The Anchor

by B. N. Toler

  “It’s my money.”

  “No, it’s fucking not!” I shout, flailing my arms to the side. “It’s his goddamn money!”

  “Don’t yell at me!” she yells as she glares at me.

  Stepping back, I inhale deeply through my nose trying to calm myself. “Why would you take a dime from him without asking me first?” The question is calm, but my tone is still angry.

  “I wanted to surprise you. I wanted to make a start for us.”

  “By taking money from the man that treated you like an idiot?”

  She cuts her eyes to me and I see only one thing: Fuck you. “You’re a dick,” she says, simply, before she turns and walks toward the front door.

  “I told you I’d take care of you . . . of us. Did you even think about how shitty this makes me look? Your father is probably enjoying this big ‘I told you so’ about how he’s paying for a house for you and his bastard grandchild instead of the father.”

  She freezes and turns, her brows wrinkled, daring me to continue, but I keep on. “I told him I would take care of you. Me, Nikki. And you just went behind my back and took his fucking money to get us a place.”

  “I took the money for us and for our baby. I wanted a safe place; a beautiful place. I found it. And now you’re having a fucking pity party because you’re worried about how you look? First you’re pissed because it’s Edie’s place and it’s a handout, now you’re pissed because I used my trust fund. You’re being ridiculous.”

  “And where did you get the car from?” I ask her about the Expedition she picked me up at the airport with, the one she conveniently never told me who it belonged to or where she got it from.

  “It’s a loaner. It’s Dierk’s.”

  I can’t help the vindictive laugh that escapes me. I feel like in the last ten minutes she has whittled down my dick away into a nub. “Of course it is.”

  With her hands on her hips, she watches me as I pace the floor a few times, my hands fisted in my hair with utter frustration. John pokes his head in after a few minutes. “You guys okay in here?”

  “Fucking perfect,” I laugh.

  “I’m going to leave,” Nikki says as she shakes her head. “When you’re ready to pull your head out of your ass, maybe we can talk then.”

  As she walks out the door, I yell after her. “I might need surgery for that. Could you call your daddy and see if he’ll pay for it? Maybe they can find my balls when they’re down there!”

  “Fuck you, Parker,” she mumbles as she slams the front door behind her.

  John twists his mouth, his expression letting me know he feels awkward he just witnessed that. “Wanna talk about it?”

  “I want a fucking drink,” I snap.

  John laughs a little and juts his chin toward the front door. “Let’s head to the tack room. Joey and I keep a little moonshine in there for just such an occasion.”

  After I storm out on Parker, I return to the house and eat a ton of Oreos. I’m so damn angry, I cry myself to sleep. I hate being a woman sometimes. When I wake up hours later, I make my way to the barn and whine pathetically to Edie as she fills water buckets in each stall.

  “He’s being a dick,” I grumble.

  “Maybe he could have come at you differently, but I can see why he’s upset.”

  My mouth drops open. Isn’t she supposed to agree with me? We are best friends. Isn’t that in the rule book? Thou shalt not disagree with thy best friend. She snorts when she takes in my expression. “You know you can see his point too, Nikki.”

  “I was just trying to do something nice for him. I mean, he’s leaving his fucking job to be with me . . .” I shake my head. “I wanted to make the transition easy. Take a little stress off of him.”

  “I know that,” she acknowledges. “And I think when he cools down he’ll realize that although his feelings are valid, he could have expressed them in a much calmer manner.” She closes the stall door as she exits and moves to the next one and I follow.

  “I think it’s a sign,” I sigh.

  “Oh, here we go again. A sign of what?”

  “That this is doomed to fail. I mean we’ve barely spent any time together and we’re already having this huge argument.”

  “I think you’re just being classic Nikki and looking for an excuse to end it,” she says, blatantly.

  I’m a little stunned by her brutal honesty. “Why don’t you tell me what you really think?” I reply sarcastically as I cross my arms and pout.

  “Nikki,” Edie sighs, and I can hear the exhaustion in it. I hate that even my best friend is exasperated with my issues. “You can’t tuck your tail and run every time you guys disagree. You owe it to yourself and your child to try your hardest to see this through.”

