by Tara Frejas
It was the afternoon of Jericho and Hiraya’s surprise party, and Ramon stood in the kitchen of his apartment, stirring red sauce in a skillet. Beside him lingered Erin, his self-proclaimed sous chef, watching him cook.
“I’ve always known how to, but yeah—I did do a lot of cooking in Singapore,” he replied, scooping a tiny bit of sauce with a spoon and blowing onto it. He turned to Erin and offered her a taste. “You can’t always be eating out or ordering food, unless you want to go bankrupt.”
She blew on the spoon two more times for good measure, then tasted the sauce. Ramon observed her face as she licked her lips and rolled her eyes to the side, contemplating the taste.
“Salt,” she said. “It’s a little too sour?”
Ramon sampled a bit of the sauce as well and nodded. “Salt. Right.”
“I think we’re ahead of schedule.” Erin announced, glancing at the table. On Ramon’s instruction, Erin had already cleared and set it up a while ago so that it had two dish platters, a pair of tongs, and a couple of microwaveable containers for packing.
“Great. This won’t take long.”
Erin’s phone rang as Ramon remedied the pasta sauce with a little more salt. He only nodded when she excused herself to answer the call.
“Yes, Pio?”
It was sort of comforting to Ramon that Erin still called Pio by his first name. It was perhaps too early to expect them to switch to saccharine terms of endearment, but he braced himself for it anyway. Pio seemed genuine with his feelings for her, that much Ramon could say. The actor tried his best to squeeze Erin into his crazy schedule, which said a lot about his earnestness. And she was happy. To Ramon, that was more than enough.
Yeah, keep telling yourself that.
“Tonight? But we have a party for Kuya Jer and Ate H, remember?”
The past few days had been more stressful than Ramon had anticipated. Aside from preparing for his auditions, Hiraya spoke to him about taking charge of choreography for Hanggang Ulap. He gladly accepted of course, even before she assured him that being head choreographer won’t mean his chances of being cast in the show would be reduced.
Ramon thought a bigger workload meant less time to think of Erin, but he was sorely mistaken.
In fact, everything he did now—from the way he enunciated lyrics to picking out clothes to wear—reminded him of her.
“Okay, well, if you can swing by, you’re welcome to join us,” Erin said, voice laced with disappointment. She returned to the kitchen after the call.
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah.”
Ramon turned the stove off. He took the skillet and brought it to the table, placing it on a wooden trivet sitting there. He glanced at Erin who sat at the table and picked up a pair of tongs.
“I’ll start packing the fish sticks.”
He handed her one of the microwaveable containers. “Lying isn’t your strongest suit, you know.”
“I wasn’t lying.” She took the containers from him, tugging it out of his hand when he refused to let it go for a second. “I was managing my expectations.”
“Ah. So that’s what it’s called now.”
Without another word, Erin carried on with her task of packing the food in containers. Ramon thought it best to leave her be, but he prepared a small serving of pasta for her anyway.
She paused to look at the plate he slid over to her side of the table. Two black olives and a couple of sautéed tomatoes were placed over the noodles in such a way that they formed a smiling face.
“Am I seven?” she asked.
Ramon ignored the question and pretended to be busy packing the food into separate containers. But from the corner of his eye, he spied Erin’s small smile as she gave the pasta face a last glance before digging in.
Made you smile.
* * *
Laughter and music filled the air during Hiraya and Jericho’s surprise engagement party at the Teatro Lakambini roof deck. The bare space became a posh rooftop lounge, thanks to Kai and Mark’s efforts (as well as refurbished props and borrowed items). Fairy lights, small paper lanterns, and paper cranes decorated the potted plants they kept on the deck, as well as the metal railings, adding magic to the ambiance.
Ramon got compliments for the food (“Couldn’t have done it without Erin!”), and Chinee threw in a pretty cake with the liquor she promised to bring. The others prepared small gifts for the couple, which included a rather comical musical re-enactment of Hiraya and Jericho’s love story.
