Lost Nowhere: A journey of self-discovery in a fantasy world

by Phoebe Garnsworthy

“No, no! There are no accidents; this is a sign! You are going to visit Neveah too! That means you will meet Violetta, the most powerful empress in all of Sa Neo.” He juggled the three stones with one hand as he pointed to the purple crystal on the ground for her to bring it over.

  “Me? Meet Violetta, the most powerful empress in all of Sa Neo?”

  Jacques nodded in response as Lily ran to pick up the amethyst stone. But as she bent down, her serpent necklace fell out of her lace nightgown, proudly displaying itself in the center of her chest. She stood back up to face Jacques, and the sound of three juggling stones fell to the ground as Jacques froze, mesmerized by the necklace.

  “Wheeeeeere did you get that necklace, Li-ly?” Jacques voice cooed in a long drawn out breath.

  The feeling in the air turned incredibly sharp and silent, time moved by slowly as Jacques’ persona changed from a bouncing bunny into a motionless shocked statue.

  “I… I found it in my new house, we just moved there, Father and I,” Lily replied. She was thrown off-guard by his quick change in personality, and although she replied cautiously, she knew that she had complete trust in her new friend. She held the necklace out for Jacques to get a closer look.

  “I’ve never seen one in the flesh before,” Jacques said as he stared intently at the symbol and stroked his cheek with an astonishing look of wondrous lust in his eyes.

  “Do you know what it means?” she asked, looking to the serpent’s eyes.

  “Only from these books, these history books that were written by the people before my time. No one has lived long enough to tell the truth, so most of these stories are considered just myths.”

  He walked to the bookshelf in the corner of the pyramid and studied each name carefully, mumbling words and looking back over to Lily’s necklace, still in disbelief. He finally found the book he had been searching for and jumped in the air excited like a child as he raced back to the center table where Lily was standing. He turned his book to the fourth page and pointed his dark bony fingers to a pencil-drawn symbol identical to that of Lily’s necklace.

  “The symbol is called an ouroboros.”

  “An ouro what?”

  “Ouroboros.”

  “Ouro… oh Jacques I can’t pronounce it!” squirmed Lily.

  He smiled with squinted slithers of almond eyes, and showed his patience calmly.

  “Whenever you have difficulty pronouncing or understanding something, just break it up. Start with the first, and don’t move on to the next until you understand what it means! Ouro, means tail and boros means to eat, so… to eat ones tail!” Jacques used his hands frantically to emphasize the pronunciation and shuffled his feet side to side with excitement like he was performing a dance.

  “Ouro… boros..” Lily tried again.

  “Ouroboros!”

  “Ouroboros!”

  “Yes! Yes!” Jacques jumped up and down as his pants parachuted out from the wind between his bony thighs.

  “So Jacques, why does the ouroboros eat its own tail? Why would ANYONE eat themselves?”

  Lily’s face shriveled up at the idea of eating her own skin and she licked her lips, clenching her teeth together tightly. Jacques smirked.

  “He’s not actually eating his own tail so to speak, for you see, his tail is still in existence elsewhere. It’s just not where we can see it.”

  “So where did it go?” Lily asked confused, staring closely at the tail being gobbled by the serpent’s jaw.

  “Into another reality. He is recreating himself differently than expected,” Jacques explained. “From all death comes life, and the serpent is renewing himself. The outside of himself is actually the inside of himself manifesting in a new form, so what you see is not what he sees, do you see?”

  “No, I don’t see,” Lily huffed, rubbing the crystal eyes with her thumb.

  Jacques lightly tickled his fingers together and pointed at the necklace, as the serpent became alive and wriggled around while it ate its own tail. Munching around and around, as though on repeat, it did not get fatter, nor did the size of the tail shorten. It just continued in one infinite circle.

  “Our existence is the product of our own projections, so his tail isn’t actually his tail to him. It looks like it to us but not to him, because we see a different reality to what the serpent sees. You start from the core, the root of the matter. And up you go, through heads and tails, inside and out, backwards and forwards. From dark to light and back around again.”

