Scared of Forever (Scared #2)

by Jacqueline Abrahams

  “The hot one? Was it good?” he asks with a cheeky grin.

  “Mac!” I say, whacking him in the arm. “Extremely, but that is not the point. The point is that I am engaged to his brother!”

  “Calm down,” he says, fanning me as tears spring to my eyes and I begin to hyperventilate. “First of all, you know I dislike Blake. And from what I’ve seen, I do like Tyler. So let me start by saying I’m biased. Also, let me make it clear that I strongly advise that you marry Blake before you ditch his ass to ensure that you retain half his fortune.” Mac grins ridiculously.

  “I already signed a prenup. I was never interested in his money,” I inform him.

  “You what!” Mac looks reproached, as if I’d just admitted to torturing baby kittens. “Oh hell, in that case, leave his ass and hook up with the hotter one. Pronto.”

  Mac sees me looking as though I may burst into tears at any moment, and softens his approach. “Honey, if you loved Blake as much as you thought you did, this would never have happened.”

  “See, even you think I’m a terrible person,” I say, beginning to sob.

  “I don’t,” Mac replies softly. “I just think that you may be confusing commitment with love. The two are not always mutually exclusive. I get it. Blake has been good to you. You have no family. You came here with nothing. And not long after, he gave you this amazing life, practically sweeping you off of your feet. But I’m just saying, if you’re sleeping with someone else, spending the day with someone else without telling him, then there’s already something wrong there.”

  “You’re right,” I say sniffing. “It’s not fair to Blake. But leaving him, cancelling our engagement, is not a decision I can make irrationally. I need to talk to Tyler first.” I walk back over to the door. “Cover for me with Janie,” I yell as I barrel down the stairs.

  Arriving at the apartment, I take the elevator up and knock on Tyler’s door. I half expected no answer, but a few seconds later, he opens it. I lose my train of thought for a moment when I see his tanned biceps exposed, a striking contrast to his white sleeveless tank. My eyes do a quick onceover, lingering on the way his black track pants do a poor job of concealing his crotch.

  He steps over the threshold and pulls me into a deep kiss. I surrender to it, unable to stop the physical reaction of Tyler’s close proximity. His lips cover mine. He tastes of mint and clean. He smells like soap, and a fresh ocean breeze. I realize suddenly that we are still in the hallway. I push him back and into the apartment. He slams the door shut with his foot, hands wandering to my waist.

  “Tyler, stop.” I say breathlessly, pulling away.

  “Sorry,” he says sincerely. “I have little to no self-control around you anymore.” I know the feeling! I take a step back and look at Tyler properly, wanton lust aside. I can see how swollen his cheek is, and there is a bluish rim around his left eye. Plus swelling on his upper lip.

  “What happened?” I ask, leaning in to touch his battered face.

  “You should see the other guy,” he laughs.

  All I want to do is reach out and touch his beautiful face, and knock out the asshole that defiled it in such a way. I came here to talk, but as I stand here, face to face with a man nothing short of a dream come true, my tongue is tied. My vocabulary has gone AWOL. Tyler takes a step towards me.

  “I know why you’re here,” he says softly, pulling me towards him gently by the hand.

  “You do?” I reply.

  “You’re here to tell me that this has to stop,” he says with a sad smile. “And I get it, I truly do. The problem is, that I don’t really think I can quit you.”

  “That was my plan when I woke up this morning. The thing is, I don’t know that that’s actually the way I feel anymore. It’s like I’m caught in the middle, and I don’t know how to get out. I don’t want to hurt Blake.”

  Blake was my first everything: my first real love. My first, well, that. The first man who made me feel like a grown woman. The first man I’d ever lived with aside from my father. But being with Tyler, I had discovered something so different. I had discovered how it feels to be friends, and then lovers. In just a few weeks, I had learned how it felt to fall in love with your best friend. How feelings and sex are so completely amplified when you feel truly connected to someone. And that connection has me seriously questioning the depth of what Blake and I have. Had.

  “Don’t marry him,” Tyler says, eyes pleading.

  “Tyler,” I sigh.

