Got it Bad

by Christi Barth

  At least, she’d admit it to herself. Kellan didn’t need any additional encouragement at this point.

  “Wow. You’re pretty cocky already.” Delaney raised her hands, palms up, feigning confusion. “I just don’t know how womankind will be able to handle your swagger once you put on a uniform. It’ll be potent.”

  With an exaggerated leer, he said, “I’ll let you sample my potency tonight.”

  “See, I know that should sound dirty, but it really makes you sound like an eighteenth-century back-alley alchemist.”

  “You say that as if it’s a bad thing.” Kellan held his straight face.

  Delaney couldn’t. Her chin fell to her chest as she gave in to the laughter she’d been fighting to hold back. “This is fun.”

  “What is?”

  “You and me.” Pointing back and forth between them, she said, “Even when we’re debating about ridiculous things, it’s fun.” It was probably sad that it still surprised her. Emily certainly carped at her often enough about taking a fun break.

  Delaney had always worried that breaks would make her soft. Weaken her. Make her a less effective marshal. Having fun with Kellan, though, was like . . . taking a nap.

  God, that sounded horrible. It wasn’t—at all—that he was boring. Just that she felt rejuvenated and twice as ready to dive into life after being with him.

  One hand at the small of her back, Kellan pushed her up the driveway. “There’s nothing ridiculous about an alchemist. I’m guessing he’d have a cape, like a musketeer, and, obviously, be able to transmute any base metal into gold. That’s pretty kick-ass.”

  She halted and framed his face with her hands. The teasing was, indeed, all kinds of fun. But this was a moment—a huge moment—that needed to be properly recognized. Both as a woman who cared for him and as the marshal in charge of his attempts at a new life.

  Looking deeply into those ice-blue eyes, Delaney said, “Seriously, Kellan. I’m so very proud of you. This is a huge step. And I’m quite certain you’re the first WITSEC alum to ever go into law enforcement. I think you just broke every record for succeeding in the Program. Congratulations.”

  “Thanks.” Kellan took her hands and kissed the backs of them before squeezing tightly. “But tonight’s a celebration for both of us. I couldn’t have gotten through that interview without your help. This was a team effort.”

  His attempt to share credit was thoughtful. It was also ridiculous. “Hardly. You were top of your class, in every class. You were on the law review. You’re one of the most naturally charming people I’ve ever encountered. And you’ve got a passion lighting you up to serve and protect. You earned that job on your own merits, fair and square.”

  “Oh, I know I deserve the job.” Fingers entwined in the sweetest way, Kellan angled her toward a path that cut past the side of the house.

  “Glad that’s cleared up.” Hopefully an explanation would be coming soon for their location. Before the owners called the police on them for trespassing. Wouldn’t that just be a typical Maguire brother move? Getting arrested the same day he got hired?

  “But the interview, man, that was tough. It was one hell of a tap dance, telling Mateo what he deserved to know, what it was safe to share, and what I wanted to say to be sure I got the job. You taught me the steps, helped me practice. When it was time, the dance was simple.”

  Talk about a smooth metaphor. Then a thought struck her. “Can you dance?”

  “I can bust a move. Why? Don’t tell me there’s actually a random fact about my life that you people failed to mine?”

  “There are still plenty of unknowns about you.” Finding out this way, rather than reading them in a dry report, was, well, again it was fun. “Let’s start with the most obvious unknown. Where are we, and why?”

  They rounded the side of the house. It was like stepping into a different world from the standard suburban view of the front. The yard had a fire pit, a table laid out with snacks and wineglasses, and deep Adirondack chairs. Grass sloped down to a dock on a wide river. Everywhere she looked was nothing but pines and water and peace.

  “The ‘where’ is a B&B on the edge of the mighty Umpqua River.”

  “It’s spectacular.” Beautiful and romantic and, yet again, thoughtful. How on earth did she get so lucky?

  Oh, yeah. Not actually lucky. Because in a couple of months, Kellan and his thoughtfulness would disappear from her life forever.