  “And that’s what I was doing when I agreed to go for this with him. He told me to find a place and I did.”

  “I think you knew, deep down, taking your father’s money would set him off. You’re poking a sleeping bear and acting stunned when it wakes up roaring.”

  “Jesus, Edie. You make me sound like an asshole.”

  Her brown eyes meet mine and she lets out a long breath. “Look me in the eye and tell me you didn’t know he might possibly be upset that you took that money.”

  “It’s a trust fund set up by my grandfather!” I yell in defense.

  “That your father happened to point out after he cut you off. Your dad was trying to show Parker something . . . he was trying to show you’d always run back for the money.”

  I know she’s right. I didn’t really think of it that way at the time, but in hindsight, I get how Parker is seeing it right now. But a part of me believes it would be so much easier for both of us if we could figure out that this isn’t going to work out early on. I’m so frustrated with everything right now. “Ugh! I’m so pissed. I just want to punch something.”

  Edie perks up; a wide smile on her face. “I think we can find a way to help you release some of this tension.”

  “Sorry about the moonshine, man,” John apologizes before sipping his beer. When we got to the tack room we discovered the jar was empty.

  “I hit it hard for a few nights right after Charlotte and I broke up. I’ll have to get another jar from Smithy next time I see him,” Joey adds. I want to ask about this Charlotte, but I decide not to. Joey looks like I feel right now; like he doesn’t want to talk about it.

  “Eh, it’s probably for the best,” I counter, holding up my beer. “Beer has helped.”

  We’ve spent the afternoon drinking beer and bullshitting. Now we’re on a multi-passenger ATV driving around the property. John hasn’t broached the topic of the argument Nikki and I are in and I greatly appreciate it. I just needed him to be my friend and distract me and that’s exactly what he did.

  We’re just over a hill when we catch sight of Nikki and Edie. Edie’s pointing a handgun and shooting at jars and cans lined up on stumps about forty feet in front of them. The girls turn their heads when they hear us coming; Edie smiles but Nikki just turns away and crosses her arms.

  John stops our ATV and Edie hands the gun to Nikki, pointing out into the distance and telling her something before she runs over to us. We’ve all come to a stop when Nikki fires off one shot but hits nothing.

  “Hey, babe.” John smirks as Edie bounces toward him, planting a hard kiss on his mouth.

  “Hi.” She grins. “You boys having fun today?”

  “Loads,” I say, as I hold my bottle up in toast. Then jutting my chin toward Nikki, I ask, “She still pissed at me?”

  Edie looks back to Nikki as Nikki fires off another shot and misses, and though I can’t hear her, I can see by the movement of her mouth she mumbles, “Motherfucker.”

  “Let’s find out,” John chuckles as he stands. “Nikki!” he yells. “Pretend those cans are Parker’s balls!”

  Nikki doesn’t even look our way. She levels her shoulders and squints before she fires off a shot, hitting the smallest of the glass bottles and it bursts into
pieces. John laughs hardily, slapping me on the back as Edie rolls her eyes at him. “Guess you’ve got your answer,” John chuckles.

  “You’re a dick,” I tell him.

  “Hell hath no fury . . .” Joey mumbles before sipping his beer.

  “I think you both need to talk this out. Calmly,” Edie points out. “Why don’t I ride back with Suit and Joey. You stay here and discuss things. You can drive the truck back.”

  “She has a loaded weapon,” I point out. “Not sure that’s a good idea.” Nikki fires the gun again, hitting a can. “Her aim is getting good, too.”

  “By my count, she’s only got four bullets left. Wait it out.”

  I climb off the four-wheeler and Edie climbs on. I watch as they take off, dreading the conversation ahead. “Where are they going?” Nikki says from behind me, scaring the shit out of me. The gun is still in her hand at her side, pointed to the ground.

  “They’re . . . giving us some time, I guess,” I mumble as I scratch the back of my neck. Turning, she heads back to the truck and puts the gun back in the lockbox that’s set on the tailgate. I approached her, waiting until the box is locked before I speak.

