02 Unforgivable - Untouchable

by Lindsay Delagair

  “Then this is what I feel coming from you when I know you’re getting near the edge. You’re trying not to go back to what he trained into you.”

  “You can honestly tell? I mean, you can feel me losing control?”

  “I see it mostly, usually in your eyes first, but yes I can feel when it’s slipping away from you.”

  “How do you feel right now?”

  “Safe, Micah, but…”

  The soft smile that had started at the corners of his mouth, quickly faded, “But what?”

  “I want you to make love to me, but I’d be lying if I said there was no fear.”

  “I won’t make love to you. I don’t deserve—”

  “I deserve you, Micah Gavarreen. I didn’t marry the monster, I married the man. You aren’t the person he trained you to be and someday I pray you’ll see that because I know you don’t want to be the monster.”

  “Leese, I annulled our marriage. I have no right to be in your bed.”

  “You didn’t annul my vow and I didn’t break my…” A pain hit me hard and I knew he saw it in my face.

  “What’s wrong, baby,” he whispered.

  “Micah, it’s been eight months and I’m assuming you—you probably didn’t keep your…” I couldn’t finish the sentence. I couldn’t make love to him if he’d been untrue, because I wouldn’t put the baby in danger from an experience he might have had.

  “I didn’t sleep with anyone if that’s what you’re trying to ask me, Leese.”

  I didn’t mean to seem so surprised, but I was.

  “I don’t want you to think it was because I didn’t try. I don’t want to lie to you. Twice I hired someone to—to satisfy me, but each time I couldn’t. You don’t know how pissed off a hooker gets when she realizes that the man that bought her can’t get turned on by her. I was trying to go completely back to my old life, but I just couldn’t. I told you you’d ruin me for life for this—you’re the only one. Between the lack of sex and sleep, it doesn’t surprise me really that the steroids and amps put me over the edge so easily.”

  “Sleep?” I said, cocking one eyebrow at him, “You couldn’t sleep?”

  “I told you a long time ago, I can’t get comfortable without you in my bed. Why?”

  “I couldn’t sleep either, I…” Maybe it was not the best idea to tell him how I finally solved the problem. “How did you manage it?” I changed the subject.

  “It didn’t work quite as well as having you beside me, but I had a lock of your hair that I’d put on the pillow next to me. I’d close my eyes and rest my face against it. It was the only thing that kept me from total sleep deprived insanity.”

  “Where did you get my hair?”

  “The house you stayed at in north Georgia—you threw it in the trash. I loved your long hair and I can’t tell you how upset I was that you cut it. But, for the record, you’re a beautiful blonde, too. So,” he gave a weak smile, “how did you manage without me?”

  I was hoping the cringe wasn’t totally obvious. “You won’t like mine,” I tried to say gently.

  “Amytal—and you’re right, I didn’t like it.”

  I blinked a couple times, “What’s Amytal?”

  “Leese, please don’t lie.”

  “Micah, I don’t know what you’re talking about?”

  “Five hundred dollars and a stage hand; does that refresh your memory?”

  “Is that what that was? I never knew the name and I only took one.”

  “That’s a relief. I had him fired right after Cedric showed me the video. I was afraid you were going to get hooked. That’s pretty strong stuff.”

  “Tell me about it. One pill and I didn’t wake for twenty-five hours.”

  “Why would you do something so dangerous?”

  I could tell he was trying not to sound too upset with me, but I was just glad I didn’t have to tell him about my real sleep-aid. I should have known better.

  “If you only took one,” he continued, “and that was four months after you left, then how did you… Leese, I can see it written all over your face. You don’t want to tell me. Why?”

  “Because you’d probably prefer dope.”

  “What did you do?”

  “Ryan—I mean, I didn’t ‘do’ Ryan—I mean he was the one who—he became your substitute,” I winced.

