by Mia Ford
I lean my head into her ample bosom, loving the way that her breasts bounce against me as she thrusts. This also gives me the perfect chance to hear her heart racing, knowing that every pump is for me.
It isn’t long before her walls start to contract around me, she pulses and throbs, milking and coaxing the orgasm from me. Her little delightful mews become full screams, and I become a noisy animal as well. She’s crumbling, clinging to me like I’m the only thing left alive, and she makes me fall apart too.
Lexi contorts in ecstasy, and she looks like the most beautiful woman on the planet. Her face sends me spinning into space, the pleasure bursts free from me without any warning, no intense build up, it all just happens at once. Fuck me, it’s like nothing else. I want this feeling to last forever, I never want it to end. I want to be here with Lexi in this moment, just holding her and exploding into her over and over again.
I have to bite down on my bottom lip to stop myself from telling her how I feel. There’s a deep and intense urge to let her know everything, to spill my guts to her, to say things that will probably scare her.
Once we both finish shuddering and we’re swimming in the glorious post orgasmic bliss, I pull her to me and press my lips gently to hers, trying to convey how I feel instead, without actually saying it aloud. I don’t know if Lexi gets what I’m trying to say, but the kiss leaves an imprint on my heart, nonetheless.
Am I in trouble? I wonder. Is this leading us towards destruction?
I want to ask her if she’s my girlfriend, or if she wants to be, which is absolutely crazy because I’m not the guy who has a girlfriend. Ever. I’m the hit and run type, the short fling … this isn’t me. But Lexi has changed me and it’s wild. I don’t know what to do about it. Actually, I do. I want to roll with it, to see where it will lead, but the G word is too much. This is all so new. I need to hold myself together. Act like a normal person. If only I had something to use as a guideline. A previous experience to go by.
But there is something that I can do, something that will show my intentions, change it from an arrangement to a real thing without going too heavy too quickly. Something normal that I probably won’t fuck up.
“Do you want to go for a drink, Lexi? There’s a bar just around the corner…”
“Oh right.” Her eyes open wide. “That sounds nice, actually, oh but…”
I can already see that she’s going to refuse like does before, which instantly makes me feel like shit. I’ve been over here falling for her, convincing myself that I see my feelings in her too, which is clearly wrong…
“I have somewhere to be tonight, I’m so sorry, Isaac. I would otherwise, but I have…”
This is the secret. I don’t know how I can tell, but I just can. The secret that requires a damn good salary and makes her this mysterious enigma. I can’t stop her from doing whatever she needs to, because I don’t know how important it is. “Oh yeah sure, another time then. Whenever you can.”
She straightens out her clothes quickly and leans down to kiss me gently, first on the forehead and then on the lips. Things are definitely different now, it’s changed, and I like it. I just wish that we could continue our night somewhere else. I would love to have some time with Lexi in a more relaxed environment where I could learn another side to her. To see how she really is out of work, when she isn’t yelling at me. There’s this whole side to her that I don’t know yet, and I want to know it more than anything in the world.
Then she leaves with a quick goodbye and a wave of her hand. As her skirt blows out behind her, I yearn for her like a lovesick teenager. It kills me not to be with her, but I have to let her go. It’s the right thing to do.
“You are crazy,” I tell myself once she’s gone. “You’re putting yourself into a commitment where you aren’t going to be comfortable. If she isn’t ready to share a secret, then it isn’t serious… Is having a commitment with Lexi a good idea?”
All the women that I have rejected so far is because they wanted too much from me, but now it feels like it’s all been flipped and reversed, leaving me on the other side of the deal. I have to say, its shit being on this side. It makes me consider my behavior from the past. It makes me wish that I’d been much kinder. Then maybe karma wouldn’t be after me now, wanting me to feel so dreadful.
Chapter Seventeen
Lexi
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” I mutter as I run. “I’m supposed to be there already. What am I doing?”
I’m being torn to pieces here, falling apart. I want to be with Isaac, making love with him, heading out for drinks with him, having a sort of date like a normal person… but I also want, and need to be at the hospital with Jane. I definitely shouldn’t have stayed late tonight of all the nights because she started her new treatment today.
Angry tears fill my eyes, and a severe temper rages. I’m utterly furious with myself for being so selfish. I wanted to be in the hospital all day today, but Jane wouldn’t let me ignore my job. And to pay her back, I didn’t even turn up right after work like I should have done because I was having sex. I’m a massive asshole.
“This is bad, this is really fucking bad, this is going to kill me.”
The self-hatred that I feel right now is intense. It takes away from everything that came before. All the good that happened tonight. All the progress that I made with Isaac… it’s all tainted by my shitty choices.
By the time I get to the hospital, I have to pause for a few more moments to wipe my tears away. I can’t go in there with tears of self-pity, today of all days. That would make it even worse. When Jane is going through the most intense time of her life, I feel bad for myself. No, I can’t accept my behavior and absolutely refuse to be that way.