  “Listen . . .” I begin, but she cuts me off.

  “I’m sorry. I should’ve talked to you about it first. It didn’t feel like it was taking money from him . . . I guess. The trust fund was set up by my grandfather.”

  I close my eyes feeling like a total jerk off. “I’m sorry I wigged out and ruined your surprise. I just want to . . . take care of you. I want to show you that I can.”

  “I know you can, Parker. But that doesn’t mean you should have to always be the one taking care of us. I want a part in that, too.”

  The sun has set and the sky is darkening quickly. Winter is on its way. It’s been somewhat cool since I got back. Nikki pulls at her jacket and I realize how chilly it actually is. I guess the beer I’ve drank today is keeping me warm. “Listen. You’re cold, let’s get back to the house.”

  She opens her mouth to say something but stops, shaking her head as she turns. When she moves to the driver’s side I don’t argue about letting her drive. I already know it would be a waste of time. Plus, I have had a few beers. We don’t speak all the way to the house and the silence is screaming in my ear. We obviously have something to say so why can’t either of us say it? When she cuts the truck off, before she opens her door to slide out, I take her hand. Her gaze moves to where our hands are joined and stays there.

  My voice is husky when I ask, “Are we okay?” Hell, if I’m being completely honest, I’m still upset. But I know she didn’t intentionally do what she did to piss me off or hurt me. I know she was trying to do something good.

  She squeezes my hand. “I am if you are.” Then she pulls her hand from mine and climbs out. I’m not sure how to take that. But I decide she means let’s just let it go, and at this point that works for me. When we walk inside, Edie and John are already changed and waiting at the kitchen table.

  “Drinks at Earl’s tonight. You guys game?” Edie asks.

  Nikki’s questioning blue gaze meets mine. “Sounds good to me.” I shrug. “You wanna go? I haven’t had a chance to experience the fine establishment known as Earl’s,” I jest.

  Nikki snorts. “Well, now that you’re spending more time in Holly Springs, we need to remedy that right away.”

  Edie and Nikki are standing with a group of girls off to the side of the bar while John, Joey, and I are planted in a booth.

  “What about her?” John points out a brunette standing in front of the jukebox.

  Joey shakes his head before dropping it as if exhausted by John’s relentless attempts to find a woman that might catch his eye. “That’s Mary Reicher. She’s taken,” Joey mumbles. “Give it up, John. I’m not looking for a woman right now. And when I find one, I don’t want one from these parts.”

  “Well, I happen to think women from Holly Springs are the shit,” John says, matter-of-factly.

  “Me too,” I agree.

  “Yeah, well you guys got the good ones.”

  “How come you never tried to date Edie or Nikki?” I ask, curious. Joey’s a decent looking guy and he’s known them all his life. How could he not have thought about it at least once?

  Joey sneers as if even the thought disgusts him. “Dude. They’re like my sisters.”

  John and I laugh. “So what’s going on with you and Nik?” Joey finally asks. “Everything good?”

  I lean back and move my gaze to Nikki. She’s wearing a pair of skinny jeans and this flowing top. Fucking beautiful. She thinks she’s showing, but it’s all in her head. I barely notice the tiny bump she has, and I only notice it because I know it’s there. “We had a disagreement about something, but . . . I think we’re good now.”

  Joey nods and looks over to the group of girls where Nikki stands, laughing with her friends. “Nikki . . .” He pauses and drops his head as if searching for words. “She’s going to push you away at some point.”

  Joey just voiced my biggest fear. Regardless of whether Nikki and I work out, moving here is necessary. I want to be close to my child, but damn. I really want things to work out between me and her. But I can’t help the dread I feel that at any minute she’s going to pull the plug. I shouldn’t say what I’m about to say, but I do anyway. “I know she will.”

  Joey smirks and nods a few times. “You just make sure you push back. She’s a hard nut to crack, that one, but she’s worth it.”

  We’re all looking at the girls now when Dierk walks in and beelines for the group. He positions himself between Edie and Nikki, throwing an arm over each of them. John shakes his head and inhales deeply.

