by Leanne Davis
Ally reached up, cupping his face. “I do not want Tristan. I wouldn’t want any man for those reasons. Thank you very much. I plan to do all that for myself. So Kylie can have him. Besides, he always thinks he’s right and he argues way too much for my liking.”
Her smile was small but genuine. Nate laughed as he kissed the end of her nose. “Now, when you put it that way, of course, he’s the wrong type for you.”
Her eyes lost their glow. “Seriously, he isn’t my type. I just don’t like him telling me how to be with my sister. But I’m glad I came here today. I don’t usually talk to anyone… besides my mom, about my problems. You know? And I can’t go to Mom with this because she’s got to remain neutral and this is strictly between Kylie, Tristan, and me. But having you on my side… you are on my side, aren’t you?”
Nate smiled, dropping his hands down to waist to pull her closer to him. “Yes, sunshine, I’m on your side.”
“It’s nice. I’ve not had anyone do that before.”
“How often do you let anyone get close to the real you?”
She looked over his shoulder, her expression suddenly twisting as her eyes became cloudy. “Not very often, as a matter a fact. Maybe not ever.”
His heart swelled. He hoped to simply date her, and now he discovered her façade was one she didn’t drop with anyone else. Except with him? That was huge. And even if she were a little too cut-and-dried about her dad and her sister’s relationship, he fully supported her. Nate was optimistic that he could use his finesse and diplomacy on her to soften the severity inside her. That was about all he had to offer her. Balance. Perspective. Understanding. Especially when others couldn’t live up to her standards. It was kind of like the Vickie thing. Look how far she came with that, and in such a short time.
Ally returned her gaze to his before she smiled and leaned forward, kissing him. “Date, huh? I think you could persuade me to go.”
Chapter Eight
KYLIE KEPT CALLING AND texting her. Ally wasn’t sure what she wanted to say or do; so, for the first time in their relationship, she didn’t do anything. She was very tired in all honesty. She was burnt out from being Kylie’s caretaker and doing it with her whole heart and soul before suddenly being snapped at and told she should stop. She had to stop because she didn’t really know Kylie. Seriously? Well, fine. She was glad to give Kylie and Tristan their space so they could let Kylie become the real person she needed to be.
Besides, Ally had a life of her own. Her weekends were no longer spent collecting her drunken sister, or worrying about her when she hooked up with another sleazy guy. Ally was finally allowed to enjoy her whole college experience, instead of supervising and chaperoning Kylie. So thank you, Tristan Aderly.
Ally had a boyfriend of her own now. She and Nate went on dates and hung out all the time together. Using their project as an excuse and cover, they finished long before the deadline. Like an unspoken agreement, Ally was astonished but pleased to discover that Nate was just as anal about his homework, studying, projects, papers, and grades as she was. He was less interested, however, in advertising that than she was. Always easy going and seemingly unburdened by such things as homework and stress, Nate kept on top of his assignments as efficiently as Ally did. He was just better at concealing his perfectionism and high standards. Instead of hampering her, Ally found someone who understood her in Nate. It was a first for her. She never studied with someone who worked just as hard and as much and as long as she did. Nate didn’t let any small detail go. Despite both of them being annoying and controlling as perfectionists, they didn’t frustrate each other. On the contrary, they helped each other understand the information and find the answers, offering their confirmation or disagreement on how to do things right down to the smallest details. Including each comma and period. Other people might have let such minor things slide, or consider them unimportant, but neither she nor Nate did.
When they caught themselves doing that together for the first time, they stopped and stared at each other with huge, goofy grins on their faces, and he asked, “You can’t let anything go, can you?”
Ally shook her head. “No. If I think I have the wrong answer, or fact, or even punctuation mark, I’ll spend hours rewriting it or confirming it or whatever is necessary, even if all that work won’t matter or make a huge difference to my grade. If it’s not my best, and most polished work, I can’t—”
“Just let it go? I can’t either. I mean, how do you perform at less than your best? People think I’m nuts.”
