Smicksburg Tales 1,2 & 3 (Amish Knitting Circle, Amish Friends Knitting Circle & Amish Knit Lit Cirlce ~ Complete Series: 888 pages for Granny Weaver Lovers and 30+ Amish Recipes
Page 19
Fannie wagged her finger at Lizzie. “Now don’t go sounding like me. I mean, the way I used to talk about my weight and being fat. No more.”
Lavina stared at Fannie. “You’re not even overweight.”
“I know it now, but I used to think all kinds of ugly thoughts about myself.”
Lavina looked down. “Maybe you could teach me how…”
Granny tightened her grip on Lavina. “Let’s go sit down and have some pie.”
“I’m stuffed,” Lizzie said.
“Okay, if you girls want pie later, it’s in the oven. Let’s knit.”
Lavina went to sit by Ella. “How are the twins?”
Ella looked as stiff as a poker. “My twins are doing fine. Know their mamm and daed love them.”
Lavina put her hand on Ella’s shoulder. “I’m glad they have a happy home. It was my prayer.”
Ella said nothing, but knit faster than usual. Silence settled over the room, and only the wind could be heard outside along with the ticking of the pendulum clock. Granny cast a prayer up, getting used to doing this several times a day now, and found more peace in her soul. Yes, she fretted about her Jane Austen books being banned, but cast her care off on God, and noticed she hadn’t thought much about it.
“What’s everybody thinking about? So quiet tonight,” Becca said.
Fannie beamed. “Well, I’m thinking about my secret.”
“Are you and Melvin getting married in the spring or fall? No secret around here. We all know yinz plan to wed.”
“Jah, and we need time to make a wedding ring quilt,” Lizzie said.
Fannie looked up from her loom. “Maybe yinz need to make two. One for Lizzie, too. But Lizzie’s a mystery. Will she wed Roman or Amos?”
Granny groaned. “Fannie, don’t tease about such serious matters.” She looked at Lizzie. “When does this man from Lancaster get in tomorrow?”
“At noon. He wants to see the farm down the road. He wrote to Jacob and has an appointment in the afternoon.”
“Well, just tell him not to bother. My English friend and her husband bought it.”
“Marge?” Becca chimed in. “I just love her. She makes my mamm laugh with all her questions about the Amish. She reminds me of the wind-up toys my brieder play with. They start out real fast and then fall over, as if tired.”
“Ach, that isn’t nice,” Ella snapped.
Becca flinched, as if Ella’s words hit her hard. “I mean it as a compliment. Marge has lots of energy and gets things done real quick-like, then seems too tired to talk. She has tea and gets wound up again.”
Granny saw the hurt look on Becca’s face, and turned to Ella. “I remember when my boppli kept me up half the night. I was sleep deprived and snapped at people a lot.”
More silence and Granny saw that everyone was intent on knitting. Wasn’t that what they were there for? But why knit together if you’re not going to talk; just knit at home. She feared Lavina would take the silence as rejection of her being in the circle. “Are any of you counting birds?” Granny asked.
“I am,” Lavina said. “Maryann’s teaching me so much about birds.”
“Like what?” Granny asked.
“Well, we haven’t seen an eagle yet, but Maryann said they fly higher than any bird. She said you can’t see them without binoculars sometimes because they fly so high. And when they’re way up high, they don’t flap their wings, only glide, riding the wind. She said the closer we get to God we don’t need to flap so much. She said God carries us.” Lavina looked over at Granny. “I’m not real sure what that means, but I think you do.”
“Well, in the Bible it says they that wait on the Lord will renew their strength, they’ll mount up with wings like an eagle, they’ll run and not get weary….can’t remember exactly, but something like that. Well, it means when we wait on God we’ll have wings like an eagles’.”
“But how do you wait on God? What does that mean?” Becca asked.
“Well, we’re waiting for spring now, jah? Are we afraid it won’t come?”
“Nee, it always comes.”
“Isn’t God more dependable than the weather? If we wait, He’ll come, too. He’ll come to our side to help us in every situation.” Granny looked around the room. “Seems like all we need to do is put out our wings and let him carry us.”
