All For You (Snakes Henchmen MC Book 2)

by Alivia Grayson

  Still, no matter what he's done to me, I will never turn my back on him. He's my friend. That's all we should ever have been. Friends. Yes, he's hurt me badly with his lies and deceit, but I can't force myself to turn my back on him. I won't. I don't care what anyone thinks of me for that. I'll never take him back, I'm not stupid. But I know we can salvage some sort of friendship out of this. After I've given him a piece of my mind.

  “Hammer had no damn right to do or say anything! This is my business, Nova, please just give it a rest.”

  “Oh my god, she's gonna let him get away with it.” I roll my eyes at Coral and rub my forehead. I'm getting a headache. “You're gonna take him back, aren't you? Don't you dare take him back, girl.”

  “It's not really any of your business whether she takes him back or not.”

  “Thank you, Tessa.” At least someone seems to be listening to me.

  Tessa is Ace's old lady. Tessa is my age, Ace is quite a bit older, thirty-six years of age, but she loves him and that's all that matters. Tessa and I have been friends a long time, longer than she's been with Ace.

  “That's not to say I think you should take the idiot back.”

  What is this? Pick on Willow day?

  “Babe, he's no good for you. I've been telling you for years. Remember when we were in college and you had that crush on him? I told you then not to be with him.”

  I couldn't help having a crush on Trace, back then, he was so handsome, so funny, so smart. We both wanted to be lawyer's back then. No, correction. Jordan's parents forced him to be who they thought he should be. I decided that being a lawyer wasn't for me after all and I changed tact. I took a literacy course instead. I love to write. I also really wanted to be a teacher, I worked hard to be one, I'm still working hard at it.

  Anyway, I could see Jordan wasn't happy doing what he was doing back then. His jokes and pranks on friends were just his way of masking his unhappiness. I made him see that he didn't need to be anyone but who he was. That he had to do what made him happy. He finished college with his degree in law, but never put it to use. He joined the Snakes instead.

  His parents were not happy at all. They haven't been the same with him since. But Jordan – Trace – is happier than he's ever been. But there's still something inside that makes him act the way he does. I honestly believe he has some kind of undiagnosed behavioral problem.

  “I get it, okay? I shouldn't be with him. I'm not going to be with him anymore. Our relationship is over. I'm not stupid enough to stay with the man after he cheated on me. We fell out of love a long time ago, we were just holding on to... I don't even know what. But he's my friend regardless of what he's done, and I won't turn my back on him!” Each one of them huffs in annoyance. I don't expect them to understand, but I'm tired of being told what I should and shouldn't do. How I should and shouldn't feel.

  “Can you all just back off, I've had enough of this shit to last a lifetime. I love y'all, but I'm a grown woman, I can take care of myself. I don't need any of you telling me what to do. And I definitely don't need Hammer smacking Trace around!”

  “He was just looking out for you.”

  “Well, I don't need him to, Coral. I don't need him for anything.”

  “You and he would be so good together.”

  “No,” I cut my sister off. I'm not going there with them. “There will never be any him and me, okay? In my mind, he will always be my best friend's old man, never mine. So can we please never talk about this again?”

  I'm done with this shit. I'm so tired of the girls going on and on at me about me and Hammer each time I have a fight with Jordan. There is no me and Hammer!

  I didn't stay long with the girls, my mind just wasn't on anything other than getting home and taking a long hot bubble bath. That's why I spent ten minutes with my little niece and left. This is what I needed, to soak in the hot water in my tub.

  Jordan hasn't been in contact with me yet. I'm not sure if he's avoiding me or whether or not the boys hurt him. I don't like the idea of either of those scenarios. No, I don't want him back, he and I are done for good this time. But I don't want him to get hurt either.

  I don't want Shepard to outcast him from the club. That's what I told my Dad when he called to say he wanted to see me. I told him that I didn't want to make a big deal of things, that I'd see him tomorrow. I told him that I was angry with Jordan for what he did, but I don't want him to lose his place with the Snakes, he worked hard to get to where he is. He's dedicated to the club and the brothers, God knows he's never had much to cling to in his life. I don't want anyone to treat him differently. All I want is for us to part amicably. I don't think we can ever be close friends again after what he's done, but that doesn't mean I want to ruin his life either.

