by Tara Frejas
“Thank you, Erin.”
“You’re welcome. Labyu.”
“I love you too.”
Her heart skipped a beat at the words and the way he looked at her when he uttered them.
A long time ago, Erin found comfort in Ramon’s expressive, dark brown eyes. Whenever he looked at her with focus and determination, she found confidence to push herself to the limits. It was Erin who approached him for dance lessons, but it was Ramon’s relentlessness that kept her going. It was as if he saw something in her he could mold into something better, something great.
At the end of the day, he would look at her with warmth and encouragement. He didn’t need to say anything; his eyes told her he believed in what she can do, and that faith became her fuel.
These days, Erin noticed how Ramon’s eyes flickered with so much uncertainty. She supposed it had something to do with trying again after failing so many auditions in the past, so she did her best to encourage him. He was there for her when was reaching for her dreams; it was only right that she returned the favor.
But now—now she felt different.
Looking at him like this, she began taking notice of things she never paid attention to before: his long, dark lashes, the freckle under his left eye, the slope of his nose, even the perfect bow of his lips.
He was beautiful in a way she never realized before, and when he spoke again, she felt a tiny pinch in her heart.
“You don’t know how much this means to me.” Ramon pulled her into his arms. “Thank you.”
The woody scent of his cologne filled her senses. She held him tight, torn between letting go and staying in his embrace a little while longer.
* * *
“My name is Ramon Figueroa. I’m 23 years old, and I’m auditioning for the role of Aries Tolentino.”
Erin didn’t feel like herself coming out of the holding room. She wanted to tell Hiraya about how she felt, wanted to ask why—how this could be happening when she was so sure her heart was already set on someone.
But Hiraya was seated with the audition panel, and Erin couldn’t simply pull the playwright to the side just so she could vent over something so trivial.
Perhaps this was something she should sort out on her own, at least for now.
Ramon’s singing pulled her out of her daze, but not because it was particularly stellar. He hit the notes correctly, but his voice sounded unstable, and he lagged behind the accompaniment by a half beat.
Oh god, Ramon. Breathe.
She held her breath and stood by the guard rail of the balcony, fingers tight around the steel bars. Her movement seemed to have caught Ramon’s attention, because she saw him lift his head to her general direction. She wasn’t sure if he could see her under the dim house lights, but she waved at him anyway.
A faint smile appeared on Ramon’s face as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath between verses. And when he began to sing again, Erin heard the confidence that was missing in his voice a while ago.
She closed her eyes, soaking up the feeling Ramon conveyed with every word. As the song escalated to its climax, Erin’s eyelids fluttered open.
Oh my god, who are you?
Jaw slack all of a sudden, Erin felt like she was seeing a majestic butterfly emerge out of a shabby cocoon as Ramon sang. His rich alto register was laced with emotion so potent it filled the room, reached into Erin’s heart and crushed it with a gentle force that brought tears to her eyes.
Now, more than ever, she was convinced Ramon had a fighting chance at getting cast. Acing the next song will surely earn him a spot at callbacks.
“There you are.”
Pio’s strong arms wrapped around Erin’s waist, taking her by surprise.
“I’d been looking all over for you. Have you been watching the auditions from here the entire time?”
She wiped a tear off the corner of her eye. “Yeah.”
“Well, the acoustics in this theatre is perfect from all sides, anyway,” Pio said, releasing her from the hug. He leaned over the guard rail and trained his eyes on the stage. “Ramon sounds great. Where was he hiding all this time?”
She didn’t reply, feeling the need to catch her breath while Ramon finished his song.
“Erin?”
“Hm?”
“You weren’t listening to me, were you?”
“I’m sorry. What was that?”
“I have tickets to a movie showing tonight in Eastwood. Wanna watch it with me?”
On a regular day, Erin wouldn’t even think twice about saying yes. After all, spending more time with Pio was what she wanted. She wanted to get to know him better and see how far this would go. She wanted him to learn more about her too, let him decide if he really like liked her once he saw all her quirks, and then some.
But now, she wasn’t so sure what she wanted.
Okay, she thought. Maybe it was the proximity clouding her judgment. Maybe this was her assuming things, especially after what happened at the party. It could happen, right? Maybe her brain conjured a moment there, and she needed to step away from him to clear her mind.
“Sure. Let me talk to Kai and see if I can go ahead.”
“Awesome. I’ll come back for you in fifteen…”
Sixteen
“How were your auditions, Kuya?”
“I think it went well. I got a callback for tomorrow.”
“That’s a relief! I thought I blew it for you.”
One by one, Ramon unpacked the apples and oranges he bought on the way to the hospital and placed them on a wooden tray sitting on Garnet’s bedside table. A bouquet of flowers wrapped in silver foil lay beside it. He glanced at it and saw a note that said “Get well soon, Garns. Love ‘ya. -Charlie.”
“Don’t worry about it.” He turned to his cousin and ruffled her hair. “How are you doing?”
“I’m all right. I think I need to stay a few more days, though.”
“Apple? Orange?”
“Orange.”