“That’s a beautiful thought,” Lizzie said. “So we don’t worry then? Just wait and see which way God takes us?”
“That’s how I see it,” Granny said.
Ella put her knitting down. “I’m not feeling too goot. I think I’ll head home.”
“Would you like to lie down on my bed? You just got here. And it’s Becca’s birthday.”
“I can go home with Lavina,” Becca said.
Ella shot a glare at Lavina. “Fine, go home with her then.”
Granny put her arm around Ella’s waist, leading her to the utility room where she hung up everyone’s capes and bonnets. After shutting the door, she counted to ten mentally. She wanted to chide Ella for treating Lavina so cruelly. “Ella, explain to me why you were so mean to Lavina.”
“Explain? Me explain? Maybe you need to explain why she’s here. “
“Do you need a warning? So you can prepare how you’re going to act?”
“Jah, I do. To compose myself. All sorts of emotions come over me when I see Lavina. Fear she might take the twins back. Anger that I couldn’t have kinner myself. And then guilt that I’m angry and frustrated. Then Lavina preaches about eagles to me? It all made me sick. And now I really do have a stomachache.”
Granny reached out to take Ella’s hands. “I’m sorry, Ella. I guess I don’t know how you’re feeling.”
Tears started to spill down Ella’s cheeks. She clung on to Granny. “Unless you’re barren like me, you wouldn’t know. Zach and I are afraid. I don’t want Lavina in Smicksburg.”
Granny patted Ella’s back, not knowing what to say, but she knew what to do…another casting off prayer.
~*~
Ruth sat in the chair next to Maryann’s bed. She held up the shawl she’d almost completed. “What do you think?”
Maryann took the edge of the shawl. “Ach, you knit so goot.”
“I knit more than ever, and watch birds. Helps my nerves.” As soon as Ruth said this she regretted it. Here was Maryann facing radiation tomorrow and she was talking about herself.
“Want to talk about it? One married woman to another?” Maryann asked.
“Nee, you need rest.”
“Nee, I need a diversion. Helping you will take my mind off my problems.”
Ruth looked down at her knitting loom. “Feelings for Luke are coming back, but I’m afraid.”
“Why?”
“What if it’s just a show? He’s had goot behavior ever since he took medicine for anxiety. No screaming at all. But I’m afraid if I’m too nice, he’ll just start up again.”
“So you think you’re controlling his behavior?”
“Jah, maybe. Me putting my foot down forced him to change.”
“I agree. And bringing in church discipline was the right thing, for sure. But Luke has repented and made such hard changes, giving up his job with the English, moving into the dawdyhaus by your parents.”
“I know. He doesn’t complain about it either. Just seems sad.”
Maryann grabbed the Bible on her bed and flipped the pages. “When I discipline my kids I make sure they don’t have sadness that lingers, or a broken spirit. Remember the story about the man who was living immorally in Corinthians? How Paul told the church to shun him?”
“Jah, we all know that story. It shows shunning is right.”
“But in Paul’s second letter to the Corinthians it says that the man repented so now let him back in so he won’t be overcome by sorrow. Here, I’ll read it:
“…You ought rather to forgive and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one be swallowed up with too much sorrow. Therefore I urge you to reaffirm your love to him.�
�
The words cut to Ruth’s heart, as much as she tried to guard it. The Bible also said to guard your heart.
Maryann kissed her Bible. “This Bible has become like a best friend over the past few months. Such comfort and strength. Do you read yours Ruth?”
“Jah, sometimes.“
“Sometimes? I’m working on not being judgmental, but Ruth, it sounds like you hardly read it at all. Is that true?”
“Well, we learn about it in church and I think about what’s said.”
Maryann moaned. “Ruth, didn’t you and Luke have nightly Bible reading?”
“Nee. Luke just started reading his Bible.”
“Ach, Ruth, the Bible is changing him, along with the medicine. You both need to read it out loud together. Just like your body needs food, your spirit does, too, and Jesus said He was the bread of life.”
