Attack of the Vampire Weenies

by David Lubar

  “Help me,” Helen said.

  A ghost. Rachel leaped to her feet and backed away from the opening. “I have to go home.”

  “No!” Helen yelled.

  The force of the shout startled Rachel.

  “Please,” Helen said. “I need to return the gold bracelet. Then I’ll be free.”

  “Bracelet?” Rachel asked.

  “A beautiful gold bracelet with two diamonds and a ruby in it,” Helen said. “Have you ever seen a ruby?”

  “Never,” Rachel said.

  “They are so red, they almost seem alive. And the diamonds—oh, how they sparkled in the sunlight, like dancing rainbows.”

  “I’ll bet they’re beautiful.” Rachel had seen small diamonds on other people’s rings and necklaces. But she’d never even seen a ruby, or had a diamond she could call her own.

  “Martha Vanderberg’s father bought the bracelet for her,” Helen said. “She boasted about it all the time, and about her fancy dresses. I didn’t have anything. So I took it. It was wrong. I know that.”

  “Vanderberg…,” Rachel said. There was an old woman in town by that name. Gretchen Vanderberg. She was always talking about how her family had lived on this land for centuries. “I know that family.”

  “Then you can return the bracelet,” Helen said. “I knew this was meant to be.”

  Rachel thought about the gold bracelet. She had to see the diamonds and ruby. “I’ll come back tomorrow. My uncle has a long ladder.”

  “No. You must do it now, while the bite of apple is still in you,” Helen said. “After it is gone, you won’t be able to hear me. Worse, I fear you won’t remember me. You’ll think all of this was a dream. It must be soon.”

  That seemed odd to Rachel, but no odder than talking with the ghost of a girl who had died so very long ago. What didn’t seem odd was the bracelet. That seemed essential. She needed to hold it, maybe even wear it.

  “How can I get it?” Rachel asked. “Can you toss it up to me?”

  “I can’t touch things. My hands pass through them. There’s a barn nearby. Straight west of the tree. You’ll find rope in there,” Helen said.

  Rachel didn’t like the idea of stumbling deeper into the woods. “How do you know it’s still there?”

  “I can see beyond the well sometimes. Not far. And not always. But I know there’s a barn and a rope. Be careful. The barn is old and the wood is rotten. I would hate to see you get hurt out there.”

  Rachel found the barn and the rope. When she returned, she tied one end of the rope around the crab apple tree, and dropped the other into the opening. “It’s dark,” she said.

  “Not for me,” Helen said. “I’ll guide you.”

  Rachel knew she should turn and leave. But part of her needed to touch that bracelet. She grabbed the rope with both hands, tugged against the knot to be sure it would hold her weight, then backed toward the opening of the well.

  “Promise me you’ll return the bracelet,” Helen said.

  “I’ll see that the bracelet goes where it belongs,” Rachel said. Maybe it belongs with me, she thought. Like Helen, she felt the world had given her less than she deserved. That was about to change. She could see the gold on her wrist already.

  She took a step down into the well. And then another. The wall of the well felt solid enough. This would be easier than she’d thought.

  The scream ripped through her ears like a thousand tortured voices exploding in her head. It hit so hard, it caused her real pain. Rachel slapped her hands over her ears.

  It was a reflex. But a deadly one. As she fell, she clutched desperately for the rope in the blind darkness.

  She missed.

  It was a long fall.

  “Hello,” Helen said.

  Rachel, too stunned to speak yet, looked at the girl. She was young, maybe ten or twelve, and pretty, with curly brown hair. Behind Helen, against the wall of the well, Rachel saw a small skeleton. She looked down and saw her own lifeless body. She quickly looked away.

  “Why—?” Rachel’s mind felt numb, like she was halfway caught in a deep sleep. Her body felt nothing at all.

  “I’ve been terribly lonely,” Helen said. “Until now.”

  “But the bracelet,” Rachel said. “How can I return it? How can I help you be free?”

  “Oh, there’s no bracelet,” Helen said. “That was a lie.”

  “A lie?” Rachel couldn’t believe the beautiful ruby never existed.

