Hero: A Bad Boy Mafia Romance

by Lara Swann

  The biting words cut through me, his exaggerated mimic of the way I spoke to my father filling me with dread. I could feel the contempt underlying it, and I’d been harangued about it enough times for the strike at that sore spot to work.

  “You’re a bastard, Seth. A fucking bastard.”

  Tears were stinging my eyes, but I ignored them as I looked at him. It seemed like all I’d done since he’d come into my life was cry.

  “Pleased to meet you.”

  He gave an ironic bow and turned to leave.

  “Wait!”

  I had no idea why I called him back. He was an arrogant, stupid jerk that I should have never let into my life. I just couldn’t see him go like that - damn it all to hell, but he meant too much to me.

  Even from just this short time.

  I’d known this wasn’t a fling from the beginning. And I’d known it couldn’t work - agreed with myself that I’d let it go when it came to it. But, damn it, I wanted to fight. I wanted to fight so badly.

  Why the hell doesn’t he?!

  It didn’t even make sense - he had almost no respect for the rules, for our parents.

  Why wasn’t he fighting for this?

  The callous glance he threw over his shoulder had my heart pounding, hurt and rage warring within me.

  I tried stupidly to reason with him, to get him to understand.

  “I just wanted to get to know you, Seth. See your life. Understand you better.”

  He slowly shook his head, pausing with a hand on the balcony door.

  “And I didn’t want you there - that’s my life. I don’t bring casual flings into it.”

  The truth of that was more than obvious, but it hurt like hell to hear it. To know that was how he saw me.

  My heart in my mouth, I watched helplessly as he opened the balcony door, my stupid sentimental mind thinking it might be the last time he did.

  “What are you doing?”

  “This was always going to end, Bella. Seems like this is it.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Seth

  “You’re in a piss-poor mood, sailor. Go home.”

  Dale’s sharp words cut through me, leaving no doubt it was a command as I glanced up in shock.

  Obedience was instinctive and the salute happened without thought, but I stalked more than marched away, anger and confusion stirring in the barely controlled whirlpool of emotions that had been with me the last few days. Sure, I’d been snapping and growling at everyone around me long enough, and Dale had given me plenty of subtle hints - but the phrase still hit me hard.

  This was my home.

  I knew we were all encouraged not to stick around at base at these sorts of times - just getting back from deployment usually gave you a month or two of light duties. It meant most guys could see their families, try to adjust to normal life for a bit before training started and then we were thrown back into a world of chaos and terror.

  If you don’t have anything to do, don’t do it here.

  The phrase was oft-repeated, but since I’d never really wanted to be anywhere else I tended to ignore it, and no one had objected to me sticking around.

  At least until I’d acted like an ass day-in day-out.

  I swore to myself as I collected my stuff from the barracks, grabbing the bag with the civilian clothes I hadn’t bothered unpacking and heading to my truck, having no idea what I was going to do now. This was where I belonged, where I wanted to be, and I had no idea how long Dale’s order applied.

  Probably until I got my shit together.

  Which seemed impossible right about now.

  The phrase was still reverberating through me when I roared out of the car park, cursing and heading nowhere in particular.

  Go home.

  This is my home, damn it.

  It had been ever since I’d passed BUD/S. Ever since I’d lived and breathed and got shot at and killed with the guys around me. We were closer than family. At least any family I’d ever known.

  And I didn’t fucking want any other.

  These guys could be trusted. With anything.

  They weren’t going to fuck me over.

  It hurt to know that the tight, unbreakable bond we shared didn’t mean the same as home for most of them.

  They had wives, and parents, and children and all the things I’d never cared about.

  That thought opened the whirlpool again, my crazed emotions spilling out as I drove down the open road.

  I have a home. These guys can be trusted.

  But my mind turned to Bella. Again. Always. Relentlessly.

  The casual banter we’d shared, the laughter and fun and ease. The warmth that simply being around her gave me. The look in her eyes when she saw me coming towards her.

  Her hot, fiery, wildcat eyes. Her sweet, innocent, outraged eyes. Her lustful, adoring, beautiful eyes.

  They haunted me. The pain, hurt and confusion accusing me as they followed me through my mind.

  It was stupid - it couldn’t work. It was never going to be more than a fling.

  A hot, unbelievable, sexy-as-hell fling. With the best woman I’d ever known.

  But that was it - and it was over. Done.

  I knew Bella - there was no way she was going to do anything to upset her father. And this was about as provocative as I could imagine. I wouldn’t ask her to do that for me, put him between us like that. But that didn’t mean I was going to sit around and wait for her to figure that out, wait until she chose his sensibilities over whatever crazed thing was going on between us.

  Sure, maybe the ending didn’t have to be quite so offensive - but on the plus side, she hadn’t tried to contact me. She understood it was over. There was no doubt for either of us. Better that way.

  Go home.

  Fuck it. I didn’t have a home.

  I thought I’d found one in the Navy - and I had.

  It just wasn’t the kind of home that could sustain you, support you, invigorate you. Not indefinitely. Not when it was tied to every violent, stressful moment of your life.

  Home.

  I didn’t want it.