“I know. Right?” Grinning and all silly-happy, they laughed at each other and the discovery they were both anal-retentive control freaks.
The other new factor of Ally’s life was regular, frequent, unending sex. They did it so often, Ally got a bladder infection. With her face flaming red, she had to consult the nurse at the Student Health Services to get antibiotics and was humiliated when the nurse suggested she “lay off it” for a few days. When Nate heard about it, he laughed and pulled her into his arms, ignoring her mortification.
Ally slapped Nate’s shoulder. “It’s not funny. The nurse was old, in her sixties, and there I was. Like a freaking nymphomaniac who got sick from too much sex.”
“There are a lot worse reasons.”
“It hurts like bloody hell. Every time I pee, it feels like a burning poker inside me, and I have to go all the time, but nothing comes out.”
He sobered instantly and hugged her to him. “I don’t like you hurting. We’ll have to be a lot more careful.”
“Meaning, less sex?”
“If it becomes a medical necessity, yes.”
“I just need to pee before and after sex, and drink lots of water and cranberry juice in between.” In all honesty, she didn’t want to do it any less often either. Except for right now. The pain was too excruciating now for her to desire sex.
Ally let him kiss her and she marveled at the newfound ease and comfort she felt with Nate. When they started seeing each other, she was so sure he was no more than a careless mistake. But now? Nate was her friend, confidante, lover and someone who could make her laugh. All the time. She viewed herself, her life, her grades, and everything else way too seriously. So did Nate, which was odd because he seemed to laugh a lot more often than she did. He could deal with his stress a little better than she could too. Nate knew how to leave it behind sometimes and just enjoy himself. Of late, Ally was whom he enjoyed the most.
They dated in secret and finished the city project, which they presented to their class together. Like the perfect team, they professionally explained and augmented each other during the entire presentation. Nate would begin to speak and Ally finished his sentences without even planning it. Then Nate picked up where Ally left off. Without any competition, Ally supplied all the facts while Nate used his charm to make the story sound good, despite the subject being a fake city and circumstances they fabricated. Needless to say, they aced it.
Towards the end of the quarter, the finals and her work and stress nearly overwhelmed Ally, and she made Nate stay at his place a lot more often. Too much stress inevitably led to her… issue, which needed addressing. It was awkward. And becoming harder and harder to hide. But she managed to succeed.
But then one night, the phone rang rather late.
Ally reached over to grab her cell, and was shocked. For months, there had been no late night calls. She assumed Kylie was calling, but no. It wasn’t her number.
“Ally? You’ve got to go out and check on Kylie. Please. She won’t call you. She won’t even tell you about it. But she needs to. She needs someone right now.”
“Tristan?” Ally asked as she sat up in bed. Nate did too, in response to the confusion in her tone.
“Yes,” Tristan nearly growled at her.
“Where are you?”
“I came to try and talk to her but now she’s walking down the street and towards some college party would be my guess. Yes, she just turned towards the campus. You know what that mea
ns, Ally.”
“What the hell? What happened?” Ally’s stomach churned. Yes, she knew what those late night calls were about. Kylie was in some kind of trouble. But now? She was supposed to be safe with Tristan. Why would Tristan call her for help? She almost spat out the question purely in spite, but hearing the panic in Tristan’s voice stopped her.
“I hurt her. She’s going to punish herself now. Please, Ally, I can’t stop her, but you can. She needs someone right now.” Hurt her? This time, Ally shucked the covers off and slammed her feet onto the floor. She began taking off her nightie, a sexy little red and black number that was only for Nate’s eyes. He was sitting up watching her, but there was nothing lurid in his observation. He wanted to know what was going on and that was his only concern. What could have possibly come between Tristan and Kylie? They were like peas and carrots, cookies and milk, pie and ice cream… Fuck! Ally’s stomach burned with acid. Food. Jesus. As if that analogy could help her right now. She needed to focus. Tristan was upset and needed her help. No, Kylie needed her.
It was a role she well understood. She quickly started pulling on her jeans and searching out a bra and shirt as she shrieked into the phone. “What did you do to her? Oh, my God, did you cheat?”
