Death, Taxes, and a Shotgun Wedding

by Diane Kelly

  He had a point. Besides, I’d noticed a wedding ring on her finger, too. Whatever the two might once have shared, they’d both moved on.

  When Nick and I boarded our flight back to Dallas a week later, I was tempted to grab his hand and drag him back out onto the beach. I didn’t want our romantic escape to ever end. But I knew it was time to get back home and get back to work. Uncle Sam and honest taxpayers needed us.

  On the flight back, I fell into a dreamless sleep. There was no need for dreams anymore. Nick had made all of mine come true.

  Epilogue

  Five years later, Nick scrambled around our house chasing our three-year-old daughter, who was running as fast as her tiny red cowgirl boots would take her. We’d named her Rebecca but called her Reba for short. Reba was a sassy little girl who looked exactly like me. Though she enjoyed her mommy time, she was a daddy’s girl at heart, just like I’d always been.

  Nick scooped her up in his arms. “Caught you, you little stinker!”

  She tossed her head back and giggled with glee.

  After Reba had joined our family, I’d gone part-time at the IRS, working half my usual caseload. The reduced work schedule allowed me to still enjoy the thrill and satisfaction of pursuing white-collar criminals, while also enjoying time with my children. Bonnie babysat them while I was at work, though my mother often drove in from east Texas to get in her granny time, too. And speaking of Bonnie and my mother, they’d finished putting out the food they’d prepared and were headed toward the door.

  I followed them with my six-month-old son balanced on my hip, giving my left arm a workout. We’d named him John Harlan after Nick’s father and mine, though Hank became his nickname. He’d been big at birth, a nine-pound bowling ball of a baby, who looked just like Nick had at that age. He’d break a lot of hearts someday. But for now, he’d stolen mine.

  I gave Bonnie a one-armed hug. “I don’t know how we could have done this without you two.”

  “Glad we could help,” Bonnie said, returning my hug. She turned her attention to Hank. “Ready to go to grandma’s, little guy?”

  He responded with a toothless grin and incoherent babble, waving his teething ring like a tambourine.

  Mom gave me a kiss on the cheek and reached out to relieve me of my son. “Enjoy the shower.”

  “We will. Thanks.”

  As the two women headed next door to Bonnie’s house with their grandson in tow, Alicia and Daniel pulled up to the curb. While they wouldn’t be attending the baby shower, they’d offered to watch Reba for us during the event. Alicia and Daniel had one child, a girl who was an absolute sweetie despite being spoiled beyond belief. She and Reba had become virtually inseparable, best friends forever, just like their mothers.

  Alicia’s daughter sat up as tall as she could in her safety seat in the backseat of their car, straining to see out the window, her mouth breaking into a broad smile when Nick stepped up next to me with Reba in his arms. We walked outside together, rounded up Reba’s child seat from my car, and buckled it in next to the other one.

  “Hey, cutie,” I greeted Alicia’s daughter, reaching out to ruffle her hair.

  “Hi, Aunt Tawa.” She might not yet be able to pronounce my name correctly, but she sure knew how to dress. She was decked out in designer toddler duds, already a fashionista like her mother.

  “Thanks for babysitting,” I told Alicia and Daniel as I placed Reba in her seat and belted her into place. “We owe you one.”

  Alicia waved a dismissive hand. “You know we love having Reba over.”

  Her daughter threw her fists in the air. “Reba! Reba! Reba!”

  We shared a laugh.

  “Be a good girl,” I told my daughter.

  She nodded. “I will, Mommy.”

  Mommy. Was there any more wonderful word in the English language? I certainly didn’t think so.

  I gave her a kiss on the cheek and Nick planted one on her forehead. We closed the door and waved as they drove off.

  Nick turned my way, a roguish gleam in his eyes. “We’re alone. Think we’ve got time for a quickie?”

  Before I could respond, the guests of honor, Josh and Kira, turned into the driveway.

  “Darn,” Nick said. “Rain check?”

  I slid him a sexy smile. “You know it.”

