02 Unforgivable - Untouchable

by Lindsay Delagair

  Chapter Twenty-One

  The next week was country week, and I prepared to sing my song for Ryan. I told him from the start there was a song that expressed how I felt about him. He already knew my feelings, as I thought about the intimate kiss I gave him when I told him that I loved him, but he didn’t know the song. I was back on a plane to Tennessee, but this time I was headed to Pigeon Forge.

  I had one more surprise for him. I mailed him an envelope with explicit instructions he wasn’t to open it until after my stage performance, and it would be best to open it in private.

  When Tuesday night came, I knew the judges expected to see me sing some top forty country hit, but what I had chosen was a very old song. This time I wasn’t thinking about Micah’s face. The song could have just as easily have been for him, but this was for Ryan.

  I looked deeply into the camera with all the honesty I possessed as I sang the Dolly Parton version of ‘I Will Always Love You.’ I couldn’t stop the soft tears as I sang the final words.

  The judges liked my performance although they were commenting on the fact they would have chosen something more current, but my reviews were still positive.

  I went back to the contestant area and waited as Kitkat finished the last song of the night. I wished the whole while I could have my cell phone to find out what Ryan thought about my gift, but it would have to wait. I made the decision, since I told him I’d never give him the final kiss, I would pay him (so to speak) for it. He had told me to stop blowing money on him, but I owed him that kiss and found it hard to put a price tag on it.

  I was in the limo riding back to the mansion, and my cell was softly vibrating in my purse. When I pulled it out, I had six new messages all from Ryan’s cell. I didn’t really want to call him with all the ladies in the car, but I was anxious to talk to him, so I hit the speed dial and took a breath.

  “You shouldn’t have done that,” was all he said when he answered the phone.

  “Well, considering what the price was, I thought it was a fairly even trade.”

  “Leese, I…” His voice cracked as he paused. “I loved the song, but you didn’t need to buy the house for me.”

  “The lease is going to end in less than a year and then you’d either have to re-up or find some place new and I hate to think of someone else owning our first place.” The line was silent so I continued, “Of course, that doesn’t mean I’m against you selling, if you and Candace decide you want to live somewhere else.”

  “You aren’t moving again, are you? The whole business in the song about, ‘so I’ll go’ you aren’t trying to tell me anything, are you?”

  I took a small breath, “Someday, but for right now, no.”

  “That someday better be far, far away, because I’m not ready to have you go—not right now, anyway.”

  “I’ve got one free day on Friday, since they’re making us miss Thanksgiving—is Candace working?

  “It’s Black Friday, so she is working an extended shift eight to four—unless you want me to come out there?”

  “No, I think she’d kill you. I’ll see you sometime Friday morning.”

  “By eight,” he added. She’d be at work by seven-forty-five and he wasn’t going to waste any time.

  They wouldn’t give the results of the women’s or men’s eliminations during the Thanksgiving show, but would make everyone wait until Tuesday when we did our first combined show. I would have to spend the weekend wondering if I made it or not, but that was okay.

  Saturday afternoon I had a big practice in L.A. for my next song, but I would relish the opportunity to sleep in his arms for the few hours we were able.

  He was at the airport waiting for me when I landed because my little Aero was parked in the garage at home. I climbed into the Javelin and hugged his neck long and hard. I had gone two weeks without my Ryan-fix and I needed him like I needed a breath of fresh air.

  The only problem was the excitement of seeing him was canceling out the sleep I actually needed to get.

  “I could use another one of your tee-shirts,” I whispered as he cuddled against my back in the bed. “I’ve just about drained every ounce of you out of the other one.” I gave a light laugh as I pulled his tattooed arm tighter around my waist. He put a slow kiss on my neck, sending tingles to my belly button.

  “Close your eyes and go to sleep, we only have about five more hours.” His voice was deep and throaty, it almost didn’t sound like him.

  “I’m trying,” I said earnestly, “I’m just glad to be home.”

  “Stop talking,” he breathed into my hair.

  I closed my eyes and slowed my breathing. I became so still I could feel the beat of his heart. The next thing I remember was him gently waking me. Our time had ended and he was going to meet Candace at home and bring her back to my place for a little while. He pulled off his tee-shirt and tucked it into my hands, then slipped on his jacket and was gone. I actually fell back asleep with his shirt pressed to my cheek. I woke to the doorbell, they were back.

  “Hey,” Candace was saying as she came through the door with a box in her hand. “Miss Naomi said she couldn’t stand the idea of you not getting a Thanksgiving dinner so she made you up a big take-out box.” It was more than enough food for all three of us.

  Saturday morning I was the only person who got to rehearse in the studio and on stage with my group. Tuesday’s show was music from the 70’s and I chose to do a remake of Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band’s ‘Old Time Rock and Roll.’ The fun part was that I decided to do it in Tom Cruise fashion. It was a little scary at first as I took off running and then slid, in my socked feet, onto the stage gripping an electric guitar. Slipping and falling would be a disaster, but after a couple tries I knew my balance was good enough to keep me upright. It would look like I was only in a man’s dress shirt and socks, but I had a white bikini on underneath.