Ruth stopped fidgeting with the yarn. “I’d like to let Luke back in…to our bedroom.”
Maryann reached for Ruth’s hand. “When a couple prays together and reads the Bible, they’re drawn closer to each other. Why not do that first, and see what happens naturally.”
Ruth couldn’t believe how simple, yet profound this advice was. Granny had told her that marriage had three members in the union: husband, wife, and God. She said God held the couple together. So if they both got closer to God they’d get closer to each other? Reading the Bible could create a bond?
“You’re a wounded bird on the mend. Look how much time it’s taking for me to recover from surgery. It’s painful but I know the outcome is goot and I’m thankful.”
Ruth squeezed Maryann’s hand. “Danki.”
~*~
Ella rocked Moses, patting his back, trying to make him stop crying. A colicky baby sure could unravel a person’s nerves and she yearned for control. She needed to knit. That was something that calmed her and she had control over.
The past few days she’d missed out on the bird count, something she grew up doing. But Zach had time. He did work hard all day for the English, and then did his farm chores, but why did he get to leave the house, while she stayed home, shielding the twins from cold air? Guilt over resenting staying at home and not running as she pleased came like an avalanche. She loved the twins but being so tied to the house was like being on a leash.
In the early morning light, she saw a red car pull into their driveway and up to the side door. Who could be here so early? She went to the window and saw Lavina get out of the car. She gripped Moses tight. She would not take him or Vina.
Lavina knocked, and Ella was tempted to not answer the door, but found herself walking to it, like in slow motion. She opened the door to see Lavina, eyes red and puffy. “Can I talk to you Ella?”
Ella froze. This scene was in one of her nightmares. Lavina coming to her door, asking for the twins back. It replayed in her mind throughout the day. She opened the door to let the girl in. She needed to face her fears. “Do you want something, Lavina?”
Lavina took a handkerchief from her cape pocket and put it to her eyes. “I’m going back to Troutville, and won’t be coming back to Smicksburg. I wanted you to know that.”
Ella felt light headed and went to sit at the kitchen table. “Why do you say you’re never coming back?”
“Because I see how much pain it gives you to see me. How nervous you are. I want the twins being raised by a peaceful mamm.” She gasped for air. “I saw the tire swing coming up the driveway. I always wanted a family with a tire swing, and knowing the twins will be raised her by their mamm makes me happy, even though my heart aches right now.”
Ella saw something in Lavina. Not a teenager, but a woman who was willing to sacrifice her own happiness for the twins’ good. And here she was wrangled that she had to stay home so often. But her mind quickly turned to Granny. Had she told Lavina about their private talk at the knitting circle?
“Lavina, whose idea was it for you to leave? Aren’t you helping Maryann?”
“I was helping her, but I had a long talk with Jeb, telling him how I thought I was hurting the twins by being in town.”
“And did he agree?”
“Nee, he wants me to stay,” she said, head down.
“What else did he say?”
“He had five sons and said how having a new baby turns the house upside down and it takes time for things to get normal again.”
Ella let out a loud sigh. “So, how I’m feeling is normal? Ach, I’ve been so emotional. Lavina; it’s not goot to have our feelings run our lives, and I fear my feelings are running you out of town. Am I right?”
“Well, you’re a nervous mamm with me here. But I don’t know why.”
Ella raised Moses’ cheek up to hers. “I’m afraid you’ll want the twins back.”
“Nee, I don’t. What makes you think that?”
“I heard you scream when you had to give them up.”
“It hurt, that’s why. But I knew it was best for the twins.”
Ella looked evenly at Lavina. “So you never came to Smicksburg to try to be around the twins to get them back?”
“I don’t like being with my family. Now that I know there’s love in homes, like Granny and Jeb’s, it makes me want to never go back.”
“It was that bad?”
“Jah, it still is. But I shouldn’t be telling anyone.”
“What?”
Fear contorted Lavina’s face. “I can’t say.”