  “I know he’s your friend, but I swear he’s begging for me to kick his ass,” John grumbles to Joey.

  Joey just holds his hands up in surrender. “I wouldn’t be mad at you, but I think he’s enjoying making you sweat a little.”

  “He’s not making me sweat,” John snickers. “I know who Edie wants. But he is being disrespectful. That’s what pisses me off.” Dierk suddenly pulls away from the group, grabbing Nikki’s hand and yanking her toward the dance floor. Nikki digs her heels in shaking her head no, but smiling to be polite. But Dierk persists and this time, he tugs her hard enough that when she jolts forward, she trips and lands on her knees. I bolt out of the booth and bulldoze through the crowd to get to her. When I reach them, he’s bent down trying to help her up, but I grab him and shove him away. “Get away from her, fucker.”

  Nikki is standing now, her hands planted firmly against my chest as she attempts to push me away from Dierk who looks like he can’t believe I just shoved him. Fuckwad. “It was an accident,” Nikki insists.

  “No it wasn’t. You we’re trying to get out of his grip and he wouldn’t let you go. He made you trip.”

  “Parker,” she says my name firmly. “I’m telling you, it was an accident.”

  “I’m sorry, Nikki,” Dierk apologizes as he moves to stand beside us, but Joey appears and moves with him, keeping him from getting too close. Joey’s a smart guy. “I didn’t mean to make you trip,” Dierk continues.

  “I know. I’m okay. It’s okay,” Nikki assures him.

  “For future reference, asshole,” I growl as I glare at Dierk, “no means no.”

  “Who the fuck is this guy, Nikki?” Dierk laughs as if he’s amused by my anger.

  My irritation boils over. “I’m her fucking boyfriend and the father of the baby she’s carrying. That’s who the fuck I am!” The bar was loud as I shouted, but now it seems significantly quieter as I finish my proclamation. Everyone is staring at us and Nikki’s eyes are clenched closed. Yep. I announced her pregnancy again, but this time, to an entire bar. And for once, I’m not completely sorry. She and the baby could have been hurt. Enough is enough.

  “You’re pregnant, Nikki?” Dierk gasps in disbelief.

  Nikki opens her eyes and gives me a death glare before turning to Dierk. “Yes.” With that, she spins
on her heels and stomps toward the exit.

  Edie moves to follow her, but I hold a hand up. “I’ll go.”

  “Here are the keys to the car. We’ll catch a ride from Joey,” John says, and tosses me the keys to his BMW.

  “Thanks,” I mumble.

  “And good luck,” he adds as I turn to leave.

  “I got this.”

  At least I think I do. But as I trail after Nikki, I’m wondering if I really know what the fuck I’m doing.

  “Nikki, wait!” Parker calls as he chases me into the parking lot, gravel crunching under his feet as he runs.

  “You know,” I spin around and glare at him, stopping him in his tracks, “there’s a big billboard about two miles down. Maybe you could just save yourself some breath and advertise that Nikki Reese is knocked up!”

  “Your insistence on keeping this pregnancy a secret could have hurt you and the baby tonight, why can’t you see that?”

  “I can handle myself, Parker,” I scream.

  “You handled it so well that you fell to your knees,” he mumbles under his breath.

  “Excuse me?” I question defensively. And his voice rises.

  “Is it so bad if everyone knows?” he questions. “I mean, shit . . . they’ll know eventually.”

  “I’m not ready for everyone to know!” I shout. “You’re not from here. You don’t care what these people think of you, but I do!” Tears begin to stream down my face and I wipe at them angrily.

  “And what is it you think they’ll think of you?”

  “That I’m a stupid girl that let herself get knocked up by some guy and ruined her life!” I yell at him. His eyes widen, a little shocked by how honest my answer is, but it’s the truth.

  He takes a deep breath and runs a hand through his hair. “Some guy, eh?”

  The tears won’t stop flowing now and I know I’m being way too emotional and dramatic, but I can’t help it. I need to voice how I feel. He needs to know I’m terrified. “It was supposed to be a onetime deal. It wasn’t supposed to be . . .” I motion between us, “this. This baby has ruined everything for me.”