  “And what happens after that?”

  “That’s when the clarity begins. The rebirth of new ideas and everything will be forever different to how it was before.”

  He grinned, wrinkling up his great big nose, lifting his elbow up to nuzzle Lily playfully. She couldn’t help but like the strange creature. He was spontaneous and unpredictable and she loved his uniqueness. Never before had she met such a character, he didn’t seem to take himself too seriously either. Maybe he was right about the greatness of being unique, she thought.

  “There’s something else very special I want to tell you.”

  “Oh Jacques, do please tell me!” Lily replied, leaning her elbows on the table and cupping her chin adoringly at Jacques. Although sometimes his words were confusing and washed over her, she liked the sound of everything that came forth from his mouth.

  “Well… it’s a symbol of the mermaids. Because you hold the ouroboros, it shows that you are one of them. You are part of their family.”

  “I could be a mermaid?” Lily had never thought of herself being a part of someone else’s family before. And for so long she wished that mermaids were real, that she could swim and meet them. Oh how grand that would be!

  “Ah… well my dear, you can be anything you want to be. But no one has ever met a mermaid, that we know of…” Jacques nodded to himself, as though he was reiterating the information to himself disappointingly.

  “How do we know they exist or that they are connected to this serpent symbol if no one has ever seen them?”

  “My great grandfather wrote this book.” Jacques drummed his fingers on the leather edge as he spoke with pride. “It’s full of mermaid drawings, all of them wearing this special symbol. We don’t know where the ideas came from, or if he ever saw them. But I believe in him. Lily, promise me one thing…” He lifted his finger up, showing his seriousness.

  “What is it Jacques?” Lily tried hard not to giggle.

  “If you meet the mermaids on your travels, which I suspect you might, you should keep this secret to yourself. Knowledge such as this may encourage jealousy amongst others and it could lead you into great danger.”

  “I promise.”

  The way he spoke reminded Lily of her father. He was soothing and sweet, yet stern and direct. She knew what he was telling her was important, and now was not the time to question what was going on. Just play along with him, perhaps he hasn’t talked to anyone in awhile and wants company. Or maybe he doesn’t have any family to pass down this wisdom to, she thought. So with her eyes wide and eager with anticipation of what he had to say, she prepared herself to listen intently.

  “Lily, I think it’s time for you to move on. Will you walk outside with me?” he asked, pointing to the opened circle that lay opposite to the one she had entered through. She followed willingly, although surprised, as she thought she had much more to learn from him.

  As they walked through the door the sky had changed drastically. Day had definitely broken, and the deep rouge sky had now lightened up into a creamy pink. The sun was blazing high up above them, and the heat it exuded was powerfully dominating. The land that outlaid in front extended for miles, and a single path led the way between two giant hills.

  Jacques pulled a long walking stick from the ground and drew into the red sparkly dirt a single dot. Then a circle around it, and then a line straight ahead, and he curved it to the left.

  “Down the hill and through the forest you will reach the ocean’s edge. Here you will find a small
beach and to the right, some mountains. In between the mountains lies a path which leads to Karisma’s house, the ruler of Otor.” He drew some pointed tips to display the hills and the line upon which she was to follow. “But if you get to the beach and a sign hints for you to explore elsewhere, listen to the noise and make your necklace visible. For it will be your key into their world.”

  Lily nodded, knowing he was referring to the mermaids, although the idea of the unknown still frightened her. He could sense her struggle and held her hand with reassurance. “Do not let the darkness scare you, Lily; for you have infinite light brewing inside of you, just waiting to be ignited. All you have to do is listen to yourself.”

  “How can I thank you?” she asked politely.

  “You just did.” He winked as she turned to walk down the hill. “Li-ly, may I hug you goodbye?” Jacques opened his arms as she turned to face him.

  She nodded in reply, as he threw the stick away, and lifted his left hand just slightly higher than above his shoulder, and he held his right arm slightly lower, suggesting Lily do the same thing. “Here sweet Lily. Let our hearts cross over one another as we hug tightly. Feel the energy of my body pour strength into your spirit.” His voice soothed as he hugged her tightly.

