by Amy DeMeritt
When she gets up, she folds her blanket and sets it and the extra pillow aside. She pushes a button on the bed and the back of my bed starts to incline. Once I’m in a sitting position, she wheels the tray in front of me. I have a Jell-O cup, a mug of chicken broth, and a small pack of crackers.
“I know it doesn’t look like much, but it’s probably going to be a few days at least before you’re able to eat much at once, especially solid foods.”
“It’s definitely not like the amazing meal we shared while watching an awesome, beautiful thunderstorm before I woke up.” Alex smiles and hands me a spoon. “Yeah? What did we eat together?”
“I made my favorite comfort meal for you. Little balls of sticky sweet rice, steamed sesame dressed veggies, and ginger soy chicken.”
“Sounds delicious. I wonder if that was the night I ate dinner in your room while I waited out a bad thunderstorm before going home.”
“Did you talk about wanting to visit a black hole in outer space?” She laughs and nods. I smile and explain the conversation we had. “Is it crazy that it was just you talking, yet I thought I had these detailed conversations with me answering you and you answering me?”
“No, I don’t think it’s crazy at all. I think it’s amazing. I had been hoping so badly that you would wake up soon so that I could have a chance to win your heart like you did mine. I never imagined you would break free from the coma and remember anything I said to you, let alone have feelings for me if you did remember.”
“Do you talk to all of your patients like that?” She shakes her head. “No, we encourage visitors to talk to the patients, but we don’t talk to them too much. If a patient doesn’t get many visitors, we will read the paper to them or read a book to them, but I have never talked to a patient about personal things like I did with you. Listening to your mom and Callie go on for hours talking to you or telling me about you is what made me want to talk to you. I felt so close to you even though you couldn’t respond.”
“I don’t think I’d be here today if you hadn’t; no one else registered as powerfully as you did.” Alex smiles and bends down to kiss my lips. “I can’t wait to really kiss you.” My face spreads into a big goofy grin. “Yeah? What do I have to do to get one of those? I’ll be the best patient you’ve ever had.” She laughs and blushes. “You already are, which is why I don’t want to subject you to my morning breath.” I laugh loudly and grab her hand. “Alex, you do not have morning breath, but ok, I’ll wait. What about me? Do I get to brush my teeth? Oh, man, I didn’t even think about that. I haven’t brushed my teeth in three months. My mouth must smell horrid.” Alex grins and shakes her head. “Your feeding tube was inserted through your nasal cavity, so while you were out, I swabbed mouth wash around your teeth and gums every day. Your breath is fine.”
“Wow, thank you. I’m sorry you had to do so much to take care of me. Does it seem weird now that you had to do all of that for me?”
“No. At first it was just my job, but when I started falling in love with you, it gave me a great joy and inner peace to do those things for you. I looked forward to coming to work every day to take care of you.”
Before I can respond, Dr. Hamlin and Dr. Sharif walk in smiling brightly. “Good morning. Jordan, how are you feeling today? Is the Jell-O and broth sitting well?”
“I feel really good. Stomach feels very full, but I’m ok.”
“Good. Did someone bring back some comfortable clothes for you to change into for therapy today?”
“Yeah, Callie brought some stuff back yesterday.”
“Ok, great. Alex, can you take Jordan’s vitals, two tubes of blood, and help her change? When you’re done, you should go home and get something to eat and get some rest.”
“I can stay.” He smiles compassionately and shakes his head. “You need to go get some rest. We’ll look after Jordan. You can come back to visit later, but I want you to take the rest of the day off.” He doesn’t wait for an answer before they walk out and Katie walks in with the cart for Alex to take my requested vitals.
When Katie leaves, I reach my hand out to Alex before she can put her gloves on. She looks distraught at being told to go home. “Hey.” She gives me a small smile and takes my outstretched hand. “Alex, he’s right. You need to eat and you need sleep.”
“I know. I guess I’m just nervous because the last time I left you, I almost lost you.”