  Without a word, he picks me up and lifts me onto the barstool next to the kitchen counter. He kisses me softly on my neck. Though I should protest, my whole body completely surrenders under his touch. He unbuttons my shirt, discarding it to the floor below and does the same thing after unhooking my bra. He runs his tongue slowly over the bare flesh of my breasts, stopping only to take each nipple gently into his mouth. My body quivers in response. My fingers grip the counter behind me, and I can feel my underwear clinging to the wetness between my thighs. My body throbs in anticipation of his presence there. Tyler lifts me off the chair and slowly removes the clothing covering my lower half. His eyes close briefly as he takes in my naked form.

  His hands close around my waist, and in one swift motion, places me back onto the stool. Without warning, he moves down lower and lower and even lower still, his lips leaving delicate kisses down my waist, my stomach, my thighs.

  My body jolts involuntarily as his tongue finds the soft folds between my legs. He stops and looks up, meeting my eyes, affirming that I’m enjoying what he’s doing. Lust, sincerity, happiness, all of that and more are there in those brown and green eyes. He moves his head back to the task at hand. Err, mouth. His tongue works slowly, with purpose, flicking gently against my clitoris. Monitoring my every movement, he responds with more speed, more purpose, as he feels my body writhe increasingly harder against his mouth. Just when I think I can’t feel any more alive, any more fucking good, Tyler slides a finger into me, then another. He never removes his mouth. His fingers and his mouth work in perfect synchronicity, building me up to an earth-shattering climax.

  I throw my head back, and Tyler’s free hand grips my thigh. His tongue and fingers push deeper, harder. He raises his eyes, fixing them on my face. He wants to see me come. See the fruits of his labor. Waves build within me, each one bigger than the last, until finally my body convulses in Tyler’s hands, in his mouth. Blinding ecstasy absolutely obliterates my vision. His eyes never left my face. Watching every spasm, relishing every moan.

  Tyler releases me from his touch and stays kneeling, his chin resting on my knees. I am completely and utterly speechless. Eventually, he breaks the silence.

  “Are you lost for words?” he asks with a smile.

  “I think I am,” I say with a laugh. I reach down and pull him up towards me. “I don’t regret it. Not even a little. You need to know that.” I brush an errant brown lock from the middle of his forehead. “Don’t think I’m weird, or anything, but do you want to brush your teeth before I kiss you?” I ask, pulling my face away.

  Tyler throws his head back, laughing. “That depends on you,” he says. “What would you usually do?”

  “I—um—I don’t really know,” I say, blushing furiously. “I’m normally on the giving end.”

  “Wait, have you never—?” Tyler asks, genuinely shocked.

  “Is it bad if I say no?” I say, averting my eyes. “Truthfully, I was a virgin until four and a half months ago,” I admit sheepishly. “And honestly, I think last night was the first time I ever had an—”

  “Ever?” he says questioningly, raising an eyebrow.

  “Don’t make me say it. It makes me sad,” I say with a feigned pout.

  Tyler looks away and then meets my eyes, sincerity filling his. “All the more reason why I wish I had met you six months ago.” A pang of longing fills me. I realize that I wish he had, too. “But I’m glad I was your first something.”

  “So, that was kind of one-sided,” I observe, sliding my
hand down to the elastic in his pants.

  “Emily,” he says taking my hand. “Our relationship is not quid pro quo. That was about you, and us together. Not about me. Seeing you, like that, that’s better than anything else. Although,” He shoots me a stupid grin. “The red-blooded male in me says that you should feel free to repay me in whatever way you see fit. But the best way is for you to stay with me today. And let the day decide for itself.”

  So I do.

  Chapter 17:

  Tyler

  I couldn’t let her go. I really wanted to save her the guilt and confusion, but I was selfish. I know I am. She does repay my favor, infinitely. An hour later, she’s straddling me, sending me half fucking crazy, into blissful oblivion. I drown in her like I have never experienced before. My arms wrap around her waist, holding on for dear life, not wanting to let her go. Wanting to keep her safe. From my brother, my mother, everybody. Wanting to protect her from the truth that I know will eventually be told. What happens in the dark, always presents itself in the harsh light of day. Photography taught me that. Exposure is inevitable.

