Inextinguishable Love: Firefighter and Interracial Romance

by Kathleen Bunker

  Hell, it's been so long, he cursed in his mind.

  While Jonathan was alive, he at least talked to him about Fannie almost every day and shared the news of her life. Erik knew everything about her career, her achievements, her endeavors. And even failures. At times, that knowledge comforted him—as if they were not separated for all these years.

  At times, Erik almost forgot how much she hated him. She hadn't even set foot on this ranch since the day of their breakup.

  Now, as much as he feared, it was the time to face the mistakes of his past.

  He wondered what she'd think about him today. There was a time when Fannie used to say that Erik on a racehorse was the most beautiful thing in the world. As a young jockey, he had been a slender, shy boy who spent most of his day around the horses. He could understand the horses. Unlike people.

  And then, one day he had met her. And she had changed the whole world for him. Erik still remembered the thirteen-year-old girl who came to spend her summer vacations with her grandparents. He had been recruited only two months earlier and had not been interacting much with anyone except Jonathan. Not until a sweet chubby girl stepped into the stables and started reproaching him that her favorite horse, Green Ear, was unhappy in Erik's care.

  Both had hated each other at first. He could still remember her short flower dress and round face with cheeks blushed bright red. Fannie was not very used to getting attention from boys. Every time Erik looked at her, he could see her confusion. She'd immediately find a reason to argue with him. And that provoked his interest to her even more.

  By the end of that summer, they had grown so close to each other that Fannie wanted to quit school and stay at her grandpa's ranch. Erik pushed those memories of old days away.

  He was back in the farmhouse. Everyone was already asleep. All the lights in the main house were off. He headed toward his cottage. He could go to the main house for a late-night meal. He had skipped the dinner and supper. Somehow, Erik's need to avoid running into anyone tonight was much greater than his hunger. He decided an empty stomach for one night would be a good enough self-imposed punishment.

  "You surely took your time to get back, young man." He heard a familiar reproaching voice.

  Erik frowned. So much for his plan to stay unnoticed. Could a man not have some privacy on this ranch? He knew where this ambush was going to lead.

  He turned to find Martha sitting on the stairs of his cottage, leaning against the railing, with her arms crossed over her chest. Yup, old good Martha was pissed off and he knew he had well deserved it.

  "Good evening to you, too, Martha," he gave her a tired smile. "Having a sleepless night?"

  "Not just me, I can say for sure," Martha shook her head. "What do you think you're doing? She stayed up until 1 a.m. looking out of her window hoping you'd eventually grace us with your presence."

  As she spoke, her own words ignited anger inside Martha. Everyone at this ranch was aware of the beautiful teenage love story that Erik and Stephanie had once shared. Almost nobody knew the true reason why they had parted, though. Yet, once Stephanie stopped visiting her grandfather during summer vacations, it became very clear that she was avoiding Erik.

  He had considered quitting his job several times. What right did he have to cause her so much pain and be an obstacle for her to visit her own estate? Old Jonathan, who knew the whole story, never agreed to that.

  "I'll see her tomorrow to report about the current situation," Erik avoided looking at Martha. "I had a busy day. Can I go to bed now, if there are no other pressing complaints?"

  He loved the woman. She had been like a mother to him. Sometimes, she could drive him nuts, though. And most of the times, it took her only a few seconds to pull out his inner monster. He knew he had no right to bark at Martha like this. She only cared about Fanny and wanted for everyone to be happy.

  That was not how this story was to end, though.

  Stephanie was here to sell the ranch. That was clear even to someone as stubborn as Erik. Soon, either all of them would be fired or will have to work for the new owner—whoever they would be. And Fanny would be back to her city life building her career and erasing every last memory of this place and those who lived here.

  "Son, I didn't come here to scold you. You do that part on your own pretty well. All I want to say is that time has changed both of you. Stephanie is not that fragile, insecure girl anymore. You don't have to worry that you'll hurt her again. Just..." Martha hesitated for a moment before she continued, "I believe you both deserve a second chance. At least, it's better to part ways as friends, is it not?"

  He wasn't sure. Erik would've preferred for her to hate him all her life instead of knowing that she forgave and forgot him. A very egoistic part of him wanted to have his place in her heart—even if that was the darkest nook filled with rage and hate. That was still better than vanishing from her life and becoming a pale memory that did not provoke any feelings.

  "Had I made different choices back then, everything could've been different," Erik sat next to Martha on the stairs.

  His tiredness was gone. It was good sharing a little bit of late-night talk with someone who had known him and Fannie for all their lives. It was a sweet, nostalgic moment. And Erik cherished every minute of it. He knew come the morning, he would finally see her and who knew what that would lead to?

  *****

  Stephanie got up early in the morning. She didn't get much sleep last night, anyway. She had seen him get back from work well past 2 am. She knew Martha was also sleepless last night. The poor woman cared too much about everyone and tried to put every effort she could to make things right. Sadly, some relationships were beyond fixing.

