by S. Walden
Fanny chuckled. “Yeah. And they’re usually better when both parties are living!”
“You said you still celebrate it,” Cadence pointed out.
“I do. Usually just by myself, though,” Fanny said, sticking the last rose in place.
“I’m sorry,” Cadence whispered. “Want me to leave?”
“Nonsense! I want you right here. I enjoy your company. You make me feel young.”
“Well, you give me advice, so I guess we’re even.”
Fanny laughed.
“I got you this, too,” Cadence said, pushing a small jewelry box over to Fanny.
“Cadence, you need to be saving your money,” Fanny admonished.
“Oh, just open it!”
Fanny unwrapped the box carefully and lifted the lid.
“How beautiful,” she said softly, fingering the pendant.
“It’s the Trinity knot,” Cadence explained. “It symbolizes eternal love. I thought it made sense for your anniversary.”
Fanny took the necklace out of the box and secured it around her neck.
“It most certainly is fitting. And I love it. Thank you, honey.” She leaned over and hugged Cadence. “You’re very thoughtful,” she whispered in Cadence’s ear.
Cadence smiled and leaned back in her chair. “Actually, I’ve been thinking a lot lately.”
“About?” Fanny took a seat across from her at the table.
Cadence almost blurted, “Dr. Callahan,” but today was the wrong day to describe for Fanny her future boyfriend. Cadence grinned and said instead, “Sometimes I feel like I’m missing out on the whole college experience.”
“How so? You’re in college.”
Cadence smiled patiently. “Yes, but I don’t live on campus. I’m not right in it, knowing what’s going on all the time.”
Fanny nodded.
“I feel disconnected.”
“Have you talked to Mark about this?” Fanny asked.
“No. I don’t wanna hurt his feelings.”
“I don’t think you would.”
“He does have emotions, Fanny,” Cadence pointed out.
“I’m aware of that, missy. But I’m sure he could appreciate how you feel considering he’s been there himself. And I know he wouldn’t want you to feel like you’re missing out on anything.”
“So what am I supposed to say? ‘Hey Mark. I think I wanna live on campus for a while. Is that okay?’ That’s stupid.”
“Do you want to live on campus for a while? Have you ever been in a dorm room?” Fanny asked.
Cadence chuckled. “Well, no. I’m going to a dorm tomorrow night for a study session, though.”
Fanny cracked a smile. “Okay. You let me know what you think after your study session. ‘Cause I have a feeling you’ll be happy that you live in a cute little apartment instead.”
Cadence chuckled. Fanny watched her carefully.
“Have you heard from your mom or dad?”
Cadence grimaced. “I saw Mom at Bed Bath and Beyond the other day.”
“Did you talk to her?”
“Yes.”
“Do you want to change the subject?”
Cadence shrugged.
“Are things better between you two?”
Cadence shook her head. She tried to block that day from her memory. She was embarrassed about her breakdown in the bedding section of the store. Falling asleep in Mark’s car on the way home helped. He actually carried her into the apartment and put her to bed. When she woke up, she felt an emptiness in her heart mixed with the determination to forget. She had to forget her parents if she had any chance of moving on and feeling normal. She was tired of crying over them.
“No,” Cadence said. “She explained that she had to respect my dad’s decision to cut me off from the family. She said she was being obedient.”
“Obedient?” Fanny asked. She bristled.
“That’s what she said.”
“Excuse me when I say that your mother is an idiot.”
“You can say whatever you like,” Cadence replied. “Mark did. To her face.” At this point, Cadence almost didn’t care.
“Has anyone ever explained submission to you?”
“No. I just ignore that part in the Bible. Plus, it doesn’t apply to me anyway. I’m not married.”
Fanny smirked. “Well, I’m sure you’ll be married one day.”
Cadence brightened at that. She remembered fantasizing about marrying Mark when she knew him as “Mr. Connelly.” It happened in the last stall of the upstairs bathroom at school. She read his note over and over and dreamed of a future with him.
She giggled.
“What?” Fanny asked.
“I’m just thinking about when I fantasized about marrying Mark. While I read his note.”
“Ah, yes. The Mexican food note,” Fanny said, and Cadence nodded.
“But back to what you were saying. No one’s ever explained it to me. I just figured it meant that women weren’t as important to God as men were, so he put men in charge.”
Fanny’s eyes went wide. “Excuse me?”
“How should I know? I mean, I don’t think that women aren’t as important as men. I’m not sure God looks at us that way either, but let me tell you: All evidence in the Bible points to ‘men lead, women follow’.”
“Are you trying to give me a heart attack?!” Fanny cried.
Cadence shrugged. “I don’t understand it! Give me a break!”
Fanny sighed. “Eh, no one does. Wanna talk about one of the most contentious verses in the Bible? There she is.”
“What does it mean?” Cadence prodded.
“Well, it was explained to me like this. How effective are two leaders in a group?”
Cadence stared.
“I’m guessing not as effective as one leader. Why? Because two leaders will often argue with one another, and then shit never gets done.”
Cadence nodded.
“If there’s only one leader making the final decision—and notice I said final—then shit usually gets done.”
“Okay. I see that.”
