by Matt Shaw
She didn’t hear me. But I can still hear her trying to get Liam to call the police.
“Can’t you fucking smell him?!”
“He left me!” I yelled through the wall again hopeful that, this time, they’d hear me.
I can’t hear them anymore. Were they ever talking? Were they ever discussing what I’ve done? Jesus Christ, I’m losing my mind. Nearly as fast as Ben’s body is rotting.
I walked through to the dining room and took a chair, opposite Ben.
“What should I do?”
He didn’t answer me. Never does. Of course not.
But...
What if he could answer me?
“You know what you should do,” he’d say.
“No, I don’t.”
“Yes, you do.”
Even when he’s dead we argue.
“Help me,” I begged.
“You need to stop them from talking.”
“The more I’d try and convince them, the more they’ll think something is wrong though.”
“I didn’t mean for you to stop them from talking by convincing them you’ve done nothing wrong.”
“I don’t understand.”
I understood alright. I understood. He meant for me to kill them. I can’t though. I can’t. It’s not in my nature. It’s not who I am. A murderer? Me? No. That’s not me. I looked at Ben. Dead. Because of me. An accident. I’m not a murderer. I didn’t mean for that to happen. He fell against the frying pan. Yes. That’s it. Fell. Repeatedly. I’m not a murderer. I’m not. I’ll kill them tomorrow. Tomorrow? No. Now. Why wait? They’ll call the police. They’re calling them now. I can hear the conversation through the wall. I can hear it perfectly. Word for word. Can I? Yes. I’m sure it’s them. Pretty sure it’s not just in my head.
“Police please...I’d like to report a murder,” she’s saying now.
I pressed my ear against the wall. Nothing. Not a sound. She must be on hold or something. I definitely heard her on the phone. I know I did. The police will be here soon. She’ll give them the details of what’s happened and where I live and then they’ll come. Still listening at the wall. She’s been on hold for a while now. They’re really keeping her waiting. Maybe she isn’t on the phone. Maybe I just imagined what I heard. That’s it. Imagined it. Everything is fine. Everything is fine. Everything is fine. I know it is. I know. But, it won’t be for long. It’s only a matter of time. A matter of time can pass within seconds. And then, when it’s passed...Everyone will know what I’ve done.
I need to fix this now. Not sure how, though. Need to think. There’s two of them and they’re probably expecting it. Not probably. Definitely. They’re definitely expecting it. I’m a murderer. They know it. No, they don’t. Why do I keep thinking that. I need to calm down. I need to. Everything is fine. Everything is fine. Everything is fine.
I stormed out of the house and ran around to Kelly and Liam’s.
Everything is fine but I need to be sure. I’ll knock on the door and ask to borrow some sugar. Not had a chance to pop to the shops. Been too busy waiting in for Ben to come home. Ben to come home? He is home. He’s in the dining room. No, he isn’t. He’s stormed out. He’s with another woman. I banged on the door and waited for one of them to answer. A quick hand through my hair to try and make myself look a little less disheveled. I can hear footsteps on the other side of the door. Someone is coming.
The door opened. Liam.
“Naomi?”
I froze. I didn’t know what to say.
“Kelly’s not here at the moment. Had to pop out...”
“Oh.”
I panicked. The police station?
“Are you okay?”
“I felt lonely,” I said.
“Come in. I’m not sure how long she’ll be but you’re more than welcome to wait...I’ll put the kettle on...”
He held the door open and I stepped in. He closed the door behind me. We both just stood there, in the hallway. Neither of us knowing what to say.
“Erm...Please, come through....”
He stepped past me and walked through to the kitchen. I duly followed.
“Tea?” he offered. I guess he thought it was better to ask this time - after I wasted the last drink he made me. Ben hated it when I wasted things. He’d always remind me how times are tough and there’s a recession on. I wonder, if things had been different - would Liam have lectured me?
“Where’s Kelly?”
Liam put the kettle on despite my lack of answer.
“Nipped to her mum’s house.”
“Oh...”
“You haven’t heard anything yet?” asked Liam.
“Not yet.”
“Bit early, I guess.”
He believed me? He thinks Ben has run off with another woman? He wouldn’t have mentioned it if he thought it was a lie. He would have done everything he could to avoid the conversation at all. I know he would because that’s what I would do if I were in his position. At first I thought the cup of tea was a stalling tactic whilst he waited for the police to arrive but maybe not. Maybe he’s being genuine and kind...Not used to those emotions from a man. Haven’t experienced them for a long time now. And Kelly wouldn’t have gone to the police to report the crime, she’d have called them for sure. I’m worrying over nothing. Needlessly causing myself more stress.
“He’s an idiot,” said Liam.
I didn’t argue with him.
“The arguments you two have had in the past. The way he spoke to you...”