  That thought was getting harder and harder to stomach. Even though it was the only way forward. Living in the moment was more challenging than she’d expected, because all these good moments just made Delaney crave more.

  He led her through thick grass to the chairs. Plopping down with a sigh, Kellan said, “The ‘why’ we already covered—it’s a celebration. Can’t celebrate at my house, on account of it being a secret. Can’t celebrate at your place on account of me being a secret.”

  “You’re keeping this from your brothers?” That news was enough to distract her from the breathtaking view.

  Kellan pulled a dripping bottle of sauvignon blanc from a standing ice bucket and poured. “You bet I am.”

  Really? She snorted her disbelief. “Don’t you think they’ll cop to it the first time they see you in a uniform?”

  “Of course. That won’t happen for a while, though. I need to go through training at the academy up in Eugene before I can become official. I’ll be temping as an acting deputy with them until then. Mostly desk work. And I told the sheriff that I wouldn’t be able to join a training class until after October.” Every line on his face hardened. Every angle of his body stiffened beneath the worn jeans and soft red tee. “No point wasting the taxpayers’ money just to have me shot by a mobster during the trial.”

  “Nobody’s getting shot.” The words popped out automatically. It was a reassurance Delaney had given all her other protectees. This time, however, it was less a statement of fact. More of a solemn blood vow.

  Nothing would happen to Kellan. Or his brothers. Not on her watch. Even if it was the last thing she did for him.

  Which it probably would be.

  “I explained to Mateo that the holdup was related to why we’re in WITSEC, and he’s cool with it.”

  Delaney didn’t care what the sheriff thought. She cared that the Maguires might be worrying themselves into sleeplessness every night for no good reason. “Kellan, I don’t want you to be scared about the trial. This is what we do. Marshals protect. You and your brothers will be safe.”

  “I’m not scared. I’m pragmatic.” He reached across the table to lay a hand on top of hers. “There’s no doubting your abilities. The way you got us out of Chicago was a minor miracle. I’ve just learned the hard way that life can piss all over you without warning.”

  In all the time they’d spent together, all the towns, all the interaction with different people and officers, Kellan always, always radiated an easy comfort with life. A willingness—unlike his far surlier brothers—to roll with the punches. A knack for finding some silver lining in every situation.

  Now he’d dropped that happy-go-lucky mask. Shown her another, deeper side to his true self. It felt important. It felt like a gift. But before she could respond, he shifted, like quicksilver and all that hardness relaxed. Then he waved an arm at the rushing river like a game show hostess. “Well, what do you think of our place?”

  “Our place? I’m guessing we have to share it with the other guests.”

  “Nope. It only has a single suite. The whole upstairs. I stopped by before picking you up. Our hosts headed to the coast. We’re solo here until breakfast. The ultimate secret getaway.”

  “Here I thought I was the expert in those. Are you gunning for my job next?”

  “No fucking way. I want to lock up criminals. You have to be nice to them. Take care of them. I don’t know how you do it.”

  No kidding. Delaney had been struggling with that more and more. “I don’t either, sometimes. I mean, not all of my protectees are cri
minals. Not by a long shot. There are whistleblowers. They’re totally innocent, like you. Then there are people who accidentally got pulled into bad situations and are trying to do the right thing. And people like your brothers, who are criminals, but . . .” Her voice trailed off.

  Kellan shook his head. Stared out at the rippling river. “Don’t hold back on my account. You know I’m still far from comfortable with that fact. Pissed as hell, actually, that the men who helped drum ethics and morals into me apparently have a whole do as I say not as I do thing going.”

  That had to be so hard for him. Another thread of darkness that he kept hidden from the world.

  Delaney was relieved that she didn’t have to choose her words carefully. She never, ever got to talk about her work with anyone outside the Marshals Service. And even in the office, everything was segmented and confidential. Being able to unload her thoughts to Kellan felt luxuriously freeing. Especially with his unique, insider viewpoint.

