“Stop humping my dick and I will,” I bit back. “Or shut the hell up and just kiss me already.”
He did neither of those things. Just continued to hold me pinned to the bed as he studied me.
“You’re not the only one I don’t want reading too much into what all this means,” he finally admitted. His words were enough to help me focus on what he was saying instead of what his body was doing to mine.
His lips finally brushed over mine and he settled more of his weight down on me. “I knew the second the words left my lips this morning that I wouldn’t be able to do it, Nate.”
“Do what?” I whispered.
“Let you go.”
Heat lanced through my body and my chest felt insanely tight.
“Vincent-”
He kissed me to shut me up again and then he was pressing his forehead against mine. “I can’t want this, Nathan. Do you understand me? Not don’t…can’t.”
I nodded and squeezed my eyes closed because I did understand. “You won’t lose me, Vincent. I promise,” I whispered desperately.
He kissed me again. “Baby, you know it isn’t about making me that promise.”
I wanted to cry because I knew he was right. And I wanted to curse whoever was hunting him that had taken his ability to choose me away. I wanted to tell him it wasn’t fair, but he’d had his share of not fair. His career stolen, his lover lost to him forever, his brother brutally murdered…I didn’t hold that same station in his life, but maybe I could have.
“Nate, open your eyes.”
I did as he said, and furiously blinked back the tears that were threatening to fall. But I knew he could tell what I was doing because he shook his head slightly and let out a soft sigh. Fortunately, he didn’t comment on it. Instead he said, “We’ll go to the rally on Saturday and try to draw the fucker out. But when you’re safe, Nathan…when this is all over, I need you to promise me you’ll walk away. I need you to do that for me.”
I wanted to rant at him that it wasn’t fair for him to ask that of me. But the fact that he’d had to make the request in the first place told me where he was at. And as good as it felt to know he was in this thing as deeply as me, I still cursed the unseen circumstances that were bent on keeping us from figuring this thing out between us.
“Promise,” I said hoarsely.
His lips found mine and he kissed me reverently. He spent an endless amount of time worshiping my body with his mouth and hands as he plucked my clothes from me piece by piece. I was boneless when he stood up and pulled his own clothes off. By the time he slid into me, I was desperate to come, but Vincent tortured me with slow, deep thrusts meant to keep me on the edge. Only when I was begging him to send me over the edge did he shift his hips so he could hit my gland on every stroke. As the orgasm crashed over me, he ordered me to keep my eyes on him and I was helpless to do anything else. But instead of following me over, he began his sensuous torture all over again, and when I came for the second time, he was right there with me.
I couldn’t say how long we lay there trying to catch our breath, but when we were finally forced to move, it was only long enough to take a quick shower where we washed each other, and then he was leading me back to his bed.
As I curled into his side, my eyes fell on the bookshelf opposite the bed.
“Will you tell me about him?” I asked as I ran my hand up and down Vincent’s chest.
Vincent didn’t need to ask who I was talking about. “What do you want to know?” he asked after a few moments.
“The books – they were his?”
I motioned towards the bookshelf with my chin.
“Yes. He started collecting them when we were kids. He had a learning disability that made it hard for him to read, so his teachers suggested his parents find books that really captured his interest. As hard as it was for him, he was always reading. When I would spend the night at his house, we’d lie in his bed and I’d spend hours reading to him.”
Vincent fell silent for a moment before saying, “When we got kicked out of the army, he started selling some of his older books that were worth money because they were first editions. It broke his heart, but we were desperate for the money. So when I started working again, I began buying them back for him. The look in his eyes every time I brought him another one…”
I pressed a kiss against Vincent’s shoulder when his voice cracked. “It’s okay, you don’t have to go on,” I murmured.
He shook his head. “No, he…he deserves to be remembered more often.” Vincent’s fingers trailed up and down my back as he continued. “Even after he died, I kept buying the books for him. I only have a few more to find. Not sure what I’ll do then.”
The heartbreak in his voice tore at me. I sat up and leaned across him to turn on the light next to the bed. I let my fingers skim over his cheek. “Which one was his favorite?” I asked.
“The Outsiders.”
I glanced at the bookshelf. “Can I read it to you?”
Vincent sucked in a breath and then nodded. I didn’t care that I was naked as I climbed out of the bed and went to the bookshelf.
“Right side, third shelf. All the way to the right,” Vincent said.
I found the book and returned to the bed. I leaned back against the headboard. Vincent sat up and did the same as I flipped the book open. I was about to start when he put his hand on my wrist. I watched as he reached over into the second drawer of the nightstand and pulled out a small picture frame.
I knew without needing to ask that the picture was of David. Vincent handed it to me and I studied the smiling face looking back at me. He was a beautiful young man with bright green eyes, light blond hair and a wide grin that lit up his entire face. I couldn’t even fathom the demons that had consumed him.
“That smile,” I said softly.
“Yeah,” Vincent agreed and then he was taking the picture back. He held it reverently for a moment before standing it up on the nightstand. He straightened and then nodded at me. As I began reading, Vincent’s fingers curled around my free hand which I had resting in my lap. When it came time to turn the page, he did it for me.
