I settled my arm around his waist and then put my beer on the ground next to me. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out the new watch I’d programmed for Nathan. He didn’t object when I fastened it around his right wrist. In fact, when I was done, he grabbed my fingers and laced them with his and then pulled my hand around to his chest.
“Nathan, we need to talk about what happened this morning,” I began. “I didn’t use a condom. I’m sorry…it was incredibly irresponsible.”
He didn’t respond at first. When he did, it was merely to pull my fingers to his mouth so he could press a kiss against them. “I trust you, Vincent. I know you would never put me in danger.”
“I wouldn’t,” I confirmed. “But I should have told you beforehand that I’ve been tested and I’m negative.”
Nathan nodded. “Me too. My last girlfriend wasn’t exactly faithful, and even though I always used protection with her, I wanted to be sure.” After several beats, he went on to say, “I liked it…knowing part of you was still with me.”
Fuck, this man was going to be the death of me. How had I ever thought he was like the others in his business? The man seemed incapable of telling a lie.
Nathan settled more heavily against me, and I gladly wrapped my arms around him when I felt his body tremble.
“I told Everett I was gay,” he whispered.
I settled my mouth against his temple. “How did it go?”
“It was scary as fuck.”
I nodded in understanding, even though he couldn’t see me. I figured he could feel the motion.
“I can’t stop thinking about Brody…how scared he must have been to tell me. He was so young…”
“You were, too,” I reminded him.
He shook his head. “I was his big brother. I was supposed to look out for him. He…he’d barely even gotten the words out when I told him he wasn’t…that he couldn’t…”
Nathan’s voice broke, but he pressed on. “I told him he couldn’t be a fag and that he’d go to hell.” Nathan’s hand reached up to wipe at what I assumed were tears. “But he refused to take it back. I called him a sick pervert, and then I went straight to my father and told him what Brody had said. I betrayed my own brother.”
A sob tore free from him, and when he curled his body so he could press his wet face against my chest, I gladly held onto him. I dropped a kiss to his head. “It’s okay, Nathan.”
He shook his head. “No. My father…he threatened to send Brody to one of those places where they pray the gay away…”
I stiffened at that. “Conversion therapy?” I asked.
Nathan nodded. “Brody begged my father not to. He promised he’d overcome it. My father was paranoid that it would somehow be leaked to the press, so he agreed to have our minister meet with Brody. It lasted weeks. Brody met with him night after night for hours at a time. He…he never told me what happened during the sessions, but I didn’t even recognize him when he was deemed cured. It was like he was just this shell of himself. We barely talked after that. The plan had always been for us to go to college and law school together, but he convinced my father to let him go to Yale while I attended Princeton. He came out again to our entire family a couple months after graduating from law school. I cut him out of my life after that. Told him he was a sick fuck and we were no longer brothers.”
I sucked in a breath. It was hard to link the man in my arms to such a cold act of cruelty.
“It should have been harder,” Nathan murmured. I could feel moisture seeping through my shirt and realized Nathan was likely still crying, but silently.
“What should?” I asked.
“Coming out for the first time. It should have been to my father or someone like him.”
“Is that what you think Brody would have wanted? For you to suffer like he did?”
“No, Brody’s too good of a man for that.”
We both fell silent for several minutes until Nathan said, “Everett told me about him and your brother.” Nathan shifted enough so he could sit up. His wet eyes connected with mine. “Will you tell me about him? Your brother, I mean.”
I wanted to tell him no, because I knew what talking about Pierce would do to me. But I found myself nodding my head instead and when I opened my arms again, Nathan settled himself back against my chest.
His weight on my body and the feel of his heartbeat against where our hands were joined on my chest made it much easier to open my mouth and start talking.
Chapter 21
Nathan
“From the time I was old enough to say his name, I wanted to be just like Pierce. I idolized him and literally followed him everywhere. My mom used to love to tell everyone the story about how she came into my room one morning to find me missing from my crib. She and my dad had already called the cops by the time they found me asleep on the floor next to Pierce’s bed. From that moment on, wherever Pierce was, I was. Even as he got older, he spent more time with me than he needed to. If he was going to meet friends to shoot some hoops or whatever, he took me along. When I was old enough to play, he let me join in. If I had to choose between hanging out with my own friends or Pierce and his, I always chose Pierce,” Vincent explained, his voice soft and reverent.
I knew exactly what he was talking about because I’d had that kind of closeness with Brody. But knowing that there’d been a pretty sizeable age gap between Vincent and his brother made it all the more amazing that Pierce would have been so devoted to Vincent.
“Our father had been grooming us for the army from day one and even though I wasn’t in the same unit as Pierce, I had aspirations to achieve the same rank as him and in the same timeline.”
“He was a colonel, right?” I asked.
“Yeah…he was well on his way to becoming one of the youngest generals in the military. Which was why it didn’t make sense when he told me he was leaving the army instead of re-enlisting when his tour ended.”