  “Rafe and Flynn are good men. It’s why I fought to keep all of you in the program even as they kept screwing up and getting in trouble. The mob was their job. It didn’t define them. It’s so easy to pigeonhole everyone who walks in wearing handcuffs as a bad guy. A lot of my colleagues do.” She certainly had, as a brand-new recruit. But she’d quickly discovered that protectees were so much more than just the deeds in their files. “When you really get to know people, you realize what they do isn’t necessarily who they are.”

  “Yeah. That’s what’s kept me from kicking their lying asses and walking away.” Kellan wiped his hands up and down the smooth green wood of the armrests. “I love those idiots. I’d lay down my life for them. They’d do the same for me. Hell, they stayed in the mob partly to keep me safe, to give me the best shot possible. Which makes me feel guilty as fuck. And then mad about it.”

  Her heart hurt for the complex emotions roiling beneath Kellan’s surface. “What did they say when you told them that?”

  “I can’t tell them.”

  That was . . . shocking. The Maguire brothers had lost their tempers with each other repeatedly as they adjusted to WITSEC. She knew they were brawlers. Knew that Rafe and Kellan had regularly sparred with Flynn as he prepped for his MMA matches, and continued to now as a workout. With all those fists flying, how had his pent-up fury not been unleashed on them?

  As their official handler, Delaney should be thrilled he was keeping the peace. But she cared too much to let Kellan burn up from the inside out, even if it did rub his brothers the wrong way. “I’m pretty sure you’ve got to. It isn’t healthy to hold it all back. Festering wounds and all that.”

  “I thought about it. About a hundred times, that first week alone. I kept flipping from shell-shocked to fucking furious ten times a day. Every time something went wrong with our placement, I considered unloading on them. When Rafe or Flynn whine about missing Chicago, or the Cubs, or a deep dish pie from Lou Malnatis, I’m tempted to go postal.” His voice roughened, like the words were being choked out over ground glass. “Tempted to remind them they made all the choices that landed us here. Choices that ripped us from our lives.”

  Wow. He was voicing the kinds of things she swallowed back at least once a week in her job. All protectees, good or bad, had one thing in common—they complained about missing their old lives. And yes, it got annoying to not ever be able to lose it a little and tell them to suck it up.

  Except that Kellan didn’t have to be professional. He could let it all out. Truly curious, she asked, “Why don’t you?”

  “Like I said, they made those choices for me.” Kellan pushed out of his chair. He circled the flagstone border of the small brick patio, finally stopping at a large bush exploding with magenta flowers. His hands flexed and fisted at his sides. “When Dad was killed, we could’ve—should’ve gone into foster care. Rafe knew the only way to keep us together was for him to go all in with McGinty. It was his love for his brothers that pushed him into the mob. His love for Flynn that pushed him to turn evidence and put us in WITSEC. That’s the most fucking selfless, noble thing in the world. I can’t punish him for that. Or Flynn.”

  Her heart fluttered. If Emily was here, she would’ve been dabbing at her eyes at that speech. Delaney mocked Em every time her friend texted that she’d had to grab for tissues as she finished the latest book club weep-fest.

  But now she got it. Because listening to Kellan describe the purity of the love the Maguires shared had literally made her forget to breathe. Delaney belatedly sucked in a deep breath. And blinked way too fast, just to be sure no wetness lingered in the corners of her eyes.

  “The three of you have an amazing bond. I’m a little awed by how you make it work.”

  Kellan appreciated Delaney’s words. He appreciated how she’d listened without judging as he let slip the emotions he worked so hard to lock away. And yeah, it felt good to open up to her. But her eyes sparkled with . . . tears? Nah. His tough-as-nails marshal couldn’t be crying over him. Talk about setting the wrong tone for their romantic escape.

  He crossed the patio in two long strides to kneel on the grass just beyond her feet. “Enough about my brothers. I didn’t bring you here to bitch about them, or about the past. I brought you here to celebrate the present. Actually, to give you a present.”

  “I’m not allowed to accept gifts from my protectees.”

  Kellan threw back his head and laughed, the sound echoing off the pine-covered hill across the river and bouncing right back. “You’re not allowed to sleep with them, either. In for a penny, in for a pound, right?”

  “You’ve got a point,” she said dryly. “Just what we need. Another reminder of how dangerous and wrong being together is.”