  “I’m very good at lying. That’s why I was being chased by the other children. That’s how I fell into the old well.”

  A touch of anger broke through Rachel’s numbness. “Then how was I supposed to set you free?”

  “I don’t think there is a way,” Helen said. “I suspect I’ll be here forever. But not alone. Not now that I finally found someone to drop in and keep me company. So, tell me all about yourself, and about the world. Has much happened since Mr. Jefferson was elected?”

  “I’m never speaking to you again.” Rachel stared toward the top of the well, and toward the world she’d left. “You tricked me. You’re a horrible person.”

  “Oh, you’ll talk,” Helen said. “Maybe not now. Maybe not for a day or a year. But sooner or later, you will. I can wait. I’m very good at that, too.”

  IT’S ONLY A GAME

  Somewhere in Idaho …

  “Please, Dad,” Lucas said. “Everyone else has the Game-Jammer Channel. Can’t we get it?”

  “If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you jump?” Lucas’s dad asked.

  “Yeah,” Lucas said. “I mean—no.” He realized there was no safe answer to that question, so he stopped trying to find one and went back to pleading. “Come on, I’m the only kid in school who doesn’t have a new system. All I’ve got is your old Atari, and that’s from the last century.”

  “It was good enough for me,” his dad said with that tone that meant no more discussion.

  Lucas shook his head and stomped up to his room. It wasn’t fair. Every single one of his friends had the new Game-Jammer Channel. They got games streamed into their systems right off the cable—real games, with 3-D worlds and awesome audio—while he was stuck with that ancient machine. The resolution was so low, you could see the pixels, and the sounds were a joke. Just beeps and buzzes. Half the time, the cartridges didn’t even work unless you put them in just right or blew on them real hard to get the dust off.

  Lucas plunked down on his bed and stared at the stupid old game. He felt like smashing it. Then his eyes wandered to the cable outlet on the wall.

  Why not?

  He unplugged the cable from the back of his TV, then looked at the game system. There was no cable socket. Lucas remembered something he’d seen in a box in the basement. He ran down and searched through the old parts. Yup, there it was, all the way at the bottom—a converter that changed a cable signal into an old-fashioned antenna wire. He also grabbed a signal splitter and some extra cables.

  Lucas ran back upstairs and attached the converter to the game system and then used the splitter to attach the game to the TV. It was a tangled mess of wires and cables, but he figured something interesting might happen.

  “Here goes.” He switched on the power.

  Somewhere between Mars and Jupiter …

  “It is a rich planet, and it will soon be ours,” Mexplatle said as he examined the data flowing into the bank of instruments on the panel in front of him.

  “Excellent,” Rubnupshti said, rubbing his noses together in glee. “Any sign that they will resist?”

  “No.” Mexplatle wagged his elbow. “Once we have landed and set up our shields, their primitive missiles and atomic weapons will not be a threat.”

  Before Mexplatle could say more, a warning flashed on his control panel. “Hang on to your fleexbriddle,” he said. “We’re heading for a field of asteroids.”

  Somewhere in Idaho …

  “Unbelievable,” Lucas said as the game came up. “This is cool.” He grabbe
d the joystick and started playing. He’d never expected to actually get a game off the cable on the old system. But this looked great. There were asteroids all over the place, zooming toward him at high speed. The resolution seemed a little higher than on any of his dad’s old games, but it was still pretty primitive.

  “Wow, that was close.” Lucas barely avoided the first huge rock. He got the feel of the game pretty quickly and started making his way through the obstacles.

  Somewhere between Mars and Jupiter …

  “Franzleglip!” Mexplatle swore, yanking on the controls with all his strength.

  “What is wrong?” Rubnupshti asked.

  “I’m not in control. We are doomed. The ship is flying itself.” He closed his eye and folded his ears as an asteroid shot right past them, just missing the viewport.

  “I knew I should have stayed home,” Rubnupshti said.

  Somewhere in Idaho …

  “That was close,” Lucas said. He’d barely avoided a collision as three asteroids crossed his path with only a narrow space in between. But he was getting through the game.