  The song had a gritty kind of quality that was difficult to master and by the time I was finished my vocal cords were a little strained, but I got the essence (even if I did think it sounded much better when Bob Seger sang it).

  The pace of the show was now feverish as everyone had two songs a week to perform. On Thursday, the theme was the 80’s and I worked with Foreigner to do the song, ‘I Wanna Know What Love Is,’ and then the next it was working with Aerosmith for Tuesday’s show and I sang ‘I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing.’

  When the Christian/Gospel night theme arrived, I felt like I was finally in my true element. I decided to sing ‘Praise You In This Storm,’ by Casting Crowns and everything was set for my practice when Sadarius approached me and asked for a favor. He decided to sing ‘Born Again,’ by Third Day, but he wanted to keep the female part in the song and he asked if I would be willing to accompany him. Don wasn’t real keen on the idea, saying that one of us might suffer votes because of it, but, if we really wanted to, we could do it as a duet. I would be the person with the majority of the stress because it meant I had to perform twice that night. If it had been anything other than Christian music, I would have really struggled, but this was easy for me.

  The only tricky part was using a falsetto for the needed high pitched female part in the duet. We practiced with Third Day and Lacey Moseley from Flyleaf until we felt we had it right.

  We were down to the final four: Sadarius, Kitkat, Lexington, and me. The last week would be rock for two days, and then the last show would be a two hour results show. The final three contestants would sing for the first hour, phone lines would open for one hour of voting, and the two finalists would be announced to return two days before Christmas for the final contest.

  The duet went perfectly. Sadarius and I sang the uplifting lyrics as images of baptisms, crosses, infants, and breath-taking scenery played in the background. But, what had been a spiritual and uplifting evening ended up appearing on the cover of the tabloids saying I had dumped Ryan and was now dating Sadarius.

  The last week I sang ‘Kryptonite’ by Three Doors Down, and the
last song for the two hour results show was ‘When You’re Gone,’ by Avril Lavigne. The final three were Lexington, Sadarius and me. They played a montage of all the songs we had sung up to this night as the three of us waited nervously to see who would be the final two. When the results were tabulated, the finalists were Sadarius and me.

  The show was pulling in the biggest ratings of the whole year, and a celebration party was planned for the Saturday before the last episode. I dreaded going alone and also dreaded what the next round of tabloid news would be spreading about me. I was coming home the Friday before the party, and I finally accepted Ryan’s offer to come out to L.A. I had turned him down every time to prevent problems between him and Candace, but I wanted him to attend the party with me. I needed the tabloids to get off the kick about Sadarius. I had to get Ryan back in the picture before it looked like he was out of my life.

  I didn’t know if Micah even cared what I had been doing since we had parted four months ago. He never made any effort to contact me other than when he had David deliver the annulment papers. I was beginning to wonder if my original reason for doing the show in the first place even mattered; he might not have even watched any of the episodes.

  Ryan agreed immediately, but I wanted to hear it from Candace, myself, that she was okay with me ‘borrowing’ him for the night.

  When I flew into Colorado Springs, I was surprised that she was the person who picked me up, but I tried not to let it show, “Hey, I appreciate the ride. What’s Ryan up to?”

  “He’s out looking for a suit,” she answered, but wasn’t smiling.

  “I—I hope you don’t mind that I asked him to go with me. It’s just that—”

  “Leese, I’m not going to lie to you—I hate the idea of him even being around you,” she confessed as she turned onto the main road and began the trek south toward my house.

  Boy, this was not going to go as I had hoped, and I began to feel I should withdraw my request before I caused a breakup. “We’re only good friends, Candace. I—”

  “No, you’re not,” she stopped me. “You two are in love and I’ve been ignoring that fact ever since he came back here.”

  “He loves you,” I began.

  “I know he loves me,” she sighed, showing that she was quickly getting exasperated, “I just wish I wasn’t competing with someone like you. You’re beautiful, talented, sexy, kinder than anyone I’ve ever met, and the fact that you’re richer than two-foot up a bull’s ass doesn’t hurt things either—hell, if I was a guy, I’d be in love with you!”

  “I’m sorry I asked him—I’ll tell him—”

  “No, you aren’t going to back out of the invitation. He’s really looking forward to going to a big L.A. party and who could blame him? He loves the spotlight—and I hate it. I don’t honestly know how he can stand being with me.”

  “He’s not the kind of person to string someone along. You’ve got to stop putting him up on a pedestal and thinking the whole time you don’t deserve him,” I responded with a little sharpness to my voice.

  She cut her eyes toward me and I could tell I ticked her off, but I continued, “When he and I went to Pensacola high school, he had the captain of the cheerleading team drooling over him like he was edible. She was gorgeous, fun-loving, and—and a virgin. She wanted him, but he turned her down. Do you think, for one minute, if he wasn’t crazy about you that he would have, under any circumstances, slept with you? Every hot chick on Remake melts when Ryan gets near them—and he’s yours. You are that special person in his life and you need to start feeling that pedestal under your feet a little bit. Start letting him adore you, because sex isn’t the only reason he’s staying.”