Tristan’s tone changed. “I wish it was that easy and straightforward. It’s a long story. And you need to get it out of her. She needs someone. She can’t keep doing this all alone. But I’m the last person she’ll trust right now.”
“Why? What happened, Tristan? She is crazy about you and you acted like…”
“I am. But it’s complicated. I just need to know she’ll be okay.”
Wasn’t that all Kylie was nowadays? Okay? Great? The new and improved Kylie? This was sadly too reminiscent of old Kylie, the not-so-good Kylie.
“I’m going there right now. But if I find out you cheated, I’m coming after you with a sharp knife.” Her voice was angry, but she couldn’t imagine Tristan would actually cheat on Kylie. There was something so faithful in how Tristan acted towards her sister. Kind of like Nate. She glanced at him. He was starting to get up in response to her tone, feeling concerned and ready to help her. Nate was as devoted to Ally as Tristan was to Kylie. She stood there for a second, almost forgetting her sister.
Until Tristan’s next words.
“You’ll be coming after me with a lot more when you hear what I did. But, Ally, I just know her. She’ll bury this deep. Her shame in not seeing who I am, or what I was doing to her, will be first and foremost on her mind. She’ll try to hide it like she does everything else. But this time… she can’t. Don’t let her. Keep after her until she tells you.”
“Tells me what?” Ally’s breath caught in her throat. What was this? In all the phone calls, all the emergencies and bad times her sister needed her right here and now, this sounded the worst.
“What I was hiding from her…” He sighed as he swore under his breath, “And mostly, what my brother did to her.”
Ally’s shirt was over her head by then and she jerked upright. What his brother did to her? What the fuck? And who was his brother? What was this about?
“You and your brother did to her? What could you possibly do to her…?” Ally’s thoughts wandered off and she shut her eyes. NO! Fuck, just no! Kylie… Somehow Tristan and his brother did something to hurt Kylie. Rape? Rape was all that flashed through Ally’s head. She hissed, “Fucking-A, Tristan, if you so much as touched a hair on her head without her permission…” Ally hung up on him because she couldn’t speak.
Trembling, she flung her phone. Nate was right there, holding her, rubbing her arms up and down and trying to soothe her. She shook her head, her hair down obscuring her face as she leaned against his chest and started to cry. “Something happened to her.”
“What?”
“I don’t know… yet. It was Tristan. He’s freaking out, Nate. I’ve never heard him sound like that. He was almost incoherent. He said something about being at her place but she was walking down the street towards campus and now, he thinks she might do something crazy. Used to be a pretty safe bet. But now? That isn’t Kylie at all anymore. Thanks to him. And really, it was because of him. I’ve been such a bitch. She was getting better. Stable. Sane. Stronger. And I criticized her for it. Oh, my God, I was horrible to her. I’ve ignored her calls for weeks. How could I do that? He did something to her. Tristan and his brother, and I didn’t even know he had a brother.” Her stomach was cramping now. Pushing Nate away, Ally ran into the bathroom without taking the time to even lock the door. She was too busy leaning over the toilet and throwing up.
That helped. It relieved the cramping and aching. She leaned over the open bowl for a moment. She had to use her finger to induce it, even though she could have sworn it was coming up regardless. Nate was standing right in the doorway and she bowed her head in defeat. How could she have been so careless? It was about to come out… or felt like it. Maybe the urge to do it was so strong she had to obey it.
After flushing, she slowly stood up and went to the sink to do the usual grooming that accompanied such action. She washed her face and rinsed her mouth out with mouthwash. She was well aware of Nate’s presence there. Watching her. Silently. He didn’t rush forward to help her. Or even enter. But he didn’t retreat either.
His silence spoke volumes. She deliberately lengthened the time it took her to dry her hands and mouth. She scrubbed her eyes, which hurt from crying and the pressure of getting sick. The backs of her eye sockets always hurt afterwards.
