Attack of the Vampire Weenies

by David Lubar

  Cooties

  I was thinking about cooties (I have too much leisure time), and it hit me that someone has to be the last person to have them. I’ll have to admit that this story does leave some questions unanswered. We sort of know what the cootie keeper does, and why, but there’s still a lot that remains cryptic. It’s not that I didn’t want to answer those questions. The truth is, I don’t know the answers. Maybe I should have dreamed some up, but I liked the ending the way it was. I try not to do that too often. I don’t think it’s a bad thing once in a while. Hopefully, the pleasure the reader gets from the story itself is enough to justify putting it in the collection, even if I really don’t know all the details about the guy in the woods.

  My Science Project

  I liked the idea of a kid bringing a beehive for a science project. Then it hit me that it would be even more fun if someone stole the hive from him. It took a bit of work to figure out how the thieves could be made to suffer for their actions. But I like thinking about science and nature. One of the joys of writing is that I get to explore all sorts of subjects. (I won’t even tell you some of the wonderfully icky research I found myself doing for my Nathan Abercrombie, Accidental Zombie series.)

  The Blacker Cat

  I thought it would be fun to have an adult give a young lady a copy of Poe’s story “The Black Cat” before giving her a cat. In this case, art imitates life. I have to admit I’d forgotten how horrifying the story is. When I went back and reread it, I realized it really wasn’t something I’d recommend for a young reader. Which, of course, made it even more interesting to think of some well-meaning uncle giving it to his niece.

  Little Guys

  I wasn’t sure whether to include this story, since I had one somewhat like it a while back (“Bobbing for Dummies”). But I think they’re different enough that they can both be allowed to exist. As for the idea, it’s from the what-if file.

  A Cure for the Uncommon Vampire

  I started with the idea, “What if a kid discovered a cure for vampirism?” That idea could have gone in a lot of different directions. But then the twist hit me, and I knew I’d come up with something I really had to write. I try to end each collection with something very scary, and this one felt perfect for that position.

  * * *

  Well, that wraps up another Weenies book. I am both thrilled and amused that I am able to spend so much of my writing time crafting short stories. In past Weenies books, I’ve thanked pretty much everyone who’s helped me. I considered skipping that part this time, since it’s mostly the same folks. But ink is cheap, my gratitude runs deep, and some people are invaluable. So, with a minimum of annotation, allow me to offer my thanks to those who’ve been essential to the Weenies at some or all points throughout the course of these five books: Joelle Lubar, Alison Lubar, Kathleen Doherty, Susan Chang, Jonathan Schmidt, Dot Lin, and Weenie artist Bill Mayer.

  Thanks, also, to Weenies fans, both young and old. I am a small part of a large chain. Just as I’d be nowhere without my readers, I could have gone nowhere without the writers whose work fed, and continues to feed, my own imagination throughout my life. Rod Serling, Ray Bradbury, and Stephen King are at the top of the list, but there are dozens of others who stand tall among those giants. Lastly, big thanks to Joshua Malina for giving me lots to daydream about.

  Okay, I’m done. I need to send this book off so I can get started on the next one. Maybe I’ll finally figure out a good way to end that unfinished Botox story, or the one with all the scorpion paperweights. As for the half-written one about the five hundred dolls’ heads, I may just chicken out and leave it alone.

  READER’S GUIDE

  ABOUT THIS GUIDE

  The information, activities, and discussion questions that follow are intended to enhance your reading of Attack of the Vampire Weenies. Please feel free to adapt these materials to suit your needs and interests.

  WRITING AND RESEARCH ACTIVITIES

  I. I Wonder …

  A. Wondering “what if” is a great way to start a story. For example, one might imagine David Lubar starting the title story of this collection by wondering “What if vampires weren’t the handsome, sparkly characters of bestselling fantasy novels?” With friends or classmates, make a list of the “what if” scenarios that might have inspired other stories from the book.

  B. Use paper, magazine clippings, computer art, colored pencils, and other craft materials to make a collage of words and images from Attack of the Vampire Weenies. Include character names, locations, unusual objects, supernatural creatures, themes, action words, and anything else that catches your attention in the stories.

  C. Choose four words from your collage of exercise I.B. above (preferably words inspired by more than one of the stories). Write a “what if ” question incorporating those words. Then, write the outline for a short, scary story that answers your question.

  D. Several of the stories stem from main characters’ selfish or greedy actions. Write a paragraph describing a time in your life when you were jealous, unkind, or misbehaved in another way.

  E. Use the paragraph you wrote in exercise I.D. above as the starting point for a scary fictional story beginning with a kid experiencing the same emotion as you did. Include a monster, insect, or other creepy creature—and a bad outcome for the kid!

  II. Scary Characters

  A. Make a list of the creepy characters found in the stories of the Vampire Weenies collection. Then, create a table or pie chart showing how many characters are supernatural, how many are insect-related, and/or other categories of your choice.

  B. Choose a favorite creepy character from the book. Sketch a cartoon-style portrait of this character, or write a 2–3 paragraph fictional biography of the character’s life before the moment you meet them in the story.

  C. With friends or classmates, make a list of scary characters from books, movies, and television. Take a class vote to choose the top five scariest characters. Or paint a class mural featuring frightening faces.

  D. Learn more about a scary story writer from the past, such as Edgar Allan Poe (“The Raven”) or Mary Shelley (Frankenstein). Write a short report on the writer’s life and work. If desired, come dressed as that writer to present your report to classmates.

  E. Interview friends or classmates to find out whether they like vampires, what they know about these creatures, what books or movies about vampires they have liked or disliked, and what type of vampire stories they’d like to read in the future. Compile your information into a short, newspaper-style report entitled, “What is it about vampires?”