My heart skipped a beat as I realized how easily I could get used to this.
Except that I’d promised him I wouldn’t.
How the hell was I ever going to be able to keep that promise?
Chapter 22
Vincent
I’d just turned on the stove when my watch vibrated. I’d assumed it was Nathan getting up, but a glance at the display showed my guest wasn’t the man I’d spent the entire night making love to. I kept pulling ingredients out of the refrigerator, but turned the stove back off. By the time I’d searched out a second mug and filled it with coffee, Everett was entering the kitchen. He didn’t say anything as he pulled out one of the island bar stools and sat down. Once I’d finished preparing the coffee the way he liked it, I slid it across the island to him.
“Thanks,” he murmured.
He looked tired and, for once, he seemed to carry the weight of all his fifty-eight years.
“I’m sorry, Vincent. I shouldn’t have participated yesterday. Nathan didn’t know any better, but I did.”
I knew what he was talking about, of course. If anyone would have known what I was going through as I’d raced to get back to the house, it would have been Everett. He’d seen the police report. He’d known the torture Pierce had been forced to endure.
“Why did you?” I asked.
He shook his head. “I wanted him to rattle your cage.”
“Nathan?” I clarified.
A quick nod, then, “He’s good for you, Vincent. You’ve been…different these past few days. Except for yesterday. Leaving without telling him. Refusing to answer our calls, even knowing he’d be worried about you.”
“I didn’t consider that,” I interjected. Everett’s eyes lifted to meet mine. “I knew he’d be pissed, but I thought that would be the extent of it.”
“He was terrified,
” Everett murmured. “He hid it well, but it wasn’t until my phone rang that first time that he relaxed.”
I nodded. Nathan had admitted as much yesterday when he’d told me he’d imagined my body lying in a motel somewhere. “We’re good, Ev,” I said as I took a sip of my own coffee.
Everett relaxed somewhat, but the smile I was so used to seeing didn’t return. I’d known the man for more than ten years, and he nearly always had a smile on his face.
But it had been that fake smile he’d worn for the cameras for so many years. On the rarest of occasions, he’d let me in enough to let me see the man who’d fallen in love with my brother. And it was usually when he was talking about Pierce that I got to see that piece of him. Like when something came on television that he thought Pierce would have liked, or when the military had finally repealed Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell years earlier. For those few moments, he’d let himself think of my brother and his reaction to something, and he’d be the Everett I should have met one day when my brother had been ready to introduce me to him.
“Nathan told me what you two talked about yesterday.”
Everett’s fingers played with the handle on the mug. “He shouldn’t make the same mistake I did,” the older man murmured. “I wanted him to know what waiting even a day too long could cost him.”
I knew what he was talking about. On the few occasions Everett would have a little too much to drink, he’d get nostalgic and start talking about how he would have done things differently. Not a day went by that I knew he wasn’t regretting not coming out while he was still in office. It would have caused a stir, but he would have been able to acknowledge his relationship with Pierce. And whatever firestorm he would have had to face, he’d have had my brother at his side when he’d done it. The fact that Pierce had left the military was a sign that he’d been all-in and ready to expose himself to the world as the man the leader of the free world was in love with.
As for Nathan, I had no idea what his plans were for when his life got back to normal. He’d embraced his sexuality here in the safety of my home, but out there in the real world? I shook my head as I thought about what he’d have to face.
And how he’d have to do it alone.
“Nathan will do what’s best for him,” I said.
“You’re what’s best for him.”
Pain radiated through my chest at Everett’s declaration. They were words I hadn’t allowed myself to admit.
For the same reason I’d made Nathan promise he’d walk away when this was all over.
Because I was terrified that I wasn’t strong enough to let him go.
“I’m not having this discussion with you,” I said as I began preparing breakfast.
“It’s been years since the last attempt…” Everett said as I turned my back on him to get the stove going.
“We both know there’s no expiration date on revenge,” I muttered. “Let it go, Everett.”
“So what, Vincent? You’re going to live like this for the rest of your life?” he asked, his voice uncharacteristically heavy with anger.
“Yeah, Everett, I am,” I snapped as I turned back around. “Because there’s no getting out for me! And he’ll pay the price,” I ground out as I pointed towards the stairs. I froze when I saw Nathan standing in the entryway to the kitchen. I held his startled gaze for a moment, and then turned back to the stove and tried to focus on getting the omelets going.
“Morning,” Nathan said as he entered the room.
“Morning, Nathan,” Everett said.
I stiffened when Nathan came around to my side of the island. I expected him to confront me about what I’d said, but instead, he leaned in and kissed me softly on the mouth. “Morning.”
“Morning,” I managed to say back. He grabbed the coffee pot and a mug and then went to sit next to Everett.
Nathan and Everett made small talk as I cooked, but when I asked Everett if he was staying for breakfast, he waved me off with an excuse about having already eaten. I didn’t believe him, but I kept my mouth shut. I watched as he and Nathan said their goodbyes. I hated how worn down my friend looked, but I wasn’t sure what to say, so I kept my mouth shut. He came around the island to give me a quick hug and then he was shuffling out the door.
