by Leanne Davis
His head slowly lifted as he straightened up his back. “I can live with that,” he finished for her, his tone growing quiet. Her smile lit up her face and his frigid demeanor started to melt. Gently, he asked, “What happened last night?”
Her head tilted. “First answer this: how did you even know something did?”
“I was visiting my dad…” Nate paused for emphasis. “When Vickie got a call from Gretchen, who said Kylie and Tristan saw your dad and it upset you. Dad and Vickie went to get Julia because your mom was so upset, which tells me you were upset.”
Ally’s head tilted. “I didn’t consider that we share a sister, technically.”
A small smile tugged his lips. “We do. She’s great, isn’t she?”
“Yes. She often spoke of how fun you were. It used to irritate me because, well, of our little feud. But I did always think it was sweet you made time for her when you didn’t have to bother. You were nineteen before she was your stepsister.”
“I told you, I had little family. That’s why I’m so close to my dad… and Vickie. To have a sibling I could claim as my own, and especially one so sweet and nice, why wouldn’t I? I meant it when I told you how much your family means to me, and how much I appreciate that they always include me just because Vickie married my dad.”
“You were lonely before?”
“Often. Yes. Then, after my mom died, all the time. I always had a lot of friends, so did my parents, which was where I learned it from. But there’s something different about being with family. You know? They are all ages and not just a bunch of guys my age. You wonder why I want more than a fling with you? Because I want someone special in my life, Ally. Someone who cares if I get up each day or how I feel at four o’clock in the afternoon. I mean, my dad will always care, and I don’t mean that. But he has Vickie now, and I have—”
“Me?” Ally interrupted him, but her me was uncharacteristically weak and feeble.
He lifted his gaze to hers and held it. “Do I? Have you, I mean? You sound as sure as you act with me.”
She rose to her feet, but her movements were slow and deliberate. His heart hitched as she stepped towards him and stood between his legs, so he had to lean back to accommodate her. “Me. You do have me.”
He tilted his head back to meet her dark eyes. She licked her lips. He slowly got onto his feet so she had to step back to make more room for him. He put his arms on her shoulders, then slid his hands down her arms until he was holding her hands in his, clasping her fingers. His smile was slow to appear and his heart skipped a beat. Disbelief? Hope? Both?
“Yeah?”
Her smile was just as slow to appear as his. “Yes.”
He leaned down to kiss her lips and just barely pressed before their bodies naturally seemed to fall towards each other. He swung her fully against his chest and she buried her head in the fleece of his sweatshirt. He rubbed his hands through her thick hair. “What happened last night? Your version. Not Vickie’s. Not Kylie’s or Gretchen’s or your mom’s. Yours. What happened to you?”
Ally sucked in a breath. “It feels really nice to have you ask me that. Kylie is the one everyone is usually worried about.”
Barely pulling away from her so he could look into her eyes, he replied, “Somehow, I don’t think Kylie deserves all the worry. Strangely enough, I think you do.”
Her eyebrows furrowed, clearly showing her puzzlement. “Me? I’m fine. I’m just upset over last night’s events, nothing else though.”
Nate shook his head. “I don’t know. I occasionally get this feeling that there’s something… much more to you. Something that no one knows.”
“What? Like some kind of secret?” Ally laughed. “I’m just a typical, boring girl who’s trying to be perfect, not that uncommon. You’re right though, I do strive for perfection at all times and with all people. Even last night. When you came and wanted to be with me, I couldn’t risk letting you see me so un-perfect.”
“Okay, so we established you’re not perfect. Shocking. Why don’t you tell me what happened last night?”
Ally sighed and let Nate go. She sat down on the edge of the bed, and he joined her. “What did Vickie tell you about Micah?” Ally asked.
“Why don’t you tell me? That way, there won’t be any misunderstandings between us. Okay? That way this is between you and me, not you, me and Vickie or you, me and Kylie. It’s about us. Let’s pretend I know nothing, and tell me your version.”
