by Lara Swann
I tensed immediately, rejecting the idea completely. I didn’t run away. This was my home, and I’d fought tooth and nail for it. My family…I’d called them a couple of days ago, to tell them that I was fine and not to worry, but also to make it clear that if anyone asked - they hadn’t heard from me. I couldn’t just abandon them.
Even if he had a point.
“You’re not going to want to stay locked up inside, Lottie. And if you go out there…I don’t know that I can protect you.”
I bit my lip, understanding that was his main fear. Not being able to protect me. As I glanced up at him, it was obvious he knew what he was asking - knew what it would do to me. And he was asking anyway.
Fuck.
I hated it, but…for a time? A small time?
“Where would we go?”
He hesitated, and the reluctance there gave me the truth.
I jerked back, anger and hurt igniting from my frustration.
“You weren’t going to come with me.”
“Lottie, I—”
“No, save it. You want me to leave, to abandon everything I love and hold dear — when you won’t give up your chase after vengeance.”
I knew I was lashing out, jumping to conclusions - but my gut told me I was right, and I couldn’t stand the sick feeling.
“Someone would need to clear things up here - end this whole thing.”
His voice was quiet, but the resolute expression there turned my stomach. His words might be somewhat logical, but what was behind them made no sense.
Seriously?!
“No fucking way. You really think killing this guy is going make things better? It’s just more blood, and more death, and how is that fucking more important than this?!”
I knew I was getting too worked up, striking out at him, but I couldn’t help it - he’d told me to leave. With no intention of coming with me. From the hurt that flickered across his face, at least he felt some of what I did. Then his expression hardened.
“My Mom and sister—”
“No.”
This wasn’t a choice between me or his family, and I wasn’t going to let him make it one.
Everything I’d held back so far, that I’d refused to make him hear because I cared about him and didn’t want to force my deeply held beliefs on him…it all came out in one burst of passion.
“You think your family would have wanted this for you? To waste years pursuing more violence? Xero might have killed them, Jason, but it was your life he destroyed. Look at this. What we’re doing, where we are. In a fucking mafia safehouse. It’s twisted, messed up, insane. You’re not a mafioso and you never should have been — you hate it. So fucking end it. You have a chance at life, at a future, at good and solid things. Love. Happiness. If you throw that away…he wins, Jason. Dead or alive - Xero wins.”
The deep pain and hurt that I’d tried so hard to soothe away over the last few months was back in his eyes, combined with a deadly fury that almost made me want to take the words back.
But I was right, damn it.
He stared at me, so completely still that I didn’t even want to think about the strength of the emotions battling for control.
“Are. You. Done.”
His words came out hard and forced, and the depth of anger there scared even me a little.
No. I’m not done. Damn it, I’m not done!
“Yes.”
He turned on his heel and marched out, taking everything I had left with him.
My heart, my hopes, and the blissful happiness of only a few hours ago.
I had no idea what I’d done to him, but I couldn’t regret saying what I believed was right. I wished I could do what he’d done - leave this suddenly oppressive house, get a chance to walk, to cool off, to think. But he was right - if I was seen it could give us a world of trouble. Another one.
Fuck.
I didn’t even know whether he’d come back, except…yes, I knew. Jason wouldn’t leave me here. Even if he couldn’t forgive me for those honest words, he wouldn’t abandon me. So I sighed and paced as I waited, frustrated at being stuck here and hating the way that argument replayed again and again in my head. For the first time I sought out his whiskey bottle of my own accord.
Time passed interminably and I had no idea how long it had been when I finally heard the door open again. I turned to look at him, still not knowing whether I wanted to apologize for the burst of temper and collapse into his arms, or yell at him some more.
As he came to stand in front of where I was sitting on the sofa, my eyes lingered on his body, taking in the thick muscles and strong bearing. I’d been with him almost non-stop for the last three days - I knew every inch of that body, I’d seen it move in so many ways…but seeing him now felt new. Enough that I wanted to memorize it all over again.
Maybe that was natural - an instinctive response to the idea that I might lose him. That maybe I wouldn’t see this again.
My heart protested at the very idea - not even being able to imagine a world without that warm, protective presence - but I couldn’t deny the possibility as I looked up at him.
The air was sharp between us, tense with the edges of our harsh words sticking out and threatening to cut us both all over again. I wished it wasn’t, but for once I didn’t know how to fix it, any instinct I’d had for dealing with people thrown by how much this mattered to me.
He sighed, then sank down to join me on the couch, wrapping one arm around my shoulder almost automatically. Once it was there, it was easier to lean into him again, inhale the hot masculine scent of his body and maybe…hope. That hope lit a little brighter as he kissed my temple in a familiar gesture.
I glanced at him, saw the hurt and regret there, the caution that was mirrored inside of me, as if with a wrong word we might be arguing again instead of…whatever this was.
Finally, he gently tilted my head to look at him.