  It made you weak and reliant on others, made you think they weren’t going to turn around and let you down.

  I didn’t need it.

  Becky’s expression came to my mind, unwelcome but insistent as those fierce, uncompromising eyes followed Ryan - full of the kind of love, pride and acceptance I’d always discounted. I pictured Fiona again, with Ray standing protectively over her, her hand wrapped around her belly and a soft smile on her face as she leaned against him.

  I saw the way Bella looked at me. The things she brought out.

  Fuck it.

  I swung the truck around, heading in the direction that had become all too familiar.

  It was stupid. Crazy. Insane.

  But I’d never been one to follow the rules.

  I wanted her.

  I didn’t want to, but I fucking wanted her. More than anything I’d ever felt.

  And I wasn’t going to let her go like this.

  She’d wanted to be part of my life - she’d wanted me to let her in, admit that what we had went beyond a simple lust-filled fling. Something I’d known since the beginning and pushed away, hard.

  I’d thought I could deal with it, that we could play with those dangerous things and get over it in the end.

  The way it was consuming me made me think otherwise.

  Damned girl. Why the fuck does she have to be right?!

  Everything she’d said all along…I shook my head as I revved the engine hard at the lights, plunging full speed ahead even as I had no idea what I was about to do.

  I just knew nothing else felt right.

  I didn’t know how to make it work, not with everything in the way, but damn it - I couldn’t stop trying. She meant at least that much to me.

  I’m a Navy SEAL. Giving up is not an option.

  That was underneath every angry, messed up emotion I’d been struggling with - I
’d walked out.

  She hadn’t pushed, I’d just quit it.

  I don’t quit.

  And I couldn’t let myself start now. I might not know how I was going to win this, but damn it, I would.

  We would.

  I’d give this crazy thing between us a chance and see what happened.

  At least, so long as could I convince her not to throw me out on my ass.

  * * *

  I slipped into my room without anyone noticing, having already checked the pool area that Bella liked to hang out at.

  She hadn’t been there - thank god. I didn’t want to risk this out in the open, and I wasn’t sure I could wait.

  It only took a minute to slip out down my balcony and over to the piping I’d always used to climb up to hers - the movements were familiar and automatic while I tried to control my breathing and work out what the hell I was doing.

  I still didn’t know as I gave the room a quick glance - clear except for the girl sitting at her desk, eyes in front of that computer she was entirely too fond of.

  Okay, whatever deity watched over fools and idiots had been with me so far - let’s hope my luck held.

  I opened the balcony door and stepped in, making more than my customary noise to alert her.

  I couldn’t read her expression as she jumped up and looked at me, but whatever it had been was quickly replaced with cold anger.

  “What the hell are you doing here, asshole?”

  Probably fair.

  And I fucking wished I knew.

  I stopped thinking, and just acted.

  I was in front of her in moments, and then I had her in my arms, the strength of my body wrapped around her pretty, petite form as she glared up at me. The stiffness made it clear I wasn’t welcome, but I couldn’t help myself. I’d thought of nothing but this for days. I reached down gently to kiss her, a gentle whisper across her lips as I inhaled her flowery, feminine scent. Her mouth reacted for an instant, and I withdrew before she could object, letting my hand cup her chin and tilt her face up to me as I tried to resist the urge to crush her to me.

  “I’m sorry, babe. Fucking hell, I’m sorry. I’m a bastard.”

  Her eyes glistened with unshed tears and she pushed against me. I let her go, as much as it tore at me.

  “You can’t just come back here like this! You left!”

  “Fuck, I know. I did. And I shouldn’t have—”

  “Forget it Seth. I’m done. I’m not interested in your twisted little fling. I’m fucking mad as hell I let myself fall for it again and—”

  “I don’t want that.”

  I stepped closer, my arms going around her again as I looked into the eyes bright with pain and anger.

  “I want you, baby-Bella. Properly. You were right - it was never a fling.”

  Her eyes brightened with tears and I couldn’t help myself - I leaned down and kissed them away.

  “What?”

  “What we were doing was never casual. It was never nothing. And I’m sorry as hell that I ever wanted it to be.”

  The suspicion and distrust in her eyes hurt me and I kissed her again, my mouth still soft and gentle against hers as she slowly let herself open to it - for just a moment before she pulled back.

  “No, Seth. I can’t do this again. You…left and I’m…fucking…done…”

  She was hiccuping now, upset and struggling to get the words out. I tried to cup her cheek again, but she pushed me away, and that seemed to give her a spurt of anger enough to finish the sentence.

  “Done with waiting for the crumbs of your life you decide to share with me. With crying over this ever-changing idea of what I mean to you.”

  I put my arms around her as she burst into tears, scrabbling at me a little before she finally went still in my arms and gave into the comfort. Her words, her pain, were tearing at me and I stood there for a long moment, rubbing her back and murmuring softly. When the sobs calmed and she turned to glare at me again, I took a deep breath.

  “Listen, Bella. Just listen to me for a moment, okay? And then, if you want, I’ll leave and you’ll never have to see me again.”