I feel like I should apologise for the fighting. Apologise for disturbing their peace and quiet on days where they are, no doubt, trying to relax together. Especially on the occasions when they were chilling in their garden. They’d have heard Ben and I clearly. It was embarrassing then and it’s embarrassing now. I felt my face redden.
“I’d have never spoken to you like that.”
He walked over until we were standing toe to toe. I backed up as much as I could. With the wall so close behind me, it wasn’t as far as I’d have liked. What is this? What’s going on?
“If he tries - don’t take him back...You can do so much better than him. You deserve so much better than him. I’ve always thought it. Ever since you moved in next door, the first time I saw you...” He moved his hand up to my face and moved tucked my fringe behind my ear - sending a shiver down my back. “Shouldn’t hide your face. So pretty.”
“What are you doing?” I asked nervously.
“Ssh, it’s okay.” He leant forward and kissed me softly on the lips. I didn’t back away. A trick? Lulling me into a false sense of security before the police get here? Stop thinking about the police. They aren’t coming. They would have phoned. He leant in for another kiss. Without thinking, I opened my mouth ever so slightly - enough to give him the opportunity to kiss me deeper. I felt his tongue tickle my own. I can’t remember the last time I was kissed properly. Not with affection. Genuine affection. Lust. Liam lusted after me? I never knew. I let myself go with the moment. He pulled me close so our bodies were pressed together. He placed his hands on my side and slid them down until they rested on my buttocks. I could feel him harden against my body which, in turn, made me feel moist...
“No!” I pushed him away.
“I’m sorry!” he said. “I’m sorry! I don’t know what came over me.”
I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, as though it would erase any trace of the kiss ever happening.
“It’s just, I’ve always liked you...From the moment we first met...”
“What about your wife?” I asked - my mind opting to make this scenario more important than the fact Ben was still dead in my dining room next door.
“Please - don’t tell her. We’re going through a rough patch, this would be the end for us. I’m sorry...Who am I kidding?”
“What?”
“I’m not sorry. I’ve wanted to do that since I first met you. I’m not sorry that I kissed you. I’m not sorry your husband has run off with
another woman...I’m not sorry.”
He put his hands on my sides, again, and pulled me close.
“You liked it. I know you did,” he said.
“Stop it. We can’t.”
Ben would kill him. Despite our many arguments I know Ben loved me. Despite what I did to him...I loved Ben.
I loved Ben...
I love Ben...
“I shouldn’t have come round...” I pushed past Liam and tried to leave but he grabbed me and spun me around.
“Wait, let’s talk about this.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“You enjoyed it, I know you did. I’ve seen the way you’ve looked at me before now too. Don’t deny it.”
There was no denying it. I often looked at Liam. But not because I wanted him. Not because I liked him or fancied him. The kiss was nice enough because it reminded me of what I had missed but...It was never Liam I actually wanted. I used to look at him - jealous of how he was with Kelly. Jealous they were happy whilst Ben and I weren’t.
“Let me go,” I struggled in his embrace but he simply held me tighter. “What are you doing?”
He leant forward for another stolen kiss. Without thinking, I kicked him hard between his legs. He let out a screech and doubled over in pain - letting go of me and giving me the opportunity needed to run. And run I did.
I ran down their hallway, pulled the front door open - his footsteps close behind - and ran back to my own house. I could hear him close behind so I quickened my pace. Just get back to my house. Slam the door. Lock it. Shut him out and keep away from him. Him and Kelly.
“Wait!” he shouted from behind.
Too late.
I reached my front door and pushed it open. No sooner had I run in, I span around and slammed it shut in his face. Quick as a flash I put the lock across. He didn’t even try the handle. Just knocked, on the other side.
“Please, Naomi, I just want to talk.”
“Leave me alone!” I shouted.
“Want me to have a word with him?” asked Ben. No. He didn’t. He didn’t ask that. That was in my head. “Let him in...Think it’s time me and Liam had a little chat. Never did like that fucking cock-sucker.”
There was a loud thump on the door, as though it had been kicked and then nothing. No voices. No banging. I was alone again. I slid down the door and started to weep.
I can’t do this.
CHAPTER EIGHT
My eyes stung from how much I’d been crying. Been sobbing, uncontrollably, for so long I’ve lost track of the time. More time lost trying to make sense of what happened with Liam.
Trying to stay positive, they must believe my story about Ben’s disappearance. Liam, at least. He wouldn’t have said all that. Wouldn’t have tried it on. Not if he knew I was a murderer. He wouldn’t have even let me into his house. Would have left me on the doorstep. Even if she doesn’t believe me - Kelly. Even if she thinks Ben wouldn’t have run off with another woman...If Liam believes it, he’ll tell her she’s being stupid if she says anything different. He’ll tell her it’s all in her imagination.