  “Meh.” He waggled one hand side to side. “Slightly dangerous. Living on the edge. A little bad, a lot exciting. Not at all wrong. God, Laney, nothing’s ever felt as right as being with you. Are you telling me you don’t feel the same?”

  “If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be risking my entire career to be sitting here with you.”

  “Good. So here’s your reward.” Kellan leaned back on his heels to dig in his pocket. “This new job probably won’t go over well with Rafe and Flynn. They’ve been trained for years to dislike and distrust the police.”

  In a measured tone, she said, “It’s a safe bet that there will be yelling when you break the news.”

  “Worrying about how they’d react might’ve stopped me from taking this leap. I would’ve stayed at the cranberry plant, fucking miserable.”

  “No. You’re too smart for that. You would’ve found another way out, given time.”

  The woman categorically refused to take a damned compliment. Kellan barreled on. She might fight his words of thanks, but he’d put money on Delaney not refusing the gift that went along with them.

  “Your belief in me—that I can still be a good man and carve out a whole new path for myself—gave me the push I needed to pursue being a deputy. Because I think I can make a difference. Because I think I’ll be good at it.”

  “You will be. Or else I wouldn’t have recommended you.” She playfully wrinkled her nose. “I can’t risk getting a reputation as someone who’s a bad judge of character.”

  “Yes, my career as a deputy will be all about making you look good for having such a successful protectee. Give me your hand.” Kellan clasped a thin bracelet around her left wrist. A silver key and a heart-shaped lock dangled from it. “This is my way of saying thank you. A reminder that you’ve got my heart all locked up now.”

  All that thick blond hair hid her face as she stared down at her wrist wordlessly. For a while. For too long. Long enough that Kellan focused on the rushing of the river and the squawk from ducks at its edge.

  Shit. Was it too much? Had he pushed too fast?

  Delaney slid out of the chair to her knees. Then she threw her arms around his neck, locking her crossed wrists at the back of his head. “Thank you. I . . . I never planned on having someone feel like this about me. I
was sure I didn’t want it to happen. But I’m genuinely thrilled to hear you say all this.”

  Never planned on—what did that mean? How many secrets had she still not shared?

  This near whisper of an admission sounded as if it was wrenched from deep inside of her. Pushing for more seemed like a sure-fire way to set off one of their old habitual fights. And Kellan was damn pleased that it’d been a while since they’d fallen into that trap. They deserved one of those OSHA safety signs—It has been 10 days since our last incident. “Any time I can provide a thrill, I call it a good date.”

  “I’m truly touched. I wish I had something to give you. For making me feel so special.”

  “No way. That’s like writing a thank you note for a thank you note.” On the other hand, he could press his luck a little more. Because Delaney was damned hard to read. “You could maybe let me know if and/or when you feel the same way.”

  Her eyes flew wide open. “Can’t you tell?”

  Maybe? The thing was, “maybe” didn’t cut it. Kellan needed to know. “I don’t like to raise at the poker table unless I’m damned sure of what I’m holding—and what everyone else is holding.”

  “Oh, for God’s sake.” Delaney rolled her eyes and dropped her head back. But to Kellan, her oh-so-habitual look of annoyance was simply adorable. “What is it with men? Not every analogy has to come down to poker or The Godfather.”

  “That movie actually never played in my house. I guess now I know why.”

  “Ironic.” Delaney wriggled up against him. Then she kissed him, slowly. Softly. When she started to pull away, Kellan tightened one arm around her waist. Okay, sort of her waist. More that he started there before immediately moving down to anchor his hand on her sweet ass. Then he took charge of the kiss.

  He liked to take charge in the bedroom. And, surprisingly, his hard-as-nails, normally take-charge marshal seemed to relish it when he did. Just more proof that they were right for each other.

  So Kellan drew out the kiss. Kept it soft. Tender. Romantic, to suit the day and the setting. He wanted Delaney to go back over these kisses, these stolen moments, a hundred times a day on all the days when they were stuck hundreds of miles apart. Until he figured out a way to keep them together.