Ally picked at her thumb cuticle as she nodded. “Okay, fair enough. Micah was my dad. When I was eleven years old, in the sixth grade actually, he stole a bunch of money from the company he worked for. He was a portfolio investor with rich clients and was secretly siphoning money from them while using the cash from one account to cover the losses of the other accounts. He even stole from his own father, my grandfather. Anyway, eventually, my grandfather figured it all out and threatened to turn Micah in. But Micah insisted on getting his affairs in order before he turned himself in to the police, and that’s when he simply disappeared. He left a note for Mom but we never saw him again. I remember having dinner with him two nights before he disappeared and that’s all. We didn’t eat together on the night he left, although I knew shit was going on. Mom was acting all weird and kept saying she was sick, but I didn’t buy it. I knew it was bullshit. Micah vanished, never to return.”
“Holy shit.”
“No, it was actually just shit. We moved on, and Mom got a job working for Uncle Donny. She started in his company when he and Vickie were still married. Sure, it was on the rocks and soon to be over, but I didn’t know that. I just remember that Vickie went away and Donny hung around our house a lot. I was pretty awful to him and was always angry he was there, and Dad wasn’t… I see now what happened; but at the time, being just in middle school, I couldn’t make any sense of it. I stayed angry for a long time. But after I got into some trouble, Mom and I had it out, and things eventually got better. Donny started dating Mom and she seemed so much happier, it made all of us feel happier. From the very start, Donny acted like Micah used to. That was the hardest part for me because Micah was a good father until he left us. I don’t know what might have happened if Donny hadn’t come into our lives when he did. The daddy issues Kylie and I share are only a fraction of what they could have been. Poor Kylie didn’t know what or whom to believe anymore. She was like a lost little ghost walking around the house, and often hid inside her closet or under her bed. She cried at first too, but never again, at least, not that I ever observed. She grew so quiet. I could never tell what she thought or felt. No one could. Not even my mom. Kylie just shut down on us, and kind of seemed to stay that way until… about now.”
“Until she met Tristan?”
“Yes. He more or less resuscitated her.”
“That seems a little unfair considering how long and hard you tried to reach her. And everything you did or tried to do for her.”
“Yes. Perhaps it’s harder for me to accept than I first estimated. I almost don’t want to let go of what I was to Kylie.”
“Perhaps.” Nate smiled as he gently ran his hand into her hair, tossing it around. “So you admit having daddy issues?”
She sighed. “I know. I have terrible daddy issues, which is most of what you witnessed last night. We were a cohesive force, Kylie and I, a united front against the man who nearly crushed and destroyed our relationships with men forever. All of our decisions reflected what he did to the little girls we once were. But we decided together how to handle it.”
“And Kylie broke that pact between you?”
“Yes. She did. She didn’t even tell me she intended to see Micah. She and Tristan went up to Vancouver for some stupid business convention, and on the way home, they simply stopped by and visited him. After all these years and all the heartache and drama we both endured, she went there to visit him. Without me. Without even telling, asking, or including me. But she told fucking Tristan. Not me.”
Ally’s voice
cracked and she dropped her head, looking down. “I sound so pathetic. I’m jealous of my sister’s first decent boyfriend.”
“You’re not pathetic. Perhaps she should have told you she wanted to see your dad. I don’t think you’re wrong to feel slighted in the least.”
“But… you should have heard him.”
“Who?”
“Tristan. He was inferring that I don’t let Kylie speak up or say what she needs to say. He even accused me right in front of Kylie. He said her reactions aren’t mine to control anymore but she’s too unsure or unclear of how to tell me that. He said everything right in front of Kylie and she didn’t stick up for me. She didn’t explain how we both agreed we should react to Micah’s absence. It was not just my decision. If she changed her mind about him, fine. She could have just told me. I mean, maybe I did speak for both of us, but what Tristan failed to realize is that until about now, that’s what Kylie always insisted on. What she did and how she did it was always top secret. I was the one she called time after time. I remember how terrified, and genuinely worried I got sometimes over how fragile she was. And I truly thought our opinion of Micah belonged to both of us. I didn’t try to force my position on her. But maybe… she needed more closure. But to say that her confusion during these last few years is now somehow my fault? That’s not fair. Plus Tristan was speaking for her now, instead of me. So how is that any different from what I did?”