  I sound like a stupid doormat. Trust me, I am no doormat. I just don't feel the need to be a bitch about everything. I'm hurt, but if he knew how I've loved another man for months, he'd be just as hurt. I may not have cheated on Jordan physically, but I did mentally plenty of times.

  Does that make me as bad as him?

  Anyway, Dad was angry but promised he wouldn't throw Jordan out of the club, however, he'd be on probation for the next few weeks.

  I left Jordan a voicemail, asking him to meet with me so that we can talk things through. I don't just want to walk away without knowing why he did this to me. I'm not going to sit here and bash myself over a relationship that never really worked. We've both done things we shouldn't have. At least I can say I never physically cheated. But I think we should've realized the first time he was unfaithful that we were never going to work out. I don't think I ever really moved past it. I was stupid to have given him a second chance.

  I close my eyes and lean my head back against the tub. I tied my hair up in a high bun before I climbed into the hot water. All I wanted was to relax. And relaxing right now feels so good. My muscles have been aching like crazy today.

  It's not unusual for me to ache like this after what happened to me. The way I was bound to the chair in that room gave me a crick in my neck and back that's never really gone away. Plus, my arm was broken after they hit me. It may have healed, but I still feel it sometimes. Then there's my throat and the fact it still hurts me occasionally. My scar burns a lot. It's irritating at best.

  I've only gotten my PJ's on when there's a knock on the door. Rushing to answer it, I see it's Jordan. Not that I expected anything less. He stayed away last night, probably at the clubhouse. He didn't even call me to let me know he was alive. Inconsiderate prick.

  He would have let himself in if I hadn't bolted the door. He may live here with me, but this is my house. Shepard bought it for me last year. Jordan and I hadn't lived together before that.

  I let him walk past me and into the living room. I can see the bruises on his face from where Hammer hit him. He's also holding his ribs, so I imagine someone else's fist met with his body. Unless Hammer really did hammer into him.

  “What can I help you with?” I don't care how formal that sounds, this man is nothing to me now. That's not true. I want him to be nothing, but he'll always be something, as much as I hate it, it's true.

  “Just came to get my stuff. I won't be here long.”

  “That's it? No, ‘Sorry for cheating on you while you were in the next room with your family, Willow’?”

  “Where would it get me?”

  Is he for real? He's not even going to apologize for what he's put me through?

  “Shepard wants me to move out and leave you alone. If I do that, I won't lose my place with the Snakes.” Oh well, if that's all he cares about. “For what it's worth, I am sorry it had to end this way.”

  “Just answer me this, did you stay with me after what happened out of duty?” I don't need to know how many times he cheated, it won't make me feel any better about things if he told me. In fact, it would probably make me feel worse, so I won't ask.

  “I'm sorry, Will, I never wanted to hurt you. I honestly didn't. I'm not a complete m
onster. You're my friend. But the fact is, it wasn't working between us for months before you were taken, you know that.” I do know that. We hadn't been working for a while, but neither of us had the guts to end it.

  “I was planning on breaking up with you the day you were kidnapped,” Real nice. “I thought they'd killed you.”

  “So, you got on with your life without even trying to help find me?! You know what? Don't answer that, I don't even care what the answer is. Just get your stuff and get out of my house.”

  “I did help find you. Where the hell has this bullshit come from?! My god!” He rakes his hands through his long hair. I see so much hurt in his eyes. “My grandfather died a couple nights before you were found. I had been over at his place when I got the call to say they knew where you were. I rushed right over, but I was too late, you were...”

  “It doesn't matter, Jordan. This is a clean break for both of us. I hope you find what you're looking for. I'm probably stupid, but I'll always be here if you need a friend. But it's time for you to go now.” And he does just that.