As the night wore on, Jericho started an impromptu jam session which got everyone singing pop songs and showtunes alike. Even Ramon wasn’t spared.
But as he crooned to Maghihintay Sa ‘Yo with Jericho on guitar, Ramon spotted Erin walking toward the far end of the roof deck. Back and forth she paced, phone pressed to her ear. She remained standing there—leaning against the railings and looking down at the street—when he finished his song and let Hiraya take the stage.
“Miss...” Ramon began as he approached Erin, a glass of soda in each hand. “I’m going to have to ask you to step away from the edge.”
Erin looked over her shoulder and smiled when she saw him. “Or what?”
“Or—” He heard his breath catch seeing light dance in her eyes. Whatever he planned on saying fizzled at the tip of his tongue. Sighing, he asked instead if she was okay.
“Yeah. I mean, I wasn’t really thinking of jumping.”
“Good,” he said and offered her a drink. “Because the street sweepers are probably asleep now and we don’t want to bother them.”
She took the glass from his hand and made a face at him. “You are such a good friend.”
Ramon laughed quietly and leaned over the railing to take in the sight below. Things were pretty interesting from this perspective. Everything else seemed small and insignificant, if only for a moment.
He threw a sideways glance at Erin. She was staring into her glass of soda as though it held answers to whatever questions she had running through her mind right now.
“Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”
“I’m fine, thanks.”
“You know you can be honest with me, Erin.”
A soft breeze blew past, bringing to Ramon’s attention the heavenly smell of Erin’s shampoo. It didn’t help that she inched closer and leaned against his arm, her silent way of seeking comfort. He put an arm over her shoulder in response.
“I’m not sure I want this thing with Pio.”
“What? Why not?”
Did he sound excited? Probably. But there was no taking that back, was there?
“I don’t know. He’s great and all, but there’s always this matter of time and his public image, and ugh—” Erin groaned and shook her head. “I feel so selfish right now.”
You’re not the only one.
“Selfish how?”
“Do you have someone you like?”
Ramon’s throat dried up at the question. “Uh—yeah, sure.”
“Do you spend a lot of time with her?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“You guess?”
“Well, it’s time all right—but it’s time that’s not mine alone.” The words tasted bitter as he uttered them. “She’s pretty awesome, and a lot of people are drawn to her…so I just kinda share her time with everyone else.”
“And you’re okay with that?”
“Sure. It’s that or nothing at all.”
Erin snuggled close to him, as though returning the comfort he gave her. “Don’t you want more?”
“Of course I do. But I try to make as much of what I’m given. You don’t simply stop liking a person just because they can’t give you the same amount of affection—that’s selfish.” Ramon paused, wanting to laugh at himself for sounding so pathetic.
“But don’t you get tired of that?”
“Maybe I will. Maybe then I can move on. But for now—” He looked at her and smiled despite the painful lump in his throa
t. “For now, my heart knows no one else.”
“Awww.” Erin’s lips bore a sympathetic little smile when she looked up at him again. “That’s sweet.”
A dry laugh escaped him. “Right?” he sighed, lifting a hand to her face and tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear. In the background, Jericho began playing the opening chords to 90’s OPM classic Nandito Ako, and Ramon wondered if their musical director knew he was scoring this scene perfectly.
Make as much of what you’re given, he reminded himself. Now, then…
“Dance with me?” Ramon ventured to ask, and Erin’s eyes lit up like he offered her the stars. Victory, he thought, as he wrapped his fingers around her wrist and pulled her close.
It was amazing how they fell into step with each other so naturally, how they sort of knew where their hands should be—a pair clasped together, her free hand on his chest, and his on the small of her back—and how even their breathing seemed to match. As he swayed her gently to the sad love song he thought hit a little too close to home, Ramon let the song’s refrain escape his lips, low and whispery like he was letting Erin in on a secret. His secret.
There was a curious gleam in her eyes when their gazes met again, and her lips parted like she intended to ask him something. But before Erin could utter a word, Ramon pressed a soft kiss on her hair.