Vincent’s finger began stroking against mine where I was holding his hand against his chest. I wondered if he was even aware of the self-soothing gesture.
“I thought maybe he’d done it as some kind of tribute to me.”
“Because of what the army did to you and David?”
I felt Vincent nod before he said, “Yeah. David had been gone for a few years by then and I had no interest in re-enlisting, even if the army would have made that offer. So I was actually pretty pissed at him for throwing away his career.”
“He didn’t do it for you,” I murmured. “He did it for Everett. So they could be together.”
Another nod, but this time Vincent didn’t say anything.
“Did you know about them?” I asked.
“Not until after Pierce’s death. I’d known Pierce was gay…he came out to me after I was kicked out of the military. But I didn’t find out about Everett until I went to the cemetery a few days after Pierce’s funeral.”
“What happened?” I asked.
“Pierce was buried at Arlington National Cemetery. When I got there, there were Secret Service agents everywhere. They wouldn’t let me past a certain point at first. When I told them who I was and that I was visiting my brother’s grave, they let me through. I’d figured some bigwig was visiting a loved one who happened to be buried near my brother, but it turned out to be Everett and he was standing over Pierce’s grave.”
I felt my throat tighten at the thought of Everett saying his goodbyes to the man who’d meant so much to him. The man he’d been ready to change his entire life for.
“That must have been surreal,” I murmured. “Seeing the President of the United States at your brother’s grave.”
“Yeah…I couldn’t figure out why he was there. Pierce had been given a military funeral with all the honors, but he hadn’t been high up enough to know the president, let alone have a personal enough relationship with him to explain the man’s presence.”
“He told you the truth about them?” I asked.
“He did. I was…”
I felt rather than saw Vincent shaking his head. “I was completely floored. And then I just fucking lost it. Knowing my brother had finally found the love of his life only to die protecting me-”
Vincent’s voice cut off sharply as a strangled sob left his throat. I immediately sat up and turned so I could face him. His eyes were closed and I could see him struggling to contain his emotions.
“C’mere,” I whispered as I pulled him forward against my chest. “It wasn’t your fault,” I murmured against his head as he clung to me. He didn’t respond, and I knew why.
He’d blame himself no matter what. And even though I knew it wasn’t his fault, he’d told me enough that I knew the perpetrators had been after Vincent, and Pierce had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time.
“He never blamed me,” Vincent said softly. “Everett.”
“Because he knew it wasn’t your fault. And because he knew your brother would have done anything to keep you safe.”
Vincent nodded and pulled back. He wiped at his eyes and then searched out his beer and took a long draw on it, presumably so he could pull himself together.
“So you became best friends with the President,” I mused, hoping to interject some lightness into our conversation.
Vincent smiled. “You’d think it would come with all kinds of benefits, but I usually end up feeding his cheap ass and watching whatever reality show he’s obsessed with.”
I chuckled and reached up to cup his cheek. “I’m glad you have each other.”
“Me too,” he murmured.
He leaned back against the lounger and just stared at me, and I found myself doing the same. I was at a loss as to what to do next. I was in completely new territory. Sure, I’d been in relationships before, but I wasn’t sure that was even what Vincent and I had. He hadn’t brought up the issue again of me leaving, but it felt like it was right there on the tip of his tongue. If I said or did even a single thing wrong, this could all be over.
And I didn’t know why that mattered so much.
It wasn’t like we had anything we could build a future on. I still knew next to nothing about the man, but what I did know was that he hated politics and pretty much everything I stood for. Our chemistry was off the charts, but I knew that wouldn’t be enough to sustain this thing between us.
But that was just it.
There was something more between us than just sex.
Wasn’t there?
I certainly hadn’t been scared shitless this morning when I’d discovered he’d left to go after my assailant on his own because I would have missed the sex if something had happened to him. And I couldn’t fathom that he’d let me stay just so he could keep fucking me.
Fuck, why was this shit so complicated? With Virginia, I’d never had to wonder about this kind of stuff. Of course, with Virginia, all I’d felt was trapped.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Vincent asked as he took another sip of his beer.
“Nothing,” I said with a shake of my head. “Just tired.”
He eyed me for a long time, but didn’t say anything.
“What happens now?” I asked. “With finding the guy,” I clarified, since I sure as shit wasn’t ready to hear Vincent tell me this thing between us needed to come to an end.
“My plan this morning was to draw him out, but someone blew that out of the water with his little stunt.”
I was surprised to see a small smile grace Vincent’s hard mouth, proof that he was no longer pissed at me for what I’d done this morning to get him back here.
“We can still do that,” I said. “Draw him out.”
Vincent opened his mouth to say something, so I quickly continued before he could protest. “I’m scheduled to speak at a rally on Saturday. Maybe if this guy sees that I’m getting back to my normal routine, he’ll come after me again.”
“No, it’s too dangerous,” Vincent said before the last syllable had even left my mouth.
“There will be security there. And you can blend in with the crowd. I can tell the security team that you’re my bodyguard…it’s not unheard of for political candidates to have them.”