  Without one word and a sad smile, he packs his things and leaves. The end of a three-year relationship just like that.

  Now what?

  Chapter Four

  Hammer

  Prick. Fuckin' son of a bitch. Shepard let the motherfucker off with what he'd done. All because Willow didn't want him to be thrown out of the club. I can't fuckin' believe her! Why the hell wouldn't she want him punished to max for what he'd done?

  She's a damn pushover, that's what she is.

  How am I ever gonna make her see that she deserves better than men who walk all over her?

  Is she so clueless when it comes to men that she'd just put up with this shit?

  I think it's time I taught her how to stand up for herself.

  I made sure that prick knew I wasn't happy, and that I'd fuckin' kill him if he ever so much as thinks about Willow again. I mean it too. More than I've ever meant it before!

  “Why don't you back the fuck off a little, huh?” Cunt has balls, I'll give him that.

  “Listen to me, you fuckin' dumb shit!” I had Trace by the shirt front. Pinned against the wall at the side of the clubhouse. Shepard may have let him off, but I wasn't about to let him walk away thinkin' he'd got away with what he did.

  Why couldn't he be a pussy who whimpered and pissed himself instead of a tough SOB who doesn't back down from anything?

  He's not as tall as I am, not as built either, but the man backs down from no one. A good quality for a Snake.

  Doesn't mean he's not a massive cunt, though.

  Doesn't mean he won't fight back either.

  “Don't even think about...”

  “Save it, Hammer! I'm not gonna go near her. Okay? But don't for one second think I won't be there for her if she needs me.”

  “Don't make me laugh!” The stupid fuck! “You don't give a fuck about Willow! If you cared even a little about her, you wouldn't've cheated on her every damn chance you got.”

  He grabbed my wrists and yanked them from his shirt. He straightened it, eyes stormy as he looked me dead in mine. I wanted to kill him then and there, but I knew where that would lead me. Out of the Snakes... or worse.

  “I know what I've done. I ain't got no excuses, Hammer. I'm a cunt. And it was once, that's all.” Like that makes a difference. Ain't once enough? Not that I believe for one second it was only once. And why pick a damn club whore to cheat on your girl with? “But I do care about her, even if it doesn't look that way.”

  I snarled at him. Nothing he said would ever convince me he cared for Willow. No man who loves his woman would ever cheat on her.

  “Why don't you just claim the girl, Hammer?”

  “Shut the fuck up!” What the fuck does he know about anything, anyway?

  “You pretend like you don't want her, but it's very fuckin' obvious to everyone else that you do. She wants you too, you know? Always fuckin' has. I never stood a damn chance! Always in your fuckin' shadow.”

  I slammed the cunt back against the wall, ready to rip his fuckin' head off! Motherfucker just laughed. Typical of this prick. Sometimes I wonder if he's got a couple screws loose. He knows what I can do, how fuckin' vile the act of killing is when I commit it. Wasn't bothered by any of it.

  “You don't know a fuckin' thing about it. Stay away from Willow or I'll fuckin' kill you, rules or no fuckin' rules.”

  I walked away from him. Needed to get the anger outta me. That's why I'm here, in the gym, boxing this shit outta my system. The harder I punch that damn bag, the angrier I get. There's no fuckin' truth in what Trace said. I do not want Willow!

  Liar!

  I punch the bag harder, my muscles tightening and flexing, burning with the force of those hits. That bastard has gotten inside my head. Too fuckin' far inside. I'll admit it to myself, I want Willow, I've wanted her for longer than I'm willing to admit. Fuck, I wanted her when she was eighteen. Knew I'd never be able to put my hands on her. Knew Shepard would kill me if I went there.

  I ignored it. I'm good at that. Knew I'd fuck her up if I touched her. I'd never do that to her. Anyway, she was smart enough not to show any interest in me. Others might say she's always wanted me, but she never made it clear to me.

  Then I met my Cindy. Yeah, I'd seen her before when she was a kid. Even saw her at Coral and Stryker's wedding. But she was different this time, so grown up, so beautiful. Love, at first sight, doesn't even come close to what we had.