“Now, in a marriage, if you have two people trying to lead, you end up with what looks like a two-headed monster. Not pretty, right?”
Cadence laughed.
“Lots of arguing, no decision-making, nothing getting done.”
“Uh huh.”
“So God had to make a decision to put someone in charge.”
“Why the man? Why not the woman? I mean, we’re pretty much better at everything. Multi-tasking. Making decisions. Getting shit done. That’s a woman thing.”
Fanny chuckled. “Very true. But I think maybe God chose the man to lead to give us a break. Because we do so much. If the husband leads, the wife can take a breather. If the husband leads, he’s held accountable. And I don’t know about you, but I liked the idea of my husband being the one who answered to God in our marriage. Since, you know, that’s a pretty heavy thing.”
Cadence thought for a moment. “So what? The wife is absolved of everything?”
“Seriously, honey? Um, no. But I do believe that when God looks at the family unit, he’s looking to the husband. ‘How are you leading? How are you being responsible? How are you caring for your wife? How are you showing her love?’—I imagine he asks these questions.”
“So wives don’t have a say in the decision-making process?”
“I never said that. Wives definitely have a voice. They are just as loved and valued by God as their husbands. In fact, I like to think that God loves his daughters just a little bit more.” She winked, and Cadence smiled. “Why do you think he saved us for last? The last creation. The best one.”
Cadence blushed.
“And any man worth having should recognize that,” Fanny said.
Cadence thought for a moment. “I like when Mark leads. Does that make me a weak woman? That I like feeling protected and taken care of?”
“Absolutely not. I think it’s natural,” Fanny
replied. “But don’t discount your own strength, Cadence. The things you bring to that relationship. Mark needs you. Does that make him weak? No. He recognizes the void in his heart and needs you to fill it. Just like you recognize your need to be protected. Neither of you are weak. If anything, recognizing those needs makes you stronger individuals.”
“You should be a teacher,” Cadence said.
“I was,” Fanny replied. She stared off past Cadence’s cheek to a spot in the distance. “Many years ago.”
Silence descended on the tiny kitchen. Cadence didn’t think it was appropriate to talk just then. Fanny was thinking of something in her past, and it was important to let her reminisce.
“I taught history,” she said suddenly.
“History?”
“Yep. American history.”
“Why didn’t you tell me when I told you my course schedule? Could have been coming over here to let you do my American history homework.”
“Cute,” Fanny replied. “Are you doing okay?”
“I’ve got an ‘A’,” Cadence said.
“Then why do you need my help?”
“Oh, it’d just be one less thing I’d have to do—my history homework, that is,” Cadence said.
Fanny chuckled. “Mark is really lucky to have you in his life. Think he knows it?”
Cadence laughed. “I’ll let you know if I go home and dinner’s already made.”
“Ha!”
Cadence stayed another hour, chatting with Fanny about her deceased husband. She shared hilarious stories of their first few months of marriage, and Cadence took mental notes. She wasn’t married to Mark, but she lived with him, so everything Fanny explained to her applied.
She returned home to the delicious aroma of soup. It filled the entire apartment and made her stomach growl as soon as she walked through the door. The dining room table was set. A candle was lit. Glasses of wine had already been poured. Fresh flowers sat in the center of the table.
She pulled out her cell phone and called Fanny.
***
Cadence turned left out of the elevator. She wandered down the dorm hall looking for Room 24. But the numbers were too low, and she realized she went the wrong way. She was just about to turn around before glimpsing a message left on a tiny whiteboard attached to someone’s door:
“Student union at 5 sharp. Got someone I want you to meet. – Lindsay”
Cadence stared at the smiley face beside the word “meet.” She wondered if it was a blind date set-up and if Lindsay’s friend would be happy about it. She knew Michael was waiting, but she decided to read a few more messages.
She strolled the hall in no particular hurry, stopping at each door, reading the notes of students who were experiencing college in a very different way from her. She had no idea how long she stood in front of Room 8 staring at the hearts someone drew on the board. She had no idea why she couldn’t control her impulse to draw her own hearts, and reached for the pink marker hanging by a string. She gripped the marker like it was her lifeline to this other world.
She traced the outline of a heart in the lower corner of the board, then colored it in carefully.
“Hi?”
Cadence jumped back, dropping the marker. It slapped against the door in the deafening silence of the hallway.
“Do I know you?” the girl asked, pulling her room key from her book bag.
Cadence shook her head.
The girl furrowed her brows. “Do you, like, just walk around writing on people’s boards? Because that’s weird.”
Cadence shook her head. Again.
The girl smiled sweetly. “Are you lost?” she asked in a gentle, condescending tone. “Can you speak?”
“Oh my God!” Cadence cried. She turned and headed in the opposite direction.
“Wait!” the girl called. She caught up to Cadence. “Hey, wait a minute! I didn’t know, okay? I mean, you don’t look ‘special,’ but how was I supposed to know? I mean, what were you doing?”
“Nothing.”
“You were drawing a heart on my board,” the girl pointed out.
“Then why did you ask me if you knew already?!”
“Because I’m trying to figure out why some random chick is drawing a heart on my board.” She paused for a moment, realization lighting her face. “Ohhhh.”