Eventually, I feel ready, so I head inside, brave now, but sucking in deep breaths as I head towards Jane’s room. When I enter her room, my blood runs ice cold when I find her not there. My first instinct is to panic and scream, beg for help and demand to know what’s happened. It’s a real struggle to keep that reaction inside. My voice might remain silent, but my eyes flicker wildly around, the unbridled terror getting to me.
“Lexi!” Relief floods me as I hear her voice, but it’s short lived because she doesn’t sound good.
“Jane.” I spin to see her sickly green face. She looks rough as hell. “Oh my God, Jane.”
I race to her side and help her walk back to bed. She leans against me a little which shows how serious this is. She never likes to let anyone give her assistance. It’s her greatest strength and biggest weakness all rolled into one. This is fucked up, treatment is supposed to make her feel better, not worse.
“Jane, what’s going on? What’s happened to you? Do I need to get someone…?”
“No, no don’t get anyone, I’m fine. I am fine, honestly. This is… this is normal.”
“Being sick like this? No, this doesn’t seem normal to me. I’m going to get someone.”
Her hand wraps around me hard and she keeps me in place with a surprising strength. “Lexi, this is normal. It’s a part of the treatment. Getting sick afterwards, it’s normal. Don’t freak out.”
She lies back on the bed and closes her eyes. I honestly don’t think that she’s noticed that I’m late. She’s been too busy throwing up and feeling like shit. Even worse than normal. There’s a sheen of sweat across her forehead and her cheeks are pale as all hell. I don’t like it, this isn’t what I paid for.
I rub her head a little, blinking rapidly to stop myself from crying. This experimental treatment is supposed to be the answer. All of my hopes have been pinned upon it. I don’t want to lose my hope.
Once I’m fully sure that Lexi is asleep, I head to find Doctor Brady. I won’t leave here today until I have some answers, this feels all kind of wrong to me. Determination surges, a fierce fight to defend my sister and her health as much as I can overshadows anything else.
“It’s just the first treatment,” Doctor Brady tells me calmly once I peter out, my rant that I’ve
barely been paying attention to the words of, coming to a sad end. “Things will change and progress. The sickness is to be expected, we discussed this with Jane before we started, and she consented. She knows what to expect.”
“But will it start making her better? I really want to see some progress from this.”
Doctor Brady touches my shoulder reassuringly, but his words don’t match his actions. “We will keep you updated at all times. And any time you have any questions, please feel free to come to me.”
He isn’t giving me anything definitive, no real clues as to what will happen, which is worrying, but I suppose that’s to be expected with experimental treatments. They can’t give answers, can they?
“So, what can I do?” I plead. “How can I help Jane? I want to do whatever I can.”
“Just be there for her when she needs you. That’s really all that you can do.”
That doesn’t sound like much, it doesn’t really sound like anything to be honest. Just be there. The shittiest advice ever. But if that’s all I can do, then I will do it. I will be here for Jane as much as I can be. Every day after work. No more sex with Isaac, even if it is going well at the moment. I will have to put my own life behind me and focus on Jane. She needs me right now and that’s all that matters.
I nod and head back to Jane’s room, determined to stay there for as long as I can. Visiting hours mean nothing when Jane is in such a bad shape. I am going to become part of the hospital’s furniture.
Life blurs into the background. Nothing means anything anymore. Only Jane. She’s the only thing I can focus on. I keep working hard at my job because I need it so badly to pay for the treatment, but that’s all. Things are still okay with Isaac… I think. He might be mad because I haven’t been as warm to him as I was before, but it doesn’t matter. I can’t stay late again because I need to be at the hospital with Jane to make her feel better. Treats, when she can stomach that, magazines and books to read when she can focus, stuff to cuddle when it gets too much for her… I can’t do much, but whatever I can do, I am going to give it my best.
“Lexi, do you have a moment?” Isaac asks just as I’m rapidly gathering up my things to leave. I need to pop to the store today in between work and the hospital, so I want to get out as quickly as I can.
“Er, a minute?” I don’t, I really fucking don’t. But I also need to be here. No matter what is going on around me, it doesn’t matter how many days I haven’t wanted to come in, the need to remain here wins out.
“Yes, it won’t take long.” I notice that he can barely look at me. “Just a moment, in my office.”
My heart thunders, this can’t be good. It’s going to be terrible, isn’t it? If he fires me, I will have to do whatever I can to hold it together, make sure that he doesn’t let me go. I don’t need to tell him the truth about what I’m doing all of this for because then he’ll see me differently. He’ll feel sorry for me, and I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. I’m not the one suffering.
“What… what’s going on, Isaac?” I ask, needing him to speak right away. I’m on the edge, unable to take any tension.
“I just wanted to check in on you, Lexi. You really haven’t been yourself this last week or so. I have been giving you space because… well, it’s a bit complicated between us, isn’t it? But I can’t let it go by any longer, because I’m worried about you. I keep… well, worrying about you.”
Those words are touching, but misplaced. I’m not the one to be worried about. I plaster a giant smile on my face to try and convince him that everything about to come out of my mouth is the truth.
“Isaac, I’m fine. I just have a lot going on at the moment, that’s all.”
“Anything you want to talk about?” he asks with desperation. “I can help you?”