  She didn’t say anything, but she didn’t stop me as I moved us over to sit on the bed, one hand resting on her shoulder and playing with the ponytail of her hair.

  “You’re right, okay? I shut you out. This…this whole thing might be new for you - having your father introduce Cora and change everything about your life, but it’s not for me. My mother’s brought more guys come into my life than I can remember - some of them would stick around for weeks, or months, a couple even for years. Some would barely have an impact, but others would change everything. Where we lived, how we lived, what we did - everything. Most I didn’t give a shit about. At the beginning, some of them, I did. Didn’t matter either way - every fucking guy left.”

  She was looking at me with those big eyes of hers, and for some reason that was what came out. I was telling her things I never thought I’d tell anyone. Things I never thought about. Had never wanted to think about, and definitely not talk about.

  But it was the truth and, hell, she deserved that I guess.

  “That doesn’t matter now, none of it does. I’ve got my own life - and it’s stable no matter what my mother does. She can live however she wants, but at the end of the day, I’ve always got that, and it matters a hell of a lot more than the families she ever built. I’ve never let her, or any of her guys, touch it. It’s mine. And I didn’t want to get it mixed up with anything temporary. I’ve made my own home, and I didn’t want to bring anything into it that was never going to be permanent - that could never go anywhere.”

  The anger had slowly slipped away from her face, but her eyes were still too bright. At least the sympathy I’d dreaded seeing wasn’t there, and she didn’t seem so inclined to push me out of her room. Instead, she leaned against me and sighed, shaking her head.

  “Maybe you were right. I wouldn’t have wanted to do that to you.”

  Something squeezed in my heart as I shook my head at her simple compassion. All the hurt and anger it had caused…that she was willing to accept it was more than I’d expected.

  She was a better person than I’d ever been.

  When she looked up at me again, the anger and upset was gone, but her soft face was written with sadness.

  “It still can’t go anywhere, Seth. Our parents—”

  “Fuck our parents.”

  The harsh words shocked her - shocked me a little - but I couldn’t help it. I was done using that as an excuse. If this was destined to fail, so be it, but I wanted to damn well find out for myself.

  And with the way she was looking at me, the way her soft words made me feel, I wasn’t going to give up that easily.

  “Do you want this, Bella? I want to let you in - I want to show you my life. Make you part of it. If you still want to be.”

  I held her gaze as I saw the hesitation there, watched as she tried to decide whether to make the leap with me. It was crazy, and we were stupid to continue pursuing this, but I wasn’t ready to stop - and from the way she looked at me, I didn’t think she was either.

  “But what about…everything?”

  That’s a good way to sum up what was stopping us. Everything.

  “We deal with that when we come to it. Hell, might be getting to know me drives you away anyway. I’m a Navy SEAL, and there are more than enough challenges with that, even forgetting everything else. If we get that far…we can worry about it then.”

  “The wedding is three weeks away, Seth.”

  “So we have three weeks to decide if this is worth letting loose all hell.”

  Of course, I was pretty sure I’d already made up my mind.

  But then again, hell had never bothered me.

  “And if it is? You really think we can make it work?”

  Fuck it, the girl never stopped with the questions.

  “Stop thinking, Bella. I’m a Navy SEAL - I can do damn well anything.”
/>   I pulled her into me, my mouth closing on hers with all the intensity and passion I’d held at bay before, giving her a fucking good reason to stop thinking. She moaned, melting into me again in the way I’d missed so badly, and it only took a moment before she shifted around to sit on top of me, resting on my suddenly interested cock.

  “Okay. Okay, we’ll try it Seth. But god-damn you’d better make it up to me.”

  I grinned up at her, something easing inside me that I hadn’t even realized was tight and hard.

  “Mm, I can do that. I have some great ideas for how to do that.”

  I started by nuzzling along her mouth, down her neck, but she pulled me up with a light laugh that was a perfect contrast to the tear tracks still streaking her face.

  “Not like that. I want more, Seth.”

  Her eyes were hard beyond the laughter and I nodded, another idea taking me.

  “Come with me to Becky’s in a couple of days then. I promised I’d head over there to do a few odds-and-ends anyway - you can come meet her, the kids. See what being a military wife means.”

  Okay. That last part was so not intended that way.

  She caught on it anyway, raising a brow immediately.

  “Wife?”

  “For reference. Nothing else. Just so you know. You wanted to know.”

  So why the hell was my heart pounding so damned fast?!

  She just grinned at my discomfort, leaning forward for another distracting kiss.

  “Alright, yeah, I’d like that.”

  “Good, that’s settled then. Now can I make it up to you in those other ways?”

  Her hands roamed across my chest, down and around my back, and there was amusement in her eyes as she shifted teasingly on my cock.

  “Almost. There’s a fairly exclusive party next week - I don’t think anyone we know will be there. Come with me.”

  The idea of taking Bella out in public and giving this a chance to be real sent a strange mix of excitement and anxiety through me. I didn’t want this getting back to her father - if we went for it, he needed to find out from us - but I couldn’t deny the attraction.

  “Okay, done.”

  I turned my attention to her lips again, hands running over her soft body to hold her hips as they settled against me, but she was still murmuring into my lips.