The fact that he didn’t cut me off again was a good sign. “You said we could make it look like I was staying in a hotel in Charleston…”
He took another long draw of his beer. The fact that he hadn’t shot me down was proof that whatever he’d been doing on his own hadn’t been working.
“Vincent, he needs to see me…he needs to see that he hasn’t stopped me.” I was about to continue my argument when Vincent suddenly stood. His jaw was hard as he studied the backyard for a moment and then, without a word, he turned and strode into the house. I grabbed my own beer and followed, waiting long enough for Mickey and Minnie to follow me into the house before shutting the patio door.
I found him in the kitchen pouring himself a drink. There was a glass for me, but he didn’t fill it up. He merely slid the bottle and glass towards me and then snatched his glass off the island and went to stand by the kitchen table so he could stare out the window. I poured a small amount of the whiskey into the glass and downed it in one swallow, then capped the bottle. As much as I would have liked another drink, I needed to keep my wits about me for whatever was to come.
“What do you want, Vincent?” I finally asked when he remained silent. “This morning you seemed eager to finish this thing – I’m assuming because you wanted to get me out of your life sooner rather than later. But now that I’m giving you a surefire way to do that, you won’t take me up on it.”
“It’s what I don’t want that’s the issue, Nathan,” he said without turning around.
“Okay, what don’t you want?” I asked.
“For you to get too comfortable. For you to start thinking there’s something here…between us.”
His words stung, even though I’d suspected as much. But even though I’d wanted to force him to talk to me, now I just wanted him to shut the hell up. I felt weak and foolish for thinking there might even be a chance he was feeling a fraction of what I was feeling.
“I get it,” I mumbled as the alcohol in my belly began to sour. “I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have pushed this on you. I’ll go pack. If you’ll lend me a car, I can drive myself to the nearest police station, or you can drop me off there yourself. I’ll report the attack…”
I didn’t wait for him to respond. I hurried to my room and searched out my bag. I wanted to laugh at the fact that I still hadn’t managed to do laundry, so I had nothing clean to change into. But I supposed it didn’t matter if I showed up at the police station in sweats and a T-shirt. My political career likely wouldn’t survive any of this anyway, so potentially having a picture snapped by reporters in the casual attire seemed pretty irrelevant at this point. As soon as the story got out that I’d been attacked in my own home, my opponents would make sure the public was wondering what skeletons in my closet had triggered the incident. The good news was that if I dropped out of the race now, my party could still nominate someone to put on the ballot in my place. It wasn’t ideal, but they’d still have a chance of running a successful campaign against the Republican candidate.
I waited for the disappointment to hit me as I considered what giving up my career in politics would mean, but surprisingly, all I felt was a lingering curiosity about the whole thing. Like what my life would have been like as a U.S. Senator. But along with that feeling came an odd and completely unexpected sense of freedom.
I didn’t even know how to process that.
Before I could give it much thought, I sensed a presence and turned to see Vincent standing in my doorway, his hard eyes on the bag I had in my hand.
“I’m almost ready,” I said as I wondered if I’d been dallying too long. The man hadn’t actually barked out a time limit like he usually did, but the hard set of his jaw was telling me he was pissed just the same.
I turned to head towards the bathroom to grab my toiletries, but just as quickly I was
spun back around as Vincent wrapped his hand around my elbow.
“Vincent-”
“Shut up,” he snapped, and then he took the bag from my hand and flung it to the floor. Then his fingers curled around my hand and he led me from the room. I held my tongue as I realized our destination.
His room.
I hated the shimmer of hope that went through me at the prospect of getting to be with him one last time. It was pathetic that I would take even the crumbs he threw my way, but I wasn’t going to try to deny it. Or pretend I was somehow strong enough to say no. Or that I had enough pride left.
Because I didn’t.
I expected him to lead me to the bed, but he surprised me when he shoved me up against the wall next to the door and pinned my arms next to my head. The move hadn’t actually hurt me, but it had caught me off guard.
“Vincent, what-”
“If this thing is going to work, Nathan, you need to stop assuming things and actually stop running long enough to give me time to think…and speak.”
I wanted to laugh at that, because the man had never had an issue with telling me what he thought before.
“You had plenty to say downstairs,” I reminded him.
He eyed me for a moment, and then he released me and dragged me over to the bed. I was on my back beneath his heavy body in one swift move. He ground his very hard cock against mine and I cursed the fabric that was separating us.
“Maybe now you’ll shut the fuck up and listen,” he groused. His lips fell to mine, but he didn’t actually kiss me. “This is the only place you said you’d take orders from me, right, Nate?” he drawled.
I nodded, though he knew very well what kind of orders I’d been talking about. The get naked kind. I thought back to the very inexperienced blow job I’d given him this morning. Maybe I’d get a chance to improve on my earlier score.
“Nathan, focus,” Vincent growled, and I realized I’d dropped my eyes to where our hips were grinding together.
Defiance (The Protectors, Book 9) Page 19
