned the physically perfect male in her imagination and no one lived up to him.
But she knew he was real. She snorted.
Maybe I’m crazy? It’s possible with the knock to my head.
Sipping the cold water, she closed the door and set the glass in the sink.
The dream brought to light familiar emotions. She yawned and made her way to her bedroom.
She caught the strains of a Def Leppard song filter from the speakers of the CD player. The darkness of the room and silence encased her, but something was…different. Flipping the switch, light flooded the room and stated loudly, she was alone.
Joy walked to her bed, climbed in and sat crossed legged. She inhaled until her muscles eased and her pulse settled back into a semblance of its normal rhythm. Remnants of the dream played through her mind.
His presence filled the room like the warmth of an embrace.
Was that what happened when they met in dreamscape? Their essences left imprints in each other’s lives and on their possessions?
Her heart continued to pound, and she shook her head to dispel the final scene repeating over in her mind.
Why did those come up instead of her life memories?
She laid back and grabbed the pillow beside her. Curling on her side, she cradled the heat, which brought tears to her eyes. The warmth there not from her, she couldn’t touch both cushions at the same time.
Joy wanted her memory back, all of it. The tiny slivers that seemed to appear while she slept weren’t enough.
She buried her face in the cool cotton and inhaled the scent. It was his. Only the images of the dreams came to the forefront of her mind.
Recently the pain stabbing her temples multiple times throughout the day was gone. She didn’t force or seek out the link she discovered either.
Before, whenever she had touched the connection, a throbbing built until she was certain her head would explode from the pressure. No amount of attention used avoided the eventual agony.
That didn’t stop her dream lover from caressing her mental thoughts and dominating her every waking moment. Pandemonium ruled the day, whether by memory loss or her dreams, didn’t matter. Chaos was on order and only Joy could halt the mastery of her perceptivity.
Could she believe he was a real person?
Not a plug to fix the absence of her past and present life?
Chapter Nine
Jairo gripped the cell phone after he punched in Joy’s number. He’d promised his sister he’d call her. Glancing at the clock it was late…too late to call?
He took a deep breath, clicked in her phone number, and hit “talk.” Holding the phone to his ear, he waited to hear her voice. Each time it was the same, he reacted the same.
First, his heart would stop, and then it would race and he wouldn’t be able to catch his breath. Sometimes his palms would sweat and he’d fidget like an untried youth. He kept telling himself what he felt was what women feel, not men. It did not stop the sensations from drowning him in euphoria and only with a single word.
“Hello?”
There it was. No matter how he prepared himself his reaction was the same.
“Joy?”
“Yeah?”
“It’s Jay.” His jaw tensed at using his nickname, he wasn’t used to saying his birth name when introducing himself. “Jairo.”
“Hello, how are you?”
“Good. You?”
“Same here.” A faint laugh rang through the line connecting them.
His heart stuttered. Jairo opened his mouth to tell her everything he felt for her, but this was the first time they were talking without his sister’s guidance. He didn’t want to scare her off.
Besides, this very well could be a fluke.
Yeah, right. You know exactly who you are to her and she knows the same.
Every question he asked she answered, sometimes with attitude, making him smile. When Joy asked, in return he tried to respond the way she did, and then she’d laugh and the sound made his heart swell and soar.
She was the most beautiful creature he had met. Her quick wit and play with words were similar to his own cool demeanor. Her heart and soul were golden, even as she brushed aside the compliments like an expert.
Time flew by and Jairo couldn’t think of being with any other. She made him smile and laugh and even got him to forget the tough times in his everyday life.
Each word she spoke filled his heart and made his soul light. It freed him in a way he hadn’t known possible.
Although Joy avoided certain subjects, she talked about everything else. Without limits, open and very honest, her honesty reminded him of his.
Pounding on the hotel door drew his attention from the traits he was focusing on with Joy.
“I hate to end this, but my brother-in-law is here. I’m supposed to train with him, he’s not a runner. I said I’d help while I was visiting. If I don’t get a move on he’s gonna kill me.”
“Well, we can’t have that, now, can we?” Joy laughed and his stomach flipped.
“No, that wouldn’t be a good thing.”
“I bet.” She giggled this time and his heart thumped louder. “If he does kill you, I’ll go to your funeral and leave a rose on your casket.” He stumbled, putting on his runners while holding the phone to his ear. “I’ll even be nice and pluck the thorns off personally so you don’t scratch yourself in the afterlife.”
“Yeah, promise?” Everything froze inside him as he awaited her response.
“Of course, I always keep my promises.”
Jairo had not realized he held his breath until it left him in a whoosh. He couldn’t describe what flowed through him with those simple words. If he had been fighting what was between them he lost the battle with her promise.