  I should have told her about Blake and Aria before all this happened. But I was scared; scared that she would paint me with the same ugly brush. I’m nothing like Blake. I was selfish, but only because I wanted to see her happy. And here in my arms, I’ve never seen her more content. Or more alive.

  Standing in my kitchen, wearing my white t-shirt, I lean back against the couch and enjoy this moment. When it ends, she will walk next door, back to Blake. Who doesn’t deserve her. The thought makes me want to punch something. Namely, my asshole of an older brother. I resolve to tell her before she leaves.

  “Is there anything edible in this place?” Emily calls, head in the fridge. “Energy drinks and microwave popcorn don’t qualify.”

  “And all this time, I’ve been eating and drinking that stuff, thinking it did,” I quip.

  “Very funny,” she says looking up and rolling her eyes.

  How she did it I will never know, but with one frozen chicken breast, some frozen wontons, a can of corn, and some eggs, Emily managed to make an amazing Chinese chicken noodle soup. “How the hell did you learn to cook like this?” I ask, truly astounded.

  She shrugs modestly. “Dad worked away a lot, so most of the time I had to figure stuff out on my own. Amazing what the Internet can teach you,” she says.

  “I’m impressed,” I say.

  “Of all the things that happened today, that’s what impresses you? What a truly male thing to comment on,” she laughs.

  “Not at all,” I say, leaning down to kiss her shoulder. “I wasn’t trying to sound chauvinistic, although I can see why you would think that. You do at least one thing every day that amazes me a little. And not many people can do that. I’ve been around.”

  “I’m sure you have. That’s my cue,” she says with a cheeky smile.

  “Again, not what I meant,” I say pulling her onto my lap. I take a deep breath. “Leave,” I say softly. “Leave New York with me. I know it’s impulsive, and spontaneous, but I don’t want to go away unless I take you with me.”

  “Tyler,” she breathes, looking sadly into my eyes. “It’s not that easy. I mean, you have the ability to up and leave. It’s actually your job to. But I don’t. I owe Blake more than that.”

  “You don’t owe him anything,” I say, angry at the situation.

  “He hasn’t done anything to deserve what we just did to him,” I say quietly.

  That was my cue, but I say nothing about Blake and Aria. Or what happened last night.

  “I can treat you better than he can. I don’t have to guess or feel guilty about it. I know you’re happier with me. Tell me that’s not true,” I say. “Say it Emily. Say it, and I will walk away.”

  “No,” she whispers.

  Without another word, she dresses, kisses me softly on the cheek, and walks out, closing the door quietly behind her. I drop my head into my hands. I should have told her. I knew I should have. But now, I knew about Blake and Aria, and I still slept with her, without telling her about any of it. I know my intentions were true, but she won’t see it that way. How could she? She will see just another Carson man who denied her the truth, and chose to take her to bed instead.

  I can’t stay home today. I go for a run, both in Central Park and then for another half hour on my treadmill. My thoughts still stay fixed on Emily.

  I need to get away from this craziness. Need some kind of a distraction. Something to stop me from hearing Blake come home, next door. Stop me from counting down the minutes until he is with her. I’m not usually a jealous person. I like to live and let live, cruising my way through life. But that all changed when I fell for Emily. I dial a number on my phone. Moments later, I steer my Jeep in the direction of Providence.

  Driving into the Brown campus is like going back in time. I remember entering the grounds for the first time and standing in awe of the majestic buildings, the beautiful architecture, and the extremely hot college women. But I had felt so disconnected from it all, like this really wasn’t the place for me.

  Now I wonder, how different would I have been if I had taken this path? Fuck that. I would have become Blake. And if I did, I’d probably off myself as a result of the misery. Pulling into the parking lot, I see Jackson sitting on the bleachers next to the basketball courts, immersed in something on his phone.

  Walking over, I’m still trying to decide if this was a good idea or not. He stands when he sees me and walks over, shaking my hand and giving me a shoulder bump. “Wasn’t expecting you to call,” he says, in the nonchalant way that men speak to each other.