“I’m not going anywhere, Alex. You helped me get home and I’m staying.” She smiles and nods once. “Ok, but I’ll be back later.”
After Alex takes my vitals and the tubes of blood, she wheels the cart out to Katie and then closes the door so she can help me change. I notice her blush a little as I lift my blankets and sheets off myself. Yesterday, it hadn’t occurred to me when I was going through the other tests, but today I realize that my legs are clean shaven.
“Alex, did you shave my legs for me?” She smiles and nods. “I thought you’d appreciate not looking like a caveman when you came out of your coma.” I laugh and nod. “Thank you.”
I untie the waist of the gown and pull it apart. Alex places a bag down on the bed next to me and I pull out the black sports bra and panties that Callie packed for me. I’m able to get the bra on by myself pretty easily, but end up needing Alex’s help to get my panties on. I can tell that Alex even kept me trimmed down between the legs, but I decide not to draw attention to it – I can tell that Alex was very respectful of me and what she thought I would want or feel comfortable with. I could sense her love and affection while I was in the coma, so if she had touched me in an inappropriate way, or touched me with desire, I think I would have felt it. I’m actually grateful she did these things for me. After I have my tee shirt on and Alex pulls my sweat pants on, she puts socks on my feet for me.
I look down at myself and I smile. “Thank you, Alex, for everything.” She smiles and sets my bag aside. “It’s nice seeing you in something other than a hospital gown. It makes this all feel more real, like you’re really awake and doing well.”
“Pretty soon, we’ll be walking out that door together and I’ll be going home.”
“What’s the first thing you want to do when you’re cleared to leave?”
“There’s a park just outside of town that has mostly birch trees and these trees with bell shaped purple flowers. I want to take a walk with you in that park and have a picnic under those beautiful trees.”
“That sounds perfect.” Alex presses her hand against my cheek smiling before gently pressing her lips against mine. When she pulls back, she looks torn again. “Alex, I’ll be ok. You have to take care of yourself too so you are healthy when I get out of here.” She smiles and nods. “Ok, I’ll be back soon. I’m going to leave my number for you in case you need anything.” I watch her quickly write her number down on a pad of paper. She tears the paper off and folds it before tucking it in my pocket for me. “Thank you.”
It’s not long after she leaves that Katie and an orderly arrive to take me to physical therapy. After helping me out of bed and into a wheel chair, the orderly is pushing my wheel chair with Katie walking at my side.
It’s weird how yesterday, before I died and came back to life, I thought I was living my life, just going about my day. It feels a little unreal to know that none of that happened and that this is what’s real. I know now that a lot of what I saw were things that had happened before, like being at work, but the rest of it, like conversations with Alex, Callie, and my mom, those were all part of what was really happening out here and my brain trying to make sense of it and piece it into the world I thought I was in. It’s comforting to know that my brain was at least working well while I was out and that I’m not brain dead.
When I get to the therapy center, Daria first shows me how to rub out my muscles and says that if my hands get too weak to ask my nurse or visitors to help me. She explains that the massage will increase blood flow to my muscles and speed my recovery and help strengthen my muscles faster. It’s not a de
ep massage, but I do feel what she means as she rubs out my legs. They do seem to feel less stiff and more anxious to move.
After about fifteen minutes of her just rubbing my muscles, she has me do several different range of motion exercises with my arms and legs while seated. Then she has me try to slowly kick my legs out with tension bands around my ankles. This is frustratingly difficult. I have never felt so weak before.
“Jordan, release your armrests. You need to use your legs and not the rest of your body.” I exhale deeply and put my hands in my lap, but my back starts to arch to try and compensate for the lack of strength in my legs and Daria barks, “Straighten your back. One more set. Push it out.”
It takes me a couple minutes to finish the last set, and when I’m done, I feel out of breath. I can’t believe how difficult that was.