“I’m worried about him,” Nathan murmured as he came around the island and began picking at some of the diced ham I’d set aside for the second omelet.
I nodded. “He’s usually better at hiding it.”
“Hiding what?” Nathan asked.
“The fact that he’s still in mourning.”
“Have you ever talked to him about it? About trying to move on?”
“Yeah, a couple of times. Keeps saying he’s too old and he’ll only ever love one man in his lifetime. It’s the reason he never bothered coming out.”
“What do you mean?” Nathan asked as he leaned against the counter.
“I think it’s his way of hanging on to my brother’s memory, you know? Like coming out means he’s starting a new chapter…one without Pierce.”
I glanced at Nathan to see him studying the spot where Everett had been sitting. “What about his son?”
“He told you about Reese?” I asked in surprise.
Nathan nodded. “He said Reese accused him of having an affair. He said Pierce was his commanding officer.”
I nodded because I’d heard the story from Everett about Reese walking in on him and Pierce so many years ago. “It probably ate Pierce up,” I mused.
“He said Reese works for someone in Seattle…it’s not your friend, is it? Beck’s uncle?”
I stilled at that and lifted my eyes to meet Nathan’s. “What?”
Nathan tensed. “You didn’t know?”
I shook my head as things finally fell into place. Everett had always been tight-lipped around me about how he and Ronan had met, and I’d accepted that. But I’d had no clue Reese had somehow ended up working for Ronan. And I had no doubt that he was the man Nathan was talking about, not Dom. I’d known enough about Reese before he’d disappeared to be aware that he’d hooked up with some mercenaries after leaving the military. The mercenaries had been less interested in being patriots and more interested in making some easy money. If Reese had made one wrong move with guys like that, it would have spelled disaster.
I shook my head. “No, I didn’t.” I thought back to his first question. “No, it’s probably not Beck’s uncle. There’s another guy out there who does some security consulting work,” I hedged.
Nathan eyed me. “Security consulting,” he said skeptically, his eyebrows raised. “Is that what they call it?”
I smiled at that. “Anyway, Ronan – that’s the guy’s name – I suspect he did it as a favor to Everett…to keep an eye on the kid.”
“You think Reese knows what Everett did for him?” Nathan asked.
I shook my head. “Probably not. He’d shoot himself in the foot to spite his father. If he found out Everett was involved, he’d likely disappear again like he did after his mother’s death.”
“How did Everett and this Ronan guy meet?”
“I actually don’t know,” I admitted. “Everett’s never told me the details about that.”
I finished the first omelet and slid it onto a plate and handed it to Nathan. “Thanks,” he said as he took it and went to the table. He paused before sitting down and letting his finger gloss over the table.
Right where I’d held him down as I’d fucked him the day before.
When he looked at me, color flooded his cheeks, and he smiled knowingly. I laughed and shook my head. Yeah, I’d never be able to look at that damn table the same way, either.
I finished getting my own food ready and went to sit down across from him. The second I did, his foot pressed against mine beneath the table. It was subtle, but it rocked me to my core. Knowing that he needed that physical connection with me, despite the fact that I was literally two feet away, made something tear open inside of me.
Something I�
�d buried along with David’s body years earlier.
I knew my feelings for Nathan were growing exponentially with every minute I spent in his presence, but I was helpless to stop it.
“So the plan is to head to Charleston tomorrow?” Nathan asked as he finished up his food. My own mouth felt dry, like it had been stuffed full of cotton.
“Uh-huh,” I managed to get out as I reached for my coffee and took a healthy swallow. When it felt like I could breathe again, I said, “I’m going to have you send some emails today confirming your appearance at the rally. I’ll make it look like the emails are coming from an internet café in Charleston. We want it to look like you’re still being careful, but that you’re starting to feel more comfortable with coming out of hiding.”
“And we’ll stay in a motel the night of the rally?”
I shook my head. “No, I’ve decided we’re going to go back to your house.”
“Won’t that be harder to secure? I mean, there are so many ways for him to get into the house.”
“Ronan’s got some men in the Metro D.C. area. I’ll have them help me secure both the rally and the house.”
Nathan nodded and turned his attention back to his food.
A wave of uncertainty went through me. It was an unfamiliar and hated sensation, and I could feel the edges of another episode of panic creeping in.
“Nathan,” I said, and waited until he was looking at me.
“When we’re there, you do everything I say. Without question.”
He must have sensed something in my expression, because he quickly nodded and then he reached his hand out to cover mine where it was resting next to my plate.
“I will, Vincent. I promise.”
It wasn’t until he began stroking his thumb over my skin that I felt any measure of relief.
Fuck, I’d always been so confident about my decisions, but knowing what was at stake - that it wasn’t just my own life on the line – had me on edge. And on edge people made stupid mistakes.
I forced myself to finish the omelet, even though it tasted like sandpaper going down. When I was finished, I reached for my plate, but Nathan waved me away. “Go do your thing. I’ll take care of this,” he said as Mickey appeared and then jumped on his lap. I automatically searched out Minnie and was surprised to see she was sitting on the floor next to Nathan’s leg, rubbing up against it.
Defiance (The Protectors, Book 9) Page 20