She slowly lowered the towel into the sink and turned. Keeping her gaze down, she started towards the door. The silence was deafening and Nate blocked the door. She looked off to the side of him, glancing his way for a second until their gazes met before she quickly averted hers. In that split second, his puzzlement, concern, shock, and utter astonishment, since he had no idea what he just witnessed, showed in his eyes.
Nate didn’t let her pass. His hand shot out and he grabbed her chin and lifted her gaze to his, asking, “What was that?”
“I got sick. Just so worried about Kylie… I think she might be hurt. From what Tristan said, I think it’s the kind of hurt I always stressed over and worried about. It used to make my stomach ache just picturing it. Rape. I think he was trying to tell me she was raped.”
Nate’s gaze slowly roved over her. Ally couldn’t hold his dark, confused and knowing stare. He nodded, but instead of commenting as she expected, he pulled her against his chest. She let out a deep sigh of relief and exhaustion and comfort. She felt all of it. But she was mostly terrified Nate’s next question would be why did she stick her finger down her throat? Had he seen her? She didn’t know. She thought he was about to ask her for sure, or point it out, or accuse her of something. But maybe he was not so sure. Uncertainty was better; at least she could spin it. She could convince him it was only her reaction to the news of Kylie, and not a “thing” she did regularly. It wasn’t a common reaction. She could convince him of that.
Then, the terror of worrying about Kylie returned… How could she help Kylie through this? What did Tristan do to her? Tristan? No. If he physically hurt her… well, then, anyone could hurt anyone else. She couldn’t have been so wrong about him, could she?
Ally nearly scoffed, as if her track record was anything impressive. She remembered how she believed in her dad and look at the worm he turned out to be.
“So you don’t really know anything?”
“Not yet. He was outside her place, panicking that she was going out partying. He wants me to stop her. As if I have any clue where she could be. I’ll just go over to her place and wait; and if she calls me, then I’ll be closer. But he said…” She took in an unsteady breath. “Tristan said I had to make her tell me what he, and even worse, what his brother did to her. Tristan said she would be too ashamed to tell me and blame herself…. Don’t you see? What else could it be?”
A wave of nausea welled up again. One time? It wasn’t enough. It didn’t touch the acid i
n her throat. She couldn’t handle it if Kylie had been hurt. Not when she kept stonewalling her. Ally’s panic started to rise and she clung tighter to Nate. She started to cry again with great, gulping sobs of misery. “I wasn’t talking to her. I was ignoring her. All those calls… texts… what if… what if… she was reaching out to me? About this?” She couldn’t say it. What if Kylie was calling out to her, reaching out to Ally for help again? Because she’d been raped?
“You don’t know anything yet. Okay? Tristan didn’t rape her. I think we can both agree on that. Let me take you there and we’ll wait for her together.”
“You can take me. But I need to see her alone. I need to fix this. I have to make her understand… I love her. I’m so stubborn and stupid and trying to make her be…”
“You’re just human. Your feelings were hurt. She’ll understand that. Shh, Ally. It’ll be okay. I promise. I’m here. I’ll help you. I love you, Ally. I’ll help you.”
She clutched Nate’s shirt in her fists, shaking her head. Love? Did he? Did she? Help her? As if he knew… or could comprehend what she did. What she was. As if he could love her with the shameful habit she hid inside her bathroom? She almost laughed and snorted and screamed. As if anyone could love her if they knew how she coped. How ugly her solution was. The forbidden compulsion that so strongly dominated her life.
But no! No. NO. She was fine. She had it under control… usually. It did not rule her life.
“You don’t know what you’re saying,” she whispered.
He, of course, thought she was denying his proclamation of love. “I know what I feel. I know what I feel about you and have for a very long time. Years even.”
“You don’t even know me.”
“What’s inside of you? That, I already know. I love that part. Even if you made a mistake with your sister, everyone does. No one is perfect. You still deserve to be loved. You need it.”
“You can’t say all that.”
“It might be the wrong time, but before you go out to face this, I wanted you to know I’m here, and I’ll be here and you are not alone. I’m on your side. You help your sister, and let me help you.”