“I love who you are, Lottie. I always have. The fire you have for living, the goodness in your heart…I knew that about you from the very start, and I’ve never wanted to change that. I still don’t. So I can’t quite blame you for what you said - even though I’d like to. And I shouldn’t have asked you to leave. It…came from a good place, but it was wrong.”
My breath was caught in my throat, the hope igniting as I dared to believe that maybe it could be okay again. He leaned in to kiss me, but pulled back before I could take everything I wanted from it, and his face had taken on a stubborn look.
“But Lottie, in the same vein, you knew who I was and what I was doing from the beginning too. Don’t ask me not to do what I need to, either.”
The lightness inside me suddenly turned heavy. I understood what he was asking - it was fair - but the weight in my stomach made it difficult to agree. I still believed in what I’d said, even if I shouldn’t have tried to hurt him with it.
We’d discussed it before, and I wasn’t shy about my opinion, just usually more restrained. I wasn’t sure I could watch him throw himself into something terrifying and dangerous and just not say anything.
I bit my lip and looked up, giving him an unsure smile.
“Can I promise not to ask you again…like that?”
To my relief, he laughed, eyes crinkling as he smiled down at me. Our gazes locked for a few long minutes, but in my heart I knew that the danger had already passed. Eventually, he nodded.
“Okay, baby. I’ll take that.”
My small smile became a grin and I shifted over, climbing on top of him and intending to make up properly. His arms came around me and seemed as enthusiastic as I was about that idea.
I paused before we got too caught up, looking at him with reluctant concern.
“So…what are we going to do about it all?”
It didn’t feel right to just ignore the outside world anymore - he’d brought it up and prompted this fight for a reason.
Jason sighed again and shrugged, reaching up to kiss me.
“I don’t know yet,
baby. But we’ll figure something out. For now…”
He met my mouth with the same passion burning inside me, and I responded without thinking as I shifted in my position on top of him, teasing both of us as he seized me tighter.
“Fuck, I need you Lottie.”
I groaned at the dangerous intent in his voice and, as I let my body take over, it seemed like the sharpness between us receded, with everything becoming as easy to navigate as it had been before. Our harsh words still rang in my head, but they weren’t threatening anymore, just another part of who we were, and - deep down - what we loved about each other. And right now, that was all I cared about - loving each other.
From the way his arms held me, it was obvious he felt the same way - and that he wasn’t going to take the teasing for long. His mouth ran down my neck and I shivered under him as I let his hands explore every waiting, wanting part of my body. The clothes were quickly becoming an unbearable barrier, and I slipped his belt while watching those strong fingers on the buttons of my blouse.
The air caressed the tops of my breasts as he opened those first few buttons, and I arched up into him as he followed it up with his powerful mouth. The scratching of his day-old stubble contrasted perfectly with the softness of his mouth and I was aching within moments. I shifted on top of him again, wanting and needing to feel more.
My hands ran up the inside of his top, meeting the burning heat of his skin as I inhaled the male scent of lust and strength on him. I shuddered and moaned again, my mouth at his ear whispering all the things I wanted him to do to me, getting him worked up until the need to feel me tight around him took over.
He reached up under my skirt, and one quick, joint movement had my slick panties off and lying on the floor. His eyes followed them, and a delicious smile curved on his lips as he noted the moisture there.
“You all ready for me, baby?”
I brought my mouth down to taste that smile, my tongue darting forward to play with his and lose myself in that hot touch. Nipping at his bottom lip, I gave him my own small smile.
“Why don’t you find out…”
He groaned, and that was all it took for him to shift his pants out of the way and settle me above him. The glint in his eye told me this wasn’t going to be slow and easy - and I loved him for it. With the intensity building in me now - and everything we’d just talked about and been through - I needed hard. I needed to feel him completely, and as he positioned himself and slowly helped me down onto him, I knew he was going to give me exactly that.
The slow burn had me crying out immediately, my pussy expanding and stretching to accommodate his large size, even after all this time together. I never got tired of this, never had enough. I kissed him roughly as he started shifting, moving, and the friction inside drove me crazy.
I didn’t know how he had the control and strength to fuck me like that - sitting, with me on top of him, but fuck he managed it, hands gripping my hips firmly as he controlled the pace. He gave me a few slow strokes, building that heat and need inside me. He started pulling me down to meet him as my hands grabbed for his shoulders, breathless with the power of his body.
“Fuck, Jason.”
He grinned up at me, then came forward to meet my mouth, and everything after that became impossible to think about. With his hands, mouth and cock all driving me crazy, my lust for him was almost unbearable. I could feel the same need inside him, the way his cock twitched and pulsed when I squeezed around it, the way our breaths mingled, hot and heavy together.
He kissed and nipped at me, alternating between my mouth, my neck and my tight, sensitive breasts as I ground myself against him, circling and starting to hit my clit with every firm stroke. Lightning was shooting through my nerves at the attention, with each movement building that delicious tension inside me until I wasn’t sure I could take it anymore.
“Please…”
I didn’t even have time to finish the thought before he picked up on the same crazy desire and thrust impossibly faster. It was all too much. Everything we’d said to each other, everything he meant to me, and everything I wanted us to be.