  I remember our first conversation like it was yesterday. Coral had brought her to the clubhouse to see Shepard. He was happy to see her. Every fuckin' guy in the room was. But it was Willow who grabbed her, both of them squealing like little girls. I couldn't take my eyes off of either of them. Both women were so damn beautiful. Long legs, full figures, pouty lips. Then Cindy turned and our eyes locked.

  She was so fuckin' shy. So damn beautiful. My cock twitched in my jeans the second she smiled at me. I watched her for a while, then she snuck off to the bathroom and I followed.

  Smart girl knew I was following her. Found her waiting just outside the bathroom door, a smile on her gorgeous face.

  ‘Are you following me, handsome?’ That one question did me in. I was lost to her at that moment. I wanted her and I wouldn't stop until she was mine. I'd never been the kind of man to settle down, never thought I'd find a woman who'd put up with me. But looking at her then, I knew she was it for me.

  ‘Yeah. I'm followin' you, beautiful.’

  She grabbed my cut and pulled me toward her. ‘Good.’ She said while standing on her tiptoes and crushing her lips against mine. She was mine from that moment on. Nothing else meant anything to me but Cindy. God, I loved her so fuckin' much.

  Looking back, when we told Willow about us, just for a split second, I saw the crushed look in her eyes. I didn't know what it meant back then, but I'm starting to understand that she wanted to be the one I claimed.

  I can't imagine what that felt like for her.

  She never let on that she was hurt. She was genuinely happy for Cindy and me, even more so when we got engaged. It was quick, but it felt so right.

  Willow was nothing but happy to help Cindy with the wedding arrangements. I'd come home each evening to find them deep in conversation about wedding plans. Glasses of wine in their hands, laughter echoing off the walls.

  What kind of woman in love with a man would help someone else be with him?

  Willow, that's who.

  She's so fuckin' special. I've always known it.

  She was there for me when Cindy was killed. The only person I could bear to have near me. But not all the time. Sometimes I couldn't stand to have her near me either. But she never gave up on me, she never completely walked away. Told me every day that she wouldn't give up on me, that even though I didn't want to hear it, one day, things would get easier for me.

  Things did get easier as time went on. I guess that shit is true. Time eases the pain little by little. Cindy wi
ll always be in my heart, there is no doubt about that. I'll never be able to let her go fully. She was my fuckin' world.

  They say that true angels are here but for a short while before God takes them back into the kingdom of heaven.

  God took my Cindy too soon. But did he leave the angel Willow to mend my heart, my mind, my soul, my life? Was she always the one I was destined to be with?

  I don't know. God, I just don't know!

  I'm so fuckin' conflicted. These feelings I have toward Willow are making me crazy. I want her, want to make her mine, but I feel so damn guilty because of Cindy. What if being with Willow means I'll forget Cindy? I can't bear the thought of moving on with someone else and slowly forgetting the woman who taught me how to live.

  Fuck this fuckin' shit!

  I pound on the bag harder and harder. This shit ain't helping to clear my head none. If anything, I'm making myself crazier. I pound and pound that fuckin' bag until I have no fight left in me. I rest my forehead against it, breathing hard and fast.

  What would Shepard say if I claimed his little girl? Almost tore my brother's head off when he claimed Nova, Prez's middle daughter.

  'Course, he didn't. He let Tank claim Nova, gave his blessing for my brother to adopt Nova's little girl. They're even getting married soon.

  Fuck it. I have to talk to Willow. I don't fuckin' know what I'm gonna say, but I can't go on like this. I know it's too soon for her to be with anyone after Trace, but she has to know that I won't be keeping my distance anymore. I won't be leaving her alone, just like she never left me alone. I'm here for her now and always.

  Who knows what might come out of it.

  Chapter Five

  Willow

  I jolt upright in bed, sweat pouring out of me as my body shakes like crazy. I haven't had a nightmare this bad in a couple weeks. My whole body is aching, my scar is burning. I feel like I'm going to vomit. My head is so tight.