  “We are sharing something special when we hug. We are giving each other life. We are saying to the other person. Here is my heart. Let my heart touch your heart, and let them beat together as one.”

  Lily did as Jacques suggested, and they held a tight embrace for several breaths. Lily closed her eyes tightly, immersing herself in the warm love she was feeling from her friend. Upon doing so, she felt a strange tingling from inside of her body and she could see bright flashing lights suddenly all around. The same dancing lights that she had seen under the house were presenting themselves to her once more, and in this moment, Jacques lit up too. They became a glowing sphere of white light together. But, when she opened her eyes, she was standing by herself, arms around her shoulders, completely alone, on top of a hill, staring out to the horizon, with no pyramid in sight.

  CHAPTER THREE

  CRYANTHE & THE UNDERWATER WORLD

  The heat from the sun was proving to be unbearable, and the ripples of water on the beach were more than inviting. There appeared to be no one around, and the idea of going into the ocean to cool off was simmering in Lily’s mind. She stood on the shore with her ankles immersed in the water as the cool ocean’s breath foamed life around her stick-like legs, creating a shiny gleam on the red crystal pebbles beneath her feet. She stared at the horizon in the distance. The thin line between ocean and sky looked as though they were touching, but in reality, were far away from each other. She wondered if they knew that one another existed, and the importance they held to define that which they were not. Next to the beach where she stood, enormous mountains of red crystal rocks framed the coast in synchrony. The breeze purred softly, almost non-existent, and the sound of the ocean lapping on the pebbles chimed therapeutically into Lily’s ears.

  Where do I go from here? she thought, dismissing her craving to dive deep into the ocean.

  She looked to the right, and watched as a group of turtles ignored her presence and played out her inner desires; they slowly entered into the gentle, cool water to escape the heat of the sun. In the corner of her eye, she felt movement from behind, and she turned her head at the exact moment a bird glided by in extreme slow motion. It flew steadily along an invisible straight line, directly toward the end of the ocean. The white feathers of its wings stretched out, marking a perfect outline of its being, and a black, beady eye stared back at Lily. She felt her heart beat faster as she connected with the creature, and she stood strong and calm as a feeling of electricity exploded loudly inside of her.

  She remembered Jacques’ advice and felt it was a sign. Without giving it much thought, she stripped off her nightgown, threw her bag on top of it, and leapt gracefully into the rippling waters of the sea.

  The salt water immediately refreshed the teenage girl and she gleefully splashed while she pondered how splendid being a mermaid would be, living amongst the ocean forever. Mermaids, she thought. Mermaids, are you real? And the idea of meeting an actual mermaid played out in her mind; alas it was only a thought, and she told herself she was being silly.

  Lily stared at the necklace again and unclipped the back of it mechanically to examine it further. She hovered the piece of jewelry over the water, staring at the eyes of the serpent, mesmerized.

  To eat one’s own tail, she thought again, dipping the circle into the water. But as she did so, a trail of sparkling dust detached itself from the charm and swam deep into the ocean.

  Revitalized from the water, Lily walked back to land. She redressed herself in her white nightgown, picked up her crochet satchel and looked to the forest to start her journey to visit Karisma. But like the bird in the sky, she felt something behind her, and she spun around quickly, looking back to the ocean.

  The first thing that Lily noticed was how round and plump the mermaids’ breasts were. Upon her chest hung a beautiful clear crystal and pearl necklace, which covered her skin like a protective armor, allowing her breasts to protrude so perfectly from underneath that the nipples peaked through in a plum shade of pink, perfectly erect, looking ready to burst. Her white hair floated delicately around the edge of the breasts, suckling against the skin and she rose grandly above the sea, floating like a dolphin in midair. And on her head, she wore a crown of uneven, clear crystal quartz stones, rough and imperfect, the way that Lily liked objects of beauty to appear. Different shapes and sizes of thickness, they magnetically stuck together, thicker in the front, and thinner at the back, like the bagpipes of a large piano. A silver ouroboros hung just below the crown, on a small plaited chain and it touched her skin where her hairline caressed her face. The crown looked like it would be incredibly heavy, but the mermaid wore it with no discomfort. She truly was the most beautiful creature that Lily had ever seen.

