Defiance (The Protectors, Book 9)

by Sloane Kennedy

  Nathan’s uninjured eye shifted to me. “I need to take a shower. I…I can still feel the blood on me.”

  I knew he was talking about Yates’s blood. I’d used a washcloth to clean it off Nathan as best I could, but it was still in his hair and I was sure he was still remembering the warm spray of it on his skin. It was something that couldn’t have been avoided, since Yates had given me the perfect opportunity to take him out when he’d been distracted by his son’s condition.

  “Will you help me?” Nathan asked. “Ethan said it was okay if I had help.”

  I nodded and reached out to put my arm around his waist. Ethan had given him something for the pain, but I knew it was only taking the edge off. We took it slow as we made our way to the bathroom. I sat Nathan down on the small bench that was tucked up beneath the vanity. As I began undressing him, he said, “Is it true? Are they dead?”

  I knew he was talking about his parents because Brody had broken the news to him shortly before I’d entered the room to check on him.

  “It’s true,” I confirmed. “Yates had his men kill them as soon as his guys picked you up at the marina.”

  Nathan nodded. “Brody said you found proof that the girl…Megan…that she knew my father.”

  “She went to church with your parents. Your father approached her to see if she wanted to help with your campaign…it was while you were still planning to run on the Republican ticket.”

  Nathan nodded in understanding. “I don’t remember meeting her,” he murmured.

  “You didn’t. There’s no record of her having ever worked on the campaign. Your father used it as an excuse.”

  “To seduce her,” Nathan said.

  “Yeah,” I acknowledged. “She got pregnant and went to your father. At that point, his mental health had started to decline. Your mother found out about her and paid her off using a forged check from the funds left over in your campaign. Clint and his father found the check among Megan’s belongings along with a suicide note that said she didn’t want to live if she couldn’t be with the father of her baby. They assumed she was talking about you because of the check.”

  Nathan shook his head in disbelief. “All the lives he destroyed,” he murmured.

  I figured he was talking about his father, but I didn’t comment.

  “Brody said Aunt Verona is okay, right?”

  “Yes, your aunt was out of town visiting a friend at the time. Yates had his guys attack your parents and had them do a conference call with Brody to make it seem like he was with your parents when he spoke to you. Since he couldn’t reach you, he figured Brody would tell him where you were, or he’d get his hands on Brody and force you out of hiding.”

  I helped Nathan stand so I could work the sweats off his body. I tried to ignore the bruising on his body, since all it did was piss me off that I hadn’t gotten to him sooner. Not to mention it made me want to hunt Clint down and put a bullet through his head. If Nathan hadn’t needed me, I probably would have done it right there in the warehouse. But the man was Ronan’s problem now, and since he’d nearly killed one of Ronan’s men, I doubted he’d get off easy…or at all.

  “I knew you’d find me,” Nathan murmured as I straightened and helped him get his shirt off.

  “I’ll always find you when you need me,” I said softly, right before I kissed him.

  His arms went around me and I just held him for a while. But when his body began to get heavy, I sat him back down and then quickly undressed myself. I got the shower going and waited for the water to warm up before I helped Nathan to his feet and got him in the shower. I held him against my body as I carefully washed his body, and when it came time to wash his hair, I sat him down on a small bench in the shower. When I was finished cleaning him, I put my arms around him and just held him under the hot spray of water for a while.

  I was still reeling from the close call myself.

  After Cain’s call, I’d immediately checked my app to figure out where Nathan was, but when I’d gotten an alert that the watch was offline, I’d completely lost it. It was Gage who’d managed to keep it together long enough to get me and Clint to the airport. We’d been airborne with the intent of going back to Seattle when the app had alerted me that the watch was back online. By the time we’d crossed the border into Washington state, we’d had to veer south to follow the signal to a remote area in Central Washington.