We take a break from legs and Daria hands me the handles of the resistance cords attached to the wall. She wants me to pull them into my chest as if I’m on a rowing machine. This is much easier than the legs and she ends up increasing the tension strength to the max tension cord for my third set. She then turns me around and has me push out like a seated bench press.
After several arm exercises, she goes back to working my legs. Daria and her assistant help me out of the wheel chair and lay me down on my back on a mat and I’m instructed to do single leg raises. This is a bit easier than when I was in the chair using the resistance bands. I’m able to complete double the amount of reps on these.
“Good. Jordan, I want you to roll yourself to your stomach and try to get into a plank position on your forearms.” I follow her instruction and being able to get into plank position mellows out some of my frustration. “Good, now hold that for as long as possible.”
After a few minutes, my muscles are trembling and I’m practically panting for air, but I’m still holding it. My record in training for holding a plank is ten minutes. I’m not stopping till my body collapses.
“Jordan, you can rest now.”
“No. What’s my time?”
“Six minutes.”
“Four more.”
“Ok, but if you exhaust yourself too much today, you may set yourself back in your recovery.”
“I’m good.”
She doesn’t argue and allows me to finish out my plank till I hit ten minutes. I actually push it one minute passed and land hard on the mat and roll over onto my back sweating and taking in rapid gasping breaths, but I’m smiling.
“Roll back over soldier and give me twenty.” Daria is smiling at me in an approving way and I feel a burst of excitement inside my chest. I roll over and get into pushup position. I push out twenty-five before I collapse on the mat. Damn, before my coma I could easily do a few hundred pushups without needing a break.
Daria has me finish with some bicycle legs and a few more sets of leg raises before I’m helped back into my wheel chair and handed a cup of water.
“Jordan, you did fantastic today. You should feel very good about what you did here today. I’ve never seen anyone hold a plank that long, even a strong healthy athlete. Your determination is amazing. Don’t forget to rub your muscles out a few times a day and ask for help if you get tired. It will help. I’ll see you again tomorrow.”
“Thank you.”
When I get back to my room, and I’m in my bed, I still feel pumped and feel like I can do more. I push the button on the bed that Alex showed me so I can decline the back of the bed and make it completely flat. I do a set of twenty crunches pretty easily. I straighten my legs out and make them stiff and start doing triceps dips. My arms burn supporting my weight, but I’m able to get out fifty before I need a rest. I immediately do another set of twenty crunches and then go into full sit-ups with cross punches above the knees.
When I fall back on the bed to catch my breath, I almost jump when I notice Alex leaning against my doorframe watching me with a big smile on her face. I smile and sit up. “Hey, when did you get back?”
“You were in the middle of your dips. You look great. How do you feel?”
“Sweaty.” I laugh and gulp down the last of the water in my cup on my bedside. “My arms and back are pretty strong, but my legs are frustratingly weak. You look really nice.” She smiles and looks down at herself briefly before looking back at me. She’s wearing a pair of jeans with a satin type material tunic style top that matches her beautiful eyes and she looks amazing.
“Thank you. If your torso and arms are that strong already, I’m sure your legs will be very soon as well. You might be out of here in just a week, at most. I’ll get you some more water. Do you feel hungry?”
“I could really go for some Greek yogurt with strawberries and honey on it.” She smiles. “Ok, I’ll see what I can do.” She gently kisses me on the lips before taking my cup and walking out of the room. I watch her walk away and feel a flutter in my stomach and my face flush a little bit. I really do love that girl.
When she comes back, she’s carrying a bag and a larger foam cup with a lid and straw. She hands me the cup and sits down on the bed next to me. “Katie is checking with your doctors to make sure its ok to have the yogurt and then she’ll put the order in with the kitchen if they approve it. If not, she’ll come tell you some alternatives. This is a present from Katie.” She hands me a small bag and I look inside and smile. It’s a bag of shampoo, conditioner, body wash, a sponge, and a toothbrush and paste. “I think Katie is trying to tell me something. Am I allowed to shower?” Alex laughs and shakes her head. “Honestly, you do not smell. I told her you said you were sweaty and she just grabbed a bunch of stuff for you. And yes, if you want to shower, you can try. Are you able to stand at all?”