  The mermaid drifted closer to Lily and it was only then that Lily could see the true depths of her eyes, a light purple shade of violet which stared intensely at the ouroboros charm that hung around Lily’s neck.

  “Where did you get that?” the mermaid whispered, almost too faint for Lily to hear, and with thin fingers, she pointed to the necklace.

  “I found it in my bedroom back home.”

  Lily looked down and covered the gold serpent with her hand as she replied with a polite yet cautious tone to the foreign creature. The waves behind the mermaid moved fiercely with her words, they rose high and crowded the sight of the beach, making it difficult for Lily to focus exactly on what was happening.

  “Are you frightened of me?” The mermaid asked mischievously, half-smiling as she floated closer to Lily, allowing the waves behind her to grow in height, displaying the strength of her power.

  “No…” Lily pretended. “Should I be?”

  “I am Crysanthe, Queen of the Neosa Underworld. Come closer girl, look into my eyes, tell me, is there anything to fear?”

  Crysanthe enlarged her purple eyes and her silver white eyelashes framed the almond shape spaciously. Lily returned her gaze, watching as the violet colors swirled inside her iris in a clockwise motion continuously. And while Lily stared, she felt like she was falling through the middle of the center pupil, although now the pupil was an empty hole of milky white liquid, and it swirled around quickly in the opposite direction. Lily felt like she was stuck inside a whirlpool, and it had made her feel dizzy, but she could not look away and was majestically drawn to stare deeper into the mermaid’s eyes.

  “Re wae nod te cen Sa Neo,” Crysanthe whispered smiling in a strange satisfied kind of way.

  What did that mean? Lily thought. But she didn’t think for too long about it. Instead she noticed how all of her senses had pricked up at once. The sound of the water around her splashed extra loudly, and the warmth from the sun gave her a content feeling of safety. Lily tried to smile in response, but she was
unable to do so. She tried to move her head. Nope, nothing. The only thing she could move were her eyes. And she stared at her surroundings, hurriedly. Straining her eyes, she looked as far left as possible, but could only see clear red water and a light pink sky. She darted her eyes over to the right, hurting the concentration in her brain as she pushed them far away, trying to see the beach, or trees, or anything other than the clear red sea, and light pink sky. For no longer was Lily standing on the edge of the beach, she was now up close to the mermaid, hovering over the water as well. She felt no weight in her body, she was levitating so gracefully over the deep hollow water staring back at the mermaid. Yet there was no fear in Lily’s mind, she knew there was nothing she could do. She could not struggle in order to free herself, nor could she deny the situation for a moment. She could panic, or she could be still and breathe. And so she did, and she observed herself, floating above the impossible, staring at what could very well be a figment of Lily’s imagination.

  Her breasts were even plumper up close, Lily thought. The mermaid giggled, as if able to read Lily’s mind and she moved her right arm out and placed the palm of her hand on Lily’s forehead, closing her eyes while doing so. Lily felt as though something was being pulled from her mind, as a great deal of warmth leaked from the mermaids’ hand. Crysanthe smiled. Content with her discovery, she grasped Lily’s hand tightly and dove deep beneath the oceans’ edge.

  The mermaid’s tail shook violently through the current while Lily’s body shook lifelessly alongside hers. Lily realized that she was somehow breathing under water, but it wasn’t unusual at all. It felt strangely normal. Her exterior was completely frozen, but she could see, hear, think and breathe. Her eyes were adjusting to the dark waters that were now thickening. And as they swam deeper, she noticed that the fish swimming around her were brightening in color, some becoming so bright, they were glowing. With silvery rays they reminded Lily of the moon, creating their own light from within in order to triumph over the darkness. A spectacular circle of yellow and green colors stained the head of a jellyfish nearby, shooting up through the center and spurting out like an umbrella.