  A few months after catching the garter at our wedding, Josh had proposed and Kira had accepted. They married eighteen months later, holding a destination wedding at a comic book convention in Austin. We all attended in costume. The ceremony was not at all traditional, but it was a heck of a lot of fun. Now here we were, holding a couples baby shower for the two of them. Kira was due to have their first child in four weeks.

  We stepped over to the driveway. Josh climbed out of the car and beamed, a proud papa-to-be. Nick opened Kira’s door and held out a hand to help her out. Pregnancy looked good on her, filling out her thin body and giving her porcelain skin a fresh, pink glow. She’d had to remove her belly button ring as she’d expanded, and she’d traded in her torn fishnet hose, leather miniskirts, and midriff tops for more conservative maternity clothes, but she had no qualms about making these sacrifices for the baby she’d soon bear.

  “Hi, you two.” I gave them a smile and stepped back, holding out an arm to direct them inside. “Come on in.”

  As Josh and Kira made their way to the door, Lu and Carl rolled up in their RV. They’d spent their retirement traveling around the United States. The postcards Lu had sent to the office from the Grand Canyon, Yellowstone, and the Everglades were tacked to the bulletin board in the break room.

  When they climbed down from the camper, I called, “Where have you two been now?”

  “Gatlinburg, Tennessee!” Carl called.

  “The Smoky Mountains are beautiful,” Lu added. “We saw a bear!”

  Carl reached into the RV, pulled out a bottle filled with amber liquid, and carried it to our door, offering it to Nick. “Brought you a bottle of whiskey, straight from the distillery.”

  Nick took the bottle and offered a grin in return. “Beats the hell out of a souvenir backscratcher.”

  Lu and I wrapped each other in a hug. “So glad you could make it,” I told her.

  “Shoot,” she replied, giving me an extra squeeze. “I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”

  We made our way inside and I showed them to the table, fixing them glasses of punch and inviting them to indulge in the delicious spread our mothers had prepared.

  Viola arrived next. After Lu retired, she’d stayed on at the IRS, working for Eddie and Nick and holding things together just like always.

  “Hi, Vi,” I said, taking the wrapped box from her at the door. “Come on in and have a glass of punch.”

  “Is it spiked?” she asked.

  Nick held up the bottle of whiskey. “It can be.”

  “Add a dash,” Viola said. “My bursitis is acting up.”

  Eddie and Sandra arrived soon thereafter. Eddie had settled into his job as codirector and found that he enjoyed it more than he’d expected. The regular hours allowed him to spend more time with his family.

  After greeting Eddie, I turned to his wife. “Great to see you, Sandra. How are the twins?”

  “The girls are great,” she said. “Of course now that they’re almost teenagers we get the occasional drama.”

  Eddie groaned. “That’s when I hide in the closet.”

  Sandra cast him a look. “How can you be scared of your own girls? You’ve gone head-to-head with violent criminals.”

  “That’s true,” Eddie said. “But a man with a gun is nothing compared to a twelve-year-old having a bad hair day.”

  Nick put a hand on Eddie’s shoulder. “I’ll be calling you for advice in a few years, buddy.”

  Hana was the next one through the door. She was plugging along, still a star on the IRS softball league and my partner on an occasional investigation. She handed me an oversized pastel-striped gift bag. The handle of a plastic whiffle ball bat
stuck out of the top. “Might as well start them young if they plan to make the major leagues.”

  It was far more likely Josh and Kira’s child would become a computer geek like its parents rather than an athlete, but it couldn’t hurt to give the kid a well-rounded childhood.

  Christina and Ajay were the next to arrive, and hugs were again shared. “Great to see you!”

  “You, too!” Christina had borne four rambunctious boys in rapid succession over the last few years, yet she somehow managed to maintain her bombshell figure. Chasing so many boys around must burn a lot of calories. On a professional note, she’d recently teamed with the IRS on another major drug-and-tax-evasion case, this one against an organized ring that made deals online. Given that tech skills were needed to catch the culprits, Josh had been assigned the case. Though the two didn’t do yoga on their stakeouts like Christina and I had, they’d made a surprisingly effective team and quickly brought the bad guys in, earning huge accolades from the higher-ups at both the DEA and IRS while also becoming friends.