“‘Ohhhh’ what?” Cadence asked.
“I’m not, like, gay or anything. I mean, I experimented with a girl, like, two weeks ago, but it just wasn’t my thing. I mean, she was a good kisser and all, but I like guys. That’s not to say I have any problem with you being gay.”
“I’m not gay,” Cadence said evenly.
“Then I don’t get it.”
“Just don’t worry about it. I’m sorry I drew on your board,” Cadence replied. She sprinted down the hall until she found Room 24. She banged on it until Michael opened.
“What the hell, Cadence? Is someone after you?”
“Move!” she said, shoving him aside.
“What’s going on?”
Cadence sank down on his bed and buried her face in her hands.
“I’m so embarrassed!”
“About what?” Michael sat down beside her.
“I can’t even tell you. I can’t tell anyone because it’s so mortifying.”
“I accidentally farted in class yesterday. I was sitting next to this really hot girl I like. I don’t think it’s going anywhere now.”
Cadence burst out laughing.
“It can’t be more embarrassing than that.”
“I got caught drawing a heart on this girl’s whiteboard down the hall. She thought I liked her.”
Michael laughed. “A random heart on a random girl’s door? That’s kinda weird.”
“I know!”
“Why did you do it?” he asked.
Cadence shook her head. “I can’t explain it. Strong impulse to belong or something.”
“To belong?”
Cadence looked around Michael’s room. “Well, yeah. This. To belong to all this.”
“A dorm room?”
Cadence rolled her eyes. “The college life. You know. The college experience.”
Michael nodded.
“I think I’m missing out,” she whispered.
“You think you’re missing out on this?” Michael asked, wrapping his knuckles on the painted cinderblocks behind him.
“You know what I mean,” Cadence replied.
There was a light knock on the door.
“You expecting someone?”
“Yeah. I invited Carrie down the hall to join us,” Michael said. “Is that cool?”
“Sure.”
Michael opened the door to the same girl who thought Cadence was crushing on her.
“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Cadence muttered.
“Oh my God. It’s you,” Carrie said.
“You two know each other?” Michael asked.
“No,” Cadence replied.
“Sort of,” Carrie said.
“This is the girl whose whiteboard I drew on. She thinks I have a crush on her,” Cadence said.
Carrie shrugged. Michael laughed hard.
“I have a boyfriend.” Cadence directed the statement to Carrie.
“She has a boyfriend, Carrie. Gosh,” Michael piped up in his version of a Valley girl impression.
“Whatever. You were drawing a heart on my board. How was I supposed to know?” Carrie said.
“She thinks she’s missing out,” Michael explained, shutting his door.
“Michael!”
“What? Was I not supposed to repeat that?” he asked.
Cadence huffed.
“Missing out on what?” Carrie asked. She took a seat beside Cadence, and Cadence automatically moved over.
“Nothing,” she mumbled.
“The college experience,” Michael offered.
“Oh my God. I hate you right now. Stop. Talking,” Cadence snapped.
“But you’re
in college,” Carrie replied, a look of confusion on her face.
Cadence rolled her eyes thinking of Fanny saying those exact words.
“Can we just study?” she asked. “Hey, wait a minute. You’re in biology?”
“Not your biology class, but we have the same professor and same syllabus,” Carrie replied.
“Oh.”
“Now back to you thinking you’re missing out. What dorm do you live in?”
“I don’t live in a dorm,” Cadence replied. She watched Michael sink down on the bed to her left. Great. Now she was trapped in the middle of these two.
“Where do you live?” Carrie asked
“With her boyfriend,” Michael offered.
Cadence slapped the top of his thigh on instinct.
“Ouch!”
“Stop speaking for me. It’s not your business to tell,” Cadence said.
“Then you probably shouldn’t share with me,” Michael replied, chuckling.
“Yeah. Making a mental note,” Cadence grumbled.
“Oh, chill out,” Michael said. “I have ADHD. I can’t help it.”
Cadence looked at Carrie, who shook her head.
“You’re seriously blaming it on that?” she asked.
“Uh, yeah,” Michael replied. “Making excuses for everything is what you get to do when you have ADHD.”
Carried giggled. Cadence shook her head and smiled.
“Dorm life sucks,” Carrie said. “You’re not missing out on anything there. But if you wanna go to a party or something with us, you can. I mean, if you wanna see what it’s all about.”
Cadence fidgeted with her fingers as she thought. “A party where?”
“Anywhere. They’re always going on. Just walk down fraternity row on a Friday or Saturday night and pick one,” Carrie explained.
“I thought those parties were for fraternity and sorority people,” Cadence said.
“Some. But a lot are open to everyone. If you’re cute enough—which you are—they’ll let you in. They like to stack their parties with hot drunk babes, right Michael?”
He grinned. “That’s why I go to them.”
“So what do you say? We can take you to one this weekend,” Carrie offered.
“Umm . . .”
“Scared?” Michael teased.
“No,” Cadence lied.
“I’ll be the DD this time,” Carrie said. “I won’t let you get crazy.”
Cadence bit her lower lip. “Umm . . .”