  An hour later, he finally saw an end to the asteroid field. Six more big rocks to get past, and he’d be finished.

  Two asteroids, side by side, came at him from the top of the screen. He just managed to fit between them. He angled to the left to get past the next three. There was only one more asteroid to go.

  Somewhere between Mars and Jupiter …

  “We’ve made it,” Mexplatle said. “One more asteroid and we are past all danger. Then we can claim that planet for ourselves.” He imagined all the wealth that awaited him. He’d be famous. He’d be rich. It was wonderful.

  Somewhere in Idaho …

  This is it, Lucas thought. The last asteroid didn’t even look that tough. In a couple of seconds, he’d win the game.

  “Lucas,” his dad called from the hallway.

  “What?” Lucas asked, not looking up.

  “Sometimes I forget what it’s like to be a kid. I’ve got a surprise for you.”

  Lucas glanced over. His dad was holding up a brand-new video game system. “Wow!” Lucas dropped the ancient joystick and leaped up. “Can we get the Game-Jammer Channel, too?”

  “Sure,” his dad said.

  Lucas glanced back at the old Atari. On the screen, his ship hit the asteroid and exploded into a billion pieces. Lucas shrugged. It didn’t matter. The old machine didn’t have very good graphics. He was sure the new games were a lot more realistic.

  ATTACK OF THE VAMPIRE WEENIES

  I ignored the doorbell. I knew who was out there. I knew what he wanted. It rang again.

  “Get it, jerk!” my sister yelled from upstairs.

  I’d rather chew on a lightbulb than turn that doorknob. But I didn’t want Tammy angry with me. The last time she got really mad, she painted splash marks on the front of all my pants with clear nail polish, so it looked like I’d had an accident. The time before that, she’d e-mailed all my friends baby pictures of me getting a bath in the sink.

  Hoping I was wrong about who was out there, I turned the knob, then opened the door halfway and stared up at the vampire. He wore a black cape with a red lining. His hair was slicked back so it glistened in the moonlight. His cheeks were pale white. Dark circles made his eyes look like they had sunk into his skull. He started to step into the hallway.

  “You have to be invited,” I said. “That’s the rule.”

  He shoved the door, knocking me back. “Get lost, squirt.”

  “It’s the rule!” I shouted as he pushed past me. “A vampire can’t enter a home unless he’s invited. Everyone knows that.”

  He walked over to the stairs and called up, “Hey, Tammy! I’m here. Come on. The party’s already started.”

  “I’ll be right down,” she said.

  Dalton—that’s the name of my sister’s boyfriend—went into the living room and plopped down on the couch.

  I followed him. “You can’t sit there.”

  He glared at me. “What’s your problem?”

  “It’s not my problem, it’s yours.” I pointed at the small cross that hung on the wall between the photo of Grandma and the painting of a cactus my parents had bought last year when we were on vacation in Arizona. “Vampires can’t stand the sight of a cross.”

  He leaned forward and put his hand on my shoulder. “Look, kid. I am a vampire. So don’t tell me what I can and can’t do. Just go read your comic books, or whatever it is that gives you all those ridiculous ideas.”

  “You’re not a vampire,” I said. “You’re just a vampire wannabe. Wait—I know—you’re a vampire weenie. That’s what you are.”

  “What did you say?” His eyes got dangerous. For an instant, he almost looked like someone who could drain the blood from my body. “Come on—open that smart mouth again.”

  He sprang up from the couch. I took a step back.

  Tammy drifted into the room. “Okay, I’m ready. Let’s go.”

  Dalton seemed to forget I even existed. I guess he liked the way she looked.

  I can’t imagine how anyone—except maybe an undertaker—would feel that way. She was wearing a long white dress and too much makeup. The circles around her eyes were larger than his. Her cheeks were white, but with a touch of red. That was wrong, too. Vampire skin is as white and lifeless as the belly of a dead fish.

  He touched her cheek. “You sparkle.”

  She touched his. “So do you.”

  They headed out.