  “You said you never slept with—”

  “I said I never had sex with him, but I slept with him—a lot.” I could see the wheels turning in Micah’s head, so I figured I just keep explaining. “After those first several days and he realized I couldn’t stay asleep, no matter how exhausted I was, he asked how I slept before. I told him you would hold me with your arm around my waist and we’d stay like that all night. The first time we tried it was our last night in north Georgia and—”

  “One bed,” he said suddenly sounding relieved instead of angry. “That’s why there was only one bed unmade in the house. Gwen and I thought—well, it seemed obvious that you’d been sleeping together—like sleeping together.”

  I hadn’t considered the one bed visual we’d left behind. “You’re family must really hate me,” I whimpered.

  “They aren’t going to hate you for long because we’re getting this whole thing straightened out.”

  “NO! I told you I can’t take a chance of D’Angelo—”

  “I won’t take any chances, but we will meet with them, even if it’s not in Louisiana. They’ve got to know the truth.” But his thoughts quickly returned to the previous conversation, “I am surprised you managed that with—with him. He didn’t try to change your mind?”

  “Micah, he was a virgin, he didn’t even—”

  Micah choked on my statement. He sat up tried to catch his breath. I rubbed his back as he gulping air, “You’ve got to be…” he swallowed another breath, “kidding.”

  “No, I’m not. He has a girlfriend now, but at the time—”

  “I can’t believe it. You must really love me because I would have thought, especially since you would have been his first, that it would have been a turn on for you. Did you ever kiss in bed?”

  “Micah! Can’t you just leave it that he is my very best friend and that we didn’t have sex?”

  “You kissed in bed, and didn’t have sex?” He sounded amazed. “It’s no wonder he beat the crap out of me. All the frustration of never having you and then I come along and—and take you. I’m surprised he didn’t kill me.” He could clearly see that I was flustered over his comment, but he added a disclaimer. “You realize I would have forgiven you if you had slept with him, right? The night of the party, all I wanted was you back in my arms, and I was certain you had already slept with him.”

  “I wouldn’t have forgiven myself, Micah. I’m yours, forever.” Just as I finished saying what was supposed to be a romantic statement, my stomach growled loudly. I laughed, “Time to feed the baby; he doesn’t like it when I skip meals.”

  “Stay put,” he stated, leaning over and kissing my forehead, “I’ll fix you something.”

  I listened to his clatter in the kitchen, the scents and the sounds of breakfast as he prepared it. I was starving, but I rolled to my side and grabbed the pillow he’d used last night and I inhaled with all the power my lungs possessed. Oh, how I missed the smell of Micah Gavarreen.

  I dozed off for a little while, but soon he was whispering my name as I rolled over and sat up. He had the breakfast tray prepared for two as he reached over with his free hand and propped the pillows against the headboard.

  He scrambled eggs and added ham, fresh mushrooms, onions, and cheese to make an omelet. He filled two wine glasses with orange juice, and found the mammoth cinnamon rolls I bought at the market yesterday. It didn’t take long to finish everything off as we leaned together, shoulder to shoulder, and ate. The roll was the last to go. Since they were so large, he only brought one and had cut it in half. It was delicious, and I could have eaten the entire thing, but I peeled it off in half-moon rings feeding a strip t
o him and then a strip to me until it vanished.

  Micah didn’t bring a napkin, but he took my sticky, cinnamon bun fingers and placed them slowly, one at a time between is lips and suckled each one clean. It tickled so badly I could barely take it, but it was so unique that I had to do it to him. I took his hand and pulled his index finger across the icing that was left on the plate and then placed his finger in my mouth and slowly clean the sweetness from his skin. He closed his eyes, his breathing becoming faster as I began to repeat the process with his icing-free fingers. He was starting to moan and I knew it wouldn’t be long before the tray would be moved and he would have me in those strong arms.

  “Drink your juice,” he said with a deep quality to his voice as he pulled his hand away.

  I did as told and placed the empty glass back on the tray. He was being so slow and purposeful as he sipped his drink.

  I took the glass away from him and downed the juice. “Move the tray,” I told him as I began to unbutton my blouse.