  Ajay cut a look my way. A year ago, Ajay had resigned from the minor emergency center to open his own medical practice with three buddies from medical school. “Haven’t seen you in a while, Tara.”

  Since going part-time, I’d managed to avoid the constant injuries that had plagued me before. “That’s good news, isn’t it?”

  “For you, maybe,” he retorted. “But I’ve got my eye on a new EKG and I can’t afford the machine if my best patient stays healthy. Can’t you take another bullet or something? All I’m asking is for a small-caliber one in a nonvital organ.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You’re going to have to find another way to finance your equipment.”

  “Damn, girl. I thought you were a team player.”

  Will and his wife rounded out the party, arriving with a long wrapped box topped with a gigantic bow.

  “Welcome!” I called, inviting them inside. “Help yourself to some food.”

  Will took one look at the table and said, “Whoa! There’s enough food there to feed an army.”

  “Our mothers live to cook,” Nick said. “Everyone’s going home with a doggie bag.”

  “Great!” Will’s wife said. “It’ll get me out of making dinner.”

  Over the years, Will had taken on bigger and bigger cases and proved to be a great asset to the office. He and Hana had picked up the slack I’d left when I’d gone part-time, though Eddie and Nick had recently put in a request to hire a rookie agent, too.

  After feasting on the delicious dishes my mother and Bonnie had made, we gathered around the living room so Josh and Kira could open their presents. In addition to the whiffle ball set and baseball glove Hana had brought, the gifts included a portable playpen, unisex baby clothes, toys, alphabet blocks, and a veritable safari of stuffed animals. Nick and I had bought the baby an assortment of children’s classic books, everything from Dr. Seuss to Curious George to Shel Silverstein. Snuggling up with my kids to read to them was one of our favorite things, and I knew Kira and Josh would enjoy it, too. I’d also borrowed my mother’s BeDazzler and added silver studs to a baby-sized faux leather jacket.

  Kira squealed when she pulled the jacket from the bag. “It’s perfect!” she said, holding it up for all to see.

  An hour later, Nick and I stood in the doorway, hands raised in good-bye as the last of the guests drove away. The shower had been a lot of fun, not only because it gave us an opportunity to celebrate Josh and Kira’s upcoming addition to their family, but because it gave those of us from the IRS the chance to be together once again. These people were more than just coworkers—we were an extended family who’d strived, struggled, and succeeded together. Though our circumstances might change over time, the bond we shared could never be broken.

  Yep, between my work family and my real family, I had it all. People I loved who loved me back. People I could count on, and who could count on me, too. Add in an interesting job, the comfort of a solid marriage, and the wonders of motherhood, and I couldn’t ask for a fuller, richer life. I had no idea what I’d done to deserve all of this, but I was glad to have it, and I wished it for everyone else as well.

  * * *

  While the written tales of my exploits have come to an end, you can trust that I’m still out there, fighting for financial justice, bringing tax evaders to their knees. I hope you’ll think of me when you receive your tax refunds.

  Many happy returns.

  Don’t miss a special E-original novella with Tara on a nutty case to solve a case of fraud at a county fair!

  Available now from St. Martin’s Press

  Don’t miss Megan and Brigit’s case of love gone wrong in Diane Kelly’s Paw Enforcement series!

  Available now from St. Martin’s Paperbacks

  ALSO BY DIANE KELLY

  Death, Taxes, and A French Manicure

  Death, Taxes, and A Skinny No-Whip Latte

  Death, Taxes, and Extra-Hold Hairspray

  Death, Taxes, and A Sequined Clutch (an e-original novella)

  Death, Taxes, and Peach Sangria

  Death, Taxes, and Hot-Pink Leg Warmers

  Death, Taxes, and Green Tea Ice Cream

  Death, Taxes, and Mistletoe Mayhem (an e-original novella)

  Death, Taxes, and Silver Spurs

  Death, Taxes, and Cheap Sunglasses

  Death, Taxes, and A Chocolate Cannoli

  Death, Taxes, and A Satin Garter

  Death, Taxes, and Sweet Potato Fries

  Death, Taxes, and Pecan Pie (an e-original novella)

  K-9 series

  Paw Enforcement

  Paw and Order

  Upholding The Paw (an e-original novella)

  Laying Down the Paw

  Against the Paw

  Above the Paw

  Love Unleashed (an e-original novella)

  Enforcing the Paw

  All available from St. Martin’s Paperbacks

  Praise for Diane Kelly

  “Tara’s sharp mind, sharp wit, and sharp skills are brought to life under the topnotch writing of Diane Kelly.”