  “For crying out loud—vampires don’t sparkle!” I shouted as the door closed. Okay, it was after the door closed. But I was angry now, and felt like yelling. “You aren’t vampires. You’re just big kids playing dress-up and acting moody. You don’t know the rules, you stupid sparkly vampire wannabe weenies!”

  I could feel my own blood boiling. Tammy and her friends were completely giggly and weird about vampires. They had vampire parties all the time, where they drank strawberry soda, cherry punch, and even tomato juice. They read books and watched movies where the vampire was always this unbelievably handsome guy. That was so totally wrong. They didn’t know anything.

  A vampire isn’t some sort of handsome prince. And a vampire definitely isn’t some gloomy teenager who flunked algebra twice and likes to pick on his girlfriend’s little brother. A vampire isn’t a girl who’s read some stupid book seventeen times and thinks she can become one of the characters.

  A vampire is a bloodsucking horror who sleeps in a coffin filled with his native soil; lives with bats, rats, and spiders; and carries nothing inside himself but death and disease. A vampire shies away from crosses and can’t stand the odor of garlic. He needs permission to enter a house. Holy water burns his skin. He’ll die if he’s exposed to sunlight or if you drive a wooden stake through his heart. But even with a stake through his heart, he won’t remain dead unless you chop off his head and stuff the neck with garlic.

  Tammy and her friends would know this if they read the right books—the old books. But they’d rather dress up in silly costumes and drink fake blood than learn the truth.

  My parents were out—they go out all the time—which meant I was alone in the house. That was fine with me. I went up to my room to play Soldiers and Snipers. I might know everything there is to know about vampires but, unlike Tammy, I had other interests, too. Like online multiplayer shooters.

  I heard Tammy and Dalton when they came back late that evening.

  “We should have the next party here,” Tammy said.

  “What about your parents?” Dalton asked.

  “They’ll be out of town next weekend,” Tammy said.

  I already knew about that. Dad was going to some sort of convention in Boston. Mom was tagging along, since seeing Boston was probably a lot more fun than staying home with her kids.

  “What about your brother?” Dalton asked.

  During the pause that followed his question, I felt a shiver dance across my skin.

  “We can
lock him in the basement or something,” Tammy said.

  Great. They were going to have a party with all their stupid vampire friends, and I’d get to sit in the dark on the basement stairs, listening to footsteps on the ceiling, waiting for them to let me out.

  I stormed downstairs. “No way you’re locking me in the basement.”

  Tammy almost looked guilty, but Dalton grinned. “We’ll do whatever we want. You have no power over us, mortal. Begone, or I will unleash my fury upon you.”

  “Vampires don’t grin, either,” I said. “And I do have power: I’ll tell my parents.”

  “You do and you’re dead,” Dalton said.

  “Then I’ll die happy.” I stood my ground. I knew they had to give in. They wanted their party more than I wanted to escape a beating. “Look, I don’t care about your stupid party. I won’t even come downstairs. I’ll stay in my room. But there’s no way you’re locking me up.”

  Dalton looked at Tammy. Tammy looked back at him. They both shrugged.

  “Just keep out of the way,” she said.

  “That’s exactly what I’m planning to do.”

  But as I headed back upstairs, I realized I wanted to do one other thing, too. If all Tammy’s vampire weenie friends were coming to a vampire party, I was going to give them just what they were asking for.

  The idea was so perfect, I froze on the steps when it hit me. Somehow, somewhere, I was going to find a real vampire and get him to come. That would teach them a lesson.

  I knew vampires were real. I knew they were out there. There were too many myths and stories. Too many legends. There had to be a source for all of that.

  And when the real vampire revealed his foul, evil nature, and all Tammy’s friends were cowering and screaming, I’d step in with my vampire-killing tools and save the day.

  That was such a great plan. I’d shut them up for good—and be a hero. Tammy would never be able to boss me around again. Dalton would tremble when I stared at him.

  I just needed to find a vampire. I checked my books for ideas, but nothing I read seemed like it would help me lure a vampire to the party. Most people were much more interested in keeping them away. If knowledge wouldn’t do the trick, I’d have to go with a guess. I was pretty sure about one thing—vampires must hate all the stuff people think about them. All that wrong stuff and nonsense.