by S. Walden
“This chick totally needs to party,” Michael said to Carrie.
“Can I think about it?” Cadence asked. Carrie and Michael passed each other a knowing glance.
“Sure,” Carrie said.
Cadence nodded and grabbed her biology textbook from her book bag. The others followed suit. She did a lousy job concentrating on the study session because her mind could think of nothing but attending a frat party. The idea was exciting and terrifying. She had no clue what to expect. She didn’t think it was like the one high school party she attended. She wasn’t sure it was a world she should enter, or even peek inside.
But then again, wasn’t this part of the college experience she felt she was missing out on? And Carrie did say she’d look after her. Not that Cadence planned to get crazy. Maybe just a few drinks. You know, to loosen up. She thought about her wardrobe. What do people wear to frat parties? That was probably a conversation she should have solely with Carrie. Michael would tease her.
“Earth to Cadence!” Carrie said, waving her hand in front of Cadence’s face.
“Huh?”
“Where have you been? You’re, like, the worst study partner ever,” Carrie replied.
Cadence shook her head. “I’m sorry.”
“Gosh. We’re trying to get a good grade on this test tomorrow. Pay attention and contribute,” Michael added.
“Uh huh,” Cadence said.
“What in the world are you thinking about?” Carrie asked.
Cadence paused.
“What do girls wear to frat parties?”
Even drunk, Cadence was lucid enough to recognize the mirror image staring back at her. Gracie’s face sported a full smile—that stupid, drunk smile of a girl who unintentionally invites trouble. And they came flocking. Three of them. Big burly boys who surrounded her and pretended to find her jokes funny.
Cadence knew Gracie attended North Atlanta University, but so far, she’d been fortunate enough to avoid her. They shared no classes, and she didn’t so much as glimpse her once on campus. It was a bit of a shock, however, to see her at a fraternity party. Plastered. That wasn’t good Christian Gracie, but Cadence recognized the tired, clichéd story: Good Christian teen stays out of trouble until college. Then goes berserk.
“Michael, maybe you should go over there and get that girl,” Cadence said. She had to enunciate her words very carefully to keep from slurring.
“Huh?” he asked, preoccupied with another blonde on the couch.
“That girl over there.” Cadence pointed. “Gracie.”
“Who the hell is Gracie?”
Cadence huffed and jumped up from the couch. She stumbled sideways, and a girl was nice enough to catch her before she fell.
“Thank you,” Cadence mumbled, then walked slowly and steadily to the corner of the room where Gracie was trapped.
“Cadence!” she squealed. “Don’t you looooove college?!”
“It’s dope,” Cadence replied, and the boys laughed.
Gracie attempted to redirect their attention. “Cadence and I went to high school together.”
“Oh, that’s cool,” one boy said. “You two friends?”
“Not really,” Gracie said. “She’s kind of a bitch.”
“Whoa,” the boys said in unison.
“‘Tis true” fell out of Cadence’s mouth. What the fuck? she thought. ‘Tis?
The boys cracked up.
“Gracie, may I talk to you for a second?” Cadence asked, ignoring the laughter.
“About?”
“It’s private.”
“Whatever you have to say, you can say it here.”
Cadence bristled. “I’d rather not.”
Gracie giggled. “You’re funny when you drink. You say silly things. ‘‘Tis’ and ‘rather’. You’re a dork, Cay.”
Cadence’s heart clenched. She couldn’t remember the last time she heard “Cay” come out of Gracie’s mouth. She couldn’t remember the last time she even talked to Gracie.
“Why are you drinking?” Cadence asked.
Gracie rolled her eyes. “Because it’s a party. Duh.”
“Yeah, I know it’s a party, but you don’t drink.”
Gracie snorted. “Whatever.”
“No. Not whatever. You don’t go to parties, and you don’t drink.”
“Well, now I do. Okay? What’s it to you, anyway?” Gracie snapped.