The thoughts and possibilities and endless, terrifying hope exploded within me at the same time as I heard him grunt hard, heat filling me with his own climax. I heard myself scream as if from a distance, body shaking with pleasure and tension finally released.
I was breathing hard when I finally came down, but he was there - as always - arms wrapped protectively around me. There to guide me back to wherever I needed to be, mouth nuzzling at my temple and body on fire for me.
It would be alright. We could deal with each other’s stubbornness and we’d find a way through the mess we were in.
We’d get through it all. As long as we had this primal instinct to love, to protect, to care.
Chapter Nineteen
Jason
“Jason!”
I jerked up in bed as I heard the crashing of feet on the stairs, my limbs tangled with Lottie’s and caught by the sheets.
Lottie looked up at me wide-eyed as awareness finally hit me - just in time to see Valentini throw the bedroom door open.
“Jason, what the—”
Fuck.
His eyes narrowed in on us in bed, the anger there compounding into a sudden fury and putting me instantly on edge. Protective instincts had my own anger rising up in response and I jerked my head towards the door, snapping out an answer.
“Study.”
For a moment, I thought Valentini would do this here and now, but after another quick glance at Lottie, he spun and left.
I took a deep breath and then I was moving - jumping out of bed and shrugging into my jeans. My heart was hammering in my chest. This wasn’t good.
“Jason?”
Lottie’s voice was questioning and cautious, but I just shook my head at her as I turned to answer the man who ran this city’s underworld.
I approached the study carefully. Valentini prided himself on being calm and collected - which only meant the outburst was that much more dangerous.
I’d known the whole time that he’d be pissed about what I’d done, but I still couldn’t bring myself to care. There was no way I could have done anything else. It just meant that this meeting had to be carefully managed.
So don’t get angry.
I stopped just inside the doorway, almost able to see the air crackling around him as he paced.
When he stopped and faced me, that too-intelligent gaze was masked with outrage, the cool words almost at odds with the heat on him.
“You’re fucking her.”
I knew I should be more afraid than I was, but I’d moved past intimidation a long time ago. There was only one thing that scared me - and the wave of anger that came hot on the heels of that thought was enough to deal with anything that could threaten Lottie.
So instead, I met Valentini’s gaze calmly and answered with the simple directness that had always underscored my dealings with him.
“Yes.”
His fists clenched, nostrils flaring as he glared at me, taking a few steps closer. I didn’t move.
“Do you have any fucking idea what you’ve done? I have a gang war on my hands, Jason - because you couldn’t keep it in your pants! I told you to keep the girl safe, sure - as our source. Not to fuck her and steal her away right from under the 55th Streeters’ boss.”
Hot anger of my own flared as he was laying into me, but I kept it in check, meeting him glare for glare even as I let him rage. At the same time, my heart sunk at the news - it was as bad as I’d feared. I hadn’t expected any less, but still…a gang war. That was the last thing we wanted. I wondered whether they were targeting Lottie too, but it wasn’t the time to ask.
“Do you understand me, Jason? We weren’t fucking ready for this! We were close, but this ruins so many of our plans. I told you - I didn’t want to wash these streets with blood.”
I ground my teeth in frustration, knowing all this and not appreciating the lect
ure, even if I had screwed it up.
“Valentini, I didn’t—”
“Fuck, Jason. How could you fuck it all up? For some bitch who doesn’t mean a thing.”
The suddenness of the rage that ripped through me destroyed any other thought I might have had and staggered even me for a moment.
“Don’t call her that again, Valentini. Don’t.”
My voice sounded menacing even to myself as he hit on the one thing that could get a reaction out of me. I took a step forward, instinctively assessing him, measuring, prepared to do whatever I might need to.
Something in my eyes warned him off, the sidelong glance he sent me showing that he was holding his own anger in check just enough, diverting it. His breath came out sharply.
“Then tell me what the hell happened, Jason.”
I took a deep breath, shuddering at the memory, but knowing I owed him some explanation.
“He tried to rape her, Valentini. Jorge did. She had to get out of there after that.”
And you promised her your protection.
The pause between us was thick with tension and my harsh gaze challenged him to say anything else. I almost could see the thoughts flicker through his mind, that sharp considering gaze that I knew meant he was counting assets, advantages, plays in a game instead of people, feelings, life and suffering.
Violence shuddered through me as I could almost sense what he was thinking. If he gave voice to it…if he even implied that she should have stayed, that she should have taken it - I wasn’t going to be able to control what I did next.
Even with his physical fitness and the natural toughness that had most people backing off, I was pretty sure my military training would carry me through - and before the bodyguards who were no-doubt standing outside could get to him. If he said the things I thought were going through his mind, I wasn’t going to care what happened to me afterward.
I saw the moment he recognized it in my eyes, the real threat of death and violence making him back down, even as one sharp shake of his head made his annoyance clear.
Dimly aware of that tipping point, I backed away from my own killing edge and forced myself to remember the arguments I’d prepared, the things I was going to say in this inevitable meeting.