  —Romance Reviews Today (Perfect 10)

  “Readers will find themselves laughing out loud.”

  —Romance Reviews Today on DEATH, TAXES, AND SILVER SPURS

  “[A] sure shot success!”

  —Fresh Fiction

  “Witty, remarkable, and ever so entertaining.”

  —Affaire de Coeur on DEATH, TAXES, AND GREEN TEA ICE CREAM

  “Be prepared for periodic unpredictable, uncontrollable laughing fits. Wonderful scenarios abound when it comes to Tara going undercover in this novel about tax evasion, drugs and (of course) guns. Good depth of characters and well-developed chapters are essential when casting a humorous series and Ms. Kelly excels in both departments.”

  —Night Owl Reviews on DEATH, TAXES, AND HOT PINK LEG WARMERS

  “Plenty of action and romantic drama round out this laugh-out-loud novel. Fans of Evanovich’s Stephanie Plum series or Pollero’s Finley Tanner series will enjoy the fast-paced antics and fruity cocktails of Tara Holloway.”

  —RT Book Reviews

  “IRS special agent Tara Holloway is back in another action-packed, laugh-filled adventure that is sure to keep you entertained from beginning to end.”

  —Fallen Angel Reviews on DEATH, TAXES, AND PEACH SANGRIA

  “Diane Kelly knows how to rock the romance, and roll the story right into a delightful mix of high drama with great characters.”

  —The Reading Reviewer

  “This is a rollicking adventure that will have you rooting for the IRS for once—and you won’t want to put it down until you find out how Tara will overcome all the obstacles in her way. Keep turning those pages—you’ll love every second as you try to find out!”

  —Reader To Reader Reviews on DEATH, TAXES, AND EXTRA-HOLD HAIRSPRAY

  “Readers will find Kelly’s protagonist a kindred spirit to Stephanie Plum: feisty and tenacious, with a self-deprec
ating sense of humor. Tara is flung into some unnerving situations, including encounters with hired thugs, would-be muggers, and head lice. The laughs lighten up the scary bits, and the nonstop action and snappy dialogue keep the standard plot moving along at a good pace.”

  —RT Book Reviews on DEATH, TAXES, AND A SKINNY NO-WHIP LATTE

  “It is hard not to notice a sexy CPA with a proclivity for weapons. Kelly’s series … has huge romance crossover appeal.”

  —Library Journal

  “Her writing is tight, smart and laugh-out-loud funny.”

  —Kristan Higgins, New York Times and USA Today bestselling author

  “This totally terrific debut is better than a refund check from the IRS!”

  —Reader to Reader Reviews on DEATH, TAXES, AND A FRENCH MANICURE

  “With her quirky humor and incredibly witty aside jokes, Diane Kelly has created a real winner and a star for her … series.”

  —Fresh Fiction

  About the Author

  Diane Kelly is a former assistant state attorney general and tax advisor, who had many brushes with white-collar criminals during her career. When she realized her experiences made excellent fodder for novels, her fingers hit the keyboard and thus began her Special Agent Tara Holloway romantic mystery series. Diane is also a proud graduate of her hometown’s Citizen Police Academy. Diane lives in north Texas with her own romantic hero and a houseful of spoiled rotten cats and dogs.

  For more information and the latest news, visit her Web site and sign up for her newsletter at www.dianekelly.com. You can also find her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/dianekellybooks and follow her on Twitter at @dianekellybooks and on Instagram at @dianekellybooks, or sign up for email updates here.

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