“Come hang out with me,” Cadence urged. The room spun the slightest bit. Enough to force her hand on the wall for support.
“Why the hell would I hang out with you?”
“To make up for tattling on me,” Cadence replied.
“Tattling?” echoed one of the boys.
Cadence regretted using that word. She thought the three musketeers liked it too much. They were grinning from ear to ear, staring at her. She expected them to start panting, tongues hanging out, drooling everywhere. Suddenly she was grossed out.
“I’m a grown woman. I don’t tattle,” Gracie spat. “And anyway, you deserved it!”
“Deserved what?” the red-headed guy asked.
“I think she’s referring to me deserving the punch in the eye my dad gave me after she told him I was sleeping with my math teacher.”
A chorus of “hell no’s” and “what the fuck’s” echoed throughout the living room.
One of the boys turned to Gracie. “Girl, that’s heartless.”
Gracie shrugged. “I was trying to save her.”
No one knew what that meant. Gracie didn’t even know what that meant. She clutched her beer and stared off into the distance.
“Please come with me,” Cadence begged.
“Go away.”
“No.”
“Go away, you bitch.”
“Um, I think she wants you to leave,” the blond-haired boy said.
“Fine. I don’t care what happens to you,” Cadence said. She turned on her heel and stumbled back to the couch. She sank into the cushion and stared as Gracie flirted with the three football players. She assumed they were football players for as large as they were.
Cadence drank more beers throughout the evening until she saw five of everything. In fact, she saw five Gracies following fifteen boys to the back of the house. Something didn’t sit right with her about it, and she concentrated hard to form the words.
“Michael, Gracie went in the back with those boys,” Cadence said, nudging her friend. He was busy making out.
“Huh?”
“Gracie’s in the back with three guys. Go get her!”
“Let her do her thing. She went back there with them. She made the choice.”
Cadence looked horrified. Her mind spun. There was no choice here. There was alcohol and bad judgment, but no choice.
She staggered to the back of the house and threw open the back bedroom door.
“Get out!” Gracie screamed.
Cadence pushed past the shirtless boys and grabbed Gracie’s shoulders.
“You’re drunk. You shouldn’t be in this room.”
“Hey now. Wait a minute . . .”
“Shut up!” Cadence shouted to the boys. “Look at me, Grace.”
“Don’t call me that. I hate that name.” She thought for a moment. “Remember we talked about it?”
“Yeah,” Cadence said. She thought she could win this one if she said the right things. “It was too grown up.”
Gracie giggled and nodded.
“Come with me, Gracie. You don’t want to be in here.”
“I’m grown up now,” Gracie said. She couldn’t hold Cadence’s gaze. She was too far gone.
Cadence watched the blond-haired boy wrap his arms around Gracie’s stomach from behind.
“Get off her,” she demanded.
“Okay girly,” the redhead said. He pulled on Cadence’s arm and dragged her to the door. “Time to go.”
“Get off me!” Cadence screamed. “Gracie!” She yanked hard on her arm, but she was no match for the boy. He tossed h
er out the door and shut it. She pounded on it then turned the knob, only to find it was locked. “Somebody help me! Help me!!”
“What the fuck, Cadence?” Michael grabbed her hand and led her down the hallway. Cadence dug in her heels.
“Gracie’s in there! They’re doing stuff to her!”
“You’re, like, totally wasted,” Michael replied. “Let’s go.”
“No!!” Cadence yelled. “Help her!!”
“Get that bitch outta here,” someone said.
“I know, man. I’m sorry,” Michael replied. He dragged Cadence down the hall, kicking and screaming, all the way out to the front lawn.
“I’m not leaving!” Cadence screamed. “Gracie! GRACIE!!”
She collapsed on the ground, clutching the grass as she spun on a merry-go-round that turned too fast.
“Stop moving,” she hissed and promptly threw up.
“Damnit,” Michael groaned. “Get your shit together, Cadence.”
She vomited again then wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.