“I…” I do want to talk about it, to unload just a little, but it isn’t right. I don’t deserve that. “No.”
“Okay.” He leans back, clearly disappointed. “Well is there anything that I can do?” I shake my head hard. “Time off work, anything like that?” I shake no, again. Of course I would love it, but I need the money more. Plus, Jane is in treatment all day. There isn’t a damn thing that I can do for her during then. “Right, I see…”
He feels hopeless, I know it. He wants to know what’s going on with me, what’s happening with us, what is going to go on next… but I don’t have answers for him right now. I would love to give him answers.
“Right, well I better go.” I rise to my feet. “I have to…”
“Be somewhere, yes I know. You always do.”
He’s disappointed with me, just as I am with myself, but that’s the way it needs to be right now. I have to put Jane first, however much it means putting myself in the background. And that’s fine. It’s where I want to be.
“Why are you still here?” Jane asks me in a groggy tone of voice. “Shouldn’t you be home now?”
I glance at the clock. Visiting hours ended ages ago and I’m tired as hell. “No, I should be here.”
“Don’t you have a life? Something of your own that you need to do?”
I grab her hand. “No way, I don’t want to be anywhere but here. With you, looking after you.”
She turns onto her side and lets out a little chuckle. “I’m sleeping. Most of the time actually. Or puking. I don’t need you here for that. I have plenty of medical health professionals for that.”
“But I’m your sister. I want to be here for you.”
“You’re okay. You shouldn’t be in the hospital all the time. You’re the one who isn’t sick, you should be out living a normal life. Having fun, dating some hot guy, not Will though.”
I laugh, recalling everything about that terrible date… the date that led me to meet Isaac. If that hadn’t happened, I probably wouldn’t be working for him now. I definitely wasn’t his first choice of hiring for sure.
“I have plenty of time for dating, right now I want to be with you.”
“Lexi. I’m serious. I don’t want you here all the time. I want you to be out there having fun. I want you to come here with stories for me, not just gifts. Please, do this for me.”
I roll my eyes. “This is just the meds talking. You’d miss me too much.”
“No, Lexi, I will be fine. I’m a tough bitch. I can handle anything.”
“I know you are but still… you’d have been here for me.”
“Lexi, I’m just asking you to think about it. That’s all.”
I purse my lips tightly together, refusing to argue any further. I can do whatever the hell I want. And what I want is to be here with my sister, making her life bearable. Maybe I will relax a little, be a little late now and again, showing a bit of effort like I’m listening to her advice.
Get a life. If only it was that simple.
Chapter Eighteen
Isaac
“This is bullshit,” my heart racing angrily and I mutter to myself. “Fuck, what a mess.”
This project is falling apart, it’s a nightmare, and the deadline is today. No matter what. But it needs to be completed before midnight, which means it’s going to be a seriously late night for me. I can’t let this slide; my father is proud of me for the first time in a very long time, despite the fuck up I made with the business meeting which hasn’t caused as much negativity as I first assumed. Charlie hasn’t even mentioned Lexi working here for a while, which I’m going to take as a good sign, like she’s going to stay. But this might be a step too far.
“What’s going on?” I glance up to see Lexi staring at me, actually engaging with me for the first time in what feels like forever. “You look seriously stressed. Has something happened?”
“Oh, nothing.” I need to play it down. I know that she’s going through something, it’s so obvious. She doesn’t need this on top of everything else. “Just a project gone a bit wrong, that’s all. Nothing I can’t fix.”
“What is it?” She moves closer and leans over the desk. “Oh, I see. That is a do
ozy.”
“It doesn’t matter, it isn’t too much of an issue for me. I can sort it.”
I try to smile but my lips don’t make much more than a thin line. I guess I can’t stuff my feelings down as much as I would like. It’d be incredible to play this down right now, but it’s fucked up.
“Okay, well I can stay a bit to help you. Sort this out. You can’t do it alone.”
This takes me aback. “But don’t you have somewhere to be? You’re always rushing out of here.”
Her face contorts, she looks pained, but she smooths it down, hiding her feelings better than I could. “I know, but tonight I can stay for a bit. I am your personal assistant, aren’t I? That’s my job.”
“But if you… have things that you need to do, then really I will be fine.”
“I am staying,” she tells me determinedly. “I will help you.”
I can still see that she has somewhere else to be, that she doesn’t totally want to stay, but selfishly the fact that she’s offering means she will be around me, and I need that. I’ve missed her while she’s been distant. I’ve been trying to tell myself that it isn’t anything to do with me, but it’s hard to convince myself of that. It’s a challenge not to take it personally, when all I want is to be with her all the damn time.
“Okay great, well we will get it done as quickly as we can. Let you get out of here fast enough.”
She gets that distracted look in her eyes, I can tell that mentally she isn’t here, but it’s enough.
We work together well, Lexi has some surprisingly good ideas since she doesn’t come from a marketing background. But perhaps that’s a good thing. Maybe she isn’t polished, and her rawness helps. She sees things in a different way than the people that I’m used to working with… and that makes me like her even more.