  III. Unlucky Outcomes

  A. Many of the main characters from the stories in this collection meet bad ends. In the character of one of the story protagonists, write a journal entry that begins, “I wish I hadn’t…”

  B. Characters in the stories show greed, poor judgment, and other unpleasant qualities. Which do you think is the worst quality in a person? Write a paragraph explaining why you think this quality is the worst.

  C. Use examples from the story and additional research, if desired, to create an illustrated booklet entitled “Advice for Avoiding Vampires.”

  D. Use fabric, beads, clay, paper, or other craft materials to make a good luck charm to ward off creepy things. Write a list of instructions for how to use the charm and be sure to explain whether it will work if you behave in a mean way.

  E. Imagine you are about to embark on one of the adventures from the story collection. Record a video message explaining what you are about to do and any thoughts you would like to share for friends and family who watch the video.

  IV. World of Weenies

  A. If you have read more than one Weenie story collection or other books by David Lubar, make a top ten list of Lubar’s favorite creepy topics. (Hint: Consider clowns and psychic abilities.)

  B. Compare two stories from different books that deal with the same subject from the list. What elements do they share? How do the endings differ? What
conclusions might you draw about the subject based on your comparison? What might you like to ask the author about this subject?

  C. Design an imaginary website for David Lubar’s “Weenie World” including such elements as a biography of the author, a description of each Weenie book, factoids, illustrations, a “Dear Vampire” advice column, or other features you think would work well on the website.

  QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION

  1. Why do you think the author chose “Not Another Word” as the first story for this collection? Consider the personality traits of the narrator, the surprise at the end of the story, and even ways you could interpret the title as you answer this question.

  2. Compare the narrators of “Ghost in the Well,” “In One Ear,” and “Lost and Found.” What character traits do they share? How does this inform their actions? Do you see any similarities in the villains of these stories, or the bad outcomes that befall the main characters? What conclusions might you draw from any similarities you observe?

  3. In “It’s Only a Game,” “Fourth and Inches,” and “Little Guys,” describe the different ways the main characters are unaware of the effect their actions have on others. Do you think the characters should be held responsible for their seemingly careless actions? Do you think human beings sometimes behave this way in relation to their environment or other aspects of the world in which they live? If yes, give an example.

  4. The author features vampires in several stories. In what ways does he play with vampire stereotypes or poke fun at vampires in popular books? Describe some unique qualities of vampires in stories from this collection. Which is your favorite vampire story from this book? What appeals to you about this story?

  5. Insects are another recurring image in such stories as “MutAnts” and “The Spider Shouter.” Why are insects a creepy or frightening story element? Explain your answer.

  6. What supernatural, nonvampire elements are featured in “Bruja,” “Elf Improvement,” and “Warm Rain”? Do you believe in supernatural creatures? In magic? Do you think your beliefs effect the way you read these stories?

  7. Kids in this story collection are not always nice, but some are quite smart. In “Cat Got Your Nose?,” “Sweet Soap,” “My Science Project,” and “A Cure for the Uncommon Vampire,” it is cleverness that leads the main characters into trouble. How do the solutions they invent do more harm than good? What kind of warning might you infer from these stories?

  8. Several Vampire Weenies stories can be read as commentaries on various news-making problems in today’s society. What real-world problems do you think the author is addressing in “Rapt Punzel,” “The Pyramid Man,” and “Dragon Around”? Do you agree with the points he is making? Why or why not?

  9. Do the stories in this collection change the way you think of your own feelings of anger or frustration? Do they reflect any of your own fears about our world? Cite examples from the book in your explanation.

  10. In the story “Little Guys”, Avery looks into the face of the giant rocking his world and realizes that “It was a face he knew well. It was a face without mercy.” How could you describe this as the organizing theme of the Vampire Weenies collection?

  David Lubar grew up in Morristown, New Jersey. His books include Hidden Talents, an ALA Best Book for Young Adults; True Talents; Flip, a VOYA Best Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Horror selection; the Weenies short-story collections In the Land of the Lawn Weenies, Invasion of the Road Weenies, The Curse of the Campfire Weenies, and The Battle of the Red Hot Pepper Weenies; and the Nathan Abercrombie, Accidental Zombie series. He lives in Nazareth, Pennsylvania. You can visit him on the Web at www.davidlubar.com.

  STARSCAPE BOOKS BY DAVID LUBAR

  Novels

  Flip

  Hidden Talents

  True Talents

  Nathan Abercrombie, Accidental Zombie Series

  My Rotten Life

  Dead Guy Spy

  Goop Soup

  The Big Stink

  Enter the Zombie

  Story Collections

  The Battle of the Red Hot Pepper Weenies and Other Warped and Creepy Tales

  The Curse of the Campfire Weenies and Other Warped and Creepy Tales

  In the Land of the Lawn Weenies and Other Warped and Creepy Tales

  Invasion of the Road Weenies and Other Warped and Creepy Tales

  This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in these stories are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

  ATTACK OF THE VAMPIRE WEENIES AND OTHER WARPED AND CREEPY TALES

  Copyright © 2011 by David Lubar

  Reader’s Guide copyright © 2011 by Tor Books

  All rights reserved.

  “It’s Only a Game” originally appeared in Boys’ Life, May 2004.

  “Lost and Found” originally appeared in Orson Scott Card’s Intergalactic Medicine Show, October 2007.

  “Get Out of Gym for Free” originally appeared in Orson Scott Card’s Intergalactic Medicine Show, November 2009.

  A Starscape eBook

  Published by Tom Doherty Associates, LLC

  175 Fifth Avenue

  New York, NY 10010

  www.tor-forge.com

  ISBN 978-0-7653-2345-3

  First Edition: May 2011

  eISBN 978-1-4299-2025-4

  First Tom Doherty Associates Book eBook Edition: May 2011