She wouldn’t talk to Michael as they waited for Carrie to pick them up. She wouldn’t talk to him in the car. She didn’t say goodnight to him when they exited the elevator for their dorm rooms. Michael didn’t mind. He knew Cadence was drunk off her ass and wouldn’t remember anything in the morning. Cadence was convinced she would.
The morning came. And she remembered. The details were a little fuzzy, but she recalled trying to stop a girl from making a huge mistake. She failed, though. Was thrown out of the room. Was forced to stand in the hallway and imagine all of the horrible things that were happening on the other side of the door. And she couldn’t understand why she was the only one who cared.
***
“I got drunk at a party!” Cadence blurted over breakfast.
Mark said nothing. He drank the last of his coffee instead.
“I just thought you should know,” she went on. “I got wasted and threw up in the front yard.”
“I hope Carrie took care of you,” Mark said.
“She did. Well, in the beginning of the night. She was DD. She said she’d watch over me, but then she left us to go check up on her roommate who got food poisoning or something.”
“Who’s ‘us’?”
“Me and Michael.”
Mark scowled. “Did Michael get wasted?”
“Not really. I mean, I think so.” Cadence screwed up her face in thought. “I don’t know.”
“You were supposed to spend the night with Carrie.” Mark looked at her expectantly.
Cadence nodded. “She came back for us.”
Mark walked to the kitchen to refill his mug.
“What are you thinking?” she asked.
“What happened at the party?” he replied, returning to the table.
Cadence thought for a moment. How much was she willing to share?
“I saw Gracie.”
“Gracie at a frat party?”
Cadence shrugged. “Weird, right?”
Mark eyed her carefully. “Did you talk to her?”
Cadence nodded.
“I’m assuming it was a bad conversation.”
“It was . . . really strange. She was drunk. She was hanging out with these guys. They were laughing at everything she said.”
Mark was quiet, letting her sort through the emotions that read so easily on her face.
“I said dumb stuff because I was drunk. She wanted me to go away, but I didn’t want to. I didn’t feel good about it.”
Mark nodded.
“She went to a back bedroom with them. I tried to stop her. I knew she had too much to drink. I mean, who can make a wise decision when they’re toasted?”
“No one,” Mark replied.
“She said it was her choice—that she was grown up . . .” Cadence’s voice trailed off.
“It’s not your fault,” Mark said gently. “You couldn’t make her go with you.”
Cadence nodded. She wouldn’t reveal all the details she remembered: Michael ignoring her request to check up on Gracie. Twice. That made him look really bad, but then wasn’t he? She couldn’t shake the idea that he wasn’t the best friend to have. Ever. But she was unwilling to give him up. God, was she that desperate for friends? What the hell did senior year do to her?
Mark rubbed his forehead. “The protective boyfriend in me wants to say something to you that you won’t like.”
“And what’s that?”
“I wish you wouldn’t go to frat parties. They’re recipes for trouble. And Michael and Carrie seem like two people who are more focused on themselves than watching out for each other.”
“Carrie left to check up on her roommate.”
“I know. That seems nice, huh?” Mark asked.
Cadence furrowed her brows.
“But she left you, who was probably already tipsy, after she told you she’d watch after you.”
“So you don’t like them?”
“I don’t know them,” Mark explained. “I just want you to be careful. That’s all. They don’t seem like Avery.”
“No. Avery’s way more selfish,” Cadence joked.
The corner of Mark’s mouth quirked up. “Perhaps. But she’d have stayed with you.”
Cadence had no plans to make Michael and Carrie the focus of her day, but thanks to Mark, they hovered about the forefront of her brain, and she was forced to contemplate the value of their budding friendships. She didn’t know them all that well. It seemed unfair to judge their intentions so quickly, but Mark was right: they did seem to be ultra self-absorbed. She couldn’t even get Michael off the couch to check up on Gracie.