“Not really. I’m very weak on my legs and can’t stand without support.”
“There’s a bench in the shower so you can sit and the showerhead detaches to make it easier to rinse. Do you want help getting in there?”
“Do you mind?” She smiles and shakes her head. “Not at all. Let me get Katie so she can support your other side.”
When they come back, I’m sitting on the edge of the bed. Katie smiles and says, “Hey champ. Time to hit the shower?” I laugh and nod. “Going to attempt.” They both wrap my arms around their shoulders and wrap their arms around my back to grab my opposite hip and help me to stand. While they support me, we walk the short distance to the bathroom in my room. Alex fully supports me while Katie opens the shower curtain and gets the showerhead down to a level I can reach. Katie puts a towel over the bench and then Alex helps me sit on the bench. Katie hands me my shower kit she made me and then hangs a clean towel just outside the shower.
Katie grabs my bag of extra clothes and sets it just outside the shower and says, “Jordan, Alex will stay with you in case you need her, but I’ll just be right out in the hall if you guys need me. I’ll come help when you’re ready to go back to your bed.”
After Katie leaves, I look at Alex and notice she is blushing, which makes me smile. “Ok, Nurse Alex, I’m going to need some privacy now.” I flash her a cheesy smile and she gives me a big grin and nods once as she grabs the shower curtain to close it. “Just let me know if you need anything. I’ll be right here.”
“Thank you.” When the curtain is closed, I pull my tee shirt and bra off and hang them on a bar behind me. I use the handrails on the bench to try and push up with one hand at a time to push my pants and panties off. It takes some effort, but I’m able to get completely undressed by myself. I think getting dressed is going to be the hard part. I may need help with that.
I’ve never taken a seated shower and its definitely not something I’m ever going to do when I get out of here. It’s very weird. The hot water feels really good though. After I wash my hair and body, I brush my teeth. I don’t want to make them have to support me while I attempt that at the sink.
After I’m done, I turn the water off and start repacking all my “gifts” from Katie. While I’m putting everything back in the bag, I find a comb and brush out my hair. I al
ways keep my straight, almost black hair shoulder length, but its grown a little passed my shoulders since I’ve been here.
I reach for the towel just outside the shower and start drying off. I’m not going to be able to dry my own ass and backs of thighs sitting down like this. Damn, I’m going to need help. I make sure everything else that I can reach in this position is dried really well and spend a couple minutes ringing and patting my hair dry.
“Alex, can you pass me a shirt and bra?” A few moments later her hand reaches in and I take the clothes. I put them on and then drape the towel across my lap, covering myself. “Alex, I’m going to need some help now.” Alex pushes the curtain aside and her eyes lock on mine, not drifting down to scan my body at all. “Can you help me stand so I can finish drying and get dressed?” She smiles and nods coming to stand in front of me. “Wrap an arm around my neck while I lift.” I follow her instruction and feel like she could have easily just lifted me off the floor completely. It’s very awkward trying to do with someone holding me up, but I’m able to get myself dried off without needing her to assist with that as well. While Alex holds me up with one arm, she pulls the wet towel off the stool and puts a dry towel on it before lowering me back down to sit. She helps me get my panties and sweat pants on and then her and Katie walk me back to my bed.
After I’m sitting back in bed, Katie says, “Dr. Hamlin approved the yogurt so that should be up soon. Is there anything else you need?” I shake my head. “No, thanks. I’m good.”
After Katie leaves, I pat the bed next to me and Alex sits with a smile. “You smell way better now.” I laugh hard and she smiles. “Thanks for your help. Did you eat and get some sleep?”
“I ate, but I couldn’t sleep. I gave up on sleep after tossing and turning for an hour and just took a shower instead. How did therapy go?”