His hand gripped the cell phone tight. “I’ll call you later tonight.”
“I’ll be waiting.” There was a smile in her voice and it was gorgeous.
“Bye—” His voice dropped in octaves. He didn’t want to let her go. Truthfully, he wanted to tell his brother-in-law to go to hell. But he wouldn’t.
“Bye, Jairo.” Her words sounded more like a sigh.
The line went dead and he strode to the door and yanked it open…
* * * *
“Jay, are you listening? Can yo
u hear me?” His sister stopped the vision, he really wished she’d quit interrupting the dreams or visions or whatever the hell they were called.
Jairo just wanted to get back, he wanted to see Joy and touch her. He honestly didn’t care if they were her dreams or his; he just wanted to bask in her presence. It was peaceful and so loving.
“I haven’t heard from Joy yet. I keep calling, with no luck.” Jezzaray’s tone reflected her irritation and it reverberated around the room. “I will keep trying. You had better be doing your part, buddy. I mean it.” Her hand squeezed his tight and then released it. “We’ll get this figured out.”
Jairo hadn’t tried moving his body or saying anything in some time. He didn’t know when he last attempted.
Even as he thought it, the command went out, nothing happened.
He was missing something vital to his recovery.
* * * *
Joy tugged the robe closer to her body as she closed the front door behind the woman she discovered was her cousin, and then turned away. It had taken a while for her to wade through the photographs and read each name and date on the backs, but she finally accomplished the feat. This was Stacy, and when none of Joy’s warning sensors went off she relaxed.
Photos didn’t give the same sense as the physical person did. There was nothing threatening in the other woman’s demeanor, only concern, acceptance, and love. Joy felt comforted in Stacy’s presence. Something she’d missed over the weeks since she woke without her memory.
“When were you going to tell me you were back?” Stacy followed her through the apartment to the kitchen. “Are you gonna answer me? You’ve been home for two weeks—”
She wanted to laugh at the woman’s insistence, the sense this was normal flowed through her. The corner of her mouth lifted. They weren’t only family, they were also best friends. More pieces slowly fell into place, even when she wasn’t expecting it.
“Just under two weeks.” Joy opened the cupboard and lifted a couple mugs from within.
“Still.” Stacy crossed her arms and leaned a hip against the counter. “I’m serious. You were driving around town and you didn’t bother to call me? Your family?”
“It’s not that simple.” She poured the steaming brew into the ceramic and set the pot back in the maker. “If I told you, you wouldn’t believe me.”
“Why not try me and find out?”
Joy removed the creamer from the refrigerator and added a couple splashes to the coffee. After returning the container, she faced her cousin.
She still remembered no one. She was relying on her senses and intuition.
“I woke up in a Miami hotel room without my memory.” She picked up the heated cup and brought it to her mouth, her gaze locked on Stacy over its rim. “After spending a couple days trying to recall the reason I was there, I bought a ticket and left. Arriving in Denver, I drove here.”
Her cousin’s jaw dropped. Joy couldn’t stop the smirk, instead she covered it by sipping the hot liquid. Stacy’s eyes widened and even darkened. Her mouth moved but no sound came out. Images fluttered through her mind, as if she’d seen the other woman do this often.
“She’s pulling my leg as pay back for that prank I pulled on her over the holidays. That’s what this is.”
Words bounced around inside her head, they weren’t hers but Stacy’s. She blinked.
“I got on I-25 and just drove. I figured eventually I’d reach the place I live.” Covering her own shock at the newest bit of information, Joy nudged the other mug closer to her cousin’s white knuckled hand gripping the edge of the counter as if Stacy was about to pass out. Or would Stacy deny what was said? “I pulled into the parking lot here at the condo and that’s where I’ve been. Other than a couple times I went out to stock my fridge and cupboards, I’ve been here.”
“You’re pulling my leg aren’t you?” Stark disbelief reflected on her face.
“I wish I was, but no.” Joy watched the faint shake of Stacy’s hand as she lifted the mug to her lips. “I guess I bumped my head when I climbed into a taxi at the airport and woke up two days later not remembering a thing about myself, why I was there or where I came from. It’s not the greatest feeling in the world let me say.”
“No shit?” Shock and a silent knowing registered on Stacy’s features making Joy wish she had remained silent. “We’re blood cousins and best friends, like that would’ve happened. We share everything.”
“We also read each other’s minds it appears.” Joy blew on the steam and took a small drink to cover the sense of sadness and loneliness.