  Being sure that everyone would still be asleep at 5 in the morning, Stephanie went out of the house. She was still wearing her nightgown and had wrapped a shawl over her shoulders on top of her nightie.

  In her busy city life, she didn't get much time to enjoy the peaceful mornings. Here—in the countryside—mornings were even more beautiful. The crisp fresh air, the endlessly green landscapes and blue skies that were not filled with gray skyscrapers.

  As she sat on the porch, she quickly checked her emails to make sure everything was running smoothly at the office while she was away. A startuper's life did not leave much time for vacations. The sole reason she had agreed to take this week off was the hope that selling the farm, she could secure the investment that was vital for the next round of her company's development.

  "Never thought you'd become an early bird." She heard a voice that she'd always recognize—no matter how many years separated them.

  Her heartbeat quickened. She wasn't ready to face him. But then, she'd never really be ready.

  "You, too. Considering you were so busy last night that you didn't have time to come see Nana. That's how you respect her, right?" She could feel the anger boiling inside her and the sting of her own words.

  Nana did care about Erik, as much as her grandfather had. That was true. Both of them considered him a part of the family. A family, who had once betrayed her, Stephanie hated that she was unable to forgive him.

  "I am sorry I was out there working, making sure everything was under control on your ranch," he spat. "Not that you care much. If you did, you'd shown up here earlier."

  "That's what you're paid for," Stephanie barked.

  He walked closer. So close she couldn't pretend she was reading her emails any longer. Letting out a muffled sign, Stephanie tilted her head to look at him. A gasp escaped her throat—too unexpected for her to swallow it back.

  He had changed so much. Nothing left of the slender boy she had once fallen in love. A tall, muscled man stood in front of her. Back then, when he used to ride racehorses, he needed to keep his weight down. Being quite a chubby girl in her youth, Stephanie always felt shy around Erik. She felt shy around every boy back then.

  Now, the hunky cowboy who stood in front of her was big enough to tower over her and could intimidate anyone. St
ephanie did consider herself quite a voluptuous woman even now, yet, compared to him, she looked tiny.

  "You've changed," she said.

  "So have you," Erik extended his hand and as much as she'd wanted to avoid touching him, there was no escape from it. Stephanie answered his handshake.

  The moment her skin touched his, she felt warmth flow through her body. The same warmth and care she had once felt when they were inexperienced teenage kids in love with each other. Back then, she had thought that no matter what happened, Erik would always stand next to he and would protect her from any foe that came her way.

  He had not! He had failed and betrayed her when she needed him the most.

  "How are you doing, Fannie," his voice grew softer as he knelt in front of her—too close. Too dangerously close.

  It could've felt cozy and sweet, if not for the anger that was storming inside her. How dare he come so close to her? How could he ask about her wellbeing knowing all too well what he had done to her?

  She jumped up. There were things, she would never be able to forgive him.

  "My employees do not have to kneel in front of me. We are not in the Middle Ages, " she said as she turned her back to him, rushing into the house. "I'll be in Grandpa's office after breakfast. Please make sure to bring all the bookkeeping documents with you. I need to go through all of that this afternoon. Thank you."

  "Is this how you want us to be, Fanny?" Erik spoke as she was about to close the front door behind her.

  Stephanie stopped. As much as she wanted to disappear, to get as far away from him as possible, she also knew she still had not gotten enough of him. She had missed him so much and every time he called her “Fanny” she felt a tiny icicle covering her heart melt. She could not let it happen. She needed to despise him now more than ever before. She needed to fuel her anger and remind herself of all the pain he had caused her. That was the one way she could stop herself from repeating the mistakes of the past. Had life taught her nothing?

  "Stephanie," she made sure her voice sounded cold and distant. "That's how you should address me." She did not turn to look at him but did not move either. She stood there—her shoulders curled forward, her legs trembling and tears gathering in her eyes.

  Calm down, she hissed at herself. Pull yourself together. You've been through tougher situations than this. You can do it.

  Stretching her back, Stephanie stepped inside and closed the door.

  Later, when he came to her office, she'd treat him like another employee at her estate. She'd let the past rest. No good in stirring old wounds.

  But until then, Stephanie ran to her room and collapsing on her bed, burying her face in her pillow to muffle her sobs. She could pretend as much as she wanted, but the terrifying truth was that she still cared about Erik. And there was no cure in this world for the scars he had left in her heart so many years ago.

  *****

  Day after day, it was getting harder to communicate with Stephanie. Erik knew exactly what the problem was. He needed to get her spill out all the anger she had gathered inside her for all these years. He knew there was no way she'd forgive him, but this hostility between them reflected on everything and everyone around them.

  The atmosphere was so charged that one wrong word and either of them would snap. He tried to avoid the evening gatherings and dinners at the farmhouse, which were a tradition set by Jonathan. The old man used to say that there was no better way to relax after a hard-working day than spending some time with family and friends. Drinking together helped the team get closer to each other.