  She wasn’t answering; she was just watching the road and gripping the wheel. I knew I’d hit what was at the heart of this matter. She was feeling used, but he just wasn’t that type of person.

  “You’ve been sleeping together, haven’t you?” she stated as if she hadn’t heard a word I said. “I know you have because whenever you show up in town and I’m either at work or school, he ends up with your scent all over him.”

  “You know I don’t fake sleep issues to crawl into a bed with him. If I didn’t have him to…” My voice caught and the burn was beginning in my eyes. “I’d be in the nut house by now,” I said turning my face toward the window. “He’s the last piece of sanity in my life and I’m trying—trying hard, to turn loose of him.”

  “Don’t turn him loose, Leese,” she softly replied as her hand reached over and gripped mine. “You’re right. I need to start valuing myself a little bit more. I’m naturally insecure and watching him turn heads doesn’t help. I’m holding on to him so tightly I know I’m about to chase him away.”

  I looked over and could see she was on the verge of tears as I squeezed the offered hand.

  “That’s why I told him to go with you. I’m the one who needs to turn loose because I’ll never find out if he really loves me if I don’t.” She swallowed hard, “I’m going to try to take a lesson from you and be a friend to him, a real friend and then wait and see what happens.”

  “You aren’t planning to move out of the house, are you?”

  “No,” she said, eyes getting wide, “I’m hooked like a junkie on him. I’m just going to back off on issues where you’re concerned and let him be himself for a while. I’m tired of making him have to slip around behind my back to be with you. I’ve got to stop trying to control everything about him, and show him a little more trust, a little more honest-to-God love.”

  I finally smiled, “You know I think the new and improved you is going to impress the crap out of him.”

  “I hope so, but you know what, if it doesn’t and he realizes he’s not happy with me… Well, let’s just say I’m starting to understand I love him enough to want him to be happy, even if it isn’t with me.”

  “Wow.”

  She finally turned and glanced at me, “What?”

  “Now that’s starting to sound like real love.”

  She laughed, “You know I have you to thank for that. I mean I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately and I realize there is a certain amount of vulnerability and sacrifice that has to be part of being really in love. If it’s not there, then all I’m doing is trying to be in control of someone else.”

  She turned on to my street; I was suddenly so glad she came and picked me up. She was gaining the maturity that I knew Ryan wanted so desperately to see in her, and I wasn’t going to worry about tip-toeing around her emotions any longer—she was growing and he was going to end up so desperately in love with her.

  We had a little free time together before he showed up, and I asked if she’d like to play a little dress up while we waited. Candace hardly ever wore make up and she always wore her hair loose and a little unkempt, but I wanted to give her a make-over that would knock his socks off when he arrived. She agreed and the fun began.

  I did her make-up and then brushed out her blond hair and made a single French braid down the back, leaving a little loose near each ear. I gave her a pair of my diamond stud earrings and loaned her a soft cotton tank and crisp white over-shirt. She couldn’t button the shirt because she was chestier than me, but that was okay, it looked great unbuttoned. She kept her jeans, because I was a zero and she was a four. It didn’t matter though; she looked like a model with her pouty pink, lip-glossed mouth and lightly blushed cheeks. It was an hour later when he finally showed. His reaction was perfect. He was all smiles and couldn’t seem to take his eyes off of her.

  We made our plans to leave out Saturday afternoon. Then Candace surprised us both when she told Ryan she’d head back to the house if he wanted to help me get some rest.

  “I know you probably won’t sleep tonight,” she said turning to me, “but I bet he could help you get at least six or seven hours in before he comes home tonight.”

  Ryan’s mouth was open, but nothing was coming out.

  “Would you mind?” I asked, turning to him.

 
; “N—no, but…”

  Candace went up on her tip toes and kissed him lightly and said she’d see him at home by nine. She was walking away when he turned and looked at me like he didn’t know what to do. I mouthed for him to walk her outside and motioned him to follow.

  “Let—let me walk you out to the car,” he stated and then sprinted to catch up to her.

  I could see the smile spread across her face.

  When he came back inside, he wanted to know one thing, “What did you do to my girlfriend?”

  “Other than a little makeup, I didn’t do anything. She is just growing up—and somehow I think you’re going to like the grown-up version.”

  “Damn right. I can’t wait to get home now—at least I know it won’t be a fight waiting to happen. But you told her about us sleeping together?” he seemed genuinely surprised.

  “No, actually she has apparently known all along and was tired of making us think we were sneaking around. She’s very special when you peel off the hard outer layer.”

  He got a certain kind of dreamy quality to his eyes, “Yeah, she is.”

  “Are you sure you even want to stay?” I needed my relaxer, but I wasn’t going to hold him back if he wanted to go.

  “No, I think the anticipation will do me good. Come on, baby girl, let’s get cozy.”

  Candace was one lucky woman.

  I don’t think he slept too much; he had his mind on other things, but I got a relaxed several hours tucked safely in his warm arms.

  Saturday afternoon he arrived and he was quiet, but all smiles as we drove to the airport.

  “So you seem really happy today. I take it you and Candace did not have a fight when you got home.”

  “You know this is so weird that I want to tell you about my night, but talking to you about sex with her seems a little—well, inappropriate.”