  “Was in the mood for a game of ball,” I reply. “And you threw the offer out—”

  “It’s cool,” he says. “Maia is out with our friend, Jade. Shopping is not really my thing. You did me a solid by calling, actually.”

  We play for an hour. I take no prisoners, barreling my way through the court. Luckily, Jackson can keep up with my hormone-induced tirade. By the time the ‘friendly’ one-on-one game finishes, we’re both breathless and sweating.

  Sitting on the bleachers, Jackson tosses me a bottle of water. “So, things didn’t work out with Emily?” he drops, knowingly.

  “What makes you think there’s something going on with her?”

  “I’m perceptive!” Jackson scoffs. “That, and Maia told me. Plus, from the way you tried to kill me on the court, it’s either ‘roid rage, or a girl.” He grins widely.

  “It’s not going to work out. Emily is engaged to my brother. It was a stupid mistake on my part. I don’t know what I was really thinking,” I say dismissively, tying to play down my present emotional condition. “Now I’ve just managed to confuse her.”

  “Well, if you want my opinion on your brother—”

  “I thought you were friends?” I interject.

  “He is, was, Maia’s friend. But after all the shit that Emily told her, even she doesn’t really want anything to do with him.”

  “Like what?” I say, my curiosity instantly piqued.

  “Man, I don’t know. That’s girl talk! Aside from the fact that she’s engaged to your brother, what else is stopping you?”

  “That’s not a good enough reason?” I laugh.

  “Sure,” Jackson scoffs. “But sooner or later she will realize what an asshat Blake is all on her own. You’d just be saving her some time. You could have her if you wanted. I saw the way she looked at you. I’m all for loyalty, but I’m even more in favor of happiness. Dude, I’m telling you, she’s never looked at Blake like that.”

  “I know that. But regardless, it’s still fucked up. Even though I know...” I trail off, unsure if it is wise to proceed.

  “Emily is a really sweet girl, and gorgeous. The second hottest woman I know. The first being Maia, obviously. Chicks like that, they don’t wait. Guys line up to chase girls like her. Even though you know what?”

  “Man, you gossip like a woman,” I laugh.


  “Hey, don’t blame me! The only two people I really care about in this state are Maia and Jade, who happens to be my lesbionic best friend.” Jackson shrugs. “It was either bitch up, or be bored!”

  “Even though he’s screwing around.” I finish, immediately regretting my words.

  “What, your stick-up-his-ass brother?” Jackson says, stunned.

  “Looks can be deceiving. I was going to tell Emily today, but then—”

  “But then you didn’t,” he finishes for me.

  “Nah. But I shouldn’t have said anything. Don’t tell Maia,” I say quickly, realizing the repercussions that such a revelation could present.

  “Okay, but I’m going to unhear that, and you’re going to unsay that shit. If Maia finds out I knew this and didn’t tell her so she could tell Emily, I’ll be cold at night for a long time. And I don’t like to be cold at night!” Jackson says. “But for the record, if it ever comes to it, I’m definitely voting for you for the win.”

  “Thanks man,” I say, clasping him on the shoulder before leaving.

  When I arrive back at the apartment, Blake’s car still isn’t in its spot. It’s almost eight. I thought that he would have raced home, at least attempting to play the loving fiancée for a few days. But unless he genuinely is working late, and I doubt he is, the asshole isn’t as finished with Aria as he would like me to believe. I slam the Jeep’s door hard, the sound echoing through the cold concrete garage.

  Chapter 18:

  Blake

  I wanted to stay away. Aria told me to stay away. But I wasn’t going to accept defeat. She wants to be with me. She knows it. Now I’m sitting in the BMW at a set of traffic lights. A right turn takes me home to Emily, and a left turn leads me to Aria. How ironic. Even topography is trying to tell me that Emily’s direction is the right one to choose.

  The light turns green, but I don’t move my foot from the brake pedal. I tried several times to call Emily today. I sent her a text or two, but didn’t receive a reply in any form. If Tyler had gotten to her, I would probably have heard about it. A cold fear sets in as I realize that Emily is too much of a lady to come to the hospital and make a big scene. She would probably just pack her bags and leave. And I would likely never find her. My heart seizes uncomfortably at the thought.