  Nathan’s injuries had been pretty bad, but not enough to warrant a trip to the hospital. I’d gotten him on Ronan’s plane and headed back to San Juan Island, leaving Gage to deal with the authorities. I’d had to call in another favor with the FBI director to let him know I’d left another body in my wake. Like he’d done with the shooting when we’d gone after Ethan’s ex, the man had smoothed things over with the local authorities. While I still needed to give my statement, it was nothing more than a formality at this point.

  I pressed kisses against Nathan’s neck as I held him. The relief at having him back in my arms was bittersweet, and my heart ached at what I needed to do.

  “I love you, Nathan,” I whispered into his ear. I heard him let out a harsh sob and felt him nod against my neck. I had a feeling he knew exactly why I was telling him here and now because he wrapped his arms around me even tighter, a move that I was sure cost him what little strength he had left.

  “Love you,” he said as he pulled back a little and kissed me. He pressed his forehead against mine. “Please, Vincent, we can figure this out.”

  Pain exploded in my chest at his plea and I felt tears stinging my eyes. “Baby, remember your promise,” I said, my voice catching on the last word.

  He let out a whimper and then crushed his face against my neck. I held him a while longer, and then got him out of the shower and dried him off. We didn’t speak again until I’d tucked him under the covers. “Go change the world, Nathan,” I said softly, right before I kissed him again. He closed his eyes after that.

  Probably so he wouldn’t have to watch me walk away.

  I barely made it out the bedroom door before the tears began to fall. I wiped them away and straightened. I came to an abrupt halt when I saw Brody watching me from the top of the stairs.

  “Take care of him,” I told him, but I didn’t give him time to say anything back. I hurried down the stairs and grabbed my bag, which I’d left at the base of the stairs.

  “Vincent.”

  I turned to see Dom hurriedly walking towards me.

  “I’ve got to go,” I said as I discreetly wiped at my eyes some more to get rid of the lingering tears. “My cab will be here any second.”

  “I know. I sent it away.”

  “What? Why?”

  “Because if my old friend insists on running away, the least I can do is give him a goddamn ride,” he said impatiently.

  He opened the door for me.

  I eyed him warily as I left the house. My chest felt tight as I climbed into the SUV. It wasn’t until we were well on our way that Dom said, “So you’re really going to leave it like this?”

  “Let it go, Dom,” I bit out.

  “Just explain to me why you’re doing this,” he said.

  I was already so raw that I didn’t even think about my words before I snapped, “Because it’s the only way to keep him safe!” I looked at him and said, “You want to know the truth, Dom? It hurts so fucking bad to know that one choice fifteen years ago brought me to this point!”

  “What choice?”

  “Your choice!” I snapped. “If I’d had the sense to pick your offer over the one I got, my brother would still be alive and I wouldn’t have to fucking live in Fort Knox and I’d have that amazing man” – I pointed in the direction of Dom’s house – “waiting for me when I got home every night!” I knew I wasn’t making sense, but I didn’t care. “But no, I had something to prove! I had to show those assholes how they fucked up when they sent me and David packing! All that fucking pride, and what did it get me? Nothing. Fucking nothing!”

 
; I shook my head as I cast my eyes out the window. “It’s too damn late. I had my chance.”

  Awkward silence flooded the SUV. God, I just needed to get the fuck out of here. The sooner I got back to normal, the better.

  “If you had another one, would you take it?” Dom asked.

  “Another what?” I bit out tiredly.

  “Chance. Another chance.”

  “What difference does it make?” I murmured.

  “My friend, you have a lot to learn about us Barrettis,” he said with amusement. “We wrote the book on second chances. The question is” – he waited until my eyes met his – “how bad do you want it?”

  Chapter 31

  Nathan

  “Ladies and gentlemen, please have a seat. Mr. Wilder will make a statement and then he’ll take a few questions.”

  Preston patted me gently on the shoulder as he leaned down to speak into my ear so the microphone in front of me wouldn’t pick up the sound. “It’s been an honor, Nathan.”