I doubt he’ll even want her near me now. Not now he made a move on me. He’ll be worried I’ll tell her. Maybe I should. Maybe telling her will be the best thing to do. Throw a spanner in their delicate relationship - give them something to concentrate on.
“Where does that leave us?” asked Ben. No. No, he didn’t ask that. I’ll answer the question for him...Me....Answer his question....My question...I’ll answer it for me, though. If I ruin their relationship - give them something to argue about - then surely their eyes won’t be on me anymore. Might give me some time to get rid of Ben. Dig that pond. Back to the pond. Dig it out. Drop him in. Needs to be done.
I checked the time. Midnight. I’ll tell her first thing in the morning. He’ll be at work. Work! Shit! I didn’t call his boss today. I didn’t phone in sick. Must do that tomorrow. Early. Make sure they don’t come around to check up on him. They might. Never heard it before but they might. They might. Shit! I can’t believe I forgot to make the call. I can’t believe it. I was even thinking about having to do it too. I’m so stupid. Call them now? No. They won’t be there. Answering machine message? No. Stupid. Calm down, girl. Panicking again. I’m tired. My mind is in a million different places. Broken. Torn in so many directions.
“Can’t blame me for that, it was going in that direction a long time ago.”
“Fuck you.”
Talking to thin air. I’m losing it. Keep it together. I can still make this all okay. I can put it all right.
“You can bring me back from the dead?”
I can’t bring him back from the dead. Even if I could...Would I? I’m not sure. Not worth thinking about. I can’t bring him back. I can make sure he stays dead, though. Make sure he isn’t found.
* * * * *
Kelly and Liam were sat opposite me, at their nice dinner table, laughing and drinking from the finest looking of wine glasses. We’d all finished eating the main meal about thirty minutes ago but were all too comfortable drinking the red wine to bother thinking about what was for pudding. I can’t remember the last time I got tipsy but it was a nice. Welcome relief.
“Care for a top up?” asked Kelly as she drained the last dregs from her own glass. She reached for the bottle, in the middle of the table, and topped herself up.
“Go on then,” I giggled.
I held my glass out, towards Kelly, who did her best to pour the wine without spilling it. Surprisingly, she didn’t spill any.
“What about me?” asked Liam. He pointed to his own empty glass.
Kelly turned to him, “Can’t have you too drunk...Not if you’re to fuck us both.”
He laughed.
Kelly continued, “Whereas we...We need the wine to make us want you to fuck us.”
We both laughed. Liam’s face dropped.
“Aw! Look at his face!” I laughed. “Puppy Dog Eyes!”
“It’s okay, honey, I’m teasing...But not about you needing to stay semi-sober for us...We don’t want any drunken performance issues!”
“Trust me, ladies, they’ll be no performance issues here! So...Did you want to go upstairs now?”
I looked at Kelly, a smile on my face. I’d been waiting for this since sitting down for dinner. I guess this was to be our dessert. She looked at me and gave me a wink. Cute. “I’m not sure,” she said, “what do you think, Naomi...Drunk enough yet?”
I laughed, “I think I’m pretty much there. But... Speaking of performance issues...I think we might have an issue with this one.”
I turned to my right and looked to Ben, who was perched on the chair next to me. His skin a pale green colour, eyes a cloudy grey. With no warning, he suddenly fell face first into his dinner causing a splash in his gravy which nearly reached the other side of the table.
Liam, Kelly and I laughed.
“To be fair, we’ll probably have more fun without him!”
* * * * *
I woke up with a start, slumped in bed. Don’t even remember climbing into bed, let alone falling asleep. The clock on the bedside cabinet shows it’s just gone eight o’clock in the morning. I feel groggy, and slightly disturbed, from the strange dream but need to forget about it. Busy day today. Liam normally leaves his house around half eight in the morning. I’ll wait until he’s gone and then go around to see Kelly; tell her what happened last night. Definitely best off telling her first thing in the morning whilst he isn’t there. It gives her all day to wind herself up about it. By the time he gets home this evening, normally around six, she’ll be fit to murder him. Figuratively speaking, I hope. Although, be a turn up for the books if we’re both having to dispose of our husbands.
Could always tell people they ran away together.
I rolled from the comfort of my bed wishing I could just stay in there, under the covers, for the rest of my life. Hidden from the world. Hidden from what I’d done. Pointless thinking like that. Get those thoughts out
of my head. Today’s the day I can finally start to put things right again. Get things sorted, once and for all.
I walked over to the window, over-looking the driveway, and pulled the curtain back. Kelly’s car is on the drive but Liam’s has gone. He’s already left for work? Good. Still take my time getting ready. No sense rushing around to her’s - just in case he suddenly comes home again. With it being so early - there’s always a danger he could do that. The closer I leave it to nine o’clock - when I know he’ll be in his office - the better. I don’t want him coming home mid-conversation with Kelly. That’d just be awkward. I don’t need to get involved in the argument which’ll follow.