  Instead he rose up, lifting the tray from the bed and left the room. I could hear him in the kitchen rinsing the dishes, but that didn’t matter because it gave me enough time to prepare for him to return. When he stepped into the doorway, I had removed my clothes and was laying on top of the comforter and wondering if he found me to still be attractive with the change to my anatomy. One thing was certain, my breasts felt as if pregnancy had double them in size. He wouldn’t leave the doorway and I wondered if he disliked my nude appearance. I began to feel unsure under his gaze.

  “If you don’t like the way I’m—I’m shaped now, I can get under the covers.”

  “Leese, you’re perfect—absolutely stunning pregnant. It’s me.”

  “Please, Micah. Take off your clothes and get in this bed with me. I need you so much.”

  He sighed and approached me, “How can you want me?”

  “You’ve got to stop asking yourself how and start realizing why: I love you. I’ve loved you since I started falling for you in Pensacola. I loved you in Louisiana and I loved you in Palm Beach. I loved you in Georgia, and Colorado Springs and even in L.A. Why be surprised that I love you here in California?”

  I reached up and began undoing his shirt and suddenly he was over me, frightening me to retreat among the pillows.

  “But you’re afraid of me,” he confirmed as he held me in his steady, green gaze.

  “Yes, I am. But you’re going to change all that right now. I only have one request,” I said with a shaky voice as I continued opening his shirt.

  “Tell me, baby,” he breathed.

  “Don’t bite me.” He used to bite me gently and it felt wonderful, but since the attack the idea of his teeth on my skin terrified me, “You left a couple scars the last time.”

  “Show me,” he whispered.

  I rolled my right shoulder forward and showed him the fine pink crescent and then over my left toward the back of the base of my neck resided its twin. He moved to come up behind me as he brought his mouth to cover the spot on my neck. He kissed it so gently and let his tongue roam over the reminder of what had been so violent between us. He kissed and caressed all the way to the mark on the right and repeated it with deliberate slowness. He lowered me back onto the pillows and then stood and finished removing his clothes. He gathered me against himself slowly as I gasped at the warmth of skin on skin.

  I never had experienced such deliberation, not even on our wedding night. It was incredible as he stripped away the painful memories of our last encounter and filled me with more desire and need than I knew existed in the human body. The doctor had been right. Every touch, every kiss, the scent of his skin, and the taste of his tongue against mine was magnified to a place beyond my comprehension.

  His body joined with mine and took me on the longest building, gradual ascent to climax I’d experienced. I tried to raise my hips to quicken his stroke, but he wouldn’t permit it as he brought me there at his intentional pace. I don’t know what I was saying by the point I reached the top, but I was loud and breathless as we crested.

  What amazed me, as we lay locked in the lover’s embrace was that, even lying on me, he never lowered his weight. It was as if he was floating gently at the point of skin to skin contact. The baby moved and I heard Micah’s mirth as he felt it against his own stomach. “I think he wants his space back,” he snickered against my neck, but then he pulled back slightly and stared into my eyes. “I love you with all my heart, Annalisa,” he said, kissing my neck once again and then rising to his feet. “Is your shower big enough for two? I’d love to wash you and then tuck you into bed.”

  “You have no idea how good that sounds to me, right now.” It was mid-afternoon when we finally snuggled into the bed in our favorite position, but this time his arm was across my hip so as not to crowd the baby. We didn’t wake until sunrise the following morning. He rolled out and said he was making breakfast, again.

  “You’re going to spoil me,” I teased.

  He turned and looked at me very seriously, “I owe you a lifetime of spoiling.”

  “I accept,” I giggled. “Oh, but man, I’ve got to go pee!”

  I came out of the bathroom and heard him on his cell phone as he prepared breakfast.

  “…yes, all of you,” he was saying. “Do you think I’d ask if it wasn’t important? Tomorrow morning at Dad’s casino—by ten a.m. Yes, it does and you’ve got to hear it.” He hung up and then turned to me. “Leese, I didn’t ask you, but we need to meet with my family. We can fly there in a couple hours, or we can drive there in about eleven, but I’d like to eventually get you back home. I’ve talked to your mom a couple times and, unless she’s as good at hiding things as you are, she doesn’t know about the baby.”