  I put my hand on his and sent him a nod, hoping he got my silent message. He returned the smile and then went to stand off to the side of the small raised platform. Flashes from several cameras continued to go off as the reporters took my picture, and I waited until they died down before speaking. I rested my hands on the podium in front of me, but didn’t bother looking at the notes I’d prepared. Preston had helped me with the cookie-cutter speech explaining my withdrawal from the race, but I had no interest in the written statement anymore. I was tired of playing it safe.

  “Thank you all for coming,” I said. My voice felt dry and rusty, like I hadn’t used it enough in the past two weeks.

  Which was probably true, since I hadn’t had much to say after Vincent had left me. Even the mere thought of the man threatened to derail me, so I forced myself to focus on the crowd of eager reporters.

  “I’d like to start by confirming the rumors that have been circulating about me leaving the race for the U.S. Senate seat. As great of an honor as it would have been to represent you and the great state of South Carolina in our nation’s capital this January, I’ve decided I need to face some realities in my own life before I’m ready to be a voice for others.”

  There were a few muffled murmurs, but the crowd quickly fell silent again.

  “First and foremost, I am looking forward to rebuilding a relationship I never should have forsaken to begin with. I’ve been fortunate enough to spend the last couple of weeks with my brother, Brody, but all it’s done is prove to me that I should have put him first, and I haven’t always done that. I have a chance to remedy that, and I’m going to take it. Secondly, the recent attack on me and my family has been a stark reminder of how quickly life can change, how it can be snatched from you in the blink of an eye. I’m not going to ever take that for granted again.”

  I took in a deep breath to steady myself. “But I think what I’ve learned these past few weeks that’s been the real eye-opener is that there are so many ways I can speak for myself and others, and it isn’t necessarily limited to holding public office. It was a path I was set on from an early age, but one that, in my heart, I never really wanted. It took someone very special to make me realize that it was just one of many lies I’d been telling myself for a long time. Which leads me to my last point…a topic that I wish I didn’t have to address, but I know will not be put to rest unless I do it myself.”

  I steeled myself for what was to come as I said, “For whatever reason, my sexuality has been brought into question on multiple occasions by my opponent, as well as by many of you here in this room. I wish it was something that held no weight when it comes to my ability to do this job, but the reality is that it has weight because you’ve given it that. You’ve made who I love a factor in my ability to speak for the people I wanted to represent. You’ve decided that who I go home to each night is more important than my desire to see that all Americans are equally protected under the law. You spend time pondering what label to attach to me rather than questioning my commitment to the people I was seeking to serve. So because I want the focus to be on my replacement’s qualifications rather than me after today, I’m going to share something that isn’t anyone’s business but mine. Yes, I am gay.”

  I waited for the clicks of the cameras to die down and the rumble of conversation to cease before I continued. “No, I wasn’t attempting to hide my sexuality or deny it. It was something that I simply didn’t know how to deal with, so I chose to ignore it. I’d been raised to believe that being gay meant I wasn’t equal in God’s eyes anymore…or in society’s. I don’t believe the former, but sadly, the latter is still true and will continue to be true until labels like gay or straight aren’t needed anymore because It. Doesn’t. Matter.” I shook my head slightly. “I just hope that that day comes in my lifetime and going forward, I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure that when the next generation is sitting up here announcing their candidacy for one of the greatest jobs in the world, their sexuality won’t even be a blip on the radar. Questions?”

  Predictably, several hands shot up at once and everyone began yelling questions. I pointed to a young woman in the first row. “Barb,” I said with a nod.

  “Mr. Wilder, you haven’t mentioned what role, if any, your parents’ brutal murders and the subsequent scandal surrounding them played in your decision.”

  “The loss of my parents did not factor into my decision. And to be clear, it isn’t a scandal. Authorities have found concrete proof of both of my parents’ roles in Megan Yates’ death. They will both need to answer to the sins they so often accused others of being guilty of. Beyond that, I don’t have much to say on the matter.”