Cheers erupted behind them, and they both turned, surprised at the sudden spike in enthusiasm. As it turned out, Pio had arrived, bringing with him some wine and pizza.
“Well, what do you know…” Ramon mumbled, glancing at Erin. “He made it, after all.”
“Y-yeah.”
Neither of them seemed eager to let go, at least for the next several seconds. It was Erin who stepped away first, using her hands now to smooth her hair. Avoiding his eyes, she cleared her throat and thanked him for keeping her company.
“Anytime,” he said, and she was off. He watched as Erin made a beeline for Pio, welcoming him to the party with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Unwilling to watch any more of their interactions, Ramon returned to the ledge and their abandoned glasses of soda.
Something ice-cold touched his arm, making him flinch. A quick glance over his shoulder and he saw a bottle of beer, which Mark held out to him.
The stage manager looked concerned.
“Here, take it,” Mark said, flashing him a faint, knowing smile. “Soda’s not going to numb the pain.”
Ramon stared at the bottle of beer and took it, downing a huge swig without so much as a prelude. The cold, bitter brew wasn’t going to numb his heartache, but it might just help overpower the bitterness that simmered in his chest.
Fifteen
Audition day
The theatre was less bare on audition day. It was set up with a grand piano in one corner, a long table (and a couple of chairs) in another, and a video camera sitting on a tripod just behind it. As Chinee adjusted the camera, Mark stood a few feet in front of her, ready to spike the floor with some masking tape.
“Hold it,” Chinee said, looking through the viewfinder.
Mark remained still. “Is this spot okay?”
“Your face is not okay,” Chinee replied, giggling. From the balcony, Erin could see how Chinee had zoomed in on Mark’s nose. She couldn’t help but laugh too.
The stage manager smiled wryly. “Glad to know I make you ladies happy.”
“Good morning, everyone. Is everything set?” Mamu’s voice bounced across the walls when she entered the theatre. “Juliana’s already outside. We can start in ten minutes.”
As the director made her way toward the long table, Mark finished spiking the floor and ran backstage to call Jericho. Chinee excused herself to find Kai, who was outside manning the registration table.
“Excited?”
Fiery red strands flashed before Erin’s eyes as Hiraya took a seat beside her at the balcony. “Yup!” she replied, and then threw her a curious look. “Hey—shouldn’t you be sitting with Mamu?”
“I will be. I was just looking for you. Y’know, just in case you change your mind.”
Erin shook her head. “Sorry ate, but I’m really going to pass on this one.”
“All right.” Hiraya gave her a quick hug. “It’s not like you’re going on hiatus forever—especially since it seems like it’s only a matter of time until your stage kiss spell is broken.”
“Oh my god, ate, stop!” Erin gasped, her protest eliciting a laugh from the playwright. After last night’s party, Erin had the chance to have a heart-to-heart talk with Hiraya over the phone. She told Hiraya why she felt the need to go on an acting hiatus, and that she had been going out with Pio Alvez.
She left out that detail about Ramon kissing her hair, though, but only because she wasn’t sure yet what to make of it.
Hiraya hugged Erin a little tighter before letting go. “Maybe I should chat with Pio soon.”
Erin jerked one eyebrow upward. “What for?”
“Aba! In this house, I’m your big sister,” Hiraya declared, a haughty expression appearing on her face. “That boy should know his boundaries.”
“Oh no, are you gonna start imposing a curfew on our dates?”
“If I have to.”
“Ateeeee...” Erin whined. “Don’t scare him.”
“Well, if he’s so easily scared, then he doesn’t deserve my Erin!”
“We’re starting in five!” Mark called out to the balcony, hands cupped by the sides of his mouth.
“Gotcha, chief!” Hiraya blew him a kiss, then snapped her fingers as she turned to Erin. “Oh hey, by the way…I don’t think I saw Ramon outside. I thought he was going to audition?”
* * *
Ramon’s name wasn’t on the registration list.