Ramon chose the biggest orange from the bunch he brought and began peeling it while asking Garnet questions here and there. Dengue fever might have stolen a lot of her energy, but she tried to sound cheerful for him anyway.
“Enough about me,” she said. “You don’t seem too happy you got a callback.”
“What are you talking about? Of course, I’m happy.”
“And I can play basketball in five minutes, no big.”
He tugged at her wrist and placed the unpeeled orange in her palm. “Stop being such a brat.”
“It’s about Ate Erin, isn’t it?”
“And if it is, would you be able to do something about it?”
Garnet’s eyes lit up. She straightened up in her bed and flashed Ramon a smile. “No, but you would.”
His laughter sounded bitter and amused at the same time. “How, pray tell?”
“Well, for one…she doesn’t have a boyfriend yet.”
“She’s dating someone.”
She looked surprised at this revelation. “She is? There’s nothing in her social media accounts that says so!”
“Garnet Figueroa! Are you stalking her!?”
“I didn’t mean to! She tagged you in one of her Facebook photos last week and I just…fell down the rabbit hole!” Garnet confessed. Ramon could do nothing else but stare at her in disbelief. “But kuya, she’s really pretty. And so what if she’s dating someone? They’re not together yet, are they? I mean, they’re not even Facebook official.”
“That’s because she’s dating Pio Alvez.”
“The actor?”
Ramon only nodded and sighed. “Young woman, no more stalking Erin’s page, all right?”
“Who cares if she’s dating Pio Alvez?”
“Are we not done yet?”
“Apparently not,” Garnet said, placing the orange on her lap. She crossed her arms and engaged her cousin in a stare down. “Are you seriously just going to sit and watch Pio Alvez win Ate Erin’s heart? Without even a proper
fight?”
“Since when were you the expert?”
“We’re not going to settle anything if we just keep on asking questions. Besides…I have a boyfriend.”
“You have a b—is it this…” Ramon pointed to the bouquet on the table. “…the guy who sent this?”
“Yes, but that’s not the point.”
Exasperated, Ramon sighed. “Look at me, Ga. Be objective. If you put me and Pio Alvez together in one room, who do you think a beautiful girl like Erin would choose to be with?”
Garnet’s eyes were fixed on Ramon as she contemplated her answer. When she seemed to have trouble deciding, he said, “I rest my case.”
“I think she’d choose you,” Garnet said without batting an eye. “I think she likes you but she doesn’t know it yet. Or she doesn’t realize how much. Because feelings are like that sometimes—like sleeping volcanoes taking their time, because nothing has moved them enough to make them erupt in a violent cloud of ash and lava.”
The analogy made him laugh. “A violent cloud of ash and lava! How messy.”
“As are feelings.”
There was no use fighting against a smart aleck like Garnet, and Ramon supposed he should just play along if he wanted this conversation to end. It’s not like he was required to take her advice, anyway.
“Okay then, Little Miss Love Expert. What do you suppose I should do to move this sleeping volcano?”
A wide smile appeared on Garnet’s face. “Kiss her.”
* * *
Ridiculous analogy aside, Ramon found himself mulling over Garnet’s words that night. Setting aside the fact that they were related and there was a 99% chance she’d take his side on anything, anytime, she had a valid point. Erin and Pio weren’t officially a couple yet, and telling Erin about his feelings wasn’t exactly wrong.
What was wrong was denying himself the chance to be happy. Or at the very least, be free.
He wasn’t going to kiss Erin like Garnet suggested. That would be far too drastic and he wasn’t about to risk getting slapped. If Erin were to distance himself from him after he’s made his confession, it wasn’t going to be because he tried taking advantage of her.
His phone buzzed, announcing messages from their chat room. Jericho and Hiraya wrote messages to everyone who made the surprise party possible.
This is late, sorry, Hiraya said. Next time you throw a party, DON’T schedule it the day before auditions, god!
As more messages came in, Ramon noticed Erin’s absence in the chat room. A memory flashed in his mind: that of Pio snatching Erin’s phone from her hand the night of the party. It seemed as if they had some sort of agreement about not using their phones while in each other’s company, but Erin didn’t look too pleased about it.
Or had he only been imagining things?
Counterproductive. That’s what this was. Thinking of Erin and Pio together, where they were at the moment and what they’re doing wasn’t going to help him strengthen his resolve. He decided he has already allowed his insecurities to hold him back for far too long. He wasn’t going to let them drown his newfound determination.
He only needed to tell Erin, anyway. He didn’t need her to run into his arms and tell him she felt the same way.
Telling her shouldn’t be so difficult, right?
Seventeen
The third floor corridor of the Teatro Lakambini building doubled as a production-slash-rehearsal space when the theatre itself was being prepped for a new production. And because the design team had already begun setting up the foundation of Hanggang Ulap’s stage, everyone else was on the third floor that morning, seated in groups and minding their assignments.
Erin sat with the wardrobe team, helping put together the super-ultra-mega-final list of costumes for each character in the show. Every now and then, she would get distracted by the movement on the other side of the corridor where Ramon was teaching principal dancers Mots and Regina show choreography.