  “No, she doesn’t. How long would it take us to drive to Florida?”

  “A week at a slow pace, five days if we travel ten to twelve hours a day. Why?”

  “I was thinking, after we drive to Vegas, I’d like to drive to Colorado Springs and see Ryan.”

  His head snapped up from the food he was preparing to look at me, “I need to see him, but I don’t know how well it’s going to go. Our last meeting wasn’t very—friendly. I don’t even know if he’ll let me in his house.”

  “I think he’ll be willing, if I talk to him first. I’ve wanted to call him anyway. Do you mind?”

  “Of course not.”

  I took my cell phone and went out on the front porch. The air was crisp enough to make me step back inside to grab my cashmere sweater hanging on a hook by the front door. I sat in the rocker and dialed his number. It was a Tuesday morning in early May and I guessed that Candace might be at school. It was 7 a.m. California time, so that meant it was 8 in Colorado. Perfect timing since she has to be at school by 7:45.

  It was going on four rings when he answered the phone and sounded out of breath, “Leese?”

  Maybe she wasn’t in school.

  “Hey, what are you doing? I didn’t catch you at a bad time, did I?”

  “No, I was in the shower when I heard the cell go off. God, it’s great to hear your voice. I’ve missed you so much. I don’t suppose you’d want to tell me where the hell you’re at, would you?”

  “Sure I will. I’m in Gualala, California, and I’m staring at the Pacific Ocean right now.”

  “Not standing on the edge of a cliff, I hope.”

  I laughed, “Please stop thinking of me as suicidal. I’m fabulously happy.”

  The line was silent.

  “Ryan?”

  “Did you meet someone?”

  “Yes, I did and he’s very special,” I said, my free hand cradling my small bulge.

  “Are you sleeping with him?”

  Someone else might have found that question too forward, but Ryan had no reason to play coy. “Yes. I don’t think I’ve ever been quite so intimate with someone in my life.” Sharing one body was as intimate as it gets, I laughed to myself.

  “Sadarius?” he questioned.

>   “No, you nit wit—that was tabloid trash; you know that. You’ve—you’ve never met him before, but you will.”

  “I will? Like when?”

  “How does three or four days sound?”

  “You—you mean it? You’re coming back to Colorado Springs?” I could hear the elation in his voice.

  “Only for a day. We’re on a trek back home to Florida.”

  “Really? But what about… Are you sure you want to go back to Florida?”

  “Well, I want Mom to meet him. She’s going to be really surprised.”

  “Damn, it’s good to hear you so freaking happy. I told you someday God would make sure you got the happiness you deserve. See you in a few days, baby girl. I love you.”

  “I love you, too. See you then.” And I hung up. Okay, so I didn’t tell him about Micah, but my mystery man would be my first line of defense to get him to listen to me.

  We cleaned out the cottage and locked it up, and pulled Dobrey’s Jeep into the tiny garage. I followed Micah to drop off the rental car and we were off in my Aero. I let Micah drive, because I didn’t think I’d be able to sit that still for ten or eleven hours. The scenery on the first part of the trip was spectacular, I’d seen it on the way out here, but my frame of mind had been much different, now I was seeing it with new eyes. Micah seemed to enjoy giving my Aero a chance to stretch out and there were miles of roadway before us.

  It was 9 p.m. when we pulled into Las Vegas and drove to the Nuova Immagine hotel and casino. It had been an older building, but Micah explained how his father sank millions into renovations and now the building was elegant and classy, and was turning a steady profit. We made our way through the casino, several men nodding as Micah passed, and I knew this must be a mob hot spot.

  “Micah Gavarreen,” he stated at the hotel desk. “I called this morning.”

  “Yes, sir,” the young woman responded. “We’ve been expecting you. Please enjoy your stay,” she said as she placed the room keys in his hand.