“Well, you and Tristan are both strong, confident personalities. Kylie isn’t. Maybe whatever she told Tristan is how she feels now. Maybe she didn’t know before, Ally. Or didn’t know how to tell you. I doubt she wanted to hurt you. I trust Kylie knows how much you did for her and care about her. However, she’s ready to change the rules now, but she can’t figure out how to tell you that.”
“Am I that hard to talk to?”
Nate shrugged. “You can be. I used to think you were aloof and hard to approach. That’s why I didn’t ask you out before we got drunk together.”
Her head jerked up and her eyes flashed with hurt. “You really felt you couldn’t talk to me?”
“I really felt I couldn’t talk to you.”
“Okay, maybe I come off as unapproachable when people don’t know me. But Kylie? My own sister? I’d have given my left arm for her if she needed it, and she should know that,” she whispered, shaking her head, letting her long hair fall over her shoulder. “I have done nothing but try to protect, help, and care for her. And now she wonders if I’m the cause of all her problems?”
Nate leaned over and touched her leg. “It sounds more like she’s having some growing pains. A serious boyfriend changes the dynamics between you two. She might turn to him now instead of you. That’s something you should anticipate. And something you’re going to have to learn to accept.”
Tears filled Ally’s eyes as she stared vacantly and dropped her head back down. Gazing at her hands, she interlaced her fingers. “I expected her to remain the way I decided she should be. I just don’t know where we stand anymore; and I’ve never been unsure with Kylie. We’ve had no boundaries, nor have we ever censored what we say to each other. You wouldn’t believe some of the things she’s done in front of me, and now I’m the one who needs to shut up and back off?”
Nate leaned over and pulled her against him and she looped her arms around his neck. He’d yet to see Ally so unsure of herself or her life. “She was and is my baby sister. And so quiet and weak that she depended on me, always. Tristan—or even you, could not fully understand the depths of our relationship. She was almost destroyed when Micah left. She needed me to experience the outside world for her. You know? To shelter her from it. She might have acted out and pretended to be worldly, but in many ways, she did that to hide from everything that was real and emotional. I tried to protect her from being actually hurt. She said she didn’t want Micah anymore. I wasn’t wrong about that, Nate. He—he—”
Ally was crying too hard to complete her sentence or explain what Micah did to them. He kissed the top of her head, and some strands of her hair clung to his lips.
Ally’s head lifted. “I wish he just died.”
Nate didn’t react. Lifting her head, she seemed to gauge his shock level at her statement as his eyebrows rose up. “I could see where that would be easier. A lot cleaner way to feel. If he died, you could just be sad and grieve over his death and loss. Just like I do for my mother.”
Hot tears welled up in Ally’s eyes. “Oh, God, your mother. I’m sorry. That was so careless of me to say to you, of all people. You’d probably give anything to have your mother back, no matter the circumstances.”
He shrugged. “I prefer to believe my mother wouldn’t do the things your father did, but I imagine what Micah did tainted everything that followed for you and Kylie. He ruined what you thought about him previously and your own childhood. I assume he made you both, or all three of you actually, remember things differently after he walked away.”