Gracie. Why did she care so much? Gracie ratted her out—betrayed her in the most vile way. No, she wasn’t responsible for the rift between Cadence and her parents, but she was responsible for something. A black eye, perhaps? A world turned upside down? That didn’t warrant an assault, if an assault did, in fact, take place, but it sure as hell didn’t warrant Cadence’s time and attention.
***
She didn’t realize she was searching the campus for Gracie until Michael pointed it out to her.
“Pay attention, Cadence!” he cried. “I’m trying to talk to you. I mean, what the hell? What are you looking for?”
And like his words were the incantation that conjured her presence, there she was—just yards away—sitting on a bench with a book in hand.
“I’ll catch you later,” Cadence said absently, and walked over to Gracie.
Gracie felt someone hovering over her. At first she ignored it, but then Cadence cleared her throat. She looked up. “You know, we don’t have to talk just because we go to the same school.”
“I know.”
“Just because you see me on campus doesn’t mean you have to say anything to me.”
“I know.”
“I see you all the time and ignore you,” Gracie pointed out.
She did? Cadence thought. This was the first time she’d ever seen Gracie, and she didn’t think it was coincidence.
“How are you?” Cadence asked.
Gracie cracked a smile. “Seriously?”
“I just wanna know how you are.”
“Why?”
“Because . . . because I remember seeing you at that frat party. And talking to you. Well, I remember a tiny bit of conversation anyway. But you got up and left with those guys—”
“I’m fine, and what do you care?” Gracie said, cutting her off.
“They were just really big guys. That’s all,” Cadence said quietly.
“I chose to go back there, Cadence. No one forced me,” Gracie pointed out.
“But you were wasted.”
“Not so much that I wasn’t aware of what I was doing.”
“But that’s not you to do something like that,” Cadence said.
“Something like what?”
“You know . . .” Cadence’s face burned. She couldn’t say it out loud. She didn’t even know what to call it.
An orgy? A gang bang? Gross.
Gracie giggled. “This is hysterical, you know?”
Cadence bristled. “What is?”
“You giving me a hard time for do something bad.”
“I’m not giving you a hard time. I’m making sure you’re okay. Gosh, Gracie. Had you even had sex before all those guys?”
“Yes.”
Cadence couldn’t hide her surprise. Gracie noticed.
“So . . . you just have sex with random dudes?” Cadence asked.
“Maybe. What’s it to you?”
“Are you, like, trying to rebel against your parents or something?”
“No. And anyway, I’m an adult. I can do what I want.”
Cadence nodded, unconvinced. She wondered if Gracie’s promiscuity didn’t have more to do with a lack of self-respect than with being an adult. She wasn’t an adult. Hell, neither was Cadence. They were both in this weird, in-between stage where they were stumbling through the process of growing. No longer children but not really full-fledged adults either.
“They didn’t force you?” Cadence asked.
Gracie sighed heavily. “Leave it alone.”
“I just . . . I just don’t understand this new person,” Cadence said quietly.
“How would you? We’re not friends. You’ve no idea what’s been going on in my life for the past year.”
“You wouldn’t let me,” Cadence said.
Gracie waved her hand dismissively. “And anyway, I don’t understand you either. You’ve changed. Why can’t I? You make it like you’re the only one in the world who can be a different version of yourself.”
“I don’t think that. And I didn’t choose some of the stuff that happened to me, Gracie.”
“Oh really? Because I’m pretty sure if you do drugs, you chose that.”
“I don’t do drugs.”
“You did.”
“One time. And I regret it. But I didn’t choose to be struck by my father after you ratted me out.”
Gracie averted her eyes. “I thought I was doing the right thing,” she whispered.
“Really? Because I think you were just trying to pay me back,” Cadence countered.
Gracie looked flustered. “You know what? I don’t have to discuss this with you. It’s in the past. It happened. I thought I was doing the right thing. And that’s that.”
“Is it?”
“Yes!”
“If those boys hurt you, you need to report it,” Cadence said.