Ramon dancing was always a joy to behold. Of course, Erin thought. This was his element, and it was only natural that he looked pretty damn amazing doing it. She could see how his form and technique have improved, and a warm feeling swelled in her chest watching him move gracefully across the floor.
Jericho made his presence known a while later, his voice booming as he announced, “All right, everyone. Cast list is here!” He waved the piece of paper in his hand and walked over to the bulletin board so he could tack it there. “Have at it.”
Erin dropped her pen and made a dash for the board, getting there before anyone else can. Her eyes shot up to the top of the list. As expected, Pio’s name was printed opposite the male lead’s.
There were no alternates.
By then, everyone else had crowded around the bulletin board. Some cheered when they saw their name on it, some made positive comments about the casting choices. But Erin was frozen in place, finally finding Ramon’s name on the piece of paper.
It read: Ramon Figueroa (Understudy, Aries Tolentino)
She frowned, confused. Why was Ramon an understudy and not an alternate? Every other main character had an alternate—why should Pio take on all twenty shows by himself?
An easy answer to her question lingered in her head, but she refused to acknowledge it. Even if Pio had the star power to pack the theatre to the rafters, taking on that many shows is no joke. He needed an alternate, and Ramon was that guy.
She took a step back, spinning on her heel when she bumped into someone. It was Ramon, who held on to her shoulders, smiling.
Why was he smiling?
“Hey...are you okay?” he asked, the smile on his face replaced with concern. He must have noticed how her eyes brimmed with tears; it wasn’t as if she made an effort to control her emotions anyway. He lifted a hand to her face but hesitated. Instead, he held her by the wrist and pulled her to one corner, away from the company members crowding around the cast list.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m sorry...” she murmured, bowing her head so he wouldn’t see her tears fall. “I’m sorry you didn’t get the part.”
She heard a sigh, then a soft laugh. Her unhappiness turned to annoyance all of a sudden, compelling her to land a hard smack on his chest. She couldn’t get past balling her hands into fists, though.
Ramon pulled her in for a hug and swayed her lightly. “Erin. You don’t have to be sorry. It’s not like I got kicked out of the show.”
“But I worked you up for nothing,” she sobbed, arms wrapping around his waist in a reluctant hug. “I was so sure you were going to get the part, but—nothing!”
“Hey.” He pulled away from the embrace and lifted her chin up with his index finger. She resisted, wiping her tears away first before looking at him.
“I’m sorry, Ramon...”
“Shhh...” He produced a navy blue handkerchief from the back pocket of his jeans and gave it to her. “Do you really think everything we did was for nothing? Erin—I learned a lot. I spent a lot of time with you…and everyone else, and I had so much fun. See, I even get to choreograph this show! That is the exact opposite of nothing!”
“But they could’ve given you alternate, at least. It’s so unfair.” She carelessly wiped her face with the handkerchief and spied a smile on his lips. “Why are you smiling? It’s not funny!” she sobbed.
Ramon laughed. “Man...I would hate to see you fail an audition.”
Erin buried her face in the navy blue fabric and felt silly all of a sudden. There were definitely times she didn’t get the roles she wanted, but she never felt this upset before. All she needed to cope with her frustrations were comfort food and a good movie, both of which her brother Aidan was only too willing to provide whenever she asked.
God, Erin. Stop crying. This is embarrassing.
“Hey, Erin. Look at me.”
She was still sniffling when she raised her eyes at Ramon, who started doing a cutesy little jig in front of her. Confused, Erin only watched him sway his hips, twirl,
and blow flying kisses, all while wearing an embarrassed smile on his face. When he finished the routine with a shimmy-shake and a painfully girly pose, she couldn’t help but laugh.
“And she laughs, ladies and gentlemen,” he said, quickly dropping character. He waved his hands to no one in particular and took a bow. “Thank you, thank you very much. I’ll be here all week.”
Erin blinked her tears away, finding it ironic how Ramon was doing his best to cheer her up when it should be the other way around. “Pio can’t do all 20 shows by himself,” she said a little while later. “They gotta put you in as an alternate. Maybe I can—”
“Erin.”
“—talk to Mamu about this.”
“Erin.” Ramon reached for her shoulders and pacified her with a gentle squeeze. “Listen. I believed you when you said that people are not simply born to light up the stage. You were right. Even if we were born with the talent to sing, dance, and act, we still work our asses off every single day to earn a spot on that stage.
“But there are people who are meant to stand in the spotlight, and there are people who need to hold the lights up for them. That’s just the way our world works. We can’t all be stars, Erin. You know that. Some of us need to stay behind in the dark so others can shine.”
Erin nodded. Even if she felt the casting decision was unfair, Ramon had a point. No production ever survived with everyone trying to outshine one another. Actors breathed life to the show, but they were never alone. There was an entire village that tirelessly worked behind the scenes with them too.
“I suck at being a fairy godmother,” she sighed.
“Aw, don’t say that. For what it’s worth—every day I spent with you had been magical.”
Suddenly tongue-tied, Erin could only stare at Ramon’s reassuring smile and there it was again—the same ache she felt in her chest as she sat with him in the holding room during auditions.