  Martha and Stephanie's grandma had tried to convince him to come for dinner several times. He could see how they both suffered seeing the hostility grow between him and Stephanie. He had well deserved all of it. Yet, he knew one thing for sure. if she hated his guts so much then she probably still had some feelings for him. There was a tiny spark of hope in his dark heart. What if he did get a second change?

  You don't deserve that chance, idiot! He scolded himself in his mind. You'll always be the dense bastard who had let her down when she need you the most. You've lost the one girl you've loved all your life!

  During this whole week, Stephanie avoided being alone with him. She made sure her grandma or Martha were always there when she asked him to bring in some documents or report on this or that issue. She had asked him to give her a tour around the ranch and stables yet refused to even step in and see her favorite horse.

  She was resisting everything that reminded of their past. Although Erik knew it would be for the best to leave her alone, he wanted to confront her, to make her talk and yell at him, beat the living shit out of him. Anything that would make her release all that hatred and finally look at him the way she did before.

  He got that chance one night when he saw Stephanie walking alone around the pool. He remembered one evening so many years ago when he had dared her to jump into the pool on a freezing, cold night. They ended up swimming for hours and didn't get out even when heavy rain started. That night, he had kissed her for the first time. They were both fourteen back then. He would've given anything for another chance to touch those full lips of hers and to hold her beautiful curvy body in his arms.

  "May I join you?" He thought he could give it another try.

  She looked thoughtful and he wished he had the power to brush away those thoughts that were weighing on her.

  "If it's not urgent, we can talk tomorrow," she said stepping backward cautiously. Erik hated how tense her body was. Every little gesture gave away her nervousness in his presence.

  "It's not about the ranch and I'm not going to ask you to reconsider your plan to sell it," he said quickly before she turned and left as she always did when he tried to talk to her.

  "What is it then? I doubt there's anything else the two of us need to talk about." Her clear blue eyes looked at him—piercing through his soul. He could see the reflections of his past mistakes in them. There was sadness in them which he had never seen before. Fanny always had the most honest and mesmerizing cheerful eyes. Every time she smiled at him he was lost in paradise. Now, her gazed caused him nothing but agony.

  "You are wrong, Fanny," Erik protested, stepping closer. He was not going to let her business attitude intimidate him. She could go back into hiding in her shell again after this, but right now might've been the only chance Erik got to make her talk. He was going to use it no matter what. "We need to talk. We needed to talk all these years. And now, as you are here, I'm not letting you get away with it. Curse me, hate me, but please, talk to me."

  Stephanie turned to face him again. Her lips pursed into a tight line that was charged with so much anger he knew words were ready to burst out of her throat any moment. If not for her willpower and stubbornness.

  "Talk to me, Fanny! None of us has forgotten what has happened. I will never forgive myself for losing our baby girl. And neither will you!" He started yelling. Even through the distance of all those years, he could still feel that raw pain that only loss of an unborn baby could cause.

  "Don't you dare talk about her!" Rage ignited in Stephanie's eyes. She tilted her chin up and glaring at him menacingly stepped forward. "You didn't even want her to exist. You rejected her before she could be born. How dare you even mention her! You were not there when I lost her. Now you think you have any right to mourn her?"

  Probably, the endless anger and pain were the only means that could bring back the Fanny he knew. She was finally talking to him and not to a stranger who she avoided to interact with. She was mad at him—hated him—but all those emotions were better than the icy cold silence that she had sentenced him to for all these years.

  "You are right. I have done all of that but I was only seventeen, Fanny. And I was terrified to be a father. You said it yourself that having a baby would ruin your chances to study in the school you wanted. It wasn't just me who wasn't ready for her," Erik yelled.

  He did not mean to get so angry. He knew he was responsible for their breaku
p in the first place.

  When Fanny had come to him to show the pregnancy test, he had been terrified. It wasn't anything a seventeen-year-old would expect as a gift from him girlfriend. Even if she was the girl he had been in love with since they were thirteen. Even if he knew that he was going to love her all his life.

  The news had been terrifying. back then, Erik was training for the most important race in his career that summer. He had told her that he needed to concentrate on his training and that they could talk about it later.

  Stefanie was graduating from school that year and had received early acceptance notifications from several colleges. She was never going to be a country girl living a happy life on the ranch, raising kids. They both knew she was too smart and too ambitious for that. She needed to pursue her dream.

  "And then you left. Did you even think to let me know when you were told that there was a chance of losing our baby? No, you did not, Fanny. Jonathan told me only after it was too late and by then you had shut me out of your life completely." He did not want to blame her in all of this. He could only guess how scary it had been for her.

  That summer, each of them had had a painful loss. It had turned out that their baby was not growing and Stephanie lost her in the fourth month of pregnancy. Erik got into an accident and broke his limb. His career was doomed and it took him years to recover and get on horseback again. Jonathan had been the only person who had not lost his hope and not only supported him but forced him to keep on exercising until he recovered.