Ally’s eyes glistened with tears as she spoke. “Yes. That’s why I stopped being mad about my uncle Donny marrying my mom and becoming my stepfather. He was there from the very day Micah left. He was so good to us. A dad who would stay around and fill in for the first. But the hard part for me was, Micah was also a good father. I…” She rubbed her eyes. “I fucking idolized him, Nate. You can’t imagine. I got perfect grades, over-achieved, and tried to be as smart and focused and accomplished as he said I could be. Just like he was. He often made that comparison. He equated me to him when he was whatever age I was. I lapped it up like whipped cream. I only wanted to be just like him. And then… what do you do when your idol turns out to be a monster who abandons his own kids? I mean, a wife, a spouse, or a lover is one thing to ditch, but your own kids? The kids you helped raise? The kids you promised to love?”
Ally’s voice rose with emotion as she spoke. Her fury was quick to take over. Nate squeezed her tighter against him and she suddenly climbed around his trunk so she was straddling him. But it wasn’t sexual. She was clinging to him in a way he hadn’t experienced with Ally. Weeping openly, she clung on to him and seemed extremely vulnerable. Very un-perfect, actually. He kept rubbing the center of her back to comfort her. She cried and sobbed for minutes on end.
Nate’s mom getting sick and dying at the age of thirty-five was shocking, tragic and unfair. He received his own strong dose of reality at a young age. Ally was right, however, that he could grieve over his loss. Nate’s mother was so young when she had him and way too young to die. His mom was exactly twenty years older than Nate, not enough age difference that he should have lost her already.
Ally’s grief stemmed from her anger, betrayal, hatred, hurt, rejection, shock, and insecurity as well as pain. It was a grisly combination that obviously affected both Kylie and Ally in negative ways. But different ways. However, the focused, one-track minded Ally failed to understand how her sister could suddenly waver on their previously set course. Ally would not waver. Or forgive a grudge. She wouldn’t re-evaluated her stances on anything.
Unfortunately, most people lacked a steel spine like Ally had. Just like she wouldn’t have slept with a man twenty years her senior, or tolerated her parent dating her ex. Ally would someday be a challenging lawyer, but Nate saw her eventually becoming a judge. She was cut from the perfect cloth for a career in justice. She had a staunch set of values and rigid definitions of what was right and wrong. So much so, she struggled to understand why all people couldn’t live up to that standard. Once her mind was set, she didn’t waver, not like Kylie did. Nate knew he might waver too. He admired Ally for it, but he also knew it could lead to terrible disappointment in some people. It even intimidated him a little bit. What if he violated her unbending principles? What if he screwed up? Could she ever look past it and forgive him?
“What happened when Kylie saw Micah?”
Ally sniffled and loosened her grip on his neck to wipe the back of her hand against her nose. “I didn’t hang around long enough to listen. But
Mom told me this morning that Kylie said he was poor and seemed lonely and miserable, apparently way down on his luck. Kylie even made plans to see him again. Mom said Kylie’s reconnecting. She wants closure or something. What could she possibly get from him? We have Donny now. And he’s been just as good a father, only different from Micah.”
“But you both remember when Micah was your dad?” Nate inquired softly.
He could feel her physical restraint before she answered. “Well, yes. Of course, we remember. We were ten and eleven, for God’s sake. He left us just when we needed him most…”
“Maybe Kylie needs both of her parents now. You can’t forbid her if she wants to explore a different relationship with him.”
Nate hated to correct Ally. He could feel her defeat as her shoulders slumped. “You think I’m wrong?”
He gently touched her chin and lifted her gaze to his face. Leaning forward, he touched her lips with his and replied, “No. I don’t think you’re wrong, for yourself. Just maybe wrong about what Kylie needs now or wants.”
“Maybe.”
Nate smiled at her, tilting his head to the side. “I know I’m not Tristan Aderly, and I don’t have all the money and authority, but what do you say we go out tonight? Full date. Real thing? Dinner, a movie and all that?”
Ally’s eyes lowered. “Do you think I want someone like Tristan?”
“Older, established, mature, with a nice car, and a nice job, and a nice apartment? Yes. That’s exactly what I think you want. Instead of a college senior who’s in practically the same circumstances as you.”