He could just be late, Erin decided, staring at her phone and wishing a message from Ramon would arrive. From the lobby, she observed as auditionees continued to file in, some of them familiar faces who have already joined past Lakambini productions. Erin greeted them warmly as they signed their names on the list.
“I heard Pio Alvez is auditioning,” she overheard someone say as they passed by.
“Really? Gosh, I thought I’d never see him in another theatre production ever.”
Erin looked up and saw two young ladies talking among themselves, giggling at the prospect of seeing Pio up close today. She recalled him saying his audition song was for her, and while the thought made her smile, Erin couldn’t bring herself to feel thrilled.
Erin sent one last text message to Ramon before sneaking into the theatre balcony: We’re starting. Let me know when you’ve arrived?
* * *
“Please introduce yourself and tell us which role you’re auditioning for.”
Almost an hour has passed since Hanggang Ulap auditions had commenced, and it was now Pio’s turn to take the floor. Erin, who observed things from the balcony, put her phone on her lap for the moment and straightened up in her seat.
“I’m Pio Alvez, twenty-three years old. I’m auditioning for the role of Aries Tolentino.”
A short question and answer followed, after which Mamu signaled for Jericho to start playing Pio’s audition song. Upon hearing the first few notes, Erin figured this was Ikaw Lamang, a Dodjie Simon composition that waxed poetic about a beloved, and how heavenly it was being in their presence.
Pio’s voice soared effortlessly across the theatre, his lovely tenor range bright and flawless. His technique was spot on, with just the right amount of emotion to make any woman feel warm and tingly all over. Erin thought he’s got this role in the bag, and not only because he was obviously talented. Hiraya was right. Pio headlining Hanggang Ulap was a win-win for everyone.
But Erin still hoped Ramon could get his chance.
Her phone vibrated as a message from Ramon came in. I’m here, it said.
It was enough to get Erin to leave her seat and sneak out backstage.
She found Ramon sitting in one corner of the holding room with the other auditionees, head b
ent over his music sheets. His right leg, crossed over the left, shook frantically.
“Boo.”
He looked up with a surprised expression. “What are you doing here? Pio’s still on, isn’t he?”
Erin said nothing and took his hand, cold and clammy against her palm. Only then did she realize that a small cotton gauze was attached to his right arm. A pinprick of red showed in the middle of the white fabric. She almost reached out to touch it, but caught herself in time.
“What happened?”
He glanced at his arm. “Family emergency.”
“Oh no,” she said, her voice a whisper. This must be why he was late. “Is everything okay now? Is there anything I can do?”
“It’s fine, Erin. It’s going to be fine.”
She wanted to ask more questions, but worried about coming off as nosy. That Ramon was here and waiting for his turn to audition must really mean things were looking up, at least for the meantime.
His hand remained cradled in hers. “Are you ready?”
“Y-yeah. I guess.”
She let out a soft chuckle, or more like a relieved sort of laughter to calm herself down.
To calm herself down—what, even? Why was she feeling this nervous when she wasn’t even going to audition? She supposed she only wanted Ramon to ace his audition so badly, even she was anxious about all this.
Erin patted the back of his hand. “I have something for you.”
He looked at her curiously as she pulled something out of her jeans pocket. A silver coin, dented and worn out to a point where she couldn’t make out the characters embossed on it.
He stared at the coin in disbelief. “Y-you...how in the world do you still have that old thing?”
“This old thing got me through so many auditions, you know. I think it might be magic.” Erin pulled Ramon’s hand toward her and pressed the coin to his palm. “I’m just loaning this to you, okay? I might need it again in the future.”
“I’m not sure how effective this will be for me, but thank you.”
“You’ve got this.”
“You really believe that, don’t you?”
“Hey, listen. I know what you’re thinking.” Erin wrapped her fingers around his wrist. “There are people out there who sing better, dance better, and even look better than you—that’s the truth. They’re stars. They light up the stage every time they go out there and perform. But you know what? They weren’t simply born like that. They worked hard. You worked hard. And you have as much right as anyone else in this room to get a shot at this.”