“Not really. I can, as you don’t have the walls we were taught to keep built around our thoughts, which would make it easy. But as family, we respect each other’s privacy.” The corner of Stacy’s lips tipped up and she lowered the mug. “It’s not all that hard to know what another is thinking without being trained or taught. It’s easy to read people’s expressions and body language. It’s called awareness. You just need a refresher course, that’s all.”
Joy motioned for her cousin to follow, she wanted to sit down. Now that she had “let the cat out of the bag,” she had to make certain she understood herself to the best of her ability.
She did not need any more confusion.
“You’re not going to tell your folks about the accident?” Stacy folded a leg up under her and sat on the sofa.
“No.” She shook her head as she sat. “I hadn’t planned on telling anyone.”
“You told me.” Stacy quirked an eyebrow.
“Only because you stood outside my apartment pounding the hell out of the door and threatened to call the police.” She set the mug on the end table.
“I would’ve, too.” Stacy’s features lightened, the strain almost gone. “But you don’t remember me, do you?”
Joy lowered her gaze.
“Bits and pieces come through, not enough to be sure.” Her fingers played with the fringe on the corner of a decorative pillow. “I sense more than remember. No threats or discomfort, if anything I’m at ease around you.”
“Well, we are best friends.” Stacy lifted her cup and took a drink. “We shared everything growing up. Our fathers are brothers, we’re blood family. We’ve always stuck together.”
That was what Joy figured. She had sensed the belonging and acceptance.
“Did I ever mention a man?”
“You recall those conversations?” Stacy’s eyes widened and she set the mug down.
“I’m not sure.” Joy lifted a shoulder hesitantly. “I keep seeing a male and I know him somehow, but I haven’t located anything to say for certain either way.”
Her cousin inhaled, held her breath, then exhaled, and touched Joy’s bent knee.
“We used to talk about the ones who matched us and laugh about us being blondes and them having black hair.” Stacy’s gaze on hers, watching. “They’re our mirror image, yet complete opposite. Those little things we shared. Your fiery temper and his cold exterior, your warm heart his standoffishness. You two really are two different people, at the same time exactly alike.”
“Did I tell you when I met him?”
“You called me a week after you guys started talking regularly.” Stacy’s mouth lifted in a familiar quirky way when they talked of the ultimate relationship. Another piece slipped into place. “You positively glowed in your happiness. Your voice laced with awe at learning he was a real person. Then halfway through our conversation you’d began to doubt. The contradictions between our parents fed the fear and scared you. It took some doing but afterwards your mindset went back to the cheery positivity concerning him.”
“What about his name?”
“Yeah.” She chuckled and shook her head. “Do you want me to tell you or would you rather gain that knowledge on your own?”
Joy lifted a shoulder, unsure how to answer honestly.
“You two share the same first initial.”
Could that be “Jairo”? The file she studied before her cousin arrive
d?
“So because of my parents I’m uncertain?” She turned the subject from the male, not ready for that revelation yet. The twinges of brain-pain started, best to just leave the topic alone.
“Yeah.” Stacy tapped her knee and winked. “But you were so happy, Joy. You seemed determined to take what was offered even with the intensity being overwhelming at times. You would call and cry, then you’d rant, and finally you’d sigh and move forward. I have to say he’s good for you. Even concerning your mom.”
“What’d she do?”
“You and her fought two months later.” Stacy sat back and folded her hands, glancing at them and then at Joy. “It was horrible. Your mom threatened to have her church elders pray over you or something like that, to get rid of the demons possessing you. That was her reasoning for the way you acted. If your dad hadn’t stepped in…I don’t know what would’ve happened.”
Joy swallowed and tried to recall the conversation her cousin spoke of, but drew a blank. Maybe it was for the best. Relaxing, she forced her mind to stop searching for answers, knowing if the twinges kept on their path, she would have another migraine.
“You called and said you were taking a vacation.” Stacy’s shoulder lifted and she smirked. “Your mom and mine were furious you wouldn’t go to the family cabin in the mountains. Anyway, now this is where we are. What happened? Do you remember?”
“No, just images I can’t fit together at the moment.”
“You will.” Her cousin leaned toward her and patted her leg. “It’ll take time, but you’ll gain all your memories back. I’m sure even the ones you wished you could forget.”
That was Joy’s fear. Which ones she’d recall and which ones she wouldn’t.
Chapter Ten
Her hair wrapped around him as he held her to his side. Jairo loved when her breath caressed his chest. Joy’s skin felt satiny soft against his. Her leg curled around his hip, her knee nudged the flesh piercings at his hipbone, and her fingers traced his nipple.
The effect soothed him. A calming sense of unconditional acceptance and love flowed from her through him. This feeling was better then any drug, manufactured or natural.
Twin Flames: Soul Memory Page 6