Ella got up and put her hand on Lavina’s shoulder. “You can’t go back. I can tell you’re terrified of something, and you don’t have to tell me, but –“
“Danki, Ella. Danki.”
“You best go tell Marge to take you over to Maryann’s. She’ll need your help after radiation today.”
~*~
Lizzie pulled the buggy robe up to her chin, trying to shield herself against the chilly wind. She didn’t dare move closer to Amos, hardly knowing him. She thought back to the conversation her daed had with Amos. Lancaster did have a little milder climate and enclosed buggies, better suited for her daed. Since he never talked about his MS, she didn’t know how much pain he was in during the winter months.
“Lizzie, I remember when my opa drove a buggy with no windows.”
The remark stung. It made her feel like he thought the Amish in Smicksburg were backwards. “We do have the vote this spring. I’m thinking of bringing it up, since my daed would get around better.”
“Jah, that would be nice,” Amos said with a warm smile. “It’s beautiful out here with all the rolling hills, but cars can come up on you real quick-like, with so many blind curves.”
“We stick to the back roads as much as possible. “
“It’s nice you still have back roads. Too much development in Lancaster, like I said.”
Lizzie saw the driveway to Roman’s house and remembered Granny saying there were other farms for sale, since Jacob shook hands with Marge and Joe, selling his land. “Let’s stop in and talk to Granny and Jeb. They know of other farms for sale.”
“How about on the way back. I’d like to see this farm down the road as a comparable.”
“Goot idea,” Lizzie said. “
She looked down the driveway and saw Roman’s house off in the distance. She wondered what he was doing. Why did she care? She pushed him out of her mind and focused on Amos. “So, how’s your kinner?”
“Ach, they grow up so fast. Elma, my youngest, will be five. She looks so much like my late wife. Nice to look at her and remember Anna.”
“Do you miss your wife a great deal?”
“At first it gnawed at me, like a hungry bear. But we need to move on and time has a way of healing the heart. Nee, I’m fine now, and look forward to the future.”
She felt him reach for her hand under the buggy robe. Lizzie was glad the farm was now in sight; Amos was rushing things a tad, by taking her hand. They pulled into the driveway, and Amos soon jumped out of the buggy. “Do you know how much this farm sold for?”
 
; “Nee, I don’t know much about it, but Jacob lives across the street. It was his son’s farm.”
“Well, let’s go talk to Jacob then.” He steered the horse back onto the road and pulled into the long driveway leading to Jacob’s. The many buggies that went down the driveway left deep grooves on each side of the dirt road. Amos mumbled. “Folks in Lancaster maintain their driveways a little better than this.”
“We have more freezing and thawing than Lancaster, I’m thinking. You’re always ten degrees warmer, jah?”
“Jah.”
“Well, the ice expands and breaks up our roads. With all the thawing and freezing, even the English roads have potholes.” Lizzie snickered. “Some English call them craters.”
“I just hope we don’t get stuck.”
“We’ll be fine. We’re almost there.”
She looked at the trees that lined the driveway. She saw a woodpecker hole high in a maple, and thought of Roman again. Why was she thinking of him so much? They made a turn in the driveway and saw Jacob outside, shooting clay pigeons with some friends. “Jacob has company. Maybe we should come back later.”
“I’m only here for three days.” Amos continued toward the house, ignoring Lizzie’s suggestion, and got out of the buggy.
Lizzie was relieved that Jacob welcomed them with a smile. She knew he cherished any free time with his friends. She gasped when Amos said he was interested in buying the farm. She made it clear that the farm was sold.
Jacob looked over at her. “You heard I sold the farm, jah, Lizzie?”
“Jah. Amos, I told you the farm is sold.”
Amos shifted his black wool hat. “Are you happy with the offer?”
Jacob cocked one eyebrow. “My son was. He can buy more dairy cows in New York now.”
“How much did you get?”
“Well, we came down to $150,000. It only has sixty acres. My son raised turkeys for a goot profit though. But he always dreamed of being a dairy farmer.”
“Only $150,000? Are you serious?”
“Jah, I’m serious.”
“Is the house in poor shape?”