  I pointed to the next reporter. It went on like that for a good twenty minutes before I glanced at Preston, who nodded and then called a halt to the press conference. Not surprisingly, many of the reporters followed me out of the building, but luckily, Preston had been prepared for that likelihood and had arranged for a cab to be waiting for me. Since I knew the reporters would be congregating at my house, I’d decided to spend a few days at a hotel until the worst of it had died down.

  After giving the driver the address, I sank back against the seat and pulled out my cell phone. The press conference had been a live telecast, so I wasn’t surprised to see a text from Brody congratulating me on a job well done. More texts from Ethan and several of the Barretti members I’d met over the past couple of weeks followed. It wasn’t until I saw a text from Everett that I felt the tears start to gather.

  Proud of you.

  The three simple words were my undoing, and I found myself dialing Everett’s number without even thinking about it. I’d talked to him a few times over the past two weeks. Luckily, Reese had started to get some sensation back, and doctors were certain that after physical therapy, he’d be able to walk again and would eventually completely recover. The treatment for his burns would be ongoing for a while, and Ronan had decided it would be best for Reese to be moved to Seattle so Ronan could oversee his recovery. Even though Reese still wasn’t on speaking terms with Everett, the man had decided to spend the foreseeable future in Seattle to be there if and when Reese finally came around.

  If he ever did.

  “Nathan, how are you holding up?” Everett asked as soon as he answered.

  “Good,” I lied, since I figured the endless crushing pain in my chest didn’t really count as “holding up.”

  Luckily, Everett didn’t seem to pick up on anything in my voice because he said, “So you’re headed to your brother’s place soon.”

  “Yeah,” I murmured. “Once the shit with the reporters dies down, I’ll get my stuff packed up.”

  Brody had invited me to stay with him and Beck and Quinn indefinitely, but I wasn’t sure if that was what I really wanted. I wanted to be closer to him, but since I had no clue what I wanted to do for a living, I wasn’t sure if Montana would be the best place for me. In any case, I’d agreed to go for an extended visit while I figured
out what to do next.

  “Nathan, you haven’t by chance heard from Vincent, have you?”

  Even the man’s name caused an unbearable ache in my chest. I was so fucking pissed at Vincent for telling me he loved me right before he’d walked away from me. But as hard as the words had been to hear, knowing what had been coming, I still clung to them like they were a lifeline of sorts.

  “Um, no,” I said. “Why?”

  “Oh, nothing…I just haven’t heard from him in a while and he’s not returning my calls. Just has me a little worried, that’s all.”

  I sat up. Well, Christ, now he had me worried.

  “He’s not returning your calls?” I asked as I glanced at the watch I had yet to take off.

  “No,” Everett said. “Not even to check up on how Reese is doing.”

  That wasn’t like Vincent at all. My throat felt tight as I managed to say, “I’m sure he’s fine.”

  “Yeah, you’re probably right,” Everett said, though I could hear the worry in his voice. “Hey, listen, I have to go but I’ll check in with you soon, okay?”

  “What?” I asked distractedly. “Um, yeah, of course.”

  Everett hung up, leaving me to stare at the phone. I didn’t even have Vincent’s number to check on him myself. Not that he’d answer or return my calls.

  Fuck, what if something had happened to him?

  My thoughts drifted to that damn house of his and all the protective measures it had. What if something had failed and he was in trouble? What if…fuck, what if his body…

  “Um, sir,” I said to the cabbie. “I need you to take me someplace else.”

  “Sure. Where to?”

  “West Virginia.”

  Fear shimmied through me as I approached the first gate. What if my watch didn’t work? I’d have no way of getting into the house. I’d already sent the cab away after charging the obscenely high fare to my credit card, along with a generous tip. I